Not to brag, but, with a little bit of trainig, I think I can easily win against a trout, as long as the fight is not in the water. But we’re only talking hypotheticaly, of course. It would only come to that if the trout picks up the fight first and we don’t manage to resolve our issue with healthy communication… I’m not a monster.
What animal could you take in a fight?
Submitted 1 year ago by robocall@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/ea0f1de2-d1c9-4091-9de1-c02aff73cac3.webp
Comments
Narv@lemmy.world 1 year ago
owen@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
How about this… We split the difference and go out for some pescaito frito.
mossy_@lemmy.world 1 year ago
my toxic trait is thinking I could win a fight with a goose
schmorpel@slrpnk.net 1 year ago
no you can’t
mossy_@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I’m not huge or athletic but I probably weigh, like, twice as much as a goose. I get that they’re incredibly pissy and they have teeth and pointy bits, but I’m still betting on me.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Punt to the chest. Bird bones are papier mâché. Never get in a fist fight with a goose, their wings will break your arms. Definitely don’t try and snap its spindly little neck. Just kick it in the chest
Elliot@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Me too i don’t know why internet strangers are afraid of them that much, unless you can’t use any type of weapon i guess
Maggoty@lemmy.world 1 year ago
That’s the point, yes. This is unarmed.
saltesc@lemmy.world 1 year ago
A snake.
Because I’m Australian and grew up in the country, I was taught how to take them down with a sharpened shovel when I was five. Coincidentally, I got my first one a few months later in the garage when it rushed out of a tarpaulin toward me and I shoveled the head off. Common brown too (a.k.a Eastern Brown, but they’re everywhere. One of the most venomous snakes in the world).
My next one was a red-belly black snake that rushed out of a log. I used a mallet to crush the head and was 6.
It may sound cruel to not try scare them into an area and call someone for removal, but they’re just too dangerous. And if it’s there, it’s made territory there, so if you lose it it will definitely show up again. Most are aggressive, so you need to take the chance when you’ve got it because it’s simply more dangerous not to and come off second best next time.
It’s also common to deal with pythons, getting one sunbaking off the road or out of the house if they ts overstepped it’s boundaries. We like those ones though and definitely don’t hurt them, especially if they make home in the roof or under the house. They keep the possums and mice away, therefore the venomous ground snakes away. Roof python is snek bro and a very welcome guest. It’s sad when you notice one’s probably moved out :(
FrostyCaveman@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Not even roof snek can afford the rent now
Sidhean@lemmy.world 1 year ago
After reading about you (justly) killing snakes, I’m very glad I got to learn about roof pythons.
I think someine I know set a garter snake on fire once- that’s about as much as I’ve interacted with them, anyway.
someguy3@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
So you just walk around all the time with a sharpened shovel?
Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
In Australia? I would.
saltesc@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Not in my current house which is more in a city area, but I am about to move back into more bushland so, yeah. A sharpened shovel for the yard and garage. But with this new property, I should really only need to cover any gaps under the fencing with chicken wire and the grass beyond in the bush doesn’t get too tall. Need to do that for fires anyway.
noli@programming.dev 1 year ago
I want a roof python now
naevaTheRat@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Are redbellies particularly dangerous? I’ve never heard of someone dying from one.
We had some living in the bush near where we used to play. They never bothered us at all, cowardly little ones.
I almost stepped on a young brown snake once when I was stoned, that was fun. Nothing sobers you up like the adrenaline your body puts out when you nearly got yourself killed. I was not anywhere where I could get medical attention in time.
Brown snakes are grumpy fuckers, they chase where most let you leave. Not a fan.
saltesc@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Redbellies are only aggressive if threatened, unlike the browns that gets territorial bland will go you. Theyre not lethal, but they’ll mess up the body bad, especially a kid, and definitely depends on the bite. Used to be friends with a snake handler who got bit by a coastal taipan and got anti-venom within the hour, but ended up being a dry bite (or mostly) anyway.
The one I hit with the mallet had just been knicked by the neighbour’s chainsaw cutting up the log out of a huge fallen tree. I had the mallet because I was doing my kid best to hit steel wedges in to help split the wood off. Suddenly, very pissed off snake going toward me fast.
Cosmicomical@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I can definitely kill an hour
FatTony@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Does an hour get prep time?
Risk@feddit.uk 1 year ago
Then no.
Cosmicomical@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Yes it does, but I get an hour
Quetzalcutlass@lemmy.world 1 year ago
But you’re unarmed, and time flies.
Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
I can fight a blue whale. The whale would fail to perceive me as a threat, and so when it wanders away I win by default.
Chee_Koala@lemmy.world 1 year ago
It’s been a long time since I got the old ‘your opponent walked away… YOU WIN’ Victory screen
Maggoty@lemmy.world 1 year ago
There was an administrative mix up. They put an Orca in the arena.
It knows humans killed it’s brother.
Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Wild Orcas don’t prey on humans, but if we’re ignoring that fact I’d need a decent weapon.
myusernameis@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
NOT a cat… Don’t ask me how I know.
VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Cats are the rightful rulers of this world. It would be foolish to oppose them.
Thteven@lemmy.world 1 year ago
You just don’t expect that amount of fight out of that size animal. Respect.
Kindness@lemmy.ml 1 year ago
Mr. Whiskers was quite accomplished in his fields of expertise at the time, namely napping, prowling, and scrapping.
michaelmrose@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I have seen a grown man tackle a cat which had been running around a walmart backroom for weeks. It wasn’t pretty for the guy.
Skkorm@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I grew up in rural Canada. A guy I knew was drunk in the woods with friends and tried to ride a young deer that came up to them(the deed got used to people in that area feeding them, something that is not recommended) annnnnnd it beat the shit out of him and his 6 friends. He got a bad concussion and lost sight in one of his eyes.
Don’t fuck with animals. They are built different.
pancakes@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Oh deer…
Tyfud@lemmy.world 1 year ago
The difference is literally life and death.
Animals are always on the bubble of life or death. Always. Everything is always about to kill/eat them, or something they might be able to kill/eat, so it’s a mix of curiosity and fear.
When that deer beat the shit out of your friend and his buddies, it was a life or death thing the deer was contending with thinking it was about to be killed and eaten, so nothing’s off the table to get out of that situation.
Meanwhile, your buddy and his friends were drunk and doing it for the lulz.
Deer will always win with those stakes.
Notyou@sopuli.xyz 1 year ago
That’s kinda the same reasoning I am more scared to fight homeless people than any other rando. Those people don’t have anything to lose. If they are in the moment and want to fight you, then all bets are off.
Zehzin@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Meanwhile, your buddy and his friends were drunk and doing it for the lulz.
Deer will always win with those stakes.
Tell that to all the drunk hunters out there
basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 1 year ago
Don’t fuck with alcohol.
Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 1 year ago
The Deer beat up 7 People? Holy Fuck.
hydrospanner@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Better to just hoof it instead.
starman2112@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Give me a pointy enough stick and my tribe can take down any animal
Risk@feddit.uk 1 year ago
“Am I allowed to run it to exhaustion?”
partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 year ago
“You are, but have your years of playing Call of Duty on the Xbox imbibed you with the required animal tracking skills of your Paleolithic ancestors? Remember, the question is what animal can you take down, not your species, you.”
partial_accumen@lemmy.world 1 year ago
“Your tribe? I’ve seen your tribe. There’s the guy that after years still won’t shut up about how the final goal in the finals should have been counted. The one that unsuccessfully tries to cover up his noxious farts by loudly yelling ‘What time is it?!’. Then there’s the one that was convicted of a minor felony and none of you will tell me what the crime was and you try to change the subject, but you refuse to ever go bowling with him again. Lastly there’s the one that looks and acts fairly normal, but is very reserved. Honestly he could do better than you guys and I’m not sure why he continues to put up with you all. He’s the only one of all of you I’ve ever heard utter the words ‘Thank you’ for anything, but even then he was talking to the cat. Yeah, I’ve seen your tribe. I think the animals are pretty safe from you all.”
callyral@pawb.social 1 year ago
A fish, unless I’m underwater instead of it being on land
PrinceWith999Enemies@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Shark, as long as we are on land. I’d just outrun him then call coup by hitting him with a stick while he’s gasping for air. I guess at that point I could take on a blue whale, but that would just make me feel like a dick. I’ll stick with the shark. Any shark, any time, 1.5 miles inland.
MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world 1 year ago
When my father was younger he devised a plan to drop down out of a tree onto the back of a deer and take it down with a knife. He said it beat the shit out of him with its antlers. So I think I could take down a doe, a deer, a female dear.
akatsukilevi@kbin.social 1 year ago
Wait wait wait, her me out
A snailtherealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
You need to ask why, thats how you get the hour long explanation
Adramis@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Do you get immediate medical treatment after, and is it free?
exanime@lemmy.world 1 year ago
A horse?! that guy is delusional… most men won’t have the ability to defeat (unarmed) anything bigger than a medium size dog…
Anything bigger will likely overpower a regular human, most smaller would just be too fast or have different, naturally occurring weaponry to defeat us
A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Maybe an especially passive grasshopper?
lengau@midwest.social 1 year ago
House centipede. In fact, I could probably take on two of them!
Not three though.
nucleative@lemmy.world 1 year ago
What’s the women’s version of this?
Which of your friends do you think is cheating?
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
Humans have no real advantages in a 1:1 fight agains most larger mammals. A lot have horns, tusks, claws…
Humans got their points in STA, AGI, and INT. We don’t defeat large mammals in unarmed combat. We can barely handle anything much larger than a boar with close arms like a spear.
No, we defeat large animals by outsmarting and outlasting them. And usually that only works when we are on the offense and have an advantage by stalking. In a fair fight that gets a lot more challenging. Horses are fucking fast. Persistence hunting may have worked, but that’s by us chasing the prey.
So, assuming we are facing head to head, at the start of the fight, I would probably fake to the right, then run past the horse on my left. It’ll take him a while to turn around. That’ll buy me a few seconds to hopefully run somewhere where there are some obstacles or corners on the way to higher ground. If I can climb and get above the horse, all bets are off. Only Nirn horses are decent climbers.
DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
I pick a mouse: Nobody said it had to be a challenging fight.
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 1 year ago
But do not forget to specify, that you mean ‘in a fight’.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I’m pretty weak so I don’t know… a vole?
samus12345@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Assuming it’s bare-handed, what the best generic strategy to use? Try to crush it if it’s small enough and strangle it if it’s too big to crush?
Maggoty@lemmy.world 1 year ago
The answer is a lot smaller than most guys think.
A lot. There’s a lot of animals that have learned to fear us only through our tools.
That said, a group of buddies could just walk some pretty large animals to death.
Console_Modder@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Used to work with a guy who was fully convinced he had like a 90% chance of winning a fight bare handed with a mountain lion. 100% if he has a pocket knife…
FleetingTit@lemmy.world 1 year ago
If I could turn off my empathy and love for animals I think I could defeat a Husky, maybe a German Shepard or similar with a kick to the head.
A single sheep? Maybe, if it’s not a mother. Goat? Fuck no. Anything larger than that and I have no fucking chance. Perhaps I could scare a deer, but that’s it.
tacosplease@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I like my odds against most things the size of a large raccoon or smaller. Most things larger than that would probably smoke me.
CodexArcanum@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Anything! Do I get guns? No? Oh well then nothing, nm.
topperharlie@lemmy.world 1 year ago
If the animal is bigger than my pinky finger I would probably just run the other way, so I hope I don’t get asked this.
This doesn’t mean that at that size or smaller I would win, just that we can start talking about it.
altima_neo@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
I mean WTF is a horse gonna do with prep time?
wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 1 year ago
Become an expert in his field.
assassinatedbyCIA@lemmy.world 1 year ago
He’s already outstanding in his field.
GregorGizeh@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
Image
FooBarrington@lemmy.world 1 year ago
🎶 Fenton’s Stable and Horse Ranch
UnculturedSwine@lemmy.world 1 year ago
That looks like a gorilla with horse parts grafted onto it
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 1 year ago
Eat oats.
theonyltruemupf@feddit.de 1 year ago
Studying the blade
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
Get swole
SirBucksworth@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Taking karate lessons