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What animal could you take in a fight?

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Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨robocall@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/ea0f1de2-d1c9-4091-9de1-c02aff73cac3.webp

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Comments

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  • Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    This question always trips me up because life is random. A human would probably win against a rat 99.9% of the time. But there is that scenario where the rat happens to bite in just the right spot and you bleed out. Same thing would happen in the inverse. Would a human beat a wolf, improbable. But there is that scenario where the wolf gets its neck too close to a human who goes primal and bites down and rips out as much as possible.

    Myself? Maybe a dog if it was never trained to fight or defend.

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  • N_Crow@leminal.space ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    A Jaguar… BUT ONLY with preptime and if I get a 10m distance at the start of the fight. Otherwise I asmit I’m just dead.

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    • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Does it have the CD-ROM add-on that looks like a toilet and doesn’t work most of the time?

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    • thesporkeffect@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      If it is committed to fight you and won’t run away, you have zero chance without a gun. I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news

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    • someguy3@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Ummm…

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  • Etterra@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I have successfully defeated several small fish and rodents over the years, and numerous insects.

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    • bier@feddit.nl ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I accidentally killed a mouse, sorry little guy I understand my shoe smelled like cheese…

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      • roguetrick@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        I murdered a bat by grabbing him with my toes and throwing him across the room while I was half asleep. I thought he was a sock.

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    • robocall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I bet those fish were bad dudes looking for trouble

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  • robocall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I think I could take on a coconut crab but may lose some limbs to do it.

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  • ZugZug@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I wish i could choke the shit out of a sloth.

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    • robocall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      sloths have those long nails and could slit a throat

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      • ZugZug@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        I have a pretty good rear naked choke so. Lights out Sloth.

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    • Death_Equity@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      You see the neck to head ratio on them? You better be built like Thorsen to try and choke one of them three-toed half-wits.

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  • Bytemeister@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    My wife was worried about raccoons around the dumpster, and I told her I classify animals into 2 threat levels. Puntable, and non-puntable. If you can punt it, you don’t need to be afraid of it. Raccoons, small dogs, even geese, all fit in this category. If you can’t punt it, then you need to be wary of it, so moose, mountain-lion, irukandji, best to keep your distance.

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    • skulblaka@startrek.website ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Wolverines are a very puntable size but if you put your foot that close to one that’s picking a fight, you’re not getting that foot back. I would also consider snakes to be “puntable” strictly speaking but wouldn’t recommend trying. You might get it over the back fence but the chances you come back unscathed are slim at best.

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      • Bytemeister@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        If you can’t punt it, then you should keep your distance. Snake is too low to punt, wolverine is too tenacious. Keep distance, and don’t punt.

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    • Agrivar@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Bro, I’d rather try to punt a medium-size dog over a goose. You’re playing with fire there!

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      • Bytemeister@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        A goose is a lot scarier than a medium dog, but if you punt a goose, it’s done for.

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  • Bgugi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    How has nobody linked what might be the best chart of all time

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    • aidan@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I’m seriously questioning the people who said they couldn’t beat a goose in a fight. Geese are terrifying, but they’re still pretty frail. It would hurt, but if it’s to the death it’s pretty clear basically any able adult human would live.

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    • Pan_Ziemniak@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Wow, that is the best chart of all time!

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  • GladiusB@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Manatees. Lazy fuckers.

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    • WiseThat@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Looks up Manatees

      They measure up to 4.0 metres (13 ft 1 in) long, weigh as much as 590 kilograms (1,300 lb)

      Huh. Nope.

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      • BobbyNevada@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        I dunno, man. Even if I could, I’d feel bad about hurting a manatee.

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  • novibe@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I play fight with my cat and I can say if they were taking it seriously I would have no chances.

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    • robocall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      The cat plays with you. Not the other way around.

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    • Death_Equity@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Yeah a determined housecat could kick any man’s ass.

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  • FatTony@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    An adolescent kangaroo.

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  • The_Tired_Horizon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Took him 3 minutes to make that decision. Only hour was hers…

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  • theneverfox@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I can take any of them! Fossil fuel burning intensifies

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  • HiddenLayer5@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I could probably hold my own against a tardigrade.

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  • bizarrocullen@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Dog, a Chihuahua to be specific.

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  • paddirn@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Hand to hand, with no weapons and just my bare hands & teeth? I could maybe take a mouse… and I’d still probably come away with some wounds. Probably a small, non-venomous snake as well.

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  • daltotron@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I will take on every animal at once, and win.

    By being elected president on a platform of bog-standard normal liberalism, FDR style, behind a remotely charismatic personality rather than a shambling horrid human corpse. I will legislate the space force to create huge satellites that catch solar energy and funnel that energy down to the surface with big microwaves. I will take this opportunity to equip the space stations with hypersonic aircraft that will drop normal supersonic personnel carriers, ensuring a global response time of only a few hours. This will probably be less monetarily intensive than putting a US military base everywhere on the planet, so I’d use those savings to expand the nuclear arsenal, and possibly deploy some of those weapons to space in secret under the guise of some commercial wi-fi satellite ventures. I will reveal this fact to everyone later on once they have all been globally deployed and nobody has any countermeasures, and then I’ll start performing a bloody hostile takeover of the planet.

    Then, I will attempt to quintuple global fossil fuel output. I don’t know what we’ll use all this excess energy for, probably we’d just use it to build more horrible weapons of war, or huge impenetrable underground citadels, or whatever. I will get rid of regulation for industry, ensuring massive environmental disasters. I will even tell the CIA to do some of them probably, nord stream pipeline style, and they’ll probably do it cause they’re crazy. Maybe I’ll use the microwave power grid to blow up some of my enemies by boiling them until they explode.

    At the end of my term as god emperor dictator, a disgrace and shell of my former self, I will use the nuclear football to ensure no life on the planet survives, except for maybe basic viruses, bacteria, and maybe a couple different insects. I will arise from my presidential super-bunker to face a barren world. A perfect world, free from sin. Thus concludes the 2nd Global Emu War.

    If I wasn’t going to do any of that and I just had to give like the least dangerous animal I personally could take on, I’d probably say like. Maybe a stray ant. That might be too sad, though, because that’s just a lonely ant and it’s sort of too pathetic to kill it. Maybe like a really evil guy that’s about to die anyways? But that’s also too sad, because that’s just a meat-puppet automaton of life that has shambled around until it’s shut down. Maybe I could just kill like, dick cheney, or something, someone super evil. He looks too much like george costanza for me to do that though, I think.

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  • aphlamingphoenix@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Lots of coyotes and foxes around here. I think I could take them on with my bare hands.

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    • skulblaka@startrek.website ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      One coyote, probably. But where there’s one there’s two dozen. I wouldn’t want to have to fight more than one at a time.

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      • cmbabul@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Unarmed, which is seemingly the point of this, but with just a bat/club you could probably fuck a few up quick enough to scare the rest off

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    • lath@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Met two foxes in the mountains. One played cute and the other shanked me and stole my food. Don’t mess with foxes! They don’t fight fair.

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  • akatsukilevi@kbin.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I mean, a small dog
    Just kick the fucker

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