Anon has had enough

Comments

• Resonosity@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨11⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  Pee sitting down, you coward

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• problembasedperson@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨37⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  So this happens because the urethra loses moisture and welds shut and pee chooses the least-resistance path. If you can’t pee sitting ('cause it’s easier), one trick is to clamp your dick and push to pee, then release. The pressure will open the urethra wide and a beautiful, directed stream of piss will come out. Also, pull your foreskin back when peeing and clean afterwards with a dab of toilet paper. Fellating persons will thank you!

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• Apytele@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  So there’s this really cool trick:

  1. Face AWAY from the toilet with the heels of your feet close to the base.

  2. Un-button/tie/velcro/zip the whole waistband (not just the fly) such that you can-

  3. Lower your entire pants to the floor.

  Now this part can be a bit tricky and does take some practice to keep your balance but

  4. Bend your knees down into a squat while leaning ever so slightly backwards (you can put a hand on a nearby solid object such as the sink or a wall to steady yourself. They also make raised seats with handles on either side if you need help with this).

  5. Situate your buttocks firmly on the seat.

  6. Separate your thighs such that you can

  7. Point your penis down between your legs towards the toilet bowl.

  8. Proceed to urinate.

  9. Hygiene is the same as peeing using other techniques.

  This technique is all but foolproof; it is almost impossible to miss the toilet bowl.

  Hope this helps!

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  • blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    You forgot to state that the lid should be up

    Now I’ve got piss everywhere

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    • Apytele@sh.itjust.works ⁨25⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

      OK you have a point that I will only grant because I’m so used to finding the lid left up despite my best efforts.

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  • falseWhite@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    You’re either a woman or have a small pee pee and never had your pee pee touch the inside of the toilet bowl when you try to stick it into the tiny gap between your groin and the toilet basin

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    • catnip@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

      How do you poop? Do you hold your dick up?

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  • tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Sitting can be very difficult first thing in the morning sometimes. Well, not the sitting part but the getting your dick to point down into the bowl part.

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    • falseWhite@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

      On those days you lie down on the toilet in a planking position, penis pointing down into the toilet

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    • NABDad@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Some mornings, after you sit, you need to bend over until your forehead is on your feet.

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    • SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Well step 1 should be: Beat that meat into submission

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  • snoons@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    You forgot the most important step:

    0. Wash your roommates hairy ass grease off the seat.

    Usually why I stand.

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• VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨40⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago

  Piss after jacking off, anon.

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• Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  or, y’know, you could sit down. saves on cleaning even when you fail at handling your dick.

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  • MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    You apparently have no idea the dick’s talent for aiming for the crack between the seat and rim, no matter how you go about “tucking” it downwards to try to prevent just that. Even sitting, leaning so far forward your hands are on the floor, is no guarantee

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    • Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I agree that this can happen, but at least its pretty rare. Standing while peeing however makes a mess in a radius around the toilet every time. I mean, when you live alone and have no guests ever then this might not be an issue, but in every other case it’s pretty nasty.

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    • trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      I’m glad to learn that mine lacks that talent. I never even knew that was a thing.

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  • chicken@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    But then you risk it touching the inside parts of the toilet which is nasty

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    • rumschlumpel@feddit.org ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      clean your toilet mr long schlong

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    • Blackmist@feddit.uk ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Growers win again

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• Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨hour⁩ ago

  There is surgery that can help anon

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• xxce2AAb@feddit.dk ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  “Me and my dick no longer see eye to eye.”

  “…That’s probably for the best, ophthalmologically speaking.”

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• bus_factor@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Anon needs to add “pee” between the fapping and sleeping in his bedtime routine, and the leftover spunk won’t be around to do that.

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• Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Check the meatus for lint. Somehow, there’s always fucking lint!

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• hOrni@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  The perks of living alone. You just flush and go about your day.

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• Deceptichum@quokk.au ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  This sounds like a circumcised circumstance.

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• captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Can’t knock the solution, it does work

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• MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨7⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Reasons I unironically want FUD/STP device; Not that I’ve bothered to be pro-active about it. Even sitting to pee does not reign-in the dick’s non-sense.

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• affenlehrer@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Maybe not take a piss with a morning boner could help

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