“The more sophisticated a magic system is, the funner it is to pull out a gun”
Snape, probably
Anon learns a new spell
Submitted 3 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/63d0133b-f78b-4069-bdc2-cf679b09b400.jpeg
Comments
Object@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Siethron@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Sounds like something Pratchett would say
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Broke: Guy with a wand
Woke: Guy with a gun
Bespoke: Guy with an ACME industrial magnet to reflect all the bullets back at the people firing them
deathmetal27@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Meanwhile in Warhammer
ohulancutash@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
In the American version of the books, they changed kids hexing each other in the corridors for shooting each other, to make it more believable.
javiwhite@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Harry shotter and the chamber of bullets.
ohulancutash@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Their calculation was American kids are too dumb to know what a philosopher is, but they can strip an AR-15 blindfold.
tetris11@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Gary Hunter and the Prisoner of Alaska, man
idunnololz@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
The one on the right saying ‘would’ absolutely makes it.
VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Ok, this has been driving me crazy for seven movies now, and I know you’re going to roll your eyes, but hear me out: Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Here’s why:
Think about how quickly the entire WWWIII (Wizarding-World War III) would have ended if all of the good guys had simply armed up with good ol’ American hot lead.
Basilisk? Let’s see how tough it is when you shoot it with a .470 Nitro Express. Worried about its Medusa-gaze? Wear night vision goggles. The image is light-amplified and re-transmitted to your eyes. You aren’t looking at it–you’re looking at a picture of it.
Imagine how epic the first movie would be if Harry had put a breeching charge on the bathroom wall, flash-banged the hole, and then went in wearing NVGs and a Kevlar-weave stab-vest, carrying a SPAS-12.
And have you noticed that only Europe seems to a problem with Deatheaters? Maybe it’s because Americans have spent the last 200 years shooting deer, playing GTA: Vice City, and keeping an eye out for black helicopters over their compounds. Meanwhile, Brits have been cutting their steaks with spoons. Remember: gun-control means that Voldemort wins. God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
Now I know what you’re going to say: “But a wizard could just disarm someone with a gun!” Yeah, well they can also disarm someone with a wand (as they do many times throughout the books/movies). But which is faster: saying a spell or pulling a trigger?
Avada Kedavra, meet Avtomat Kalashnikova.
Imagine Harry out in the woods, wearing his invisibility cloak, carrying a .50bmg Barrett, turning Deatheaters into pink mist, scratching a lightning bolt into his rifle stock for each kill. I don’t think Madam Pomfrey has any spells that can scrape your brains off of the trees and put you back together after something like that. Voldemort’s wand may be 13.5 inches with a Phoenix-feather core, but Harry’s would be 0.50 inches with a tungsten core. Let’s see Voldy wave his at 3,000 feet per second. Better hope you have some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound.
I can see it now.…Voldemort roaring with evil laughter and boasting to Harry that he can’t be killed, since he is protected by seven Horcruxes, only to have Harry give a crooked grin, flick his cigarette butt away, and deliver what would easily be the best one-liner in the entire series:
“Well then I guess it’s a good thing my 1911 holds 7+1.”
And that is why Harry Potter should have carried a 1911.
Pringles@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
God made wizards and God made muggles, but Samuel Colt made them equal.
This had me in stitches
VerilyFemme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
It’s my favorite copypasta. I can’t believe I was the first in this thread to post it.
How about some Essence of Dittany for that sucking chest wound?
meep_launcher@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
IF I WENT TO HOGWARTS I WOULD USE PHYSICAL VIOLENCE
NO MAGIC SPELLS ARE GONNA WORK ON ME
I’D BE SNAPPING SOME WANDS SUPLEXING THE GOBLINS
POLYJUICE POTION?
NAH IM DRINKING CREATINE.
WENGARDIUM LEVIOSA?
HOW BOUT YOU SHUT THE HELL UP.
AVADA KEDAVRA?
AVADA THESE NUTS.
WoodScientist@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Classic copypasta.
uuldika@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
this is basically Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.
UnsavoryMollusk@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Beautiful
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Heads up Harry might wanna shelve the Barrett. Idk if the .50s are having the same issues as the m22s, but www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrzR9tsg1ao
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Also remember mine friend 9mm kills the body .45 ACP kills the soul. By the power of John Moses Browning those horcrux bullshit aint gonna survive the invention of one of the only respectable Mormons.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
As if they didn’t have some simple hex that can protect them from physical projectiles.
They would have been killed a long time ago by arrows.
Thorry84@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
I think Buffy taught us that you’d be surprised what can be killed with a shoulder fired anti-tank weapon.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Written before these books, and yet so much more considered.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Hot magnesium rounds.
Agent641@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
absentbird@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
It wouldn’t even get through a wizard’s robes, they’re enchanted with protego charms (at least according to the books)
sirico@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Gotta say the words quicker than they can pull the trigger and we have mutliple sylable words try saying one of these before you can click your mouse. Arresto Momentum Protego Protego Maxima Expelliarmus Accio Stupefy
Rekorse@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Bummer jk Rowling never made sense out of dueling, or casting spells silently, or apparating sometimes is okay but mostly not. Even if she wasnt an asshole, trying to draw a logical line through the books is absurd.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Don’t have to say any words when it is a basic protection hex. It automatically activates.
Auli@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Guns are a lot faster then arrows. There wouldn’t be enough reaction time.
absentbird@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
In the books it explains that wizard robes have charms against physical attacks woven into the threads. They’re wearing full body bulletproof vests.
drmoose@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
By that logic every attack can be protected against when clearly thats not the case.
Honytawk@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Every basic attack like physical attacks.
Not magical attacks.
Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I’m a little bit surprised Rowling didn’t throw in something about some human technology not working in the wizarding world, like electronics and firearms. Surely this came up while the books were being written.
Gullible@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
She all but stated that humanity is advancing beyond the wizarding world. There’s really no explanation beyond “wizards are actually very stupid and stagnating within their intellectually and very literally incestuous society.”
davidagain@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Mr Weasley is seen as a weird oddball for engaging in studying muggle technology. The wizarding world sees it all as a bunch of pointless nonsense that muggles have to go through just because they don’t have magic. Clever in its own way, but utterly futile.
Why spend hundreds of people’s effort, lots of money and enormous amounts of time using a vehicle to go somewhere when you can hop in a fireplace and think about where you want to go, or simply apparate there?
Why carry a complicated muggle weapon around and spend time and effort learning how to use it well, when you can kill someone with two words you’ve known since you were a child?
Voldemort isn’t just protected by being a powerful wizard, he’s also protected by the bully’s standard protections of surrounding themselves with sycophants who unquestioningly support them (by ruthlessly punishing people who question their authority), having no moral hesitancy whatsoever and avoiding like the plague fair fights wherever there’s a chance they’d not win.
So because of Voldemort’s followers who will turn up in an instant and his horcruxes, you have to be prepared to sacrifice your life to have a chance of opposing him openly, which is of course what Lily Potter did.
NaibofTabr@infosec.pub 3 weeks ago
Don’t they drive a car? and ride a train? so combustion works…
reseller_pledge609@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Pretty sure wizards are familiar with old technology like trains and cars. But like another comment said, muggles are advancing while wizards stagnate in their old ways and traditions and shit sice they keep themselves so separated.
zaphod@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
For all we know the hogwarts express runs on magic and so does the car, after all it flies.
Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Combustion, sure, but not an explosion. Or the car is a special magic car or whatever.
absentbird@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I hate JKR too, but she literally did. Wizard clothes are enchanted with protego charms which turn away any mundane attacks, and wizards really have no reason to fear muggles. During the witch trials some would allow themselves to be burned at the stake because they liked how the flames tickle. It’s very much a ‘magic must defeat magic’ setting.
_core@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
No one thought to make magic bullets to counter protego charms?
icelimit@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Iirc it is mentioned electricity is finicky. But given that fire works, it stands to reason all chemical reactions work. Ergo firearms.
starchylemming@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
but she did just what you described
I remember reading it
Tuxman@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I don’t remember which book but I also have this clear memory of a quick passage saying all the magic around them was messing up with electronics.
Also I’m pretty sure in the Deathly Hallows they use the internet to follow Death Eaters sighting while they are in hiding
(Been a while… and I’m not bothered enough to go check 🤣)
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
This is just Harry Dresden novels
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Also Arcanum a CRPG by troika, there’s a newspaper you can find where someone tried to put a fire enchantment on a musket took out a city block.
But_my_mom_says_im_cool@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
That’s why us Latinos aren’t represented in the series. Jose el Mago would have walked up to the guy and just shanked him a bunch of times and taken his shoes
WoodScientist@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Probably a good thing JKR didn’t include any Latin American wizards in the series. They probably would have ended up practicing a form of magic that was basically just Aztec blood sacrifice. No way it wouldn’t be racist as fuck.
NateNate60@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Rowling was always known to be slightly racist but people mostly dismissed it as a sort of fantastically stupid racism. As in, the “ha ha this racist stereotype is so dumb, see how ridiculous it looks when I put it in my wizard book” sort.
I don’t think it was until she started going full TERF that people began to realise that she’s not making fun of the stereotypes; she actually thinks casual racism is a funny and cute thing to do.
stevedice@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
And they would be called Rodrigo Rodríguez
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
50 Shades of Grey was a Twilight fanfic.
What I’m saying is, my good sir… Youre onto something magical here.
MehBlah@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Its been done look up “Harry potter and the deadly weapons.”
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
It has also been done in Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality (the one where Harry was smart). Unfortunately for Harry, Voldemort was also smart.
mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Fun version: Harry Potter and the Deathly Weapons.
Weird version: the final chapters of Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.
Blackmist@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
Bronzebeard@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollow-points was right there!
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality.
I just downloaded the pdf. Only 2005 pages! I genuinely love it when fanfiction projects get into insane wordcounts. Let’s see if the prose is something I actually want to read for 2005 pages …
mycodesucks@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
MattW03@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Dasus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Such a simple skit but his performance in this is magnificent. I think I looked up some other videos from them, but they didn’t quite manage to capture anything equally as hilarious.
That skit how they use shotguns in movies never fails to get me though.
Monster96@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I cast Volley of Lead!
lka1988@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
“I cast gun, prepare to meet god”
TheFerrango@lemmings.world 3 weeks ago
It’s over Miss Granger. What do you say?
I cast ICBM
SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Lil magic nerds halfway through “Avada ka-” before a 5.56 round blows out the back of their skull.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
What about testis tortius?
Arghblarg@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Etterra@discuss.online 2 weeks ago
That fancy magic won’t protect him from a .308.
TheBat@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Don’t even need a gun for that.
harrypotter.fandom.com/wiki/Banishing_Charm
Carry bullets and use the spell.
stevedice@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Father Weasley, can’t remember his name, repeatedly shows us that wizards raised purely in the magical world are unbelievably stupid when it comes to the non-magic world so it wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest if they didn’t even know what a gun was.
SugarCatDestroyer@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Sometimes I feel like these stories are just generated content or made up, like a fairy tale. Well, if they’re posted too often, maybe they are. I’ll probably pass by because I can make up a story about another anon myself.
Tb0n3@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Angelusz@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If you get to the point where a gun is required, you have already lost something.
meep_launcher@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Buffman@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Image
sunoc@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
“I got 57 more goddamn rounds in this 4 rounds magazine”
FlihpFlorp@piefed.zip 3 weeks ago
“Alakablam”
JargonWagon@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Holy fucking shit, amazing. Saved and sent that to a few of my friends. Thank you for improving my day.