After you get snipped, it’s potentially weeks/months before you are shooting blanks, a switch like this is less of babies/no babies and more like babies/accidental babies.
"Hey Google, Turn my balls off"
Submitted 10 months ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/619d582f-083d-4c2f-bba2-6b4b74da6a39.png
Comments
Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 10 months ago
ReputedlyDeplorable@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Yes here is an article about it. Article
The relevant part. “The binary nature of the Bimek SLV might make it seem that you can switch off your potency at will, but the body will need time to flush existing sperm out of the system, as it were. The ever-helpful FAQ says that it may take up to three months, or “until about your 30th ejaculation.” Whichever comes first is a question only you can answer.”
Tangent5280@lemmy.world 10 months ago
30th ejaculation? pfft, hold my beer and watch this.
FiniteBanjo@lemmy.today 10 months ago
To clarify why, it’s because sperm travels through those tubes for at least 5 days before reaching maturity and then once in position can be ejaculated by a pressure differential caused by the prostate (that bulb thing between the balls and urethra). So an effective switch with an instant effect would need to be placed before but directly adjacent to the prostate which could have potential complications when the prostate attempts to dry fire with the feed shuttered.
The solution is clearly to add a synthetic pressure bladder. (Don’t, I’m joking).
GroundedGator@lemmy.world 10 months ago
This was my first thought. I could see this being a medical procedure in place of a vasectomy. Get switch (or something less likely to get bumped) installed and set to off. Then when you want to have kids, another procedure to turn the switch on.
People keep looking for a quick fix for male sperm control, I didn’t think it is possible. At least not as a off and on solution that keeps coming up.
iiGxC@slrpnk.net 10 months ago
Maybe this plus a urethral spermicide enema?
jrbaconcheese@yall.theatl.social 10 months ago
There’s a big difference between this and getting snipped. The difference is, like, vast. It’s a vast difference.
kboy101222@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
More of a vase defrens I think
jrbaconcheese@yall.theatl.social 10 months ago
Yes, indeed, you said the funny part aloud.
wolfpack86@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Angry up vote
merari42@lemmy.world 10 months ago
This, but I want the voice command changed to “Go go gadget genitalia”
rob_t_firefly@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I’d just want the Super Mario power-up/power-down sound effects.
irreticent@lemmy.world 10 months ago
And when you insert it you hear the sound effect from when he goes down into a pipe.
v4ld1z@lemmy.zip 10 months ago
Go go gadget dick
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Can you reset any of the voice assistants to respond instead of Siri or Alexa or Bixby or whatever to “go go gadget?”
nicknonya@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
i like how each tube has an individual switch. for when you only want some cum
Sidyctism2@discuss.tchncs.de 10 months ago
Its so you can decide if its gonna be a boy or a girl
finley@lemm.ee 10 months ago
That’s not where cum comes from
Nommer@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
No that’s where the pee is stored.
Daxter101@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
The breeding kink option
PenisWenisGenius@lemmynsfw.com 10 months ago
I discovered this amazing life hack. If you never talk to women, you’ll never have sex with one and then you’ll never have kids.
lemmytellyousomething@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
I discovered a life hack to have sex without suvh a tool without getting anyone pregnant…
🏳️🌈
AlligatorBlizzard@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
And I discovered a life hack to get pregnant through gay sex!
🏳️⚧️
D:
doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
So a toggleable vasectomy.
Trouble is you need a several days (maybe a week or more) and/or a few ejaculations to actually be sterile after a vasectomy… So this isn’t the kind of thing that you can flip on in the moment and you’re safe.
explodicle@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
I’d imagine most men would only need to actually use the switch twice in their lives anyways. So having to wait a couple weeks wouldn’t be too bad.
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Better to keep it off until you and your wife are trying for a kid than keep it on. Why have it on otherwise?
FooBarrington@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Mostly for fashion reasons
Noedel@lemmy.world 10 months ago
They told me three months. In case the wires reconnect
iAvicenna@lemmy.world 10 months ago
wait till this comes with a monthly subscription
Agent641@lemmy.world 10 months ago
When Google wont give you back the API keys to the chastity electrodes
neuracnu@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
Hang on one second babe…
(clap-clap)
peopleproblems@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Things you don’t want tied to a clapper may include this device.
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Go to a play
“Fuck was that even or odd?! I’ve been workin’ on this date since dinner!”
pH3ra@lemmy.ml 10 months ago
Remember to flip the switch back on when you need to pee
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Not the same plumbing.
Schorsch@feddit.org 10 months ago
Contrary to common belief, pee is, in fact, stored in the balls.
kokesh@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Great! Someone should write HomeAssistant integration!
Gestrid@lemmy.ca 10 months ago
“Hey, Google, I’m having sex!”
Google turns down the lights and turns on the balls.
dQw4w9WgXcQ@lemm.ee 10 months ago
The stereo starts playing Yakety Sax
drathvedro@lemm.ee 10 months ago
I don’t want a kill-switch. I want a turbo-button to slice metal sheets with a jet of cum.
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 10 months ago
You need a button for that?
If you are experiencing pressure issues just mitigate the issue by adding acids (via special infection cultures in the balls) to the cum, or some abrasive materials (jagged kidney/bladder stones perhaps?).
i_ben_fine@lemmy.one 10 months ago
is this one of them brandnewsentences?
Holzkohlen@feddit.de 10 months ago
I’d just forget which one is on and which one is off. Also I have zero need for the on setting.
Klnsfw@lemmynsfw.com 10 months ago
Forget the Codom and Get STIs
Wilzax@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Bro forgot about committed and closed relationships
Klnsfw@lemmynsfw.com 10 months ago
As a matter of fact, I’m in a committed and open relationship.
todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Just redirect my urethra and install a single Y-Valve. Flip the switch up and I cum out the tip, flip the switch down and I cum out my taint.
Ultimate pull-out method.
Grimy@lemmy.world 10 months ago
You could even add a bag attachment and keep it!
todd_bonzalez@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Saving up cums so I can do one huge pint-sized cum.
Googling “What is the shelf life of cum?”
bitwaba@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I’d say “imagine having to explain to your date why you’ve got cum in your ass”, but it sounds like you already did.
IzzyScissor@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I see two casings for switches. Do you have to toggle each ball individually or something?
Also, how do you remember which way to flip the switch? Can it get turned around?
rmuk@feddit.uk 10 months ago
Flip them on and off repeatedly to put them in pairing mode.
IzzyScissor@lemmy.world 10 months ago
“FUCK, I came for longer than 5 seconds. Now I have to go through the factory reset AGAIN.”
randomdeadguy@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I know, right? Do you just flip one and run at 50%?
Thcdenton@lemmy.world 10 months ago
LinusSexTips@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I think I’d be more concerned if my hands were that small
saigot@lemmy.ca 10 months ago
Hook it up to a clapper and live life dangerously.
enbyecho@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Wait won’t this turn off their brains? How will they breathe?
MeatPilot@lemmy.world 10 months ago
This seems more practical for a temporary birth control for men.
Still under development, but works like a microscopic net to prevent sperm from exiting and can be dissolved later if you do decide to have kids.
Kolanaki@yiffit.net 10 months ago
This is the real reason Data doesn’t tell everyone where his off switch is.
abbiistabbii@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
I guarantee you the same people working to ban abortion and female contraception will go after this too.
crusty@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
That’s either a very small finger or a very large dick
thesporkeffect@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Id do this if you could get LED ground effects attached to the bait&tackle, good for the dramatic reveal
NatakuNox@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Ya but can I have my switch installed near my taint?
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 10 months ago
We all know pee is stored in the balls.
So this is just a piss switch.
Paranomaly@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Roses are red, this drink’s made from laudanum…
Neato@ttrpg.network 10 months ago
Who needs to turn their sperm release on and off so quickly? I understand wanting it to be easier than surgery but no one needs it so fast that you flip a switch. Deciding to have kids is a huge decision that often takes months of fucking to succeed at.
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 10 months ago
If this was controlled by your Google home, it would need a battery, which would need to be recharged. Imagine saying “hey Google, turn my balls off” and getting “I can’t reach that device” because you forgot to recharge your ball switch last night…
We’re living in the future
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Like others, I don’t have a use for my balls anymore. It sure would be nice to keep them around looking good though. But anyway, could I please just get the euphoria stimulus! I don’t really care for all the gooey mess.
rockerface@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Imagine opening a phishing link and suddenly your balls are taken hostage by a hacker
ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 10 months ago
WannaCry? No, WannaCum.
cuttlebughug@lemmynsfw.com 10 months ago
Can still cum, just no sperm 🥲
cooopsspace@infosec.pub 10 months ago
“Pay me 5 Bitcoin or I’ll give you an errection in front of the HR manager.”
rockerface@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Even worse
“You are now on a per-boner subscription plan”
BugleFingers@lemmy.world 8 months ago
1: Nobody would notice regardless
2: That’ll happen even without you
3: :'(
MeatPilot@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Future kink
SeekPie@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Csnnot pee anymore :(
Theme@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
Don’t kinkshame me
kokesh@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Or someone triggers this remotely after it has been off for like 2 years. You sit on Monday morning meeting. You get up to the screen to present your new project and boom.