this happened to me at only 19. I was homeless for 4 months after.
Anon doesn't have a plan
Submitted 21 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/7a78872b-e1a7-46fc-a30b-55a434fb3db4.jpeg
Comments
FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 hours ago
Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
I regularly tell my parents that the reason I am not like so many Americans, is that I have a supportive family. I live with my parents, but I would likely be homeless if they weren’t here for me.
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 4 hours ago
Me at 22. Was homeless as well. I make decent money now almost twenty years later and I still look at prices and think back when I used to dumpster dive.
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Back in the day, I used to eat pretty well out of dumpsters. Wasn’t really homeless, was living in an old caravan, but was proper broke.
These days, at least round here, they lock up the dumpsters, have security guards, or deliberately contaminate the food. Wankers.
FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 hours ago
glad you’re doing good now. just as a little secret, I still dumpster dive to this day honestly… it’s how I got every piece of furniture in my house except my bed. gotta save where ya can lol.
Malyca@lemmy.zip 6 hours ago
Poor guy, they failed him
spicytuna62@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon’s parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
I really hope things work out in the end.
Signtist@bookwyr.me 16 hours ago
My wife’s cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home and got a job or a driver’s license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn’t want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won’t be ready until she’s experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they’re in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
I knew a girl who had been “homeschooled” by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn’t take, she was intelligent, but wasn’t given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who’ve ever woken up and been like, “Ughhh, I don’t want to go to school/work today” have spent years overcoming. That sense of, “Well, I’ve gotta do it, so let’s just get up and get it done” didn’t develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they’ll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 14 hours ago
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being “the only correct way to live” needs to fucking die.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it’s likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn’t wait 38 years and then one day just decided “this is it”.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer.
texture@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
in that case you arrange for a bachelor apartment for the guy. hes a human being after all.
WoodYouLookAtThat@lemmy.today 6 hours ago
My parents made sure to give me a will to fly the coop by making sure I couldn’t fucking stand to be around them
I almost think OP’s situation with 20 years of enablement is worse because it offers a persistent safety net, then rips it away
Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I’ve got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what’s going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i’vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
probably end up homeless
mrbutterscotch@feddit.org 6 hours ago
authentic and heterosexual
Is this a phrase I’m unaware of? Or what does his sexuality have to do with it?
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
It’s an older 4chan/internet meme where everyone calls an original post and the poster “fake and gay”.
skisnow@lemmy.ca 16 hours ago
to cut them off cold turkey
How are you reading it that way?
Having to “beg dad for money when I want a pizza” doesn’t sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who’s been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they’re not even kicking OOP out immediately, they’re giving them until their birthday.
I mean it is obviously fake, but still
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 14 hours ago
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
To do neither is objectively abuse.
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 17 hours ago
No point in saving. The climate is fucked and we will unironically die in the water wars.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 16 hours ago
I think this year’s summer really drove that home
faintwhenfree@lemmus.org 17 hours ago
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year. Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they’re not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they’re all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it’s not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn’t trying to help themselves. I’m not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn’t years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
jdr@lemmy.ml 17 hours ago
You’ll never make it without a good skillet
im_fine_sandy@nord.pub 13 hours ago
Its not “cold turkey”, because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn’t, then it’s kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 18 hours ago
How’s the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
protist@retrofed.com 15 hours ago
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There’s a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
Horrible parenting tbh. And their son reminds them everyday how they failed as parents so they’re just kicking him out.
Bluedragon012@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it’s real, all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked. This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well. there are programs but they do not hold your hand. They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something. If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won’t be pleasant.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can’t.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter
Famously very luxurious, accommodating, and safe places to live long term. There’s never a space shortage. You get three squares a day of very tasty and nutrious faire, no questions asked. There’s never any kind of Kafka-esque bureaucracy to gaining entrance, much less obligations on the people in the shelter to maintain residence. It’s definitely not boring. Nobody is ever exploited. Mental health of all the residents is top notch and you never experience and physical violence or emotional abuse while there.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
“I’m broke, I have no transportation, and I’m about to be homeless”
“Have you talked to your lawyer about it?”
peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 1 hour ago
I feel like you are being a cunt on purpose, most of those points where addressed in the comment. Ok the lawyer one needed clarification. Disability lawyers are a little easier (not easy, easier) to obtain while in a homeless and jobless state. Starting off pro bono and eventually getting paid from the state in one way or another, or thro charities/non profits is not uncommon for them.
Yes it was a understatment about shelter life. But you got so dum and smarmy about it. Its still better that the fucking street. (at least in an american east coast city). Yea your still gonna get robbed, but their is a much lower chance of getting stomped, lit on fire, or just fucking raped.
BeerStainedBunny@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 hours ago
I’m glad my parents didn’t give a shit about me. It forced me to learn on my own even if it happened slowly
Psythik@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Similar situation happened with my girlfriend. Her parents did nothing for her, while mine did everything for me. She’s younger than me but I still rely on her to take care of certain adult tasks, like scheduling appointments and making phone calls. I have too much anxiety to do it on my own. One time I got a job at a call center to get over my fear of phone calls, and the only thing that did was make it worse. People are so much more rude when they can’t see your face!
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
People are so much more rude when they can’t see your face!
Unsolicited sales calls - especially at modern day volumes - are about as well-received as someone knocking on your toilet stall to try and convert you to Jesus.
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
I think people who do work that involves contact with the general public have to be petty emotionally resilient. I am no good at it. A lot of the public are utter wankers and throw you into fight or flight mode.
echodot@feddit.uk 6 hours ago
How on earth do you get to 38 and not have a job?
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
other people pay your bills for you.
PrimeMinisterKeyes@leminal.space 5 hours ago
Throughout my life, I’ve gotten to know several people like that. They all have mental or physical disabilities, but you would never know until they told you.
eah@programming.dev 9 hours ago
There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren’t. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won’t and do it in a way that’s as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it’s just a good thing to do. Some people won’t take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.
Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 hour ago
There’s also temp agencies. They’re shit and the jobs they give you will be shit but they’re pretty good at finding something for basically anyone who isn’t completely unemployable. Someone whose only issues are a lack of transportation, housing, and work history would still be considered a good get by most temp agencies.
chiliedogg@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
The US used to have the Job Corps program…
Nalivai@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Wait, you guys don’t have that? US I assume? Damn, does your government do anything?
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I don’t think the federal government has a program like this, but I went through unemployment after getting laid off last year in Massachusetts and they had resources to help you find careers and training/qualifications and whatnot. Some of the dumbest, lowest empathy people you encounter bitch about Communist Taxachusetts non stop but we have it pretty good here compared to some other places in the Union.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
The only thing our government actually does that’s uncontroversial is running a bunch of parks, and even those are understaffed
RamenJunkie@midwest.social 6 hours ago
Governments are for Communists.
/s
OctopusNemeses@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
Japan is probably the closest by actually having the hikikomori problem in public discourse. Most of the rest of the world they probably end up homeless.
tetris11@feddit.uk 4 hours ago
Japan is just ahead of the curve when it comes to problems related to arrested development. They’re not better at planning, they just experienced it earlier
TeaWithDani@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Lots of people end up on welfare and in social housing under similar situations. We stigmatize those people so much that it never enters public discourse in the same way.
People who are unhoused tend to have even more severe difficulties resulting in that situation.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
you can do this own your own without the government. there are plenty of places like temp agencies that do this already.
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I wish my government had some social safety nets like some other countries do to help out people like this HAVE YOU EVEN HEARD OF SHITTY PRIVATE BUSINESSES THAT SORT OF KIND OF DO THAT BUT NOT ACTUALLY? GO OUTSIDE YOU MORON! Are you OK and if not would you like a hug?
eah@programming.dev 3 hours ago
but you’d have to actually… look it up and leave your house to do any of this.
That’s the problem. The sort of person we’re talking about isn’t going to do this. What’s needed is an army of people incessantly knocking on doors offering to help.
RamenJunkie@midwest.social 6 hours ago
Private services are not the same.
echodot@feddit.uk 6 hours ago
Which government are you talking about there’s more than one you know.
Professorozone@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
braxy29@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
we don’t know what his parents did or didn’t do leading up to op’s brief synopsis.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 4 hours ago
32 here, my parents divorced which kicked me out as they sold the house in my early 20s. From friends I see some still live at home, but those that do all pay rent or help out in some way.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
I know people like this. Knew a fwe people from college who were only their parents payroll until 35.
Basically it was just the arbitrary age at which they felt ‘adulthood’ should start. For me that was basically 18, for others it was mid 30s, for some people, it’s never.
And in my experience it’s largely a function of how much wealth people have, like wealthier folks give their kids way more runway because they can afford to support them for longer period of time with minimal impact to themselves.
In my demo it’s not living at home, it’s people who spend their 20s working low-age jobs but living high-wage lifestyle due to parents paying their rent and other major expenses. And usually when they do get cut off… they transition to a high paid job via another degree, or they get married.
Jackusflackus@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Sounds like some seriously bad parenting. How do you not force your kid to get a job and pay for all their shit until 38. He doesn’t stand a chance being kicked out. Need to teach how to support yourself
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 20 hours ago
I’d assume that he has some kind of chronic illness. If he didn’t at the start, he definitely developed one living like that.
Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 hours ago
While the time from child to mid twenties is definitely the parent’s fault, after that point you can try every trick in the book it won’t achieve a thing. Once someone masters weaponized incompetence they basically need a life or death wake-up call to do anything about it, and even then they might still not learn anything.
No one’s literally impossible to reform, but many people cross a point that requires a practically impossible amount of investment to reform.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
It’s bad parenting alright. But I don’t believe that they’ve never made an effort before. More likely the guy has resisted any attempt to get him to be independent.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 hours ago
I wonder why the son resisted. Could it have anything to do with shitty parenting? Nahhhh
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 21 hours ago
Getting a job without a car is very difficult.
radix@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Getting a car without a job is very difficult.
Hello_there@fedia.io 20 hours ago
Getting a difficult without a car is very job
slaacaa@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
*in the US
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 7 hours ago
Anon is in the US.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
My son moved out for a couple of years, then had to move back in. I told him as long as I have roof over my head, he will too. I’d never kick my son out. I don’t understand how parents do that.
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 21 hours ago
Job markets never really recovered, this story will happen again. RIP Anon, we’re either stuck with what we got or we can’t get shit.
Mac@mander.xyz 16 hours ago
This is child abuse.
RockBottom@feddit.org 17 hours ago
They raised him like that!
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 13 hours ago
With that CV?
mr_sunburn@lemmy.ml 11 hours ago
A few people here mentioning this has happened to someone they know. Does anyone have any successful transition to independence stories for older adults? There’s someone in my family that I love, but that pretty much fits this description. Does anyone have advice on what helps?
LouNeko@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
I’m from a culture where it is completely normal to live with your parents for essentially their entire lives. The issue is that as an immigrant family to a culture where it isn’t, makes me seem weird by comparison. I also have some of the worst luck there could be. My parents idea of success is to get a very good education, get a high paying job, support the family. There’s only one small problem. I fucking despise academia or academic institutions with all my soul. It took me 8 years to finish a 4 year degree and 4 years for a 2½ year masters. Additionally when I finished college, COVID hit hard and finiding a job was impossible since most companies stopped hiring. Now that I finish my masters we have the AI bubble and companies stopped hiring again. I never worked a real job my entire life, only research assistant, or student jobs. I have zero savings since those jobs barely pay above minimum wage. It fucking sucks. In any group I’m constantly the most educated looser there is. It makes you look repulsive to the point where I really hate talking about myself in person. I’d rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage. I spend essentially more than 20 years in non-stop education and it ground me down mentally to the point where I don’t even have motivation to keep on living. Literally, Fuck My Life. If anyone wants it, take it. Seriously, anybody, just put me down like a wounded animal.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 11 hours ago
People blaming the parents are idiots. The parents were likely under 38 when they had him. How can one 38 year old be responsible for themselves AND another person, but the other 38 year old isn’t given even enough agency to be responsible for themselves. Maybe it’s all the grandparents fault because the parents were pressured to have children? How far do we have to go before anyone is responsible for their own actions at 38?
A 38 year old man is middle aged. Most high school kids are already more influenced by their peers than their parents. Once you’re an adult actual parental influence is almost nil if the child wants it to be. How do you get to 38 and not have any idea of how life works? How do you get to 38 and not realise this day is coming, how can you take zero steps to get your life together? Literally every human they’ve interacted with has provided an example of how to get your shit together!
How can you blame parents for the behaviour of a middle aged man? Do you realise how hostile it is to a person to completely remove their agency like this? As if they can’t control anything about their lives?!?
cRazi_man@europe.pub 5 hours ago
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay? WTF do I come to the greentext community for? Just serious comments about people’s own experiences? Fucking shameful
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Given the type of person who frequents 4chan, it is likely the most heteronormative and real-ass thing ever posted in green.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
my own experience is fake and gay.
so you got that.
Aneb@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Very very gay