Sounds like some seriously bad parenting. How do you not force your kid to get a job and pay for all their shit until 38. He doesn’t stand a chance being kicked out. Need to teach how to support yourself
Anon doesn't have a plan
Submitted 2 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/7a78872b-e1a7-46fc-a30b-55a434fb3db4.jpeg
Comments
Jackusflackus@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
rumschlumpel@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
I’d assume that he has some kind of chronic illness. If he didn’t at the start, he definitely developed one living like that.
Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
While the time from child to mid twenties is definitely the parent’s fault, after that point you can try every trick in the book it won’t achieve a thing. Once someone masters weaponized incompetence they basically need a life or death wake-up call to do anything about it, and even then they might still not learn anything.
No one’s literally impossible to reform, but many people cross a point that requires a practically impossible amount of investment to reform.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s bad parenting alright. But I don’t believe that they’ve never made an effort before. More likely the guy has resisted any attempt to get him to be independent.
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
I wonder why the son resisted. Could it have anything to do with shitty parenting? Nahhhh
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Horrible parenting tbh. And their son reminds them everyday how they failed as parents so they’re just kicking him out.
kestrel7_7@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yep, I think kicking your kids out when they turn 18 is fucked. But, it’s better to do it at 18 than 38.
I don’t know what the solution is, but it’s not this.
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
Getting a job without a car is very difficult.
radix@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Getting a car without a job is very difficult.
Hello_there@fedia.io 2 weeks ago
Getting a difficult without a car is very job
slaacaa@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
*in the US
RickyRigatoni@piefed.zip 2 weeks ago
Anon is in the US.
oha@lemmy.pobierz.net 2 weeks ago
Is it? Most people I know dont drive to their job
Notyou@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Depends on where they live. They could probably get a bike and do a few jobs on apps (task rabbit, fiver, etc) to save for an e-bike and expand their area.
I know you can deliver food with e-bikes and if they live in a certain area it might be worth it.
There are a lot of factors though. Even if they look for remote work or online anything, there are so many traps and fake job postings that people get demotivated.
Damage@feddit.it 2 weeks ago
Yeah how are you supposed to carry it home otherwise?
FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
this happened to me at only 19. I was homeless for 4 months after.
Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I regularly tell my parents that the reason I am not like so many Americans, is that I have a supportive family. I live with my parents, but I would likely be homeless if they weren’t here for me.
treesquid@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
But like … You do work or go to school or at least try to do something besides just mooch, right? This guy never even tried, apparently for two decades after high school
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Me at 22. Was homeless as well. I make decent money now almost twenty years later and I still look at prices and think back when I used to dumpster dive.
Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Back in the day, I used to eat pretty well out of dumpsters. Wasn’t really homeless, was living in an old caravan, but was proper broke.
These days, at least round here, they lock up the dumpsters, have security guards, or deliberately contaminate the food. Wankers.
FeelThePower@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
glad you’re doing good now. just as a little secret, I still dumpster dive to this day honestly… it’s how I got every piece of furniture in my house except my bed. gotta save where ya can lol.
treesquid@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It sucks at 19 and isn’t really fair because getting started is so much harder these days. Now imagine you were twice as old and had never tried to do anything with your life.
TheRealLinga@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I’m in the same boat. Plus I was “unschooled” with neglectful mentally ill parents so my education REALLY suffered. Funnily enough I’ll be turning 38 soon… but I’ve been working hard for decades and have a career and family of my own now thankfully
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My son moved out for a couple of years, then had to move back in. I told him as long as I have roof over my head, he will too. I’d never kick my son out. I don’t understand how parents do that.
phdepressed@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I mean 20 adult years and never having a job indicates some real problems. What they are is anyones guess but you’d think they could have managed to get something in those years that could at least buy pizza and games if not a bit of rent and a beater.
The parents probably feel like they’re out of options in terms of how to make him move in a positive direction and they are also running out of time as they are or reach retirement age, how can they afford themselves and him on a fixed income?
If he was 18, doing some sort of education/training, or just lost financial footing for a bit that’s one thing but whatever is going on there is something else.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
I know I struggled after leaving school for a few years, but even then I still managed to get the occasional part time or irregular hours of work between periods of unemployment. That was living in a small town too. Then I got an apprenticeship and been fully employed ever since.
HerbalGamer@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I’m in my 30s, back at my parents’ for the umpteenth time and I hate it but goddamn am I grateful.
Wireless_Dirk@ani.social 1 week ago
Maybe quit smoking weed and playing video games and apply for job?
BlaestEgnen@feddit.dk 2 weeks ago
I’m 30 and have been back home since the start of last year, after having lived elsewhere for a decade.
Then traveled in autumn and got laid off at the start of the year in a sector (software) that’s experiencing talent excess. It’s basically impossible to get an interview, their reaction when I told them I’m moving back to the capital to get a bachelor of education is kind of wild. they’re both like, wouldn’t you like to stay a little longer?
I’m just like, guys I’ve been unemployed for half a year. Without any entrepreneurial ideas. I’m not about to start a company. I need to do something…
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I see it. If you feel you’ve tried everything in your power sometimes a person needs the feeling of falling out of the nest to learn to fly
Malyca@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Poor guy, they failed him
cRazi_man@europe.pub 2 weeks ago
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay? WTF do I come to the greentext community for? Just serious comments about people’s own experiences? Fucking shameful
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Is no one here going to tell me why this is fake and gay?
Given the type of person who frequents 4chan, it is likely the most heteronormative and real-ass thing ever posted in green.
Earthwormjim91@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Well it’s gay because OP has touched dick more than he’ll ever touch a woman.
Idk about fake though. It tracks pretty much with what I’ve known the average 4channer to be like.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
my own experience is fake and gay.
so you got that.
Aneb@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Very very gay
Sanctus@anarchist.nexus 2 weeks ago
Job markets never really recovered, this story will happen again. RIP Anon, we’re either stuck with what we got or we can’t get shit.
Professorozone@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think I fall in the middle of this. I think this kid (and I think he is still a kid) had 38 years to transition to independence. But the same could be said about the parents. Why are they kicking him out now instead of after schooling? Now they are doing this almost cold turkey. Why not tell him he has until his birthday to stay paying rent. Then later impose more restrictions until ultimately sending him on his way.
I’m old so I feel it’s ridiculous for a 38 year old to still be living at home without substantially contributing. At the same time they let him do it and it’s kind of unfair allow it to get this far. He probably had a reasonable expectation of living with them until he or they died.
treesquid@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
38, never had a job, about to get one or starve. Sink or swim, parasite. You don’t need a plan, you just start hitting up all the grocery stores, fast food joints and temp agencies before your supply of ramen runs out. Temp agencies will send anyone with a pulse to stack product on pallets at whatever factories are local.
WanderWisley@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
There is a lot of valuable materials inside flock cameras that can be sold for profit.
doingthestuff@lemy.lol 2 weeks ago
I moved out at 17, got married at 20, bought a house at 22. I also have been working since I was 12. After forty years of working, I still have nothing saved except some home equity.
eah@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
There should be a government program to handle situations like this if there aren’t. Take an assessment of their current skills and interests and get them into employment and/or training for something that fits. You basically need to intervene when the parents won’t and do it in a way that’s as least stressful for the person as possible. It would pay off in the end because this person may end up on government assistance later when they most need it. Politicians who can pull this off may get to claim to have reduced unemployment in their reelection campaign. And it’s just a good thing to do. Some people won’t take the initiative. You have to do it for them and hold their hand.
Mac@mander.xyz 2 weeks ago
This is child abuse.
Bluedragon012@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Depending on where they live in the us and assuming it’s real, all he’ll need to do is get to a shelter. Make it clear that he needs help, then do the things asked. This all assumes he is mentally stable and physically well. there are programs but they do not hold your hand. They are not great, they are not the best as compared to other countries, but it is something. If he clean on drug tests and criminal there are many places that will take him. It won’t be pleasant.
If he has any documented physical health issues, then he needs to get a disability lawyer going.
As many pointed out, this world is grossly difficult and Unfair, but as long as one is kind, truthful, and continues to try, people will at least attempt to help, or at least tell you honestly they can’t.
RockBottom@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
They raised him like that!
BeerStainedBunny@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
I’m glad my parents didn’t give a shit about me. It forced me to learn on my own even if it happened slowly
LouNeko@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I’m from a culture where it is completely normal to live with your parents for essentially their entire lives. The issue is that as an immigrant family to a culture where it isn’t, makes me seem weird by comparison. I also have some of the worst luck there could be. My parents idea of success is to get a very good education, get a high paying job, support the family. There’s only one small problem. I fucking despise academia or academic institutions with all my soul. It took me 8 years to finish a 4 year degree and 4 years for a 2½ year masters. Additionally when I finished college, COVID hit hard and finiding a job was impossible since most companies stopped hiring. Now that I finish my masters we have the AI bubble and companies stopped hiring again. I never worked a real job my entire life, only research assistant, or student jobs. I have zero savings since those jobs barely pay above minimum wage. It fucking sucks. In any group I’m constantly the most educated looser there is. It makes you look repulsive to the point where I really hate talking about myself in person. I’d rather would have done an apprenticeship some 10 years ago and would have had a steady, less paying job, than this worthless engineering degree and zero real job experience. The issue is that now the cost of living is way to high to afford living on an apprenticeship salary for a few years, which is way below minimum wage. I spend essentially more than 20 years in non-stop education and it ground me down mentally to the point where I don’t even have motivation to keep on living. Literally, Fuck My Life. If anyone wants it, take it. Seriously, anybody, just put me down like a wounded animal.
hanrahan@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
Tamaki Saitō book Hikikomori is worth a read on this
mr_sunburn@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
A few people here mentioning this has happened to someone they know. Does anyone have any successful transition to independence stories for older adults? There’s someone in my family that I love, but that pretty much fits this description. Does anyone have advice on what helps?
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
With that CV?
kandoh@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
I had to live with my dad until I was 24 and found the experience excruciating. Can’t imagine making it to 38
boobookittyfrick@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
People blaming the parents are idiots. The parents were likely under 38 when they had him. How can one 38 year old be responsible for themselves AND another person, but the other 38 year old isn’t given even enough agency to be responsible for themselves. Maybe it’s all the grandparents fault because the parents were pressured to have children? How far do we have to go before anyone is responsible for their own actions at 38?
A 38 year old man is middle aged. Most high school kids are already more influenced by their peers than their parents. Once you’re an adult actual parental influence is almost nil if the child wants it to be. How do you get to 38 and not have any idea of how life works? How do you get to 38 and not realise this day is coming, how can you take zero steps to get your life together? Literally every human they’ve interacted with has provided an example of how to get your shit together!
How can you blame parents for the behaviour of a middle aged man? Do you realise how hostile it is to a person to completely remove their agency like this? As if they can’t control anything about their lives?!?
TacoButtPlug@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
bout what Id expect out of a chan
raven55six@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
May a person never become this incompetent. ☮️
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
go to work for wallyworld. aint much but better than nothing
Naive@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
What is this template?
spicytuna62@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Running on the assumption this is authentic and heterosexual, Anon’s parents massively dropped the ball creating an adult with no will to fly the coop. But then to cut them off cold turkey is totally fucked up. Anon is now permanently 15 years behind their peers. Not to mention zero retirement savings. That compounded interest takes 30-35 years to really start to matter. But Anon gets to miss out on 15 years of that, too.
I really hope things work out in the end.
Signtist@bookwyr.me 2 weeks ago
My wife’s cousin is in a similar situation. She never left home and got a job or a driver’s license because she was always too scared, and her mom always let that slide, since she didn’t want to make her daughter scared or uncomfortable.
She thought her job was to protect her daughter from all the stresses of the world until she was ready, but failed to understand that she won’t be ready until she’s experienced some of those stresses in a controlled environment like most kids do when they’re in their teens and their parents push them to get a job and a license.
It came from a place of kindness, but ended up being a major mistake that now both the kid and the parent are paying for.
Whats_your_reasoning@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I knew a girl who had been “homeschooled” by her super Christian mom. Thankfully, the indoctrination didn’t take, she was intelligent, but wasn’t given the education she deserved. Moreover, she developed anxiety and would take ages to leave the house for planned events. Turns out that by babying her and never pushing her boundaries, she never learned that critical inner-push that all of us who’ve ever woken up and been like, “Ughhh, I don’t want to go to school/work today” have spent years overcoming. That sense of, “Well, I’ve gotta do it, so let’s just get up and get it done” didn’t develop, as she was allowed to just stay in or sleep or whatever instead of learning to tolerate the discomfort.
It always bugged me when parents treat their offspring as if they’ll forever be children, instead of treating them as future adults. These stories are the inevitably outcome of that.
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
A big reason why the western idea of every single person should always leave home and start a new household is fucking retarded. Its not the right fit for everyone. Hell its objectively fucking stupid in the VAST majority of cases. Many do it any ways for various reasons. But the whole normality of it being “the only correct way to live” needs to fucking die.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Again, assuming this has any basis in reality, I think it’s likely that the parents have made many attempts to get the guy to change before and this is the last resort. They probably didn’t wait 38 years and then one day just decided “this is it”.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
yeah, this is likely more a case of fighting/ignoring mom and dad and them finally bringing down the banhammer.
texture@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
in that case you arrange for a bachelor apartment for the guy. hes a human being after all.
Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
This situation may sound ridiculous, but I’ve got a cousin over 40 in essentially the same position. Never worked a day in her and still lives with her parents. No one really knows what’s going to happen when they pass, but no one appears willing to let her live with them. Myself included. Not that i’vd be her first choice anyway. I live half way across the country.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
probably end up homeless
skisnow@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
How are you reading it that way?
Having to “beg dad for money when I want a pizza” doesn’t sound like someone being coddled, it sounds like someone who’s been told a thousand times to get a damn job and move out. Plus they’re not even kicking OOP out immediately, they’re giving them until their birthday.
I mean it is obviously fake, but still
Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Even worse they raised a kid with no will to fly the coop AND they rejected a intergrated multigenerational house hold.
Most cultures on earth and for most of history you lived with your family your entire life, or moved to another house hold. To start a new household was abnormal.
So you either need to raise your kid to the new standard to want to stand on their own and start their own household. Or you embrace the old and stay together and create a multigenerational household.
To do neither is objectively abuse.
RamRabbit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If he was living at home, paying a portion of all the bills, and overall carrying his weight, then sure. But, that is not the case, not at all.
SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
No point in saving. The climate is fucked and we will unironically die in the water wars.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
I think this year’s summer really drove that home
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
Promise?
WoodYouLookAtThat@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
My parents made sure to give me a will to fly the coop by making sure I couldn’t fucking stand to be around them
I almost think OP’s situation with 20 years of enablement is worse because it offers a persistent safety net, then rips it away
gandalf_der_13te@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
yeah i get the impression too that some parents are intentionally abusive sothat their children leave the house as soon as possible
nevermind the money that could be saved by multi-generational households.
RamRabbit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Something tells me they have been trying to get him out for the last decade, and he instead decided to sit on his ass instead.
faintwhenfree@lemmus.org 2 weeks ago
Yeah time to kick him out was when he was 20ish +/- 1 year. Since you get a very good idea by that point if that adult is able to take care of himself. I have 3 people in my life (2 cousins, 1 family friend). Who are in that exact situation. I knew even when they were 20 that they’re not given the right skillet to ever be independent. And have no motivation to be independent on their own. Now they’re all in their 30s. I always their parents talking to my parents about how to make them independent and refuse to still cut them cold turkey.
I mean parents fucked up for sure, but it’s not too uncommon unfortunately. All I ever remind those parents is, I will not help someone who isn’t trying to help themselves. I’m not even close to them. But 2 out of 3 have tried asking me for money.
jdr@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
You’ll never make it without a good skillet
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah, even when I was on good terms with my father I knew that as soon as I finished schooling there was a timer on how long I was allowed to stay with him, and it certainly wasn’t years. Like a week or two after graduating college I moved in with my now ex
mrbutterscotch@feddit.org 2 weeks ago
Is this a phrase I’m unaware of? Or what does his sexuality have to do with it?
TootTootComingThru@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
It’s an older 4chan/internet meme where everyone calls an original post and the poster “fake and gay”.
im_fine_sandy@nord.pub 2 weeks ago
Its not “cold turkey”, because hes had 15 years to work on it. If he hasn’t, then it’s kind of left over Turkey from last weeks thanks giving which has already been re-heated several times.
The best time to kick him out was 15 years ago. The second best time is now.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 week ago
Wel all die at the end of our lives. A small mercy.
HerbGrower@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
How’s the state pension over there? Here in the UK its pretty good, if you have paid off your house anyway. I would be richer than I am now from working if I had a pension but no mortgage.
If you also had to pay housing then it could be kinda rough, but I have lived alright on less.
protist@retrofed.com 2 weeks ago
State pension, in the US? A laughable concept. Best anon could hope for is Supplemental Security Income (SSI), a program for people who are disabled, are unable to work, and have never worked. There’s a lengthy application process involving clinical records of the disabling condition, not everyone who applies is approved, and the maximum benefit is about $950/month, relegating you to extreme poverty forever
RamRabbit@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
You get a pension in retirement (called Social Security), but you need to be of retirement age as well as had a job in the past (you get full benefits if you were employed for at least 10 years).