Men are finally leaving women alone? I never thought I would see this day!
Anon is worried about men
Submitted 1 day ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/f5f25e71-0ce3-4f54-bfd1-e2dd835be8e6.jpeg
Comments
missandry351@lemmings.world 1 day ago
ConstantPain@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Yes, and now a lot of them are complaining that men are not chasing anymore…
missandry351@lemmings.world 2 hours ago
I can’t stand these women. They need a psychologist, a psychiatrist and many meds, because I don’t believe that even for a second.
JayDee@lemmy.sdf.org 12 hours ago
Probably many women are now complaining because they didn’t have to approach - they could get guys by just waiting. These two groups of women, those complaining about being approached and those complaining that they aren’t being approached, are two different groups with little overlap.
At the same time, not having to approach was a privilege while being approached without wanting it was an infringement.
I think it’s much better that women who are just trying to enjoy their nights are spared some drunk person trying to solicit sex or a date from them. Conversely, I don’t really think women having to face rejection is as big a deal.
IEatDaGoat@lemm.ee 13 hours ago
Yeah and they’ll vote for people like Trump because they won’t give a shit about women since they’ve distanced themselves from them.
missandry351@lemmings.world 2 hours ago
“Gimme sex or I kill you” is basically what you are saying?
cynar@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Social changes have caused chaos. A lot of the “traditional” dating methods existed to give structure to finding a partner. Unfortunately, those structures got trashed by the general update to gender roles. While these changes are great in many ways, it left young people in limbo. It was eventually replaced with online dating, for many. Unfortunately, that, in turn has been trashed by corporate takeover.
You’ve also got the outlier problem. The problematic men and women make up a small proportion of the population, but do a disproportionate amount of dating. A lot of the complaints are aimed at the problematic groups. Unfortunately, they don’t care. It’s mostly the non-problematic people who get the wrong message.
taladar@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I think the effect of other societal changes not immediately associated with relationships might be underestimated here too, such as the commercialization of any and all free time activities where one might casually meet people of the preferred gender on a regular basis combined with the limited disposable income. Or (in the US at least) the elimination of sidewalks and other public places where one might encounter people from your own neighborhood outside of a car. More customized media consumption leading to fewer guaranteed shared topics to discuss compared to the time when generally everyone watched the same things on TV and read the same news at a similar time. I could probably come up with other examples but the point is that a lot of things changed that make just meeting people to consider to ask out much more difficult than it used to be a few decades ago.
cynar@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I fully agree. A lot of entertainment options have moved from self organising to a fire hose model. It used to be you just gave youngsters a place to go, and let them work out what to do with it. Now it’s hyper-commercialised. Everyone sits/stands there and absorbs entertainment from a central source.
It’s also not just young adults and teenagers. Pre teens and early teens have nowhere to really interact organically. Without that solid foundation of peer socialising, they are trying to build on soft sand.
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Change is not chaos. Tone it down. It’s just an adjustment to changing status quo.
JordanZ@lemmy.world 1 day ago
For any free time I manage to get, dating is so far down the list of what to spend it on. Time is a premium in my life. Couple that with my past experiences dating as well as terrible stories from coworkers/friends. It’s not how I want to spend my time anymore. That’s my short answer. The longer one is more depressing but there are reasons dating just isn’t a priority for me.
shortrounddev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I started dating my wife when we were both in high school so I’m lucky that I never had to try to start dating in my 20s. But when I was in high school asking out a girl was as simple as walking up and saying “do you want to go out with me?”
I asked out girls that I KNEW there was a 99% chance they’d say no, but I asked anyways. The worst they ever said was “no”. Nobody ever laughed in my face or told all their friends or spread rumors about me, they just said no thank you and I moved on.
This was like 2009-2013 mind you; I think young people are a lot more cruel now than they were then.
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Young people were every fucking bit as cruel back then. Source: same age bracket as you and was bullied nearly to suicide
Shirasho@lemmings.world 1 day ago
+1. In addition, schools frequently side with the bully because it is easier to deal with a victim’s parents than a bully’s parents.
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Trash social media has connected the worst sort of people and given them a platform to share their toxic traits.
So cruel, but uncreative people now have wider options to be shitty.
fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
People say kids these days are somewhat nicer than generations past.
spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Nobody ever laughed in my face or told all their friends or spread rumors about me, they just said no thank you and I moved on.
I was in college by the time you were in high school, and I totally had friends who had that happen. I don’t know if kids are more cruel now or if you had an exceptionally kind group of peers.
ddash@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
It’s because n=1 in either case doesn’t speak for the average or general picture of what happens. Both your posts are just anecdotes.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’m their age and I’ve seen it observed that that time block was about the nicest high schoolers have ever been.
DarrinBrunner@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Okay, they were laughed at. Then what? Did the guy blow it off and try with someone else, or never try again? It’s not how many times you get knocked down…
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I was in High School in '93-'96. I graduated a year early. The kids were, if anything, worse back then. Y’all are much more empathetic over all, than the kids I went to HS and University with.
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Because we were raised by Boomers, the least empathetic generation in modern history.
The inertia of fucking Boomers is an unwelcome gift that won’t go away for years to come.
ICastFist@programming.dev 1 day ago
Nobody ever laughed in my face or told all their friends or spread rumors about me, they just said no thank you and I moved on.
Lucky you, I asked a girl out once in HS, got denied, afterwards she and her friends would often look at me and giggle during classes or breaks and avoid any contact with me. Later, through a friend, I learned they came up with the nickname “priest” for me (as in catholic priest, who has to vow for celibacy), as that was the “obvious career choice” for me
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
I think young people are a lot more cruel now than they were then.
Its more of a human thing actually. I always find anti bullying measures kind of anl waste of time. Adults will bully you way more. It just isn’t a swirly.
it’s making you fill out an application on a job prospects website even though the info is on the resume. It’s every month when we pay rent. It’s every paycheck we receive that doesn’t include our surplus labor value. It’s a overdraft fee from your bank. It’s the “unprecedented call volume” that happens in nearly any customer service phone line.
It’s everywhere. Just because we hide it behind a curtain of the economic system doesn’t mean it changes the nature of these interactions.
TammyTobacco@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Hopefully you have the same luck after your first divorce.
shortrounddev@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Bruh why would you wish something like that on someone
pec@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Third place
madjo@feddit.nl 1 day ago
And the lack thereof.
Yes that’s one of the big problems.
peregrin5@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I think a lot of men are just satisfied staying home playing their video game of choice while wanking it or using online apps for hookups.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
is the joke here that this thread is fake and gay?
Did i do a 4chan correctly?
Guns0rWeD13@lemmy.world 1 day ago
i guess they’re not getting laid and are very angry about it too. sorry about your fee fees, incels.
BRING ON THE DOWNVOTES CUCKS
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 hours ago
i mean, you’ve almost got the spirit.
ConstantPain@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
Found the 13 yo.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 hours ago
right here apparently, lmao.
5oap10116@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’m married to a tinder girl now so say what you want about that but for me, it was fear of further social ostracization. I always struggled to fit in, in grade school because I was asian in a sea of white kids. Some kids were literally afraid to touch the “chinese boy” (i was korean but try telling that to rabid white elementary and middle school kids looking for any reason to other anyone). I became a huge people pleaser and tried not to stick out for any reason. I had also seen how the “popular” kids treated any of the geeks who tried to shoot their shot and I didn’t want to fuck up any of the social capital I had left. It obviously got better in late high school as kids grew up but the damage was done. I had a few girlfriends in high school and college but they mostly came after me or we kind of just found ourselves getting close so there wasn’t any formal “asking out” type of stuff. Either way I probably blew a lot of romantic opportunities but it is what it is.
I got a boy due in June so hopefully I can instill more confidence in him that I didn’t have.
ocean@lemmy.selfhostcat.com 1 day ago
tinder girl
You mean you met her on tinder. What makes her a tinder girl and not you a tinder girl?
tpihkal@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Obviously he means she is dry and flammable, thus is great for starting fires.
5oap10116@lemmy.world 1 day ago
We are commonly referred to as tinder folk
taladar@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Unless the person you respond to is trans the fact that they describe themselves as being referred to as a “chinese boy” would suggest that they are likely not a girl.
JayDee@lemmy.sdf.org 12 hours ago
I don’t really see a good time in dating strangers, so bars and speed dating are unappealing. Same for dating apps. I’d rather have an outing with someone who I am familiar with and already jive with as a friend.
I don’t think that these stats really matter that much because I already know that I’m not represented in these stats. That’s obviously a biased view, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a incorrect for being biased.
imsufferableninja@sh.itjust.works 12 hours ago
Every stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet
JayDee@lemmy.sdf.org 12 hours ago
Not true - the vast majority of people you meet, you will not end up connecting with meaningfully. On top of that, you’re risking you and the other party’s social comfort. I’ve already had plenty of cases of people I find obnoxious and unbearable try to force themselves into my social spaces, and I would not wish that on anyone else, nor would I want to be that person.
If people give off the right vibe or are maybe talking about the right thing when I pass by, I might chime in momentarily, but I’m not bothering strangers when there’s no indication of a connection.
UniversalMonk@sh.itjust.works 11 hours ago
Actually kinda true! But the downers on Lemmy will never admit that! lol
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Damn, I thought I was the only basement dweller
We are to broke to spend $10 on a beer and $10 on Frenchfries at a bar.
It’s free to post a dick Pic on grindr and have a guy deliver himself to your basement to give you the most enthusiastic blow job of your life.
ocean@lemmy.selfhostcat.com 14 hours ago
Lol
Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Is Anon talking out their ass with those stats, or is this actually true?
lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 1 day ago
Fuck, and I was just reading Homelessness Is A Housing Problem, and they were talking all about stats and to not buy into intuitive narratives, and low and behold, I have bought into this without looking it up. Guess I should get onto that now.
(And by reading the book, I mean I use a GlaDOS voice pack from Hugginface using SherpaTTS. What a vibe.)
odious@lemmy.world 1 day ago
wait what, you can get a GlaDOS voice pack for TTS engines? damn. i guess there goes my afternoon. thanks for the hint 😁
Bbbbbbbbbbb@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Theres definitely a truth to it, younger people are drinking less and less every generation, which takes its toll on bars and to some extent clubs too.
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Isn’t it also because going out nowadays is expensive as hell especially if you live in a big city. Young people working part time aren’t going to waste one month’s salary on one night out. And just hanging outside in public sharing a beer will make a nosy boomer call the cops on you for loitering. So the younger generations have learned how to have fun at home without booze.
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Drinking less is probably good. I doubt that automatically leads to less dating.
fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
we need cannabis lounges
morrowind@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Here’s the study datepsychology.com/risk-aversion-and-dating/
Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Well, that’s depressing. Although I understand why, if you’re not socially confident, approaching a woman romantically can feel terrifying.
I do find it interesting that most young women do want to be approached more, I wasn’t expecting that.
I also note the study is silent on how many women have approached a man, and I don’t think they even asked the question.
Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world 1 day ago
[deleted]SuperSpruce@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
I’ve tried and I’m still trying. As someone who is a bit shorter than average and is socially awkward, it’s tough. Recently I’ve been able to get dates with 3 girls from dating apps (due to me being better at flirting and getting a few more matches than before), but they all went nowhere.
1 girl didn’t seem to want any touching or flirty things on the first date and the conversation wasn’t smooth, so I friendzoned her.
The other 2 girls immediately started with a flirty text conversation.
I hit it off with first one over text, we were having long phone calls and sending raunchy stuff over text. I had one short date with and was planning a spicier 2nd date with but she cancelled because I asked her to be my Valentine on Valentine’s Day.
The 2nd one wanted to take things slower, and friendzoned me after 2 longer dates. She also wasn’t that into touching.
I never kissed any of these girls. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, especially with the first flirty girl.
ace_of_based@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Not doing anything wrong homie in fact youre doing it perfect. Just keep trying cuz you either vibe or you don’t. Keep being natural so when you do click with someone they’re connecting with the real you
UniversalMonk@sh.itjust.works 10 hours ago
As someone who is a bit shorter than average and is socially awkward, it’s tough.
You can fix the socially awkward part. And women aren’t as obsessed with height as Lemmy and the interwebs make them to be.
rekabis@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
For the average man making unsolicited approaches, the latest stats I have seen tend to bounce between the 1-in-300 and the 1-in-1,500 range of a successful approach per total attempts. And this is just first-date-is-successful territory, it gets a good magnitude worse if you are looking for an LTR.
From what I understand, the flip side is a lot lower: an average women making unsolicited approaches to men seem to be hitting a 1-in-5 to 1-in-20 success range, depending on conditions
So yeah, being a man outside of the desirable 10% is indeed playing on hard mode. And from what I can see, things have only gotten much, much worse for the average man in the last few decades since I was young. I don’t envy young men these days, at all.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong
You are suffering from a lack of experience.
Women have the ability to learn by proxy, when having intimate conversations with sisters, mothers, aunts, and other female role models. This gives them a massive buff long before they ever begin dating, because they are able to gain an emotional roadmap of how things go down, and then build on that with experience.
Men don’t have this same transfer of knowledge, nor are we even psychologically set up to build one, so in aggregate we are massively nerfed straight out of the gate. This means our only way of learning is via direct experience and sheer volume: you need to circulate and learn from your experiences in order to percolate. It sucks, but that’s the breaks. The rare guy will get lucky straight out of the gate. The vast majority, however, will have to approach and be rejected by many hundreds to even thousands of women before they “find their groove” enough to catch a break.
And your own insecurities are working against you: being nervous, desperate, or unsure of yourself is something that women - again, through that buff of intergenerational information transfer - are able to “smell” almost instinctively. If you want to vanquish those issues, you quite literally need to work on yourself, to focus on improving yourself and gaining confidence within yourself by overcoming obstacles and challenges that you set for yourself.
Stoicism can assist in helping you become a better version of yourself, in becoming intrinsically motivated such that companionship shifts away from being a clawing need to merely a value-added proposition.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
it’s a dating app. Nobody wants anything from them.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 15 hours ago
but she cancelled because I asked her to be my Valentine on Valentine’s Day.
You can’t just say that and not provide the rest of the story. Do you have the transcript still? Because either you’re lying or this is the wildest thing ever. Either way I think we’d want to see.
SuperSpruce@lemmy.zip 12 hours ago
Sure, I’ll give more details.
I matched with her on Tinder and waited a few hours and she messaged me first, and not something generic but something about my profile. We started chatting over text and I suggested a short first “piano practice” date in a few days (we both play piano).
The next day we had a 2+ hour call where we played video games (Fortnite, don’t judge, I don’t play that unless I play with someone else) together and just chatted. Everything was going great.
The following days she was sending me super flirty texts (“my skirt will distract you”, and suggestive stuff about touching each other all over). I’ve never gotten texts like this in my life so I was slightly reserved but still flirty.
The date went well, we both got along with each other and we sat real close to each other. I even sent her a flower, and she told me that made her feel so special. There was one point where our faces were close to each other and she might have wanted a kiss, but I chickened our and just hugged her.
We planned a 2nd date as a movie date at my place. All the while we were feverently texting each other lots of things, from platonic to romantic to sexually suggestive. We even had a call meant to be a half hour but it lasted 1.5 hours. It reached a boiling point where we agreed on an “inter-date” study session the day before Valentine’s Day.
It was just about half an hour and we were both trying to get work done in a very public place so I wasn’t touchy at all. She also brought up more somber topics like politics (we have the same political views for the most part). At the end, because Valentine’s Day was near, I asked her to be my Valentine (as per the suggestion of a female friend) and got an unenthusiastic “sure.”
10 minutes later she texted that we’d be better off as friends because there was “no romantic physical chemistry” and cancelled the 2nd date.
I really wanted to explain that I had little experience and that the 2nd date was where the “action” would truly begin. By this point I had developed a huge crush on her and my heart was broken. Heck, I’m crying as I write this right now.
ConstantPain@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Women have been told they only need to exist to be desired and are not putting any effort at the beginning of the relationship and men are getting tired of doing all the lift without any reciprocation.
That has been my experience, anyway, and I’m getting tired of meeting women that show no effort to make things work.
ScoopMcPoops@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Who told women that?
drunkpostdisaster@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I just don’t think people want men around.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
im pretty sure people do.
Last i checked they were pretty important.
alxmg@slrpnk.net 8 hours ago
If only getting a woman wasn’t as hard of a task as climbing to the top of mount Everest.
mysticpickle@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
Tbh playing Magic the Gathering or Warhammer 40k with random dudes at a hobby store is cheaper and more fun than most traditional dates I’ve been on.
fluffykittycat@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
We need less gender separation in all sorts of social activities
AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 1 day ago
And just as likely to get you laid
UniversalMonk@sh.itjust.works 10 hours ago
Tbh playing Magic the Gathering or Warhammer 40k with random dudes at a hobby store is cheaper and more fun than most traditional dates I’ve been on.
You 100 percent just fit the stereotype of most Lemmy users. lol
I mean, hey, it’s your life, you do you. But that sounds like a horrible life to me.
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 1 day ago
For me at this point in my life trying to find someone to date just isn’t worth the effort. I have limited time, money, and mental energy and there are better ways to spend it than on women who for the most part won’t be interested in me anyway. Unless the relationship turns out great and we’re amazingly compatible it’s going to add more stress than it’s worth. I still go out with my friend (about 30% of whom are women) and we do various activities that I enjoy. I have hobbies that interest me and basically all my free time is occupied between stuff I want to do and chores. If some woman I know I get along with likes me enough to pursue something romantic I might give it a shot but otherwise I’m comfortable with things as they are and I don’t want to risk fucking that up by adding someone else into the mix.
Yoga@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
I don’t buy the “speed dating has more men than women” thing for a second unless they’re talking about the 45+ bracket.
In fact I just checked a local speed dating event and the male tickets were sold out and the female ones had a 2 for 1 promo lol
REDACTED@infosec.pub 1 day ago
Well, there was a time when women were THE thing making men happy. In modern age, we have computers.
azvasKvklenko@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Didn’t they explicitly ask via #metoo movement and what not for men to NOT approach them directly ever or else they screem that this is harassment?
steeznson@lemmy.world 1 day ago
VR porn and furry conventions
vagabondvisions@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
The men who are successful with dating are already dating or active in places where they are finding better success than clubs and arranged dating events.
The men who are unsuccessful at dating are confused and wary about women, who are no longer the compliant trad-wife wannabes that these men were lead to expect exist in numbers by the likes of “manospherian” influencers like Peterson, Tate, et al.
01011@monero.town 1 day ago
Nobody really cares about men besides a minority of men and even an even smaller minority of women. The remainder only care about men in as much as it pertains to validating women. If you reduce women to being brood mares and play things for men it’s sexist but men being seen as nothing but wallets and sex toys for women is just fine.
fckreddit@lemmy.ml 1 day ago
Who are these “women” they mention? Some new human-like species?
Bojack411@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Most of the men in these comments have never tried speaking to a women.
UniversalMonk@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I’ve never understood how/why so many guys on Lemmy (and reddit) are so scared of women.
I have no problems dating, and I’m poor as fuck and have a face like a foot.
After reading the responses in this thread, I think it’s all just a bunch of bullshit excuses you all are making up.
I think you all are just afraid. The lack of confidence I see on Lemmy is insane. Lol
You all have spent so much time staring at screens, you’re afraid to talk to people in real life.
Maybe instead of yelling at people on Lemmy who disagree with your politics, you should actually talk to women in real life. Lol
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Tbh I would probably try speed dating if I was looking for someone these days.
L0rdMathias@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
The difference is that primarily one of these parties will possibly suffer the consequences of both social perception and legal action while the other will not. If all possible attempts to advance or approach carry disproportionate amounts of risk, then it is foolish to knowingly progress without an obvious opportunity.
1SimpleTailor@startrek.website 1 day ago
A lot of people in this thread are talking about how much women suck because of X, Y, Z. But like… have you tried not dating shitty women? Or at least not getting so hung up on a woman who treats you poorly? Yeah, it sucks to be treated badly, but consider that you just dodged a bullet. You don’t need women like that in your life. Find a woman you actually connect with, someone you share interests with, not just someone you want to sleep with.
Two hard truths a lot of single men need to reckon with:
1: Most people are kind of shitty, and therefore, most women are kind of shitty. I could go on about how consumer culture and social media encourage toxic traits, but the fact of the matter is you should focus on not being a shitty person yourself, and you shouldn’t settle for shitty people either.
2: With number one in mind, you need to broaden your horizons regarding what kind of woman you’re attracted to. Porn and social media have rotted our brains when it comes to attraction. Maybe I’m just pervy, but honestly, I can find something attractive in just about everyone. 90% of people are at least a 7/10 if they put in some effort, and a 7/10 who you truly vibe with is better than a 10/10 who treats you like shit. And trust me, when you form a true romantic connection with someone, they become even more attractive in your eyes.
There are good, beautiful women out there, I know because I’m marrying one. We met online, and she’s one of the kindest and smartest people I’ve ever met, and I find her more beautiful than anyone else in the world. And I’m a fat, impoverished, autist. If I can do it, so can you.
drascus@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
I don’t know if this is exactly inspiring anyone haha.
ScoopMcPoops@lemmy.world 1 day ago
But men are equally shitty, so you just have to find someone on the same shit spectrum as you!
Belgdore@lemm.ee 1 day ago
It should be that most people are broken in some way and finding a person who is broken in a way that helps fill in your problems while you fill in there’s is a difficult but not impossible process.
lambalicious@lemmy.sdf.org 12 hours ago
I mean, you gotta start by seeing the positives.
head_socj@midwest.social 15 hours ago
Lol yeah I read that whole thing and had to a double take because it reminded of Elon asking why everyone hates him.