Comment on Anon is worried about men
SuperSpruce@lemmy.zip 1 day agoSure, I’ll give more details.
I matched with her on Tinder and waited a few hours and she messaged me first, and not something generic but something about my profile. We started chatting over text and I suggested a short first “piano practice” date in a few days (we both play piano).
The next day we had a 2+ hour call where we played video games (Fortnite, don’t judge, I don’t play that unless I play with someone else) together and just chatted. Everything was going great.
The following days she was sending me super flirty texts (“my skirt will distract you”, and suggestive stuff about touching each other all over). I’ve never gotten texts like this in my life so I was slightly reserved but still flirty.
The date went well, we both got along with each other and we sat real close to each other. I even sent her a flower, and she told me that made her feel so special. There was one point where our faces were close to each other and she might have wanted a kiss, but I chickened our and just hugged her.
We planned a 2nd date as a movie date at my place. All the while we were feverently texting each other lots of things, from platonic to romantic to sexually suggestive. We even had a call meant to be a half hour but it lasted 1.5 hours. It reached a boiling point where we agreed on an “inter-date” study session the day before Valentine’s Day.
It was just about half an hour and we were both trying to get work done in a very public place so I wasn’t touchy at all. She also brought up more somber topics like politics (we have the same political views for the most part). At the end, because Valentine’s Day was near, I asked her to be my Valentine (as per the suggestion of a female friend) and got an unenthusiastic “sure.”
10 minutes later she texted that we’d be better off as friends because there was “no romantic physical chemistry” and cancelled the 2nd date.
I really wanted to explain that I had little experience and that the 2nd date was where the “action” would truly begin. By this point I had developed a huge crush on her and my heart was broken. Heck, I’m crying as I write this right now.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 1 day ago
My best guess is that she wanted things to be slow emotionally and has baggage associated with Valentine’s day.
SuperSpruce@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Which is why if I had one moment to change my decision on, it would 100% be this. I f*cked up big-time, and it cost me my heart and lots of hot make out sessions for a stupid lesson.
maks@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Dude, you couldn’t have known. I know it’s hard, but you shouldn’t dwell on it
You did everything right, it just wasn’t the right time or the right person. You’re not to blame at all - if it was an issue on her side, she should have talked about it instead of coldly friendzoning you
Just to be clear, I asked my wife what she thought, and she thinks the same thing
SuperSpruce@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Thank you so much for your advice! With how little experience I have, it is really tough to not trigger a mine in the dating minefield.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 1 day ago
Stop overthinking it. Unless there really is some additional context you’re not sharing (not accusing you of that, but I try to be skeptical with tales like these, AITA posts broke me lol) then I don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. Some people just have landmines. Sometimes they know about them, sometimes they don’t. Sometimes they realize it was stepped on, sometimes they don’t.
Even if it wasn’t that and she only wanted a passionate fling and you wanted something lasting, this would’ve happened eventually. It’s hard, but try to remember the fun for what it was and don’t overthink this. Self reflection is important, no doubt, but this doesn’t seem like the time.