Submitted 4 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/e45222c4-1519-4921-8806-b98601c5fd60.png
In my experience: He’s emotionally available, interested in her and her experience, actually listening, gentle and honest.
I’m about the fattest, ugliest, loser nerd around and if I can be in a relationship with a succesful, beautiful, adventurous woman, so can anon.
I am sure it isn’t the case. The first part of the last sentence I mean.
Sometimes I hear Kevin Smith talking about himself in front of a crowd, and he immediately describes himself as this fat loser… and I always think bro, you’re doing fine - great even - stop putting yourself down in front of others, it makes everyone feel weird.
Meh, I’m like really heavy, dangerously so even, and my many health problems (which don’t help with the physical attractiveness) originate from that. So no, I’m ugly and fat and in many, many regards I’m a loser. But I have other things going for me.
GF wants into this discussion, this is her words:
I wouldn’t call him the fattest, ugliest, looser nerd, but he is definitely fat and doesn’t conform to any classic ideal of male beauty. Instead, he is very gentle, loving and tender and makes me feel like a goddess. He also does what he said he would do: he is interested in me, not just because he has to ask, he actually wants to know what I think and feel. And he is not afraid to tell me his feelings, honest and vulnerable, even if they are actually embarrassing and he may even be ashamed of them. He wants to connect with me emotionally, honest and with his whole heart.
So I guess I’m making up for it with inner beauty and that’s precisely why I commented here:
I had already given up on love, I was a 40 years old, depressed, fat nerd with a career going nowhere. Really not physically attractive at all. I’ve been where so many of these Anons are. But through my significant other and the ones before her, I learned that you really don’t need to be tall, fit and conventionally attractive to find love.
“Just” respect your partner, be open, be honest, be gentle, be caring and be interested, really interested in what she thinks and does and feels.
For me the hardest part was lowering my defenses and being vulnerable with her, telling her even the things that I thought she would find unmanly or disgusting, everything I was and am still ashamed of. And sometimes it’s really hard to actually listen, to not just hear but listen, to not let her voice be drowned out in the multitude of voices from inside and outside your own head and things and media and events happening around you every day. I’ve really had to learn (and am still learning) to come to a calm focus and practice active listening. It’s not easy, but I do it because I love her, and she’s given me the mental stability and something to look forward to that has helped me start not only my weight loss journey, but also continue to work at becoming a better person, better listener and the man I want to be for her.
I’m far from perfect, I still mess things up, my weight loss progresses painfully slow, my mental health still has pretty bad days and I’ve fucked up listening again this week, just like last week. But I’ll be damned if I give up again. And she’s so incredibly supportive and appreciative, that I’m still wondering sometimes what the hell she sees in me and how I deserve someone so wonderful.
First of all he wouldnt call a couple “mixed race” I supposse.
i’m not sure what mentioning mixed race adds to the story.
It adds that OP is racist.
It’s a sign of porn addiction.
When you see couples in terms of porn categories you need to get out a little more.
This reminds me of a time I had people over when my roommates, who happened to be 2 very attractive girls went out and just secomds after they left, one guy said “How come you get to live with 2 extremely hot girls?!” and I was like “Because I don’t say shit like that”. Wanna know the best part? His girlfriend was there.
It really betrays a porn addiction when you compartmentalize people and couples by the races involved. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re some kind of nazi (but it IS 4-chan so there’s a strong chance) but there’s a huge amount of racism in society that’s just objectification and fetishization.
It’s okay to appreciate particular races or features or particular aesthetics in a partner, it’s not okay to get hung up on it or fixate on it or get lost in some kind of porn-fantasy for what kind of relationships you look for. It’s weird how hard it is for people to find balance and nuance on this topic.
It really betrays a porn addiction when you compartmentalize people and couples by the races involved.
Someone’s never been to the southern U.S.
What? My family is proudly mixed race, and half of them think porn is evil.
I think it might be generational at lot of the time. At least in the UK. It wouldn’t occur to me to use the term, or even to notice most of the time. An uncle said to me once “it’s not for me, but I don’t see a problem with it”. That shocked me because the starting point of that train of thought is so outside my frame of reference.
Everyone thinks rules 1 and 2 are:
But really they are:
But do not confuse being a nice person with being a ‘nice guy’.
huh i thought they were:
Attempting to avoid triggering negative feelings (e.g. disgust) in the people around you is part of #1.
That generally requires #2, but might not depending other actions and niche situations.
All the blokes I’ve met that are happy in love are just gentle and respectful, especially of consent.
Turns out, and I know this is a shocker, we’re not fucking aliens we just want to be treated as equally valuable and interesting people.
If you were getting it on with aliens, you’d be especially valuable and interesting.
There’s also a third, unwritten rule.
also it’s probably more important to not be too unattractive - people are focusing too much on the ceiling but they need to focus on the floor
Nah. You can’t do much about how you look, beyond basic hygene and self care.
You can easily do something about being interested in other people’s lives, and being happy for them being happy and commiserating with them when they’re sad. The bonus with this focus is it also makes you feel better about yourself in the long run.
I think that they just need to look like they didn’t just pick themselves off the floor, realistically.
Being emotionally balanced and secure about something at all in your life goes a long way to building a character that other people want to be around.
If these terms are meaningless to you and you don’t get it, you’re not ready for dating.
You know I am honestly not so sure. I have seen people who definitely aren’t healthy, and probably not emotionally secure who get and sometimes keep relationships. It’s a lot more complex than you think. Some part of this is because obviously people with similar issues want to be together, but I think as well that things like physical attractiveness do have a role. It’s also the case that being a nice person and being emotionally stable aren’t actually the same thing, and often don’t go together. In fact to me it seems like people who have issues are actually less judgemental. Some of the worst people are those who have never struggled with anything.
It’s like how people have this concept that they either are or aren’t worthy of love. I don’t think that’s even a valid idea to begin with as there is no universal standard for what people want in a partner. Someone either wants you or they don’t, worthiness just isn’t a large factor.
It’s really be nice to be around. If people enjoy being near you they’ll want to do it more and some will want to date you
Maybe he’s out there talking to women instead of hanging out on 4chan smoking weed all day…
Strange how far that gets you.
I’d say that 4-channer needs to touch grass, but it probably has a restraining order at this point.
Probably didn’t go in with the idea that the only way she would be interested in similar hobbies was for her to be whipped in some way and just treated her like a person. 🤷🏿♀️
IDK, did they ever think maybe the dude also pays attention to her hobbies as well?
I dated a woman much taller than me, and received an unnatural amount of glances at my crotch when we were out in public together.
People are so ridiculous.
ok kay but …?
Point being, people always think it’s about the sex, and not like, that the person is interesting, kind, charming, or rich.
Yes :)
It’s extremely rare to see a couple in the wild where the woman is taller though. Life is cruel to short dudes.
She was just shy of 6’3” (189 cm). She didn’t have a ton of options but to date shorter guys.
I’m tall and a woman. It makes me happy and feel kinda powerful that I could cause this situation and maybe even have since I’ve dated shorter guys and am oblivious to social stuff.
Answer: staying off of 4chan.
He’s not on 4chan.
Ding ding
Real talk: some of us are just lore junkies.
Touching grass and speaking to other humans in person
Damn, so it’s hopeless then?
Sounds like this guy smokes a lot a grass, does that count?
When someone genuinely likes you they will listen to you talk for hours about anything just because they like hearing you be passionate about something.
Dating, he’s dating while anon is crying and smoking
Women actually like vg yo. I would know, i got my wife into them when we met (she hadn’t played games since she was a kid) and now, while i still take the crown in side-scrollin platformers and fighters? she whips my ass in shooters and it’s not actually close.
My wife would casually watch me play until she saw me playing Rust with the bros. She shyly asked if I could build her a computer.
Brother I had been building, fixing, and overclocking PCs for like 20 years by that point, a few a month even. I slapped one together from spare parts and got her in the game.
She immediately used the fact that she is a girl to work her way into the good graces of other factions and made us friends I couldn’t have imagined. She would change her name and kill sleepers to make our enemies think they had been raided by other enemies. She would make friends with the resident assholes and then map out their base layout for us.
My group has people in it like a top 10k solo no-builf Fortnite player, a guy who regularly airdisked people 300m away in Tribes, and two top World of Tanks NA players: we are a force to be reckoned with on any day. She was armed with nothing but kindness and help for good people, and wrath to those who wronged good people.
She fit right in.
My wife destroys me in puzzle games, farm management sims and difficult platformers that make me rage like Spelunky. Any shooter however, she is a bit lost but she happily loots away and explores while I’m demolishing everything. It’s nice having a shared activity we can nerd out about.
When my GF beat me in Soul Caliber, I knew she was the one.
My wife beat me at MarioKart at a party in my apt. And well, that’s where it started lmao.
Bitch didn’t even know how to drift and just snaked that victory out from under me.
I mean… c’mon, it’s New Vegas! Who wouldn’t!
Right. OP is probably confused why noone wants to listen to him talk about Fallout 76.
This is the type of person to say things like “Why can other men pick up females and I can’t?” It’s so over the top I think it’s satire.
Think you’re underestimating chan life
what is he doing that I’m not?
Having self confidence about his passions and being willing to talk about them with someone who might get it the first time. Believe it or not a lot of women like to listen to guys gush about their passions.
What’s really cool is when people care for each other they don’t mind talking about each other’s hobbies.
My wife listened to me get mad about Mass Effect 3 so I’m pretty sure she loves me.
My wife played way more fallout than me. I didn’t even play New Vegas and she wrapped that shit like three times. Girls liking video games isn’t that abnormal, idk why all these gamer nerds have been lead to believe that video gaming is unilaterally a male hobby and that women who like games are unicorn levels of rare. Like at least a solid third of the girls I know are more into video games than I am. Given I’m no hardcore gamer, but this attitude is always silly to me.
Women just don’t thrive on competition the way we do. They will absolutely nerd out on most other shit though, anything from Pokemon party builds to Fallout lore to puzzles.
The only other girl filter I’ve seen besides competition is the hardcore autistic stuff like logistics and simulators; not nearly as many women playing Factorio, Mudrunner, Elite, etc… They’re out there though, and there are exceptions like Wurm Online that attract more women than you would otherwise expect.
As a girl, my experience is even the particularly competitive women basically get harassed out of competitive gaming. My exes and I used to play overwatch together and I have an all female friend group that sometimes plays valorant together and yeah the misogyny has guaranteed we all stay casuals.
Yeah, I can agree with that. My wife likes playing smash bros with me and my friends, but she’s nowhere near the levels of me and my two buddies who are really good. She’s getting there slowly tho.
the hardcore autistic stuff
But that’s the stuff that’s fun! A good game is a game I have a spreadsheet for.
I’ve seen the statistics about how many women play video games but, as you say, most if them aren’t playing the same games we are. A couple of women I dated in the past wanted to try playing video games with me because they were interested in sharing my hobbies, but they were so bad at the games I liked and the games they wanted to play were so casual. I knew I was being an asshole but I still refused to keep playing with them. It was just too frustrating.
I really am not sure that’s true. I think that has more to do with socialization than one actually being more competitive. I am supposedly a guy and I rarely feel that competitive over stuff like gaming, and that’s despite having anger issues for a good portion of my life.
As someone else said misogyny tends to push women away from these communities as well.
I love my wife but she’s totally hypocritical about this. Couldn’t care less about any game story I think is deep and engaging, but wants me to know about all about Onyx Storm and Throne of Glass.
I literally don’t have a single person in my life who isn’t like this.
Is there anything worse than being a tall person who’s into crazy taller people.
I cry every night.
Being a not as short person that’s into taller people but lives in a short country. All the same problems but I don’t even get to say I’m tall. I was recently in Budapest and a guy dropped a beer on me because he turned around and literally didn’t even register me existing around 20cm below his eye line. He was very nice about the whole thing and even bought me a beer but man…
I gave up and learned to embrace using my partners’ heads as chinrests
Allof the attitude things mentioned plus a bath. Fuckers get better hygene ffs!
Just show the comments please.
what is he doing that I’m not
He’s not being a fucking stoner for one thing
Eh, that one is a bad take.
Assuming that getting stoner supplies implies he’s a stoner and that if he is a stoner, that is the reason he’s unpartnered is as myopic as him assuming she’s not into video games and that he’s got her ‘whipped’.
Woah hey what did we ever do to you?!
Exist
Dude met Pip and Lafawnduh irl.
These are all fake to demoralize 4chan, it’s really bad now, I’ve been archiving the internet terrorism t demoralize for a decade now and 4 chan has the most psycos bc they demoralize them and they hve nowhere to go to even say the n word or chill with friends. It’s like having no dad. That’s what our government should be protecting against but they think thier jobs are hard so they dont do them and they have no oversight. It’s actually fucking ridiculous dudes im telling you. These are children. BTW if your all fucked up and wanna kill yourself, message me. I can help you.
PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 4 weeks ago
It’s hard to say from such a distance, but it may be that he is good at sex and trustworthy. That’s enough a lot of the time. People make things too complicated.