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I want it to slap me across the face

⁨637⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨ickplant@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/0b841506-5484-45b2-935f-504d8aca85e1.jpeg

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Comments

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  • gigastasio@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I want a coffee with a short skirt and a loooooooooooooooong jacket.

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    • WagnasT@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Whoa…imma go listen to some Cake

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      • Zombiepirate@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I got to see them at Austin City Limits one year. It turned me into a lifelong Cake fan.

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      • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Imma go eat sum

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    • agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I do actually want a coffee that uses a machete to cut through red tape.

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  • AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You’re looking for amphetamines, I think

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    • SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Intravenous methamphetamine for that good good.

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      • wezzzy@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Why iv when you can boof

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    • Angryhumanoid@fedinsfw.app ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Yeah but ain’t none of my usual contacts holdin’, ya know?

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  • TrickDacy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Coffee should taste good. Why hate on coffee that tastes good? It’s not even hard to find.

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    • bort@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      this. it’s not that hard to make a coffee that is both strong and tastes good.

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      • TrickDacy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Right! And fairly cheaply (less so than a couple years ago, but still)

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    • Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      In my opinion, the best coffee isn’t some hipster “cherry” tasting coffee, but made by a skillful barista in Italy, using classic coffee.

      If you like this “third wave” coffee, good for you! But the pure velvet enveloped sledgehammer that pure coffee might be has no equivalent for me.

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      • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        In my opinion, the best coffee isn’t some hipster “cherry” tasting coffee, but made by a skillful barista in Italy, using classic coffee.

        The “cherry” tasting coffee is also just “classic coffee”. It’s just different beans that have a different flavor profile. It’s not like actual cherry flavoring.

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      • wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Usually the “notes of” doesn’t mean added flavorings, it’s just a taste profile similar to describing wines or perfumes.

        Apparently a trained palette can distinguish different notes, but that requires trying each one in isolation which is difficult for the average person to do.

        For me I can only really identify bitterness, acidity, body, and strength. That’s all a casual drinker really needs in order to describe what they like.

        • The bitterness is self-explanatory, and depends on the beans, how they’re roasted, how they’re brewed, etc.
        • The acidity is the brightness that you can taste in something like a light roast. Try it side-by-side with a dark roast to taste the difference.
        • Body is the thickness of the mouthfeel. The best way to describe it is like drinking whole milk vs. skim milk. Light roasts usually have a lighter body, like water. Dark roasts have a heavier body, not quite like whole milk but maybe skim.
        • And strength is self-explanatory. Light roasts are technically stronger because some of the caffeine breaks down when heated (green coffee, sometimes called golden coffee, is the strongest because it isn’t roasted), but I find the difference is negligible. The main factors for determining strength seems to be how it’s ground and how it’s brewed.
          • The finer it’s ground, the more surface area so the stronger the infusion, that’s why espressos and turkish coffee are so strong (also because they might blend some robustica in with their arabica, which makes it more bitter but also has more caffeine)
          • Also higher grounds::water ratios means there’s more caffeine, but too high and it gets undrinkably bitter with an extremely thick body (sometimes called “motor oil” for this reason)

        That all being said, some roasters do add artificial flavor directly to their beans, but usually those are called “flavored,” not “notes of”/“hints of”.

        And yeah, skip me with those flavored syrups. If I want something fancy I’ll add real cocoa or some herbs or something, but that’s a rare inkling for me and those syrups are just kinda gross.

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      • nyctre@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Have you ever had espresso in a third wave café ? because most of them have the same “feel”. The only difference is in the smell and the taste. The taste and the strength of the coffee are related but not mutually exclusive. You can make a coffee with 5g of coffee and you can make a coffee with 30g of coffee. Obviously the latter will hit like a sledgehammer no matter what kind of coffee you use. But both will taste more like coffee when there’s good beans with a proper roast instead of the “classic” burnt, bitter roast.

        Also, 99% of italian baristas just push a button to get coffee from a grinder then they slot it into the espresso machine and press another button to make the machine push water through the puck. There’s no skill involved. There’s a guy that works for the espresso machine maker that comes and calibrates the machine and the grinder and that’s the only guy with any skill in the process. And even that job isn’t that hard. Only third wave coffee shops still bother to calibrate their own machines(and even then, many don’t, from what I’ve seen) or use any other process that actually requires skill or a recipe.

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      • TrickDacy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Some coffee beans with no additives whatsoever can be described like this post did. I don’t like additives or other weird coffee things. Beans, and grinder, and a french press is all you need

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      • a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        They are discussing the flavors of the beans.

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  • jaggedrobotpubes@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’ll take that cocoa and cherry one then, if you’re not having it.

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    • Fedizen@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Caffeine content probably the same. I’ll take the one that doesn’t taste like chalky dirt.

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    • cosmos8188@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Exactly, if op ain’t having it, we’ll kindly take it 😄

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  • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Black as midnight, on a moonless night.

    Image

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    • DmMacniel@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Excuse me. This is a damn good coffee.

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      • a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I saw a giant three times.

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  • Sanguine@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    People who drink mud for tough guy points are cringe.

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    • hansolo@lemmy.today ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      What about the people that make it for themselves because they just like it that way?

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      • Sanguine@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I would argue you only like it that way due to exposure to other mis guided coffee drinkers and if you had a chance to reset your tastes you’d come to love a nice light to medium roast with hints of cherry and caramel.

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    • Chiarottide@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Hard disagree. I am a weak eepy little boy and I need a strong, girthy kick in the ass to start my day. Anything less won’t do

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      • Sanguine@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        ITT: Folks who don’t know a light roast has more caffeine than dark, and muddier coffee does not equate to more caffeine.

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    • bstix@feddit.dk ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That’s how tough guy points work, yes.

      Do stupid shit, get tough guy points.

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  • prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I don’t understand… can it not do that while also tasting good? Is that not exactly what good coffee is supposed to be?

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    • ickplant@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Of course it can, but then we wouldn’t have a shitpost.

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  • exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Caffeine is very slightly negatively correlated with darkness of the roast. Dark roasts tend to have less caffeine than light roasts.

    Also, drip/pourover/percolator/press coffee tends to have more caffeine per serving than espresso-based drinks. The longer steep time extracts more of the caffeine, and serving sizes tend to just be so much larger to overcome the higher caffeine per unit volume of espresso.

    So in reality, the lighter pourover coffee where you have the roaster or barista talking about tasting notes tends to be higher caffeine than the dark, densely brewed bitter stuff.

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    • AnimalsDream@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Basically this, although from what I remember the caffeine difference between light and dark roast is only about 2%.

      It is also worth noting that for most people (due to the standard western diet), their daily coffee is one of the few appreciable sources of polyphenols they’re likely to get, and lighter roasts are a better source of that as well.

      Aaaand if that weren’t enough, dairy cancels out the health benefits of coffee by reducing bioavailability.

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    • chiliedogg@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      My understanding is that dark roast is just as strong or even stronger by weight, but the longer roast makes it lighter for the same volume. Since people tend to use scoops to measure out their coffee the lighter blends end up stronger.

      But if you measure by weight instead, that’s no longer the case.

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  • NihilsineNefas@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    returnofthelivingdead.com/…/return-of-the-living-…

    Worthy of the shill

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    • NihilsineNefas@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      For context I’m the “at the fourth or fifth energy drink I can start to feel it” type, and their Trioxin coffee beans made me twitch after a pint

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  • Hegar@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The two are not mutually exclusive. Just drink stovetop espresso made from decent beans.

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    • hansolo@lemmy.today ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I’m looking forward to one of those in a bit. Moka pot is love.

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  • explodIng_lIme@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Both can be true

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    • childOfMagenta@jlai.lu ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Cold brew does both well, for example.

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  • pech@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    4496

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  • NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Y'all need to sleep better.

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    • Im_old@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      yeah try that with small kids and job insecurity

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  • TrippyHippyDan@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    So you want it to be whiskey?

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    • sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Nah, coffe just needs to be Irish.

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  • Sam_Bass@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    you can buy 200mg caffeine caps for that

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  • abc@suppo.fi ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    What you get: coffee that walks into your intestines, flips a table over, and says, “Get up. We have responsibilities.”

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    • SlurpingPus@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      “I think you should go. That was a large burrito.”

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  • texture@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    thats called meth

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  • Zacryon@feddit.org ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    AND has hints of cherry and cocoa. Why not both?

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  • ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I need my coffee to bend me over the counter and ram it in dry.

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    • ickplant@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Image

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  • Captain_Patchy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Is it so bad to have both?

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  • melsaskca@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I like my coffee like I like my women. Cold and bitter.

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    • exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I like my coffee like I like my women: completely devoid of STDs.

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    • Hypocrite9554@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Necrophilia moment

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      • melsaskca@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I meant emotionally cold, but your line is funnier.

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  • butwhyishischinabook@anarchist.nexus ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Okay boomer….

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  • Lemmyoutofhere@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Gin, it’s not just for breakfast anymore.

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  • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Try NOS. That’s one reason I like it (the other is it tastes good).

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    • snoons@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Banned in Canada! So it MUST be good!

      [i don actually know if it’s banned just that I haven’t seen it in decades]

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      • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        It’s getting hard to find here, too. Lotta places just stipped carrying it and I do not know why because the business itself is still around and going strong, and they are constantly selling out more than Monster or Redbull which everyone carries an excessive amount of.

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      • Cracks_InTheWalls@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        You can get cans at Dollaramas in ON for sure, but you’re right, I haven’t seen the canister-style bottles for a looong time.

        Used to drink unhealthy amounts of that shit.

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    • wreckedcarzz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Brian O’Conner, is that you?

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  • Angryhumanoid@fedinsfw.app ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Yeah I felt that way when I was younger, now I want caffeine AND flavor.

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    • chaogomu@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I used to deal that way when I was younger, now I want caffeine, flavor, AND an extra kick from my little flask.

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      • Captain_Buddha@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Sure, I felt that way when I was younger. Now I want caffeine, flavor, an extra kick from my little flask, AND a bump of cocaine.

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  • _lilith@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    you don’t get hints of cherry and grass until you have relinquished the mere desire for caffeine and ascended into true understanding of the bean

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  • SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Just take caffeine pills jfc

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    • Gregers@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Or adderall, sounds like they have a medical condition

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  • hansolo@lemmy.today ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I once worked with a Brazilian woman that complained about all the weak office coffee, and said, “I want my coffee so dark and rich I can chew on it.”

    100% agreed with her on that.

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  • A_Chilean_Cyborg@feddit.cl ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Then dry an energy drink or caffeine pills.

    Yeah, I drink coffee in part for the caffeine, but what’s the point of brewing fresh coffee if not to enjoy a tastier way to ingest caffeine?

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  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Coffee? I requested a car battery clipped to my nipples

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