Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.
Foolproof advice
Submitted 1 month ago by sus@programming.dev to [deleted]
https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/ed8ff874-fc1c-434d-82e3-e08b6caf039d.png
Comments
kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 1 month ago
No relation.
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 1 month ago
In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.
LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
If she doesn’t, tell her she’s acting crazy.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
… not forgetting to add a term of endearement, such as “sweetie”, “honey” or “babe”.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy points that out.
TheBat@lemmy.world 1 month ago
That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know anything about women to dispute it.
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 month ago
This has to be satire.
wander1236@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
There’s no way that last sentence especially isn’t satire
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I thought so too until I went to the website and I still couldn’t tell :/
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 month ago
There’s lots of really fucking stupid people out there so who knows.
thrawn@piefed.social 1 month ago
It’s not. It’s from 2009 and the site is still posting weird shit now.
Here’s an archive of this particular tip, the others are cringe too. So are the comments
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
I am once again asking lemmy users to check what community they're in before commenting
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 month ago
I understand the user is using this as a shitpost but that doesn’t mean the original content was for sure satire. It could also just be written by an idiot.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
You can’t really expect consciousness from straight cis men.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
It’s nit. This has worked on me four times.
ileftreddit@piefed.social 1 month ago
Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?
db2@lemmy.world 1 month ago
It’s typo progressive for him. He’s the “your wife shouldn’t get wet” type.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Dont get her wet, don’t feed her after midnight. Hes very strict about rules for his wife.
LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?
BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇
Denjin@feddit.uk 1 month ago
My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.
Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Pretty sure that’s my first gag-upvote. Thanks, I guess.
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed
ToiletFlushShowerScream@lemmy.world 1 month ago
You’re right, and I find it hilarious that this needs to be noted.
Malfeasant@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Can confirm, was stabbed.
dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 1 month ago
Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.
Noodle07@lemmy.world 1 month ago
once with a women. Trust me.
Stop bragging
CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 1 month ago
The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.
blarghly@lemmy.world 1 month ago
What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?
Denjin@feddit.uk 1 month ago
Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.
CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape
ValiantDust@feddit.org 1 month ago
Yes, please do that. So we will immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.
itslola@lemmy.world 1 month ago
TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?
madjo@feddit.nl 1 month ago
In europe we store our eggs unrefrigerated
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.
Etterra@discuss.online 1 month ago
Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 1 month ago
We all love some good ol’ mansplainimg.
thebudman420@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.
QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.
omniman@anarchist.nexus 1 month ago
if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?
Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Damn I guess I’ve never ovulated in my life
betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 1 month ago
“No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!”
Gork@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
This must be why the site is still in Beta
LolaCat@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Poe’s law
Geodad@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I do all the vacuuming here.
Considering neither me nor the wifey are fertile, I think this is easily debunked and closed, then label as “incel drivel” and thrown into the fire.
MyDogLovesMe@lemmy.world 1 month ago
My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Suckers gonna suck
Winter_Oven@piefed.social 1 month ago
Feels like an example of crabs in a bucket
spiffynova@lemmy.world 1 month ago
We all know that won’t work. Try this instead. Image
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 month ago
“Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are.”
SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 1 month ago
To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.
krunklom@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
The cheese is under my foreskin
Spezi@feddit.org 1 month ago
Image
DharmaCurious@startrek.website 1 month ago
Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we’re getting hitched.
hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
That’s kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 1 month ago
True love right there
kilgore_trout@feddit.it 1 month ago
Bro, plastic cheese…
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I read that as “a slice of milk” and like. Technically yeah it’s not wrong
kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.
Etterra@discuss.online 1 month ago
Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.
Sunschein@piefed.social 1 month ago
Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.
BlueLineBae@midwest.social 1 month ago
That show one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women’s shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.
SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net 1 month ago
If they were all the same size, perhaps amputee?
Or maybe a really specific fetish.
Maybe both.
Quite possibly a question best left unanswered, at least until you no longer live there
Etterra@discuss.online 1 month ago
Maybe they robbed a shoe store. On displays they frequently leave one shoe from a pair so that stealing them just nets you a pile of left shoes lol
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.
DharmaCurious@startrek.website 1 month ago
My mom and I used to steal fancy cheese for each other. God I miss that woman like you can’t believe. 10/10 mom and person.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
How do you steal each other fancy cheeses? Or steal fancy cheese from each other?
faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 1 month ago
I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.
achance4cheese@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Fascinating
cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
🖖
also: username checks out
madjo@feddit.nl 1 month ago
I keep stealing shoes, and filling it with rue, but all it’s given me are shouting matches
Etterra@discuss.online 1 month ago
I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I’m single again.
krunklom@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
Bitches love cheddar
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
The stinkier the cheese, the more the fascination!