Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.
Foolproof advice
Submitted 1 year ago by sus@programming.dev to [deleted]
https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/ed8ff874-fc1c-434d-82e3-e08b6caf039d.png
Comments
kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 1 year ago
No relation.
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 1 year ago
In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.
LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 1 year ago
If she doesn’t, tell her she’s acting crazy.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
… not forgetting to add a term of endearement, such as “sweetie”, “honey” or “babe”.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy points that out.
TheBat@lemmy.world 1 year ago
That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know anything about women to dispute it.
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 year ago
This has to be satire.
wander1236@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
There’s no way that last sentence especially isn’t satire
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I thought so too until I went to the website and I still couldn’t tell :/
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 year ago
There’s lots of really fucking stupid people out there so who knows.
thrawn@piefed.social 1 year ago
It’s not. It’s from 2009 and the site is still posting weird shit now.
Here’s an archive of this particular tip, the others are cringe too. So are the comments
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
I am once again asking lemmy users to check what community they're in before commenting
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 1 year ago
I understand the user is using this as a shitpost but that doesn’t mean the original content was for sure satire. It could also just be written by an idiot.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
You can’t really expect consciousness from straight cis men.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
It’s nit. This has worked on me four times.
ileftreddit@piefed.social 1 year ago
Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?
db2@lemmy.world 1 year ago
It’s typo progressive for him. He’s the “your wife shouldn’t get wet” type.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Dont get her wet, don’t feed her after midnight. Hes very strict about rules for his wife.
LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?
BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇
Denjin@feddit.uk 1 year ago
My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.
Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Pretty sure that’s my first gag-upvote. Thanks, I guess.
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed
ToiletFlushShowerScream@lemmy.world 1 year ago
You’re right, and I find it hilarious that this needs to be noted.
Malfeasant@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Can confirm, was stabbed.
dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 1 year ago
Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.
Noodle07@lemmy.world 1 year ago
once with a women. Trust me.
Stop bragging
CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 1 year ago
The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.
blarghly@lemmy.world 1 year ago
What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?
Denjin@feddit.uk 1 year ago
Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.
CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape
ValiantDust@feddit.org 1 year ago
Yes, please do that. So we will immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.
itslola@lemmy.world 1 year ago
TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?
madjo@feddit.nl 1 year ago
In europe we store our eggs unrefrigerated
shalafi@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.
Etterra@discuss.online 1 year ago
Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 1 year ago
We all love some good ol’ mansplainimg.
thebudman420@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.
QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.
omniman@anarchist.nexus 1 year ago
if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?
Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Damn I guess I’ve never ovulated in my life
betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 1 year ago
“No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!”
Gork@sopuli.xyz 1 year ago
This must be why the site is still in Beta
LolaCat@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
Poe’s law
Geodad@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I do all the vacuuming here.
Considering neither me nor the wifey are fertile, I think this is easily debunked and closed, then label as “incel drivel” and thrown into the fire.
MyDogLovesMe@lemmy.world 1 year ago
My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Suckers gonna suck
Winter_Oven@piefed.social 1 year ago
Feels like an example of crabs in a bucket
spiffynova@lemmy.world 1 year ago
We all know that won’t work. Try this instead. Image
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 year ago
“Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are.”
SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 1 year ago
To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.
krunklom@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
The cheese is under my foreskin
Spezi@feddit.org 1 year ago
Image
DharmaCurious@startrek.website 1 year ago
Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we’re getting hitched.
hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
That’s kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 1 year ago
True love right there
kilgore_trout@feddit.it 1 year ago
Bro, plastic cheese…
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 1 year ago
Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I read that as “a slice of milk” and like. Technically yeah it’s not wrong
kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.
Etterra@discuss.online 1 year ago
Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.
Sunschein@piefed.social 1 year ago
Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.
BlueLineBae@midwest.social 1 year ago
That show one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women’s shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.
SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net 1 year ago
If they were all the same size, perhaps amputee?
Or maybe a really specific fetish.
Maybe both.
Quite possibly a question best left unanswered, at least until you no longer live there
Etterra@discuss.online 1 year ago
Maybe they robbed a shoe store. On displays they frequently leave one shoe from a pair so that stealing them just nets you a pile of left shoes lol
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.
DharmaCurious@startrek.website 1 year ago
My mom and I used to steal fancy cheese for each other. God I miss that woman like you can’t believe. 10/10 mom and person.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 1 year ago
How do you steal each other fancy cheeses? Or steal fancy cheese from each other?
faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 1 year ago
I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.
achance4cheese@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Fascinating
cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 1 year ago
🖖
also: username checks out
madjo@feddit.nl 1 year ago
I keep stealing shoes, and filling it with rue, but all it’s given me are shouting matches
Etterra@discuss.online 1 year ago
I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I’m single again.
krunklom@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
Bitches love cheddar
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
The stinkier the cheese, the more the fascination!