Written by Coolguy Sexhaver.
Foolproof advice
Submitted 2 months ago by sus@programming.dev to [deleted]
https://programming.dev/pictrs/image/ed8ff874-fc1c-434d-82e3-e08b6caf039d.png
Comments
kadaverin0@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
CoryCoolguy@lemmy.myserv.one 2 months ago
No relation.
Venus_Ziegenfalle@feddit.org 2 months ago
In the unlikely event that she reacts poorly she might be on her period. You should ask her to make sure though.
LemmyThinkAboutIt@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
And if the woman happens to overreact to the period question, just politely tell her to calm down.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
If she doesn’t, tell her she’s acting crazy.
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
… not forgetting to add a term of endearement, such as “sweetie”, “honey” or “babe”.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Yeah i always take stock and usually calm down when a guy points that out.
TheBat@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That doesn’t sound right but I don’t know anything about women to dispute it.
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 2 months ago
This has to be satire.
wander1236@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
There’s no way that last sentence especially isn’t satire
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I thought so too until I went to the website and I still couldn’t tell :/
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 2 months ago
There’s lots of really fucking stupid people out there so who knows.
thrawn@piefed.social 2 months ago
It’s not. It’s from 2009 and the site is still posting weird shit now.
Here’s an archive of this particular tip, the others are cringe too. So are the comments
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
I am once again asking lemmy users to check what community they're in before commenting
Cruxifux@feddit.nl 2 months ago
I understand the user is using this as a shitpost but that doesn’t mean the original content was for sure satire. It could also just be written by an idiot.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
You can’t really expect consciousness from straight cis men.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
It’s nit. This has worked on me four times.
ileftreddit@piefed.social 2 months ago
Lol who wrote this, Ben Shapiro?
db2@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It’s typo progressive for him. He’s the “your wife shouldn’t get wet” type.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Dont get her wet, don’t feed her after midnight. Hes very strict about rules for his wife.
LookBehindYouNowAndThen@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Sounds condescending. Why not just compliment her ovipositor?
BeigeAgenda@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Madam, my compliments to your ovaries 🎩💪🏼🥚🙇
Denjin@feddit.uk 2 months ago
My dear, your claoca looks especially receptive this fine evening.
Ceedoestrees@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Why, thank you, I’ve just been to the remora. And might I say what a stable dorsal fin you have.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Pretty sure that’s my first gag-upvote. Thanks, I guess.
ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Community Note: This is actually bad advice that will get you stabbed
ToiletFlushShowerScream@lemmy.world 2 months ago
You’re right, and I find it hilarious that this needs to be noted.
Malfeasant@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Can confirm, was stabbed.
dis_honestfamiliar@lemmy.sdf.org 2 months ago
Oh yeah. Zero chance of back fire. Zero. Had sex all my life - once with a women. Trust me.
Noodle07@lemmy.world 2 months ago
once with a women. Trust me.
Stop bragging
CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The sad thing is that some people will take this advice.
blarghly@lemmy.world 2 months ago
What’s sad about learning something new and getting laid?
Denjin@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Please fertilise my egg, I just vacuumed.
CheerfulPassionFruit@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I sincerely hope you’re /s ing.
Mouselemming@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
And some woman will have a good laugh and a narrow escape
ValiantDust@feddit.org 2 months ago
Yes, please do that. So we will immediately aware that we should get away as fast as possible.
itslola@lemmy.world 2 months ago
TIL I ovulate every Sunday 😂😅
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Where the fuck do you keep all the eggs? Do you have a walk in fridge?
madjo@feddit.nl 2 months ago
In europe we store our eggs unrefrigerated
shalafi@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Rings true to me. My wife never vacuums and is past menopause.
Etterra@discuss.online 2 months ago
Not sure if AI or just incredibly stupid.
cows_are_underrated@feddit.org 2 months ago
We all love some good ol’ mansplainimg.
thebudman420@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I feel sorry for any guy dumb enough to try this. Also my friends mom when i was 13 vacuumed every day and rearranged all furniture and vacuumed behind everything once a week.
QuoVadisHomines@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
This is for betas. It says so in the upper right corner.
omniman@anarchist.nexus 2 months ago
if i fill her in will she respectfully become my gf ?
Formfiller@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Damn I guess I’ve never ovulated in my life
betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 2 months ago
“No, stop, where are you going? I have it on very good authority that you enjoy this!”
Gork@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
This must be why the site is still in Beta
LolaCat@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Poe’s law
Geodad@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I do all the vacuuming here.
Considering neither me nor the wifey are fertile, I think this is easily debunked and closed, then label as “incel drivel” and thrown into the fire.
MyDogLovesMe@lemmy.world 2 months ago
My wife always, always wanted pasta right before her period. It was always a good warning flag for her/us. So, this thread is a bit believable, …for me.
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Suckers gonna suck
Winter_Oven@piefed.social 2 months ago
Feels like an example of crabs in a bucket
spiffynova@lemmy.world 2 months ago
We all know that won’t work. Try this instead. Image
Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 months ago
“Are you ovulating? I have cheese if you are.”
SpruceBringsteen@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Remember_the_tooth@lemmy.world 2 months ago
To be fair, cheese works on most people, whether or not they’re ovulating.
krunklom@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
The cheese is under my foreskin
Spezi@feddit.org 2 months ago
Image
DharmaCurious@startrek.website 2 months ago
Would marry that farmer. No questions asked, no long engagement. Straight to the court house, we’re getting hitched.
hovercat@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
That’s kind of an insane gift for a first date given how expensive cheese is.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 2 months ago
True love right there
kilgore_trout@feddit.it 2 months ago
Bro, plastic cheese…
Washedupcynic@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Fun fact, the digestion of milk/cheese creates casomorphins from caesin, one of the most prominent peptides in milk. Casomorphins can activate opioid receptors. Giving a woman a slice of cheese might work in your benefit if she eats the cheese.
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I read that as “a slice of milk” and like. Technically yeah it’s not wrong
kerrigan778@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
Yeah but this one unironically works for a lot of women.
Etterra@discuss.online 2 months ago
Works for a lot of men too. I mean not me. I prefer mozzarella.
Sunschein@piefed.social 2 months ago
Idk, this piece of advice legitimately works on my wife.
BlueLineBae@midwest.social 2 months ago
That show one just reminded me that when we bought our house and had to start renovations on it, the attic had lots of women’s shoes. Just one shoe from a pair and all different shoes. I have so many questions for the previous owner, but unfortunately they are no longer with us.
SolarMonkey@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
If they were all the same size, perhaps amputee?
Or maybe a really specific fetish.
Maybe both.
Quite possibly a question best left unanswered, at least until you no longer live there
Etterra@discuss.online 2 months ago
Maybe they robbed a shoe store. On displays they frequently leave one shoe from a pair so that stealing them just nets you a pile of left shoes lol
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
My ex gf and i used to steal each other fancy cheeses. It was the most intense love i have ever felt.
DharmaCurious@startrek.website 2 months ago
My mom and I used to steal fancy cheese for each other. God I miss that woman like you can’t believe. 10/10 mom and person.
icelimit@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
How do you steal each other fancy cheeses? Or steal fancy cheese from each other?
faythofdragons@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
I like the idea that these are all steps to one process. Like, you gotta steal her shoe and some hair and pins, and the best distraction is with cheese.
achance4cheese@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Fascinating
cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
🖖
also: username checks out
madjo@feddit.nl 2 months ago
I keep stealing shoes, and filling it with rue, but all it’s given me are shouting matches
Etterra@discuss.online 2 months ago
I tried this with my fiance with a dairy allergy and now I’m single again.
krunklom@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Bitches love cheddar
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
The stinkier the cheese, the more the fascination!