“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”
Don't tell me what to do.
Submitted 10 months ago by BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/26abd5ba-7628-4c54-b4a8-92b4cc468c0d.jpeg
Comments
FancyPantsFIRE@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Geodad@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Is that him or the worm talking?
MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Maybe the worm likes spring rolls.
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
Literally 1984
tourist@lemmy.world 10 months ago
olafurp@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Don’t shove spring rolls up your ass, shove autumn wraps into the digestive system in reverse. :)
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
The surveillance is a bit anal.
Willy@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
I missed that page.
genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
FLARED. BASE.
Machinist@lemmy.world 10 months ago
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
wanderwisley@lemm.ee 10 months ago
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 10 months ago
What goes up must always come down
huppakee@feddit.nl 10 months ago
Thank god I’m not a patient then ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 10 months ago
For now
barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn’t find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read “Not to be inserted rectally.”
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
Anomalocaris@lemm.ee 10 months ago
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don’t think the government should tell you not too
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 10 months ago
It’s the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 10 months ago
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan’s eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they’ve fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn’t get Thursdays off, it’s been a minute.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 10 months ago
First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.
musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.
Appleseuss@lemmy.world 10 months ago
My body, my choice.
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Doctor: can you at least wait a few seconds after you take them out of the deep fryer?
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Doctors don’t know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 10 months ago
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they’re telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It’s like doctors don’t want us to find any joy in our lives.
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Or give them reasons to earn money while also telling crazy ass stories to their friends and family. Literally.
Senseless@feddit.org 10 months ago
Use summer rolls instead. They’re usually bigger anyway.
kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 10 months ago
just gonna leave this here walesonline.co.uk/…/doctors-warning-people-not-in…
lowered_lifted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
“I can almost recognize my bottom again” is an all time quote
Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Fuckin’ big pharma. I ain’t sticking Pfizer’s goddamn wantons up there, I’m sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
_AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 10 months ago
Well, I wasn’t going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Deceptichum@quokk.au 10 months ago
Well excuse me for being a good host during my digital rectal exam.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 10 months ago
He didn’t complain about the tea kettle at least, that’s just being hospitable
terminhell@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Well DUH! It’s summer idiots.
bampop@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I’m sure you can get frozen spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
More importantly, is that soy sauce? Y’all eat spring rolls with motherfucking soy sauce? Ewwwwww
JustARegularNerd@aussie.zone 10 months ago
The fuck? First person I’ve met that objects to this. Even the sushi places usually throw in soy sauce for your spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Wait, sushi places have spring rolls? I thought it was a doner kebab thing, I get them with cream sauce or garlic sauce or something. Definitely not soy sauce yuck.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Yeah. You should be lubricating your spring rolls with sweet&sour sauce.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
“Insert from other end”
D_C@lemm.ee 10 months ago
Instructions unclear. Urethra is now also unclear.
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he’d never considered before.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 10 months ago
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
No. Secret third thing. If you find out, do not tell them.
Poach@lemmy.world 10 months ago
I think there is only one way to find out…
Honytawk@feddit.nl 10 months ago
If you put enough up there, sure.
You’d be like one of those PEZ dispensers.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
I have moved on to egg rolls.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Well I am on pineapple satay skewers. Get with the now.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 10 months ago
Challenge accepted!
nectar45@lemmy.zip 10 months ago
Just watch me motherfucker
olafurp@lemmy.world 10 months ago
“Breaking news”
elevenbones@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Yeah probably the same “doctors” that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 10 months ago
A spring roll a day…
ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 10 months ago
Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Breaking news
TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Image
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Chaotic Good Karen.