“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”
Don't tell me what to do.
Submitted 2 months ago by BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/26abd5ba-7628-4c54-b4a8-92b4cc468c0d.jpeg
Comments
FancyPantsFIRE@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Geodad@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Is that him or the worm talking?
MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Maybe the worm likes spring rolls.
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
Literally 1984
tourist@lemmy.world 2 months ago
olafurp@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Don’t shove spring rolls up your ass, shove autumn wraps into the digestive system in reverse. :)
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
The surveillance is a bit anal.
Willy@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I missed that page.
genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
FLARED. BASE.
Machinist@lemmy.world 2 months ago
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
wanderwisley@lemm.ee 2 months ago
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 2 months ago
What goes up must always come down
huppakee@feddit.nl 2 months ago
Thank god I’m not a patient then ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 1 month ago
For now
barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn’t find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read “Not to be inserted rectally.”
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
Anomalocaris@lemm.ee 2 months ago
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don’t think the government should tell you not too
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It’s the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan’s eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they’ve fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn’t get Thursdays off, it’s been a minute.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 2 months ago
First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.
musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.
Appleseuss@lemmy.world 2 months ago
My body, my choice.
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Doctor: can you at least wait a few seconds after you take them out of the deep fryer?
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Doctors don’t know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 2 months ago
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they’re telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It’s like doctors don’t want us to find any joy in our lives.
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Or give them reasons to earn money while also telling crazy ass stories to their friends and family. Literally.
Senseless@feddit.org 2 months ago
Use summer rolls instead. They’re usually bigger anyway.
kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 2 months ago
just gonna leave this here walesonline.co.uk/…/doctors-warning-people-not-in…
lowered_lifted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
“I can almost recognize my bottom again” is an all time quote
Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Fuckin’ big pharma. I ain’t sticking Pfizer’s goddamn wantons up there, I’m sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
_AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
Well, I wasn’t going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Deceptichum@quokk.au 2 months ago
Well excuse me for being a good host during my digital rectal exam.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 months ago
He didn’t complain about the tea kettle at least, that’s just being hospitable
terminhell@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Well DUH! It’s summer idiots.
bampop@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I’m sure you can get frozen spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
More importantly, is that soy sauce? Y’all eat spring rolls with motherfucking soy sauce? Ewwwwww
JustARegularNerd@aussie.zone 2 months ago
The fuck? First person I’ve met that objects to this. Even the sushi places usually throw in soy sauce for your spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Wait, sushi places have spring rolls? I thought it was a doner kebab thing, I get them with cream sauce or garlic sauce or something. Definitely not soy sauce yuck.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Yeah. You should be lubricating your spring rolls with sweet&sour sauce.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
“Insert from other end”
D_C@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Instructions unclear. Urethra is now also unclear.
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he’d never considered before.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 2 months ago
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
No. Secret third thing. If you find out, do not tell them.
Poach@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I think there is only one way to find out…
Honytawk@feddit.nl 2 months ago
If you put enough up there, sure.
You’d be like one of those PEZ dispensers.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
I have moved on to egg rolls.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Well I am on pineapple satay skewers. Get with the now.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
Challenge accepted!
nectar45@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
Just watch me motherfucker
LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The new sexually frustrated boomer trend
olafurp@lemmy.world 2 months ago
“Breaking news”
elevenbones@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Yeah probably the same “doctors” that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 2 months ago
A spring roll a day…
ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Breaking news
TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Image
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Chaotic Good Karen.