“RFK questions guidance on not putting spring rolls up your anus.”
Don't tell me what to do.
Submitted 1 year ago by BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/26abd5ba-7628-4c54-b4a8-92b4cc468c0d.jpeg
Comments
FancyPantsFIRE@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Geodad@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Is that him or the worm talking?
MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Maybe the worm likes spring rolls.
Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
Literally 1984
tourist@lemmy.world 1 year ago
olafurp@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Don’t shove spring rolls up your ass, shove autumn wraps into the digestive system in reverse. :)
5714@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
The surveillance is a bit anal.
Willy@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
I missed that page.
genevieve@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
FLARED. BASE.
Machinist@lemmy.world 1 year ago
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
I have so many questions about the train of thought that led to this… situation.
wanderwisley@lemm.ee 1 year ago
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 1 year ago
What goes up must always come down
huppakee@feddit.nl 1 year ago
Thank god I’m not a patient then ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 1 year ago
For now
barneypiccolo@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Several years back, I went to the store at the beginning of summer to get some foam pool noodles for the pool. I couldn’t find them anywhere, not even Walmart.
The next spring, they were everywhere, but they all included a tag or sticker that read “Not to be inserted rectally.”
So we had to go a summer without pool noodles so the government regulators could protect us against some butt stuff some weirdo tried.
Anomalocaris@lemm.ee 1 year ago
if you can shove a pool noodle up yer arse, I don’t think the government should tell you not too
Sterile_Technique@lemmy.world 1 year ago
It’s the fried ones that are the problem: crispy = sharp edges = torn bowel = septic shock = dead.
The fresh ones with the squishy exterior should feel much more like a penis going into your ass. Choose the sauce carefully - your entire GI tract has receptors sensitive to spiciness.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 year ago
If you want to push the spicy level but not have a visit from Satan’s eyeball, they make this great barrier ointment called Ilex. Just, uh, you have to be careful not to glue your butt cheeks closed to most folk put some Vaseline on afters. Who knows, maybe they’ve fixed that but i last used it regularly when I wanted to belong to the nuclear taco club but couldn’t get Thursdays off, it’s been a minute.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 1 year ago
First they invented great barrier reef, now they make great barrier ointment. My God what horrors and highlights, the hubris of humankind.
musubibreakfast@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Best thing to do is just fry the egg rolls inside your bowels. First you coat your lower intestines with aluminum foil, then you shove in the egg rolls and pour in the hot oil.
Appleseuss@lemmy.world 1 year ago
My body, my choice.
IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Doctor: can you at least wait a few seconds after you take them out of the deep fryer?
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Doctors don’t know what you put in your but if you also shove an apple up there beforehand.
GooberEar@lemmy.wtf 1 year ago
First they told us not to eat the yellow snow, now they’re telling us not to stick spring rolls up our poop chutes. It’s like doctors don’t want us to find any joy in our lives.
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Or give them reasons to earn money while also telling crazy ass stories to their friends and family. Literally.
Senseless@feddit.org 1 year ago
Use summer rolls instead. They’re usually bigger anyway.
kate@lemmy.uhhoh.com 1 year ago
just gonna leave this here walesonline.co.uk/…/doctors-warning-people-not-in…
lowered_lifted@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
“I can almost recognize my bottom again” is an all time quote
Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Fuckin’ big pharma. I ain’t sticking Pfizer’s goddamn wantons up there, I’m sticking with PF Changs just like my paw-pee and his pee-paw before 'em.
_AutumnMoon_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 year ago
Well, I wasn’t going to before, but now I am wondering what hidden secrets they are keeping from us??
Deceptichum@quokk.au 1 year ago
Well excuse me for being a good host during my digital rectal exam.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 year ago
He didn’t complain about the tea kettle at least, that’s just being hospitable
terminhell@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Well DUH! It’s summer idiots.
bampop@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I’m sure you can get frozen spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
More importantly, is that soy sauce? Y’all eat spring rolls with motherfucking soy sauce? Ewwwwww
JustARegularNerd@aussie.zone 1 year ago
The fuck? First person I’ve met that objects to this. Even the sushi places usually throw in soy sauce for your spring rolls
LainTrain@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Wait, sushi places have spring rolls? I thought it was a doner kebab thing, I get them with cream sauce or garlic sauce or something. Definitely not soy sauce yuck.
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Yeah. You should be lubricating your spring rolls with sweet&sour sauce.
captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
“Insert from other end”
D_C@lemm.ee 1 year ago
Instructions unclear. Urethra is now also unclear.
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Tik Tok challenges are really going to another level.
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Doctors are giving this patient a new idea he’d never considered before.
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 1 year ago
If I insert the spring rolls into my ass, will I shit them out from my mouth?
outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
No. Secret third thing. If you find out, do not tell them.
Poach@lemmy.world 1 year ago
I think there is only one way to find out…
Honytawk@feddit.nl 1 year ago
If you put enough up there, sure.
You’d be like one of those PEZ dispensers.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
I have moved on to egg rolls.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Well I am on pineapple satay skewers. Get with the now.
rodneyck@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 year ago
Challenge accepted!
nectar45@lemmy.zip 1 year ago
Just watch me motherfucker
olafurp@lemmy.world 1 year ago
“Breaking news”
elevenbones@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Yeah probably the same “doctors” that give vaccines and think covid is real 😳
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 1 year ago
A spring roll a day…
ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 1 year ago
Doctors hate this one trick where patients stick spring rolls up their ass.
sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Breaking news
TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Image
aeronmelon@lemmy.world 1 year ago
Chaotic Good Karen.