I hate being on ladders, I’ll stay down here with the penises.
Stop touching your stuff!
Submitted 6 days ago by ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/9349eb87-3a8d-4c99-91bf-534120c65a14.png
Comments
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Thanks for assuming it’s a handful
Kolanaki@pawb.social 6 days ago
What if I make a penis ladder?
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 6 days ago
What songs lyrics are these fire verses???
Kolanaki@pawb.social 6 days ago
This is gonna drive me insane wondering what tune you sung those words to in your head. 😬
Darohan@lemmy.zip 6 days ago
Bloodhail by Have A Nice Life?
“Faces sweaty, arms and legs, what a glorious set of stairs we make” 😉
ivanafterall@lemmy.world 6 days ago
If the boners are consistently rigid enough, you might be able to space them out a little to allow for a wider climbing stance, considering the tip-to-tip pressure would be unlikely to generate much added support for your bodyweight.
toynbee@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Hopefully it doesn’t take more than four hours to ascend.
slackassassin@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
zloubida@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I know it’s shitposting, but even if we accept the idea that God would be interested by what you do with your own body when you’re alone, isn’t the whole point of the Bible that you don’t have to climb to go to heaven, but accept God’s grace?
ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Some would even argue that the point isn’t to accept god’s grace but to be a good neighbor and take care of your fellow man.
zloubida@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Yes, I agree. I meant the point about heaven 🙂.
ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Some would even argue that the point isn’t to accept god’s grace but to be a good neighbor and take care of your fellow man.
hperrin@lemmy.ca 6 days ago
So stop at every rung to jerk off. I’m not in a hurry.
velummortis@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 days ago
What about two penises
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Protip: you can climb perfectly well if said dicks are in your ass.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Wait, I have to climb all the way up there? No thanks. I’ll rather stay down here and spank the monkey.
Hupf@feddit.org 2 days ago
Username checks out.
pulsewidth@lemmy.world 6 days ago
modifier@lemmy.ca 6 days ago
I was literally touching my penis when my eyes alit on this post.
My first thought was that this was an incredible coincidence, and worthy of remark, but now I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m subconsciously handling this thing more than I realize.
Prime_Minister_Keyes@lemm.ee 6 days ago
🎶 What’s love but a second hand in motion. 🎶
realitista@lemm.ee 6 days ago
No!?! Watch me!!!
finitebanjo@lemmy.world 6 days ago
TBH I could easily climb 1 handed if I tried.
realitista@lemm.ee 4 days ago
Just switch which hand grabs your johnson as you climb each rung.
TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I hoping to ascend and not to climb. I’ve gotta say, I’m worried that after a while god might not be able to do it. Like he gets me half way up and then I just kind slowly drop down to earth… And hes like all apologizing … “Sorry, it’s been a long day. This has never happened to me before. Maybe we can try again in the morning.” So on and so on.
eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 days ago
I can sure send the guy to heaven though…
Holyginz@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Fuck that, I better at least get a damn elevator.
Juice@midwest.social 6 days ago
You say that, but what about St. Paul who is definitely in heaven and was a pathological gooner
DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Sex gives you STI STOP SEX NOW
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 6 days ago
Oh fuck, for free???
I love Subaru
Professorozone@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Touching your penis IS heaven.
Allero@lemmy.today 6 days ago
Aw, thanks :3
ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Plot twist. The ladder is made of penises.
djsoren19@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 days ago
Hey who said I had to have my hands full of my own penis? I don’t need to touch it to masturbate, and I’ve touched plenty of other guy’s penises. Is my “ladder to heaven” just going to be made out of every guy I slept with? Seems a bit sexist.
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I mean, wouldn’t you have fairly strong grip strength with a lot of “practice?”
bstix@feddit.dk 6 days ago
Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I guess someone with that condition could climb the ladder in a hurricane.
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 6 days ago
Unless you’re climbing a penis ladder
Omgboom@lemmy.zip 6 days ago
Even if I have a Jacob’s ladder?
Professorozone@lemmy.world 5 days ago
LOL. Must learn to think before I speak/post. So hard.
M0oP0o@mander.xyz 6 days ago
“Hands full of penis” is a great title.
Mrs. Jane “Hands full of penis” Smith or Mr. Samuel “Hands full of penis” Finch
ObviouslyNotBanana@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Hands full of penis is my new album
M0oP0o@mander.xyz 6 days ago
I don’t know if that would be a great or the worst. But I am down for it.
PattyMcB@lemmy.world 6 days ago
No… I like touching myself way too much
Dabundis@lemmy.world 6 days ago
You will never touch your penis with your hands full of heaven ladder
PattyMcB@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Bold of you to assume I want to go to heaven with all of those “good Christians”
I would consider that an eternal punishment
lightnsfw@reddthat.com 6 days ago
I didn’t think we were supposed to climb to heaven. Isn’t that what the tower of Babel was about?
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
You can hang onto the penis of someone who’s climbing.
joyjoy@lemm.ee 6 days ago
You can also buy an auto-jacker and go hands free.
rockSlayer@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I love living in the future
DickFiasco@lemm.ee 6 days ago
Does the auto-jacker go on the penis or the ladder? Honestly sounds like it could work for either one.