HELP! How do I help educate my son about his body when I know nothing about boys??

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

To start: no, there are no “trusted male figures” in our lives. My brothers & father are all conservative, and I DO NOT trust them to properly explain things without shame and/or religious context.

My son knows the basics of reproduction, but I’ve never really explained what’s “normal” things for a teenage boy to go through… mainly because I don’t know!

I’ve definitely put it off, so he’s almost 14 and is much more physically mature than most of his peers (he’s got hair in places, shaves his face regularly, etc.)… but I’m embarrassed to admit that I know next to nothing about anything else…

Could y’all help me out? What did you go through that he should know about? What should I know about?

Many thanks to anyone who can help. Please don’t be unkind. Much appreciated.

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can@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Always knock before entering his room

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- SoleInvictus@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  And wait for an answer. Don’t just knock then immediately walk in. I’m nearly fifty and I’m still traumatized by this.
  
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  - scsi@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    [deleted]
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- SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Absolutely.
  
  Sonetimes he wears headphones in his room and I do have to crack the door to have him respond. Is that okay?
  
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  - Plagiatus@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Tbh if he masturbates with headphones in the same house as his mother, it’s an important lesson to learn to always keep one ear open for potential knocks. 🤭
    
    Maybe warn him about that so he can avoid the potential trauma
    
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  - can@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Emphatically no.
    
    Text him or something.
    
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  - 001Guy001@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    just making sure you’ve seen this nested comment
    
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  - tyler@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Maybe put a “doorbell” with a light in his room that he can see.
    
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BJHanssen@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I think one of the more important things you can get across to him is this:

Porn is fine, but it’s fiction. It’s no more real or realitic than the latest superhero blockbuster, and should be thought of that way. It’s entertainment, not education.

There are sex ed channels on Youtube. Good ones. Sexplanations is one, but there are also others. Seek those out.

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- Apepollo11@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  This.
  
  Porn is as representative of real sex as action scenes are of real fights.
  
  It’s a stylised and codified version of things that specifically is designed to appeal to our lizard brains.
  
  Also, get used to saying the word ‘sex’ around him. It’s weird at first, but the best way to make it clear that it’s all a normal part of growing up, is by acting like it’s a normal part of growing up.
  
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- ILikeTraaaains@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  
  Porn is fine, but it’s fiction. It’s no more real or realistic than the latest superhero blockbuster, and should be thought of that way. It’s entertainment, not education.
  
  This, meanwhile on one hand it teached me how to pleasure a woman orally, on the other it created impossible expectations on other areas.
  
  I learned properly about the g-spot and how to massage it with my fingers through a TV program about sex that did at nights.
  
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  - Lileath@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Did you know that the g-spot never was proven to actually exist?
    
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- derek@infosec.pub ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  I’d like to tack on that this point can be used to highlight why this is so. It’s a deep concept that can be explained simply and produces a lasting positive impact.
  
  Everyone has fantasies. Sometimes we want them to be realized. Most often: we don’t. Many people carry internal shame because of their fantasies and some of those people have difficulty with intimacy because of it.
  
  Good sex with other people requires our investment in their comfort and pleasure. This can be emotionally complex and fulfilling to navigate. Masturbation is free of those complications but we often make up the difference via fantasy. This is normal and there’s no need to confuse one space for the other. Masturbation and sex may fulfill similar basic needs on the surface but, in practice, they are very different exercises. It’s normal for one’s preferences to be different for each and for those preferences to shift over time.
  
  Don’t worry about “normal”. Focus on having a healthy, honest, and emotionally aware sex life instead.
  
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- IzzyScissor@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Also relevant - you can’t smell porn. Everyone has a scent, especially when doing a physical activity.
  
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psion1369@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
As a guy, best I can say is educate him on what women go through. Make sure he knew what is going on, so he doesn’t look like an idiot with a woman. And so he isn’t like me and learn about how periods actually work when he’s almost thirty because he doesn’t get a joke in a movie.

What he needs to learn at this age isn’t what he will do through, school will do that for him. He needs to know what others will go through. Religious thinking kept most of female anatomy out of the public schools I went to.

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- bamboo@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  So what movie taught you about periods?
  
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  - Shapillon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Happy Feet. (the sequel obviously)
    
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Krudler@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
At some point. For the love of all that is holy you MUST tell you son the following: Never come in a woman unless you want a baby. Even if she tells you to. Even if she claims she is protected.

NEVER COME IN A WOMAN WITH WHOM YOU DO NOT WISH TO HAVE A BABY

Women will baby-trap the living fuck out of young men. He NEEDS to know this.

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- SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  
  Women will baby-trap the living fuck out of young men. He NEEDS to know this.
  
  Was with you until this line. C’mon now.
  
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  - LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    It does happen. Had a woman poke holes in all of the condoms in my nightstand when I was 18. She later admitted she thought I was going to leave her because I was going to a University and she was going to the state college. I’m sure it is rare that such happens, but I wouldn’t fully dismiss it. I was paranoid after that and always went to the bathroom after and filled the condom with water to make sure they hadn’t broke or had a hole in them after sex. It wouldn’t do anything to prevent it at that point, but at least I had the peace of mind I guess that I knew it wasn’t leaking and could get a 9 month head start on planning.
    
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  - pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Lemmy.world is worse than fucking reddit was with gender relations lmfao
    
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  - Krudler@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    You need to understand that is one of a host of reasons and things that can be said. I’m not going to write a 40-page essay. Frank talk is necessary, too bad you can’t see that and choose to focus on the gender thing. That’s really about you and not me. Frank talk about all aspects of sex is vital. Get a grip.
    
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- DerArzt@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Doesn’t even need to be a trap, accidents happen (i.e. missing a dose of birth control).
  
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- nutsack@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  yeah honestly this is the only thing
  
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- hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  This is utter nonsense. Condoms work 99% of the time, and most women aren’t horrible people. Go back to reddit.
  
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MNByChoice@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
There are books for children on this. Lots of them. Read a few and pick ones that fit your values. I suggest providing a few.

He is hearing information already. Much of it wrong.

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a_queer_one@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Plenty of good advice in this thread.

I’m gonna shout out the boy version of the book “what’s happening to my body?”

www.amazon.com/…/1557047650

It was super helpful to me in puberty, even with trusted male figures. It’s written from a non-judgemental, information focused space. It also let’s him has some way of privately seeking knowledge that isn’t just whatever he finds on the internet

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- Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  I agreed. There is more to raising a son than discussing masturbation.
  
  Being a women is not an excuse for not being able to research these topics around male adolescence.
  
  There are tons of materials and without more information it is not possible to know what the knowledge gaps are and op needs to start reading to find theirs.
  
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captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Male puberty happens a bit later than female puberty; at almost 14 he’s either in the thick of it or just about done.

I don’t think male puberty is quite as “what the Lovecraftian fuck is happening to me right now” as female puberty. His voice either has or will drop, this isn’t physically painful but it’s not fun how people react to it sometimes.

He is going to GROW. When I was 15 I outgrew a pair of shoes overnight. Came home from school one day, took my shoes off, went to bed. Woke up the next morning, those same shoes didn’t fit. In the next couple years he’s probably going to have some joint or bone aches just from growing so much. My parents fed me Tylenol which did basically nothing, I’m not convinced Tylenol works. It’ll slow down by the time he’s out of high school but where girls are pretty much at adult size at 18 boys will keep growing a bit into their early 20s.

He’s gonna get stronger. Sometimes it’s going to sneak up on him; prepare for the occasional moments of didn’t know his own strength style clumsiness.

Physical activity is a good idea; sports, marching band, shop class, if you can get him up and moving during the day and not packed into a classroom it’ll be good for his brain. Boys don’t really do well sitting in a classroom all day.

For the above three reasons he is going to have a VORACIOUS appetite. I ate 5,000 calories a day and struggled to gain weight in high school. Let the kid eat. A hungry teen is an angry teen. Somewhere around 19 or 20, either in college or in the get a job part of life, that growth spurt is tapering off and there’s less physical activity inherent in life, so the need for calories is going to decrease but his ordering habits won’t. 19 years old is about time to start ordering medium combo meals.

You can expect a certain amount of teenage moodiness; his brain is rewiring itself. He’ll have feelings. Society isn’t okay with this. He’ll learn how to express nothing but anger or amusement. This is ultimately for the best; once he’s an adult he will be expected to do two things: Work and die. Having feelings is accomplishing neither of those so he is expected to…never do that. Some people will ask him for displays of emotions; he will quickly learn that they are not interested in his actual feelings because those would require, like, dealing with or whatever. They want to see an impromptu rom-com performance.

Unexplained genital pain is never normal in males; “it hurts, and it has hurt for awhile now” is reason to see a doctor.

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- LordGimp@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Puberty ends at about 21-23 for women and 23-25 in men. The brain does some crazy af pruning of neurons between 13 and 23. While the actual hormone flood starts early, the entire process takes much longer to complete on a brain function level.
  
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- hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Really off topic, but can you tell what happened with the shoe situation afterwards? What did you do then?
  
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  - captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Just about the time me and my mother started brainstorming solutions, my father walks in the room and says “What are y’all fussing about?” and when the situation is explained to him he rolled his eyes and threw a pair of his tennis shoes at my feet.
    
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nokturne213@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
When I was 14 my dad came into my room right before the homecoming dance and handed me a bunch of condoms. There was about all of the talk I got. That said, I was 19 when my first kid was born… but that is a whole different issue.

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- Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  You didn’t use the condoms. 😔
  
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  - KingGordon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Maybe ha ran out.
    
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ICastFist@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

What did you go through that he should know about? What should I know about?

As a male, not much really happens, other than feeling grumpy as hell pretty much all the time, an undeserved sense of superiority after realizing how logic works, and a fucking intense sex drive. I cannot stress the last part enough, teenage boys are a horny bunch and, thanks to the internet, will probably masturbate multiple times a day. What you should tell him, and hope it enters his brain, is that the more porn he consumes, the less likely he’ll be to feel satisfied with actual sex, which can lead to disappointing relationships later on.

Another couple of comments said to “knock before entering his room”. If you want to “assert authority”, open without knocking and, if you catch him in the act, just nonchalantly tell him to “do it elsewhere and clean up properly” - if anything, teach him to wipe it dry and don’t use water to clean up. He will feel ashamed from being caught, but if you, as his mother, treats it as something natural and expected, hopefully he’ll get the right idea that, yes, that is something to be done in privacy, but not necessarily something to feel ashamed of.

Talk about sex. Tell him that he must wear a condom when he does it and to keep a bottle of lube to help (water based lube only, oils will wreck condoms)

Lastly, if he ever brings a girlfriend home, tell her to only do it with a condom and to not accept any of his possible excuses to not use one.

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- hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Opening anyone’s door without knocking is just being a dick and violating another person’s privacy.
  
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- oyo@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Don’t use water to clean up? What the fuck?
  
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  - ICastFist@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Semen becomes super sticky and kind of “curdles” when mixed with water and becomes significantly harder to clean off.
    
    Dry clean first with toilet paper or some disposable cloth, then wash with water and plenty of soap.
    
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PostingInPublic@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Besides all the good advice in the thread, about condoms:

He should be somewhat comfortable with putting on condoms, he has to train that before it becomes necessary. There are plenty of videos explaining it, let him find them and check them out on his own terms. Let him know not every brand fits every man. He will need to overcome the awkwardness of buying them in drug stores or supermarkets, if he finds it awkward at all, he has to get over himself and do it. A possible motivation could be that if girls can buy their period products, he can buy his dick wraps.

I find it very commendable that you think about this problem!

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- can@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  I’d also like to mention that while condoms do stretch, proper sizing is still important. I wish I had realized that earlier.
  
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- a_wild_mimic_appears@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  thanks, i wanted to comment something similar - training is necessary, and i would have been very pleased if someone told me that condoms are not a “one size fits all”-thing at all
  
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artificialfish@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
This may be weird, but honestly I wish someone had just given me a copy of “she comes first” (a good book I still use today), and an Adam and Eve gift card. The last one I’ll give you one good reason: it’ll be a lot better if he’s fucking a toy than having sex as a teen. It’ll also make it a bit of a training experience, a lot of guys that age just want to know “what it’s like”.

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wigit@infosec.pub ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
NRK had a series on puberty that is no-nonsense, straight to the point. It was hosted by a physician. Most of it is on YouTube, and from a very brief look has English subtitles. Warning, it contains full frontal nudity. It should be quite informative. Watch it yourself and decide if you want your son to see it. I have no idea if it is geoblocked.

youtube.com/playlist?list=PLJX8EALqb4PzmhYdnK6Axc…

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- vsg@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  They are all hidden. At least here in Brazil.
  
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marzhall@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
If he suddenly really wants to do his laundry one morning, don’t ask questions. (Wet dreams and embarassment being the context here.)

That’s about all I can think of that’s gendered, really.

I was ~9 when I got the talk from my Dad, and it was basic stuff about just the mechanics. It set things up so that, around 13, I went to him with questions about how I was feeling re: puberty. So even now it’ll be helpful to do the talk and show that you’re available as a resource.

In your case, your son likely has some idea from internet pornography and whatever he got in school, but it would still be helpful to go through the basics with him. I’d frame it as “I’m sure you know most of this, but i just want to make sure you know what’s important.” It might also be helpful to make clear that pornography is as much acting as TV is - don’t set his expectations on it, it’s people faking things for money.

Going over the importance of condom use also helpful at his age. Keep in mind, it’s not necessarily about what he’s going to use right away, but making sure he knows when he does need to know.

Then, I’d just be there for him and ask if he has any questions, and answer them frankly. Tell him he can come back later if he’s unsure.

It’s awkward and tough I’m sure, but it’ll be a help not just now, but going forward. Good luck!

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- ryedaft@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Eh, it’ll dry (children are gross).
  
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LordCrom@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
First off…you are a great parent. Respect. The most important thing I wish I heard at 14 is that changes are normal, sexual desire is normal, a teenagers body is spurting growth and this may be awkward, but also normal.

When I was 14, my knees hurt because of my growth spurts.

When I was 14, there were a lot of awkward arousals that I had to cover with my back back.

When I was 14, I was still smaller compared to others, by 18 I was towering above everybody.

When I was 14 I was a coward with girls. When I really shouldn’t have been.

When I was 14, I was bullied, and wish with all my heart, I would have Stood up for myself…if I had a cthwr figure to tell me that instead of teachers telling me to be peaceful Instead.

Hell, maybe a big brother program would help.

Hell, if you are desperate, DM me…maybe I can help

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beerclue@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I never received any kind of talk from my parents. Also, in my home country, during the communist era and even after, sex ed in schools was taboo. Crazy thing too, since it had (and still has) one of the highest teen pregnancy numbers in Europe.

Anyway, I did not want that with my kids. Luckily where we live now there is a strong sex ed program in schools, but also at home, we were always open. We talk about sex casually, we reiterate “always ask for consent” and “no means no”, and my son even ratted out one of his school buddies who’s a Tate fan. He knew that what the guy was saying was wrong, so they don’t hang out anymore.

Also, sexuality. One of my daughters came out to us over dinner, so casually, “dad, I think I’m gay”. I just said “cool” and gave an awkward fist bump.

Just be open, casual, don’t make things weird.

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boreengreen@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
By the time you are 14, you have probably figured out everything about yourself. Tell him what girls want and think at his age. When i was a kid, my friend was dead convinced that all girls prefer anal sex, cause “that doesn’t hurt”. He based that, I assume, entirely on porn he had seen.

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FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I think the two big things I have to add are:

Don’t let the church educate your son on these things.

Don’t say nothing.

If you’re unsure about talking to them about these things yourself, seek out a man you trust, talk to them about it and make sure your values align, and then talk to your son about them together.
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- SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Why do you think I don’t know anything? Lol So that’s not a worry.
  
  That’s what I’m trying to fix.
  
  Unfortunately, I do not have any close male friends, so I may need to address things myself.
  
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  - FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Ah, didn’t mean for my advice to seem disparaging in anyway, so I apologize if that seemed the tone of it.
    
    Luckily, as others have mentioned on the thread, there’s a ton of great resources online to help you out. You’re going to do great, and when your son is older, he’ll be grateful that you took the time.
    
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Stern@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Vocally theres gonna be cracks as it deepens. It sucks, nothing to be done.

There will be at least one wet dream if not more, Hydrogen peroxide soak, then wash with OxiClean should rock those stains as both are recommended for ‘protein’. Wash cold.

Erections at random times will 100% happen. It’s expected.

Acne will happen, body is a wreck of hormones. Use a new pillowcase nightly, do skincare, should largely be fine. If it gets wild prescription stuff might be needed.

Thats all the big puberty stuff really, short of whether the quarterback or head cheerleader makes his pp into the big pp but thats a whole other discussion.

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- carbonari_sandwich@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  I wish I had known when I was young that you can stealthily flex muscles like hamstrings and glutes to end an unwanted erection. It draws blood to those muscle groups and away from the erection.
  
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Wxfisch@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Honestly, the majority of key points to talk about can be found online from respectable sources (for example, this article from Johns Hopkins, though there are many others). There is a better than even chance he has shady looked up the “Is this normal” stuff himself if he has normal internet access.

From a social standpoint it’s going to be different for everyone, teenage years are hard and kids are often cruel. I’d advise to just be there for him on this front, but don’t be pushy. He is going to be moody, lash out sometimes, and act differently. That is all normal. He is going to want to push boundaries and get in trouble (rather do things that will get him in trouble, most folks don’t actually want to get in trouble). Give him safe room to explore who he is and to try new things without letting him fall down too hard.

Lastly, you say there are no trusted male figures in your life, but that doesn’t have to be family. Good friends can also fill that space. I have to imagine there is some guy in your life that could have heart to heart, even just with you to then talk to your son. It’s worth trying to broaden your expectation of what a trusted male figure is perhaps.

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null_dot@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Kid is lucky to have you.

I had a mum and a dad, and they did their best, but I wish they had been more interested with my well being in this way.

You’re doing great.

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BassTurd@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
John and Hank Green’s CrashCoarse is about to release a new sex ed series. I watched their whole computers series and thought it was fantastic.

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icedcoffee@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Been thinking a lot about this post and tried to come up with some things that weren’t already mentioned. Sorry for writing a book.

This was mentioned once but you really have to talk to him about porn. He can literally find it on the same device he calls you on. It’s not real life but he might not know that yet or understand why. I’m not saying you should or shouldn’t allow it, just that he absolutely has already encountered it and it’s likely already shaping what he finds desirable without him knowing it. (I like porn. I think it’s mostly a good thing. I do not miss trying to figure wtf was real vs what someone’s older brother made up to mess with me.)

I think lots of people have focused on sex and sexuality (for obvious reasons) but this is a moment where his relationships with friends and potential romantic interests are going to begin changing. It might be worth asking him what he needs from those different groups in his life. My friends weren’t supportive of me having a girlfriend at 14 cause they didn’t like her and it basically caused me to dig my heels in and hold onto that relationship longer than I should have.

I’m also surprised that more people didn’t mention talking with him about drinking and drugs. I don’t have any advice on what to say there. I just wish I hadn’t had to figure that stuff out totally on my own.

Ultimately, I’m glad to hear that you and your son have a good relationship where you can talk about things. The things he needs to talk with you about will change but there’s no substitute for knowing that you care.

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Wahots@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Visit your local library for resources on sexual health and wellness! It’s good for you to know too. Everyone should know about the reproductive system, anatomy, STDs, how to prevent them, and what vaccines and medicines can treat or prevent STDs (For example, PrEP pills can make you nearly immune to HIV).

Fwiw, it is probably good to explain sexuality too. Or at least have books with solid sections that explain it. I always crushed on and dated girls, but then started getting nervous when I started finding boys cute too. It added a great deal of stress to my daily life. My parents thought I was straight, then kinda mangled it when I came out the first time.

There’s no instruction manual for raising kids, but like…you can definitely have the knowledge ready so that you aren’t caught off guard :)

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Prikkeres@feddit.nl ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I think you and your son having an open communication is a very good thing. Be prepared, though, that this can change. This can be due to feelings of shame getting stronger during puberty.

Be patient and remain open to communication and it most likely will return.

Also, find trustworthy sources of information your son can access to find answers to his questions and respect him when he wishes to inspect there on his own (again, if you remain open and respectful, he probably either keep confiding in you or will again if he doesn’t at some point).

And from personal experience, I can add: it helps if you’re also open to learning things from him! I know I’ve learned lots from the younger generation, even though I thought I was knowledgeable enough! (Especially lingo and how to give and check for consent in non disruptive ways)

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makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
First things first, I’d suggest looking into Big Brothers, Big Sisters if you’re in America. I’ve been a part of their program and it’s a great organization dedicated to helping kids exactly like this

OK, onto real advice: it sounds like you’re a woman and one of the things you need to address early with young men is respect. He will become significantly stronger than you very soon. He will have a ton of hormones pumping through his body. He is going to become dangerous to himself and others. He will be curious about how strong he is. You have to make sure he explores that safety. This is something all men go through and it’s important to have a good foundation or he can start spiraling down bad paths. You need to police his internet usage, his friends, and his role models or he could very easily start sliding into anti-women and abusive views

If he’s not enrolled in any sort of physical activity I would encourage you to find one. He’s going to have basically unlimited energy and channeling that into sports is usually better than the alternatives. That’s also tricky because you need to pay attention to the leadership of those activities to ensure that they are good influences

Now the fun stuff: he is going to be hungry for the next 5 years. If you haven’t grown up with boys it’s hard to understand but he can eat 6000 calories in a day and barely notice. My family used to order 2 pizzas when I was a teen, I would eat an entire one and they would eat the other. I’m not exaggerating when I say my average food in a day was a full continental breakfast, 2 deli sandwiches, chips, a dessert and a soda for lunch, an after school snack (usually leftovers), a large dinner, and dessert. I’m not a fat guy, nor was I in school. You will likely think at some point “he can’t possibly be eating that much food” and I assure you that he can

Ultimately what is important is that you have to build a good moral foundation for him. You will lose the ability to control him and when that happens all of the work you’ve done raising him will reflect in the way he acts

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- artificialfish@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  lol this is a very macho man view of a male growth spurt. Yes he will become stronger than most women, but it’s not a given he will become much stronger, or that he’s a sports guy. I didn’t work out till I was well into my 20s and you could hardly call me strong even compared to women.
  
  Grrr man strong, need break things, intellectual sponge, need other testosterone figure to understand confusing body. Like dude wtf 😂. We had completely opposite male childhood experiences apparently. I was intellectually stimulated, physically weak, and don’t particularly remember needing to ask my dad what was going on with my hormones.
  
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  - Tarquinn2049@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Yeah, it’s definitely not an “every male” thing. But other than that, it does contain good advice if it does end up being relevant. And if non-conservative males are tough to find in her area, odds are higher that her son could be encountering those types of influences outside the home.
    
    I was a “relatively” weak guy growing up, videogames with no exercise or weights, I did do some physical chores and participated in most of my gym classes, lol, but I was for sure still way stronger than my mom, and she had a manual labour job. It is unfortunately very likely to be the case even if you grow up a nerd as a guy. And, in the potential case of him growing up athletic with a non-athletic mom, it can indeed be a huge difference. Not quite a shrek and fiona thing… but not as far off as we’d hope.
    
    It can be a reasonable fear as a single mom to a teen guy growing up in a conservative area. And while it isn’t a description of every guy, if the description is sounding like it fits, then those are valid concerns and things that should be addressed and headed off before they can’t be.
    
    My brother wasn’t very athletic either, but a little more than I was. And he wasn’t very rebellious, but a little more than I was. Only once did he ever hurt our mom physically, and it was when he was 13 and treated her the same way he would treat his friends in a heated argument, just gave her a shove… they both learned very quickly that a different approach was needed. That was with a kid who felt bad that he hurt his mom… we had friends(temporarily) that didn’t feel bad about that… those friends stopped being friends pretty quick and are mostly in jail or dead now.
    
    We live in a small town, not super religious or conservative, but I would guess about half and half. And it was about 10% of boys that this advice applied to. In a place where conservatism or religion are further entrenched, that percentage doesn’t just go up linearly. The less sources of proper behaviour you see to counter the argument that people should behave “naturally”… even the nerds eventually succumb.
    
    Be glad you had a childhood where this advice comes across as ridiculous.
    
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  - makeshiftreaper@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    Have you seen young men without good role models in their life? I have, they break things and hurt people. There are exceptions to every rule obviously, but especially in the growing toxic male culture that we have right now young men are in precarious positions. I’m a huge fucking nerd, I built my own computer in high school and was captain of the quiz bowl team. It’s still important to find positive and healthy outlets for the energy young men have. This poster specifically pointed out that they do have toxic male influences in their life already. Keeping active is never bad advice and while I may have been over emphasizing some things, it’s important to address behavior now before he starts driving, working, going out on his own, etcetera etcetera
    
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Siathes@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
As a father, I didn’t even know what to do or expect, we’re all messy, gross, and dumb at that age. The path I chose, was if they knew enough to ask a question, it was time for a discussion. Just pay attention, offer a safe environment for questions and be honest. Most of what they need to learn the world with teach them. Be there to fact check and maybe even learn together. Last tip… WE made biology gross and taboo, WE can make it less so for our kids.

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Clinicallydepressedpoochie@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
I’d tell him his number one goal should not be to get his rocks off. He should focus solely on being friends with lots of different girls. Everyone eventually learns sex. It takes much longer to meet someone you just get along with and could become your ride or die. Male/female relationships come in all varieties. Learn them all.

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JordanZ@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
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- Jackcooper@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Nope didn’t like this comment
  
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usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
Lots of great replies, just want to add that if he’s uncircumcised and you haven’t covered the topic yet; washing under the foreskin is important hygiene. Same with washing his ass while we’re on the topic of hygiene.

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gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
If you want my honest advice, the major considerations are that boys turn nonstop-horny for a few years, before that naturally stops.

Apart from that, yeah, general self-development. But that will take time, and experience(s)

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- SharkEatingBreakfast@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
  Non-stop?
  
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  - gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    yep, more or less at least that was my experience
    
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  - KuroiKaze@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago
    If I thought there were pictures of naked girls on the other side of a brick wall and I had no tools, I would have fucked that wall to dust to get at them. I might have been an aggressively horny boy tho. Also FYI I wound up having sex at fifteen, so get that talk in ASAP.
    
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