Anon plays spin the bottle

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• omgitsaheadcrab@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

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• ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’s interesting how just a few instances of surprise rejection early in life can have a big effect on a person’s personality. I ended up paranoid, always assuming that no one could really like me and anyone who acted like he or she did was just pitying me or playing some cruel prank on me that I was too socially inept to see.

  It got to the point that when I went to a school dance (I didn’t want to but my parents made me) and the prettiest girl in the class asked me to dance with her, I actually got upset. I said yes (it would have been rude to say no) but I couldn’t believe that she sincerely wanted to

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  • lightnsfw@reddthat.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It felt so weird when I got to college and started working and people were just treating me like a normal person. It took a long time for me to stop defaulting to trying to figure out what kind of trick they were playing on me. I still don’t know wtf I did wrong as a child that made everyone decide I was to be ostracized.

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    • Gloomy@mander.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I am currently doing my bachelor in padagogical science and I can ensure you that group dynamics and individuals position in those groups very seldom have anything to do with the individual. There are contributing factors in all personalities involved, but it more often comes down to how a group is situated in what context. Often youngh people internalise their roles and continue to act according to them in different groups. So, take it as a scientific fact that you very likey didn’t do anything wrong as a child, nor had a personality trade that was the sole contribute to beeing ostracized.

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  • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I didn’t have nearly the same awful relationship with rejection as you, but I had a similar experience as you did at your dance. I’m pretty introverted and rarely join social circles, for a bit of context.

    When I went to college, we had a directory of everyone in the building with a picture and name (200 people, more or less). So naturally, we (roommates) picked out our favorites, yet few of us did anything about it. One roommate asked the girl out that he picked (she was my #2), and they ended up dating, and he convinced my to go to dance with him. I went, and he was late (probably making out or something), and my #1 waved me over from across the room, so I went over and talked. We ended up exchanging numbers, dating, and now she’s my wife. Unfortunately, she had already applied to transfer to another school, so we dated long distance for a while before getting married, but it worked out. I still kick myself for waiting so long to ask her out, because we could have spent that time together instead of over video calls.

    A bit of confidence can really go a long way, and screw all the kids who reject others in those formative years. When I see my kids do anything similar, I come down on them really hard, because I don’t want my kids to be the reason other kids feel rejected.

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    • captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Ok but there’s a variety of forms of rejection. I had painful rejection experiences when I was young, some were kids being shitty (not ok), some were kids just not getting along with me (sucks but fine), and some were shit like romantic (necessary for personal development of all parties and as a happily married adult I’m grateful, no matter how embarrassed I was at 16). Part of me gaining confidence was me learning to be someone people liked (alongside my peers getting old enough to find me funny). And I’ve seen people who have confidence and no likability, they range from annoying to in need of severe professional help

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  • Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It’s not an entirely faulty line of thinking in that environment. Those bastard kids really did do that kind of thing all the time and they found it hilarious. When all your experiences up until that point made such an unexpected scenario seem unlikely, the chances of it being a cruel prank instead probably really are higher or even higher still someone recognising your plight and trying to be charitable whilst not quite realising that that hurts almost as much.

    As you probably guessed I didn’t enjoy school a whole lot either. I hope she was sincere though dude. God knows school fucks with your mind.

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  • Echolynx@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I agree. I haven’t really been able to shake off feeling like an outsider due to a combination of a sheltered upbringing + social delays + social alienation.

    It’s almost impossible for my brain to think that other people care without some malicious motive.

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  • Hadriscus@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    yep, very similar experience here. Random early rejection totalled me

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  • yamanii@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    always assuming that no one could really like me and anyone who acted as if he or she did was just pitying me or playing some cruel prank on me that I was too socially inept to see.

    Same, even went to tinder to try to get some validation, but still felt like they were just pitying me and always ended up ghosting my matches and never doing anything besides the initial small talk, it’s a hole that’s very hard to crawl out of.

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    • ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Uh, what’s your secret to getting matches on Tinder? I can’t imagine trying to meet women in order to feel validated. I did online dating before apps, when people had to have written profiles and send messages. I thought I was writing thoughtful messages to women whose profiles made them seem like they might want to hear from me, but I got ignored so much that it was really hard on my self-esteem.

      Am I ugly? My grandma says I’m not ugly…

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  • Don_alForno@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I did something similar one night in a club. On our way home all my friends berated me why

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• Jake_Farm@sopuli.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I had a similar experience in middle school. It fucking sucked.

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• 3aqn5k6ryk@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Kid just suck.

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  • JasonDJ@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Eh, they are a less inhibited form of adults, and a product of their upbringing.

    They sense and exploit weakness for personal gain. Plenty of adults do that too. That’s where they learn it from.

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    • bitchkat@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Kinda crazy to think that adults learn that behavior from kids.

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    • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yup, and I try very hard to bully my kids whenever they’re bullying others so they get a taste of their own medicine, and reward them when they’re excellent to others for the same reason.

      My kid was a selfish brat for a bit, so I completely removed all of my attention for a bit, and I told them exactly why I was doing it. They stewed for a bit, then eventually apologized and I showered them with tons of attention.

      Hopefully my kids don’t end up being little terrorists, but if they do, it wasn’t for lack of trying to instill some sense of humanity in them.

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    • SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Terrible people whom I do not wish to share a planet with.

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  • tetris11@lemmy.ml ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Kids are Reddit. If they sense weakness; the others will pile on.

    One shining star will talk about the injustice of it all in the aftermath, and everyone will privately forgive themselves and conveniently forget until the next time it happens.

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    • teslasaur@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Kids are Reddit. If they sense weakness; the others will pile on.

      I’m all for a little reddit-bashing but fucking lmao. Did they bully you on askreddit or something?

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    • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Kids are Reddit. If they sense weakness; the others will pile on.

      The same happens here. Just try to say anything remotely positive about Twitter/X, Elon Musk, or conservatives in general. I don’t even like any of those, but sometimes I call out hypocrisy and get absolutely dumped on (even got a couple death threats).

      People suck. Try to be just a little better than the person next to you and we’ll all hopefully get through this.

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  • MITM0@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Not kids boy

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• thisisbutaname@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  At camp some guys and girls were playing in a tent, I was not included.

  One got out and told me I could join. I tried to and they all laughed at me. Still hurts a bit.

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• horse_tranquilizers@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Anon should’ve showered more often

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  • jerakor@startrek.website ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Middle school kids he mighta done nothing wrong at all. Those kids at that age are terrors and will oust people from a friend group for the dumbest reasons imaginable.

    Sucks because that person may have done everything right and years later still can’t trust people or open up to them.

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    • kwomp2@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      If there is even just a chance that others wouldn’t understand, let alone disapprove you associating with kid X, you can accomplish 2 things by ousting them: 1. You get rid of the potential disapproval (wich is mostly just insecurity) 2. You help an ingroup getting rid of unambiguousness, by drawing/strengthening the border to the outgroup, while with the same move placing yourself on the inside.

      I work with kids, and so far I think this is the objective rationality behind most or at least many acts of cruel exclusion.

      The only long term, non authoritarian solution is the kids developing a moral compass, that makes violent exclusion more important to them than short term insecurity-management and of course beeing less insecure. (Plus the “weird ones” often have fluffin interesting perspectives)

      As we can see in comments like “shower more” even many adults didn’t recover from the competitive-acceptance-bs other kids/their parents/ this fucked up society gave them.

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• blueamigafan@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Describes a lot of my childhood to be honest I was a social pariah for some reason. Completly changed when I went to college and made new friends, and now a lot of my happiest memories surround my college years. I even met my wife there!

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• stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Being called an ugly pimple head for a whole year will also do it

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  • nutsack@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    was it true though

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    • stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      wdym?

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  • theangryseal@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Man. I used to sing a song to any kid who got a pimple when I was a teenager. “Big pimplin from WV and if you squeeze him too hard he pop all over the place!” With a little spin on the V to make it rhyme with place.

    Had every kid in the neighborhood singing it to each when they’d get pimples.

    I hope the pimples left you alone man. If not I hope you came to terms with it.

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    • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Hmm, I’m having trouble with the rhythm here, and how can you possibly make V rhyme with place?

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    • thawed_caveman@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Props for not rhyming face with place lol

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• cows_are_underrated@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Getting bullied for years will also do this.

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  • ntma@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    If you post on 4chan you deserve to get bullied

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    • phoenixz@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      ?

      Why

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    • cows_are_underrated@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      First of all, that’s absolute bullshit(but I won’t discuss about that with you, since you already made clear that you clearly lack the ability to think about more complex things), but also even without 4chan teenagers can turn into absolute fucking monsters that will bully everyone who’s slightly different and ruin their lives.

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    • MITM0@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Your existence is an error that god made

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• python@programming.dev ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Plot twist: Anon was at a college party where everyone else was 20+, so they didn’t want to diddle him

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• ICastFist@programming.dev ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I got a more direct case of rejection. 12yo me, at new school, 2nd week of classes, one of the girls that I thought was very pretty was asking others who they fancied. Once she came up to me, I meekly replied “You”. I got a very loud and angry “I HATE YOU!” as an answer. Up to this day, more than 20 years later, I have no fucking clue to any possible why, in her mind, I deserved that reply.

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  • Vorticity@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    You got that reply because you surprised her and her immature 12 y/o brain spat that out as the best response on short notice. It’s entirely likely that response had nothing to do with you in particular.

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  • Zomg@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    B-B-b-b-BAKA!

    But you probably caught her off guard. I wouldn’t expect 12 year olds to really know how to express their feelings like that.

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    • ICastFist@programming.dev ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I don’t think it was a tsundere, given that during the rest of the year she avoided me and I noticed at least two times were our eyes met, she frowned then looked away. We had zero interactions during the rest of the year.

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  • NikkiDimes@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Lol, that reaction probably haunts her, too. “Why was I so mean to that boy for no fucking reason 20 years ago?!”

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    • ICastFist@programming.dev ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Would be funny if I could find her on instagram or wherever and ask. Too bad I only remember her first name

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  • bitjunkie@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It may have been that she was embarrassed because she liked you too.

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  • grrgyle@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Ouch. But also,

    I once got angry and through a fit at a friend for buying me a surprise gift. I couldn’t even tell you why, but I was very upset.

    Try not to put too much stock in the bubbling brew that is childhood emotions.

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• rooster_butt@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I was at a gathering with some guy friends meeting some girls from a different school. The slightly older brother (let’s call him Jay) of one of my friend’s had driven us there. We were playing spin the bottle outside the apartment building. I was rejected after the bottle spun by a girl saying she didn’t want to kiss me specifically. I got hurt/mad then my impulsive ADHD brain decided to get even. I saw a spigot on the floor, aimed it strait at the girl that rejected me and turned it on. More than the intended target got wet. Jay got really mad and I just ran. Once he caught up to me I thought he was going to beat me up. Instead he just laughed and told me I was going to have to leave and walk home.

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  • phx@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    LoL… That has the feel of getting sent to the principal’s office for something that they kinda actually agree with (or at least find amusing) but have to deal with by policy.

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  • Echolynx@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yeah, the classic ADHD rejection sensitivity.

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    • gwen@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      yeah lmao this doesnt sound like adhd

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• sit@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Anon didn’t have the abilities to digest the situation to conclude what needs to be done to prevent this in the future.

  Anon hopefully is older and wiser now.

  I was anon once…

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  • brlemworld@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Break the bottle and start stabbing

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    • Sea_pop@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Play spin the bottle with their torsos

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  • SaharaMaleikuhm@feddit.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Shut yourself in and never meet people ever.

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  • Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    That sounds… ominous

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• needthosepylons@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  When I read those, I consider myself lucky. I’m not handsome, normal sized, not athletic at all, not very sociable, closer to poor than rich, yet I never experienced any of those. Always had a few close friends and never have been single for more than 4 consecutive months since my 15th birthday.

  Is it a matter of luck? If countries culture? Of type of schools/univ? If social groups? I truly wonder.

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  • grrgyle@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    You’re probably a nice person and a decent hang. Really that’s what most people are looking for imho

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  • Zementid@feddit.nl ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Well some are lucky or simply befriend the bully. Whatever works…

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  • 1SimpleTailor@startrek.website ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    In a case like this I feel like anon just has shitty friends and needed to find a group he fits in better with. If you’re awkward and weird, you’ve just got to find the awkward and weird kids to be friends with (anime club, theater, ect) there’s even awkward and weird girls there.

    Looks don’t even matter that much in dating (unless you’ve got porn brainrot). So long as you’re not deformed or super obese someone will be attracted to you, and chances are you’ll find them attractive too. Just don’t be a creep and have interest outside of video games and modern dating is pretty easy.

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  • uis@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    since my 15th birthday

    Isn’t ot a bit too early?

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• cliffracerflyyy@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  4chan is made to make people feel bad about themselves.

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  • Duamerthrax@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    That’s social media in general. Actually marketing is specifically designed to prey on people’s insecurities.

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• FuryMaker@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Similar story where a University club got together at someone’s apartment to stay the night, lots of previously unacquainted people in the group, after a night on the town.

  Chatting, drinking, in a circle. One girl started giving the guys shoulders rubs, but went to bed when she came up to me in the circle.

  Kept telling myself I dodged a bullet anyway.

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• Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Anon self pities instead of self reflecting and fails to grow because of it

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• ThrowawayPermanente@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Green text is always fake, right you guys?

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• PhobosAnomaly@feddit.uk ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  I mean, it sucks that you pinned your hopes on your crush having to follow a social pressure to kiss/fondle/fuck/whatever the “forfeit” for spin the bottle was in the first place.

  It sucks that you had to go through that, but at what point does that declination of your advances suck less?

  I mean, society has unfortunately favoured shitty games like “pull the bull” and “poke the bear” over any sort of genuine attraction which has usually disadvantaged women anyway - that’s not to turn it into a gender thing, but maybe the idea of sparking a relationship from a forced interaction sucks from the outset.

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• Clbull@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Had something similar to this happen to me when I was about 9.

  In primary school I was invited to a birthday party. We played truth or dare. A Portuguese girl in my class was dared to kiss me. She actually started crying because she really didn’t want to go near me.

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• Reddfugee42@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Those guys are simps. So much for bros before hoes.

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• WastingCommentSpace@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  (do people really get upset about this? Im asexual and cannot tell. Sometimes this kind of thing seems fake like why would you waste energy on this? But at the same time i am aromantic and asexual so i dont know. Im probably just weird or something and a “freak of nature” as some might say.)

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• Etterra@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  It’d take too long to list it all, but it started way earlier than that.

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• MITM0@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Yeah cuz nobody (men+women) really like men, Men are truly the abused class Your typical man on the street is a woman-worshipper<br> Like If I link peer-reviewed articles on this stuff, you’d call me an incel & a misogynist & not even provide counter-arguments/evidence <br> You need to look yourself in the mirror & say that I’m a human male with self-respect If they don’t want to play, Fine, find better friends

  Hell I’m offering you all a hand in friendship

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• pewgar_seemsimandroid@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  should’ve stolen the damn bottle infront of them.

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• DATAGS@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

  Its not that serious

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