theangryseal
@theangryseal@lemmy.world
- Comment on all it takes 1 day ago:
Most I ever payed for a blowjob is the one I got on credit and I’m still paying for today.
Let me tell you, even though I can’t get much action today because of the kids, she’s been worth every penny haha.
Of course I’m joking. I’m a stay at home dad. (Which interestingly autocompleted to “stay at home mom” and I had to delete it and try again). If anyone has paid it’s been her. I can assure you I’m not worth it. Don’t know why she puts up with me.
- Comment on Nintendo faces legal action over ability to brick Switch 2s whenever they want 2 days ago:
Emulation on a pc is so so so easy. You could get a handheld and have access to everything made for 40 years with practically the snap of a finger.
- Comment on Nintendo faces legal action over ability to brick Switch 2s whenever they want 2 days ago:
Get a Steam Deck, or any of the other PC handhelds out there.
I accidentally purchased the OLED switch right before getting my steam deck. I never touch the thing.
- Comment on RIP America 2 days ago:
Their golden age was long gone.
They might have had another if the US hadn’t pushed them around.
- Comment on A slightly different experience 6 days ago:
I’d love to see the bank account and hear the life story of the person who downvoted you.
I really would.
- Comment on Any other trauma victims? 1 week ago:
Man, my poor daughter.
This was her life. When her mom died she dealt with the guilt that followed her relief.
Having known her mom all of my life and seen everything she went through as a child, I wish some kind of ghost of Christmas past could take my daughter and show her so she can see that her mom wasn’t always like that. That at one time she was a little girl waiting on the day she could escape her own mom. At one point she was young and a lot like her.
I always figured they’d get it right when she grew up, but she never got that chance.
- Comment on What a fun guy! 1 week ago:
I have a cousin with a dingdong like that. Super pale with a bright pink toadstool tip.
Haha, when we were kids I caught him doing his thing a few times. He did this odd thing like he was starting a fire with a stick.
So bizarre. Enjoy the mental image.
- Comment on bisexual 1 week ago:
I agree with you, but silly baseless insecurities being expressed all the tone just hurts the people around you for nothing.
I expressed it once early in our relationship and there’s no reason to express it again. I’m stupid for feeling the way I do and I should carry that stupidity quietly.
- Comment on bisexual 1 week ago:
Wellll, my wife is bi. I have a constant (not really constant, just when my insecurity is dragged out by a nightmare or something) nagging fear that she’ll leave me for a woman one day. (I’m a man).
Maybe it’s just an extra layer because it potentially opens more doors.
You know how some things people say just echo in your head forever? You hear a thousand points from a thousand people and most of it just goes in one ear and out the other, but something sticks for some reason or other and it just echoes in your brain.
An idiot, misogynist, redneck said to me, “once ‘ey get uh little pussy it’s a matter uh time. They want it like anybody who wants it, and they won’t go without it forever.”
When I’m feeling particularly insecure, that dumb shit just shows up in my brain.
I’m aware that I’m being stupid. I don’t express this to my wife because I’m being stupid and I know it.
Well, overly stupid people scream their insecurities out loud constantly.
I’ve met some really, really stupid gay people. They’re people like anyone else, of course.
The truth is, if I were to hand myself over to my sexuality entirely, I’d be fucking as many people as I could as often as possible. My sexuality isn’t all I am. It’s a small part of who I am. I just have to trust that my wife is as serious about us as I am. She hasn’t given me a reason not to trust her.
I guess my point is, idiot+insecure=bigotry.
If my wife ever leaves me for a woman, I won’t let it verify my insecurity. She could just as easily leave me for a man. No point in letting my insecurities make me a bigot. Gay people aren’t immune to bigotry.
- Comment on Priorities 2 weeks ago:
As a stay at home dad, I should have time to accomplish something, but I don’t. I just clean all day and chase kids around.
Then I get insecure and have nightmares where my wife is telling me she’s moving out because she found someone else who has a good job.
I plead with her, “I’m only doing this because you told me to! I’ll go work wherever. We’ve got it good. We’re happy. Why are you doing this? I would have never quit my job without you telling me to do just that, and this is what it gets me?”
I really wish I could stop my brain from creating all of this stupid shit when I go to sleep. I at least wish I could sleep through it and forget about it.
I at least know it’s just my insecurity and I don’t make it her problem. I had an ex who would dream I cheated or that I was leaving her and she’d be pissed at me for days haha. I was all, “look babe, I didn’t fuck her, you practically just seen a drawing that your brain made of me fucking her. You can’t hold that against me!” :p
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
This is fucking funny. :p
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
You gotta get longer cut tobacco and a scale to keep it consistent.
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
I process my non-processed foods in hopes that it will kill me quick quicker. :p
I’m so dark and cold inside. You wouldn’t understand.
Huht huht huht
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
I love drinking until I’ve had a drink, and then I do that again every single day. I don’t drink a lot but it’s still aggravating.
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
My mother quit smoking 25 years ago and still has panic attacks about it every few weeks.
That pisses her off so she won’t ever smoke again.
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
Meanwhile idiots like me ended up vaping all day long and when I went back to cigarettes my tolerance was through the roof and I smoked more than I ever did.
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
I can relate.
I never got as bad as my father, who used a lighter once a day and lit the rest of them off of the last one.
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
I roll my own. Cheap as hell, but I wish I could stop. I’d lose my goddamn mind if I did.
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
I do both! Wooohoooo!
- Comment on The solution to many problems 4 weeks ago:
So start smoking and you won’t even notice.
Seriously though, as a lifelong smoker I do my best to keep it from being anyone else’s problem.
- Comment on The 5 stages of Charles Manson 5 weeks ago:
These folks aren’t interested in a date. Depraved sex is to them what collection old video games is to me.
It’s just a hobby, and they aren’t usually picky or they can’t afford their hobby.
- Comment on The 5 stages of Charles Manson 5 weeks ago:
Bro, they say perpetual motion is impossible, buuuuut, see. These sciency types ain’t got a woman like her.
You just climb up on her and smack your own ass and BAM. Perpetual motion.
All you gotta do is ride the wave after that until you’re finished.
All the Charles Manson lookalikes must have learned about the perpetual motion truth and got excited enough to become love slaves to this trophy of a perpetual motion machine.
I’m telling you bro, it’s like surfing but it smells funny and you’re getting laid.
- Comment on Peak masculinity 5 weeks ago:
Those ears could hear prey 10 miles away, maybe better.
- Comment on Bruh, chill 5 weeks ago:
Pretty standard where I’m from.
If the speed is 55, most people are going 65. Cops won’t mess with you for it unless you give them a reason. You know, having a dead tag, a dead sticker, being black, brake lights are out, something like that.
- Comment on Sometimes when it's quiet I sit on the shower floor 5 weeks ago:
I don’t usually say this buuuut, you need Jesus.
- Comment on To join Facebook these days, one must record a video selfie 5 weeks ago:
I miss when it was the default position of everyone online.
Still though, with the whole damn world going online, in places where anonymity is never expected in the first place, I can see the benefit. I used Facebook marketplace once just to be ripped off.
My daughter uses an anonymous Facebook account with the name of a cartoon character, she’d just close the account if they pushed her though.
- Comment on We're deep into the baggy era mate 5 weeks ago:
I never stopped playing Mortal Kombat 1-3. It’s hard to get someone nostalgic for a time they never left haha.
I do have the arcade machine now though. My wife spoils me.
As for my clothes, I’ve smoked, drank, and done way too many drugs to actually look youthful. When old folks tell me that I look younger than I am, I tell them it’s because I’m wearing the same clothes I bought 20 years ago and I look like a college age millennial because of that, and their sense of time is off.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
Hey, this guy starred in one of the only memes I’ve ever made. Neat.
- Comment on Anon gets a call from his past 1 month ago:
Oh boy oh boy. Story time.
So around 2015 I got a call at work from an ex-girlfriend. I was 100% certain that the first time I had had sex with her had occurred in 2008.
She informed me that it was actually in 2007 when we got drunk and ended up crashing at a friends place.
The whole point of her call was to tell me that she had a daughter, and that daughter was mine. I watched that baby for her when she was about 6 months old. It never even crossed my mind.
She had me totally convinced. I called my old friend who informed me that we did in fact have sex night and that he heard us and was annoyed by it. The timing was perfect. Uh oh.
Anyway, I always liked her. I didn’t think I had any reason to distrust her. So, like the fool I am, I just went with it.
She said that she didn’t tell me because of my heavy drinking, drug use, and promiscuity. She didn’t think I was cut out to be a dad, but then she seen through social media how good I was with my kids and decided she was wrong, all these years later. Things started seeming off pretty quick. She told me that a friend of hers passed away in a car accident, and she always told the daughter that he was her father.
Deeper than that, though, she told his family he was the father.
She told me that the little girl was that family’s link to him and that she didn’t want to break their heart. But she wanted to know, and she wanted me to have a relationship with my daughter. I thought it was fucked up that she had done that, but I certainly didn’t want to crush some mother’s heart who lost her young son in an accident and miraculously found that he had left a child for her to love.
She said that I could come around and that we would let the kid know when she was older.
We first agreed to meet at a park, I went and sat there for two hours and she never showed up. Then she apologized and said something came up, she wanted to meet at the petting zoo that was in town. I went to the petting zoo, sat there for a while, and she never showed up. She told me that she would be in touch with me, that she was sorry things kept coming up.
At that point, I had still refused to get a cell phone because I am so antisocial. I didn’t want to have to talk to people or answer people when I was outside of my home or my job. I didn’t get a cell phone until 2019, I always used an iPod touch with a VOIP app. So whenever I was left hanging, I just had to wait.
I ended up talking with the kid on the phone a few times, she was a very sweet kid, but very trouble. That trouble I knew, had to come from somewhere.
The last time we scheduled to meet, I got a call the day before. It was her sister.
“angryseal, I have always liked you. When I found out my sister was talking to you again, I couldn’t just sit by and let you get scammed. You are not the first long lost father, you’re probably about the 5th. To give you a clue how awful my sister is, she met a lonely older man who has spent his entire life taking care of his sick mother. He never had time to date, and after his mom passed he went out and had the misfortune of meeting my sister. She was at his house one night and noticed a bank statement with a large number. She hatched a plan and called him up a few weeks later. She told him she had cancer at that she couldn’t afford the surgery and was going to die if she didn’t get it. It was early enough that all she needed was a surgery, and that surgery was 40k. This man gave her 40,000 dollars, she called him one more time to say the surgery was successful and then she ghosted him. She blew all of that money vacationing with another man in Florida. They probably spent half of it on cocaine. You tell my sister that you want a DNA test and you will never hear from her again.”
What!? Ok.
So the next time we spoke, I told her that it wasn’t anything personal, I just didn’t want heartbreak on down the line and I told her I’d like to get a DNA test. “How dare you? What, you don’t trust me? I have never been anything but good to you! You know what?! I’ve done just fine raising her without you up to now and I’ll keep doing fine, you asshole!”
I have never heard from her again.
I still think about that pretty often haha. What a world we live in.
- Comment on [deleted] 1 month ago:
I knew a girl a long time ago whose mother had her convinced that she could tell by her urine if she ever had sex.
She was a good mom for the most part, just backwards in a lot of ways (mostly having to do with religion).
When that girl went wild, oh boy she went wild.
When she found out her mom had lied to her, she went to a party and begged people to have sex with her. She was beautiful but it freaked everyone out so the only person interested was a creep.
Fortunately she didn’t get pregnant and end up stuck with him or something.
You can mess kids up doing crap like that.