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Isn’t the answer yes? Some things are just so serious that you can’t let yourself be emotional about them. The little annoyances are the ones that it’s safe to feel upset about without being overwhelmed.
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Submitted 3 weeks ago by Samdell@lemmy.eco.br to greentext@sh.itjust.works
Comments
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
FUCKING_CUNO@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Seems like a sense of scale to me. Driving and hitting a speed bump is immediately disruptive, but ultimately minor, where you could drive up a mountainside and hardly notice.
asteriskeverything@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Dealing with mental illness can be more like hitting a lot of speed bumps and sometimes hitting a deer instead.
The mountainside inclined is the constant in the background.
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
You learn behaviors from your parents. Whatever you see them do more often, you’re more likely to repeat.
If you saw them be angry and indifferent all the time, that’s what will come naturally to you.
theangryseal@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
My poor daughter, she reminds me so much of her mother.
I remember when I first moved in with her. We were friends. We shared a room and a king size bed and nothing happened between us for months, and then it did.
She was sweet for about two weeks. The first time it happened I remember waking up thinking she was being attacked. “AHHHHHHH!” I sat up in the bed in horror. “WHY WON’T YOU FUCKING LATHER?!!!?” BANG, BANG, BANG
I got up and pecked on the door, “Is everything alright in there?” sobbing “Yes, it’s just this fucking shampoo. It won’t fucking lather. I keep dumping it on my stupid fucking head and it’s barely even soap!”
I sat down just bewildered. Like, seriously? That meltdown occurred because the shampoo wasn’t lathering to her standards? I used it all the time. I’m a man who doesn’t care about those things, I just bought what my mom always bought. I never had a problem with it. Hell, it’s 20 years later and I still buy the stuff.
The next time I woke up to a slam and clattering metal sounds. I walked into the kitchen. “FUCK THIS PAN! FUCK THIS STOVE! I give up, GODDAMMIT!!” She had turned on the wrong burner.
It started happening more often until it was every single morning. I snapped at her one morning. BAM I slapped the bathroom door. “CUT THIS SHIT OUT! I’M SICK OF WAKING UP TO SCREAMING EVERY MORNING!” She sobbed, apologized, stopped for a few days, fired right back up when she was more comfortable.
I started setting my alarm earlier than hers so I could get up and go outside until she cooled off. She never, ever, ever woke up in a good mood.
She’s been dead for 3 years now, but man, my daughter will carry her shit around for a lifetime.
I can control it with her though, calm her down, shut her up, but you gotta be careful haha. NEVER compare her to her mother, even if you’re just trying to be sweet or funny.
My daughter is only about a tenth as bad as her mom was with it, but even that can be exhausting.
lka1988@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Sounds like my ex. The most easily-fixable things would cause her to fly off the handle. Non-issues like turning on the wrong burner; shit that could be resolved completely within 5 seconds if they would just take the time to shut the fuck up and think about it.
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
Huh… That explains a lot actually.
astutemural@midwest.social 3 weeks ago
You have no control over big events, so you’re not offended by them. The small stuff you can control (or at least think you can), so it’s immediately offensive to your sense of personal control and importance.
MacStache@sopuli.xyz 3 weeks ago
Minor inconveniences are things you potentionally have control over. Major events you most likely don’t.
limelight79@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Sometimes that little thing is the straw. You’ve had a rough few days, all kinds of twists and turns, but hey you have a relaxing weekend coming up to recharge, so you held it together, then that little thing happens and it’s like “ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck!”
That little thing, by itself, probably wouldn’t matter that much…but on top of everything else, it’s a different story.
lka1988@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I have two great example of this.
1-
Last month, the mountainside behind our house was set on fire. Burned ~20 acres, the inferno was within a few hundred feet of our house. My only thoughts were “we are OK, we have resources that we can tap into if necessary”2-
Last week, my wife’s ex decided to throw his new marriage into the trash, and we had to get the kids from him a week early. Problem was, several months in advance, I’d spent $400+ on non-refundable tickets (thanks ticketmaster) for two back-to-back shows for my wife and I, based around the fact that the kids were going to be with bio-dad until after this weekend.We scrambled to find childcare, but to no avail, plus my parents already had plans for the weekend. Luckily my in-laws were willing to take the kids for two nights in a row so we could hit those shows.
I wanted to murder that man, because these shows were a literal dream come true for my wife (it was her birthday gift). I still want to murder him, because we had a solid co-parenting relationship with him and his now-sbtx wife.
deltapi@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Maybe remove that last sentence, in case someone else does too and wants it more than you do.
maxwells_daemon@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Modern society teaches you to care about all the irrelevant things, and ignore the major manufactured shifts in your life, that makes you more easily controllable. That’s how they domesticated you into working a 9 to 5, paying taxes, voting for a 2 party system, and ignoring major coverups like JFK’s assassination, the Epstein files, the Diddy trial, wars in the middle east, the fact that nuclear MAD is still literally one systemic failure away, yatta yatta yatta…
Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Who are “they”?
lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 3 weeks ago
Whatever you want they to be!
Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Delicious PTSD
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Are you me?
SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I didn’t realize that others did this as well.
QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
I think its because when a minor inconvenience happens I fear it will escalate unless I do something. But I don’t know what to do
But when a life changing event happens… what’s done is done
skisnow@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Circles of Control theory.
mindowl.org/the-circle-of-control/
(I tried finding a more academic source but DuckDuckGo wasn’t playing nicely so have the hippy self-help site instead)
LodeMike@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
Depression
18107@aussie.zone 3 weeks ago
ADHD and anxiety disorders will do that.
latenightnoir@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yep, may even be caused by certain forms of c-PTSD. I was required to develop hypervigilance as a method of survival, so everything bad/unfortunate/uncomfortable sounds the alarm, while anything good/normal/producing joy is glossed over, as the main goal is staying alive and the latter won’t kill me.
Zink@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
I bet so many of us have ADHD because the instant laser-point hyperfocus and blocking of all other stimuli helped our ancestors survive quite a few times.
And anxiety is obviously similar. Though in that case I think it’s more that we have evolved this skill for vigilance so that we can launch into fight or flight mode at a moment’s notice, but there are not the same constant dangers to monitor. So we essentially have an instinct to expect something bad to be coming at any moment, but it is uncalibrated and without meaningful environmental inputs it basically starts amplifying noise.