To everyone saying this is creepy. At what age would you allow a woman to choose her own partner?
Anon's friend gets exposed
Submitted 1 day ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/6ecf965e-a7fb-4b2f-b0fb-9e2381adcf80.jpeg
Comments
Ungraded@lemmy.ml 20 hours ago
SippyCup@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
A woman… CHOOSING???
UltraBlack@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
Many women actually choose this lifestyle.
My GF used to be together with a guy close to 20 years oder than her. She wanted a mature man but ended up having to find out the hard way that age does not corellate to maturity. He was a really immature, self-centered dickhead, from what she told me.
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
I mean, the kind of guy that wants a relationship with a kid… seems pretty immature to me
KnowledgeableNip@leminal.space 14 hours ago
You can end up with someone who sees the younger person as easier to manipulate versus someone who’s had time to catch onto the bullshit. Not every time, but it happens.
SarahValentine@pawb.social 14 hours ago
Same as the age for a man to start meeting the social consequences for his behaviors.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
what age is that?
pretty sure men and women are both legal adults at 18.
thecryptickler@reddthat.com 10 hours ago
A little weird, yeah, kind of.
Pedophile? Are they nuts?
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
Let’s be clear: this is bot spawned propaganda aimed at minimalizing the right’s pedophilia problem.
“Oh I guess we’re all pedophiles then huh”
CrimeIsLegalNow@ani.social 12 hours ago
My God you dorks will believe anything
AngryRedHerring@lemmy.world 10 hours ago
“I read it on the internet”
“It had a frog cartoon on it and everything”
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Hey man, some people like playing cards, other people enjoy being offended by random internet bullshit.
AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 18 hours ago
27 / 2 = 13.5 + 7 = 20.5
Apparently its ok. Idk how many people heard of the “half your age + 7” rule of thumb.
Jerry Seinfeld dated a 17 year old when he was like 38 which is way worse and he just kinda… got away with it?
Feathercrown@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
I’m amazed how well the 1/2+7 rule of thumb works, it seems like it shouldn’t match up so well with the limits of what I see as acceptable
Garbagio@lemmy.zip 6 hours ago
The thing that sucks is every time I tell someone this shit in some circles I get flamed to hell. We need to fucking excise the prudes from the left.
Etterra@discuss.online 12 hours ago
Unbelievably 17 is the age of consent in some States. Except in the South where it can be as low as your mom.
iuseasahibtw@ani.social 21 hours ago
Age gaps are fine.
The only people that don’t like them and pego jacket others are gross sub humans that nobody wants.
Plenty of idiots in Reddit approved relationships that cheat, abuse each other, are toxic, etc.
If a 38 year old dude and his 20 year old Filipina can make it work, then it works.
Go away ugly person with opinions seasoned with jealousy.
oatscoop@midwest.social 12 hours ago
“Age gap” by itself isn’t an automatic red flag, and sometimes it’s fine. And if everyone is consenting adults it absolutely isn’t “pedophilia”. But I will want to know more context and have zero problems judging someone based on that.
E.g. someone my age dating a 19 year old: I’m going to assume they’re incredibly immature and/or a creep unless I hear a really good reason they’re not … and I haven’t heard one yet.
iuseasahibtw@ani.social 11 hours ago
Why do you feel entitled to know more about a strangers relationship?
This is the type of weird shit that makes Westerners look insane to the rest of the world.
If a person’s relationship is fine by the law and their family, then mind your own business.
lordziv@lemmy.nz 14 hours ago
I am 33 dating a Filipina who is 24. She is the love of my life!
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works 19 hours ago
So true
Plenty of idiots in Reddit approved relationships that cheat, abuse each other, are toxic, etc
And so true.
Some redditors for whatever reason also go on reddit just to try and get strangers to break up (r/relationshipadvice r/AITA)
SippyCup@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
“He went out with his friends on a Friday night like you both agreed he would? Massive red flag, get a lawyer.”
shalafi@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
Went to my wife’s friend’s (Filipina) bd party last year; she was turning 30. Yay! Got to talking to an old guy who turned out to be super cool. Yay! That was her husband and he was about to turn 70. (Lots of turning in this story - what an odd turn.)
ramble81@lemmy.zip 16 hours ago
The part they forgot to mention: they’ve been dating for 4 years.
kingofras@lemmy.world 1 day ago
raman_klogius@ani.social 1 day ago
They conditioned people to extrapolate age gaps to come to an accusation instead of looking at actual cases.
87Six@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
I never understood why age gaps are a big deal past 18
Hanrahan@lemmy.world 3 minutes ago
they aren’t but you know , people gunna be judgy, much the same mindset as Conservatives fascinated with genetalia in bathrooms and sports fields, same stupidity, just ignore them.
FatVegan@leminal.space 1 day ago
I never really understood that too. Then when i was like 35, i met this girl on tinder who was 26. I always thought she was just too young. But it was nice talking to her. Just before we met, she confessed that she was actually 22. I thought it was rude to just blow her off and we met anyway. And oh boy was it weird. It was likt hanging out with an actual child. We talk different, and she was really immature, but in a different way that i was, her stories were only interesting when you just finished school. The list goes on and on. The only upside was that i look really young and she looked older. I really started questioning people being into much younger people.
XiJinpingStanAccount@lemmy.ml 23 hours ago
I think it’s more about life stage than age. Like say she hadn’t gone to college and had gotten into the work force at 18, and was now 4 years in to your same industry. You both had the same job, common references, etc. You’d still have some cultural differences but you’d likely be in a much more similar place in your life. It would make more sense then imo. I think a big part of what makes it weird is just how different your lives are. Which is why the same age gap at like 32 and 45 probably wouldn’t be a big deal.
zaphod@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
I feel like this isn’t so much of an age thing actually and more about where you are in life. I started studying relatively late and ended up hanging around with people 5-10 years younger than me, but because we were all students we had something in common and got along well. However, I have very little in common with people my age, they’re all getting married and have children and talk about buying houses and so on and I can’t relate to any of that.
ElChinchilla@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
My mind is more like +21. 18 is a wee baby. Realistically after 25 it is truly irrelevant.
21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works 19 hours ago
21-25 is the prime “people think they are in charge but lying to themselves” years and idk, easy to trick i suppose.
Do you think if society was structured differently (i.e pre-adult education was actually deemed useful and allowed people to get job relevant skills) that age range would move down?
The idea that 21-25 are easily tricked by older people rings true but I’m also thinking there’s a lot of things about current society that infantilises those people, or rather, gets them to actually immaturity and see themselves as immature
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 hours ago
If we’re going on “can’t date people who are statistically easy to trick” then half the population is right out just for being stupid, and then I guess when we get older that means dating is off the table, if phishing and scam calls are any indication.
What are we gonna use “A plane crashed between the border of Canada and America. Where do you bury the survivors?” As a “is this person fuckable” shibboleth?
waterwasamistake@lemmy.zip 21 hours ago
If you are over 30 you should understand. I work with a lot of young people and their vulnerability is 100% obvious to anyone with a moral compass.
Sute they can be smart, witty and intelligent even tough but there is absolutely a power imbalance. I talk a lot with them and it is insane how much differnce there is between us and how much they trust us older people and believe us. It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.
I am sure there are some relationships with a bigger gap that aren’t predatory but in general it absolutely is a red flag.
SethTaylor@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
It would be very easy to manipulate them, even on accident.
And this, folks, is why teachers have “teacher voice” and don’t go off-topic during class, tutoring, counselling, etc
shalafi@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
I hung out with the neighbor kid and his friends starting when they were 17 or so and I was 49. Very shortly after they turned out to be wiser than I suspected, able to argue fine points about religion and politics, things I had assumed they’d be clueless about, or more likely parrot their parents.
They weren’t vulnerable with me! Maybe because I taught them not to be? But they didn’t automatically believe anything out my mouth and would be quick to push back if something I said struck them wrong. Often I was the wrong one! (I understand this is a very different dynamic than in a workplace.) Even if I tried to manipulate them, I bet they would have smiled and later talked among themselves, “See that shit Shalafi was trying to pull about $X?!”
Perhaps they were unusual? I suspect so, but of them and their “peripheral” friends I saw now and again, about half their cohort seemed just like them. Anyway, two are 23 now and counted among my handful of friends.
thewebroach@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
People like to criticize a power imbalance based on where someone is in life based off of age/maturity, because with age comes experience, and the argument is you can’t have a fair and balanced relationship if the people aren’t equal.
So i get that. But every aspect of society encourages it so it’s kind of bullshit. In truth vurtually no relationship is 100% balanced in every way.
Someone a little older than the other? Power imbalance through life experience and maturity.
Someone a little wealthier than the other? Power imbalance through financial portfolio and personal solvency.
Someone a different race than the other? Power imbalance because of racial profiling in society, and how laws/grants/conditions may apply differently at home or abroad.
Someone healthier than the other? Power imbalance through healthcare needs medical liabilities.
Someone simply smarter than the other? Power imbalance because the smarter partner will naturally have an upper hand in the relationship.
shalafi@lemmy.world 17 hours ago
I’m way smarter than my wife, but she has a stunning EQ. It balances out nicely.
DahGangalang@infosec.pub 20 hours ago
Yeah, all those are really good points.
I def have a knee-jerk reaction when I see early 20’s friends (let’s be real: female friends) dating middle aged folks (again, being real, middle aged males) to be wary about the relationship. But intellectually, the conclusion I come to is that its fine.
I do specifically agree that the other people focusing on an age based power imbalance feels like they’d also be calling for you to only date in your income bracket, and then also to only date someone who’s as physically fit as you, which then leads to well you should only date someone of your race and/or ethnicity.
Something, something, slippery slope argument. But it is logically comparable.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
what people love to do is judge other people and their relationships. it’s drama.
87Six@lemmy.zip 18 hours ago
Nevermind how many 60 year olds I know that have the maturity of a toddler… Age, maturity, power and independence are completely different issues… You can be with someone your own age that is fully dependent on you. Age isn’t the driving factor…
But people just get all icky at the thought of the age gap…
DahGangalang@infosec.pub 21 hours ago
Other commenter s keep going on about a power gap and how easy it is to manipulate younger folks.
Yo, I don’t know what early 20’s people y’all interact with, but upwards of 50+% of the people I work with are 21-26 and gonna say this is patently false. Labeling them all as easily manipulatable or saying they lack the means to make ends meet feels like some kind of paternalistic ageism.
These young whipper snappers might be annoying with their mog maxxing and 6-7s and shit, but they’re also whole ass adults.
freely1333@reddthat.com 16 hours ago
Tbf at 25 I thought I was an adult and was actually retarded, but I wouldn’t magically say I was so dumb that I needed to be full on treated like a child. If we treated people like children until 25 then they would just be dumbasses from 25-30. Then we would be arguing that dating a 29 year old is “sus”.
87Six@lemmy.zip 18 hours ago
Nevermind how many 60 year olds I know that have the maturity of a toddler… Age, maturity, power and independence are completely different issues… You can be with someone your own age that is fully dependent on you. Age isn’t the driving factor…
But people just get all icky at the thought of the age gap…
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
the problem is people projecting their current self onto their past self. and being like ‘well i was stupid at 22’
yeah and when you are 60 you will think you were stupid at 40. that’s how life should work.
but you don’t get to generalize that for others. there are people who at 22 are vastly more matured and full of life experience than people in their 60s, because it’s mostly a matter of what you have been exposed to and things you have dealt with. Some folks like sheltered lives, others not so much.
I am in my 40s and I’m shocked how many 35+ year old adults are more sheltered and naive about life and relationships than I was at like 20.
shalafi@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
Hell, I get annoyed when people call teens, particularly latter teens, “children”. They’re not. We even have a word for that weird in-between stage, “adolescent”. “Child” is insulting. My kids are 11 and 13 and the gap in their behavior is spreading wider by the minute. Daughter’s very much a child around her brother, but around my wife and I, she’s suddenly a changed person.
LOL, even though I know exactly what’s happening, it’s still weird talking to her about sex and social dynamics. Fortunately I’m almost certain she’s a lesbian so won’t have to put up with asshole boys and men. Whew!
x00z@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
I go by
(age/2)+7.For 27 that would be 20.5
SethTaylor@lemmy.world 19 hours ago
I’m 32 and if a 23 year old asked me out I’d say “Aren’t you adorable?”, pat her head and send her on her way.
That’s a college student. Who came up with this math? 😆 It does not compute.
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 hours ago
100 could date a 57 year old. 12 yo a 13 yo but not a 12 yo.
Works perfectly.
the_crotch@sh.itjust.works 20 hours ago
There’s a good chance it’s not going to work. The wider the age gap, typically the less the couple will be able to relate to each other. My opinion is they should know about and accept the potential for problems going in or they’re going to learn the hard way.
That being said, if they’re both adults it’s nobody’s business but theirs.
freebee@sh.itjust.works 20 hours ago
Because it’s still really gross if a 50yo man is dating a 18yo girl. 18yo are really quite childish still, behaviour, decision making. 18 just happens to be the legal threshold in most places, but imo it only gets not weird at 25 or older dating whatever old age, than it’s really just two adults
FavouriteShapes@sh.itjust.works 19 hours ago
This is the rule. I honestly can’t really fault it, it just feels right for so many different ages
shalafi@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
Oh no my friend, 18 is the age of majority, with almost all the rights of an adult. You’re talking about the age of consent. In the US, only 10 states peg that at 18, the rest are 16 & 17. And for anyone that finds that particular fact icky, do not for the love of god look at an EU map!
SirBucksworth@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
Some people also were unhappy when I came together with a girl back in the day. I was 19, she was 17. such a pedofile!
Etterra@discuss.online 12 hours ago
Some States laws have a moving age of consent window for exactly this, because there were teenagers dating when I’ve would turn 18 and then they would become pedophiles because they kept on with their 16 year old girl/boyfriend.
LodeMike@lemmy.today 11 hours ago
It really depends depends on the state. Here in Arizona its 2, because 16 year olds look like adults but 15 year olds don’t. In California there is no exception for rape, so two 17 year olds having sex would both be raping each other, although in reality it isn’t treated like this.
EmilieEasie@fedinsfw.app 1 day ago
Th4tGuyII@fedia.io 1 day ago
In the nicest way to Anon, it may not be paedophilic, but 27 dating 20 is still sus as fuck.
Sure, the older you are the less the age gap matters - like nobody would look at an 80 year old weirdly for dating a 70 year old.
... but at 20 years old, a 7 year age gap is 1/3 of their lifespan apart. That's a fucking lot!
waterwasamistake@lemmy.zip 21 hours ago
Its still not pedophilia though and while i agree with you on principle, YOU DO NOT BLAST ANYONE FOR BEEING A PEDOPHILE WHEN THEY ARE DATING AN ADULT PERSON.
antianarchist@sopuli.xyz 22 hours ago
Biological age != emotional age.
I have seen 36yo acting like 16yo. They have access to alcohol and are seen as an adult.
I have also seen 16yo acting like 36yo. Usually caused by trauma. They get pushed out of childhood or adolescence forcefully. It will cause major issues in their lifes, but they are emotionally very mature.
There is a reason why in many places the age of consent is 16yo. However, this does not mean that their brain is fully developed until they reach 25yo. That means, a smart, older person can certainly abuse a 16yo into thinking she gave consent. And this is the type of relationship that is toxic.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to the older person and if they used any psychological tricks or not. If not, let them enjoy the experience. They both know what is best for them.
agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 21 hours ago
However, this does not mean that their brain is fully developed until they reach 25yo.
There is no age when the brain is “fully developed”. This myth comes from a study that showed the brain continued developing into adulthood, and the oldest participants were 25. The brain continues developing for basically your whole life.
M137@lemmy.today 1 day ago
I accidentally dated a 19yo when I was 29… She told me she was 25, everything pointed towards that being true (she had lived away from her parents for several years, had a full time job, looked the part, on a surface level acted the part etc.)
Yes, I ended the relationship (while she tried to twist it around to her being the one who is ending it, which is childish) when I found out.
I’m now very keen on getting factual age with proof and generally go for same age or older than me. Never again, I felt so fucking disgusting.
87Six@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
So she acted the part, looked the part, and you liked her… But somehow you don’t want to be with her just because of age?
Wtf…
blackberry28@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
That was just dumb of you. Putting so much weight into just a number. Throwing away a potentially good relationship just cos of a number. Guess she dodged a bullet.
shalafi@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
At that age and a little latter, I dated girls 8-10 years my junior. That was perfectly normal with Gen X. The age gap doesn’t concern me, the lie concerns me very much.
ch00f@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Half your age plus 7.
27 -> 20.5. Yup. Too big of a gap.
ddplf@szmer.info 22 hours ago
Ha! Your life experiences fall apart when confronted with my arbitrary schema I saw on a meme.
XiJinpingStanAccount@lemmy.ml 23 hours ago
May I introduce my 80 year old grandfather and his 47 year old wife. Yes, she changes his diapers. Why do you ask?
Starski@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
Objectively not paedophilic, and only *possibly sus. It all depends on mental and emotional maturity. Only after a certain age of course, an undeveloped brain isn’t going to be able to understand how mature they are, so any notion of maturity would be from an outside influence and it would be inherently unethical to attribute that to the childs actual maturity and try to start a relationship. However, after a certain age you’re likely going to be mature enough to make your own decisions, and for most people this ends up being around 18. That is to say, I’ve met people much older who I don’t think should be allowed to make their own decisions, for the sake of themselves and others. However, I have also met younger people much more mature and mentally stable than most others I’ve encountered. All this to say, if they’re both competent adults then stfu and mind your own business.
shalafi@lemmy.world 16 hours ago
In the 90s no one would have so much as blinked at that difference. Times sure have changed for the pruder.
alsimoneau@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
That’s borderline, depends on how long they’ve been dating.
Ummdustry@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Yeah, complaining about this in a 10 year long established relationship is totally unreasonable, but I’d be worried if they’d only just started dating
jumping_redditor@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
At least when someone gets outed as a pedophile on 4chan they usually are instead of just having a slight age gap
Jax@sh.itjust.works 7 hours ago
This thread is filled with incels, holy fuck - adults are allowed to do what they want you troglodytes
mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 6 hours ago
well this is a fascinating take. kinda interested to see where this goes when the incels see it