Does everyone in this comment section have a horrible relationship with their father??
What the hell, am I the only one here NOT hating my parents??
Anon is a paramedic
Submitted 2 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/24ddef72-c0f7-45c9-9028-917dd342a283.png
Comments
Bombastic@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
Madzielle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
Cherish that fact.
mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I think it’s survivorship bias. People with fubctional relationships with the parents (my self included) probably don’t feel much need to weigh in.
People’s families are complicated, and sometimes they need to vent. I (generally) don’t see a problem with giving them space to do so.
DaedalousIlios@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
This is the exact reason I’m choosing to just scroll past some of these comments that are missing the bigger picture.
My own relationship with my family is incredibly complicated. But it’s not really about the family. It’s about the fact that somebody will miss you. But when you’re that deep into depression, it’s really hard to see.
captainlezbian@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
People rarely feel the need to talk about how good their relationship with their dad is. Well except for one friend of mine, but to be fair to her her dad sounds exceptionally good.
But yeah, my father and I haven’t been on speaking terms in a decade.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
… this is the tame, fishbowl, lemmy version of 4chan community.
Yes, yes obviously most of the people here come from very fucked up families.
… do you think normal, well adjusted, happily raised children… tend to end up anywhere near 4chan?
There’s a reason 4chan has been repeatedly targetted and 4channers have been repeadtedly weaponized by extreme right wing political groups.
4chan’s demographic is primarily fucked up young men/boys.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Some of us aren’t subscribed to the community, but just browse All
MithranArkanere@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Mine was not horrible, just exasperating. I warned him about every single thing that caused him issues, but he refused to listen, and that killed him.
Kkk2237pl@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Sometimes I wonder how many suicides are invisible, people start to skip medicines, they dont care about health etc
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I feel like there’s no human relationship that doesn’t experience strain and parental ones can be tough.
Even though my parents are wonderful people we still have our stresses, mistakes, a few scars, and our differences. They will never know I’m bisexual, they will never know I’ve done weed let alone hard(er) drugs, they don’t share my sense of humor - so we’re not “friends” - but we do love each other.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
my folks my entire life thought I was gay. even though I had girlfriends my entire adult life… they just had such a stupidly narrow definition of straightness that things like reading books and liking school made them ‘suspicious’.
and i still meet so called progressive, adult women, who think this way to this day… esp because i cook and clean.
TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
[deleted]LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I think in the bubbles that we are in, including Lemmy, people with bad parents are overrepresented. Simply because of sexual minorities, progressive or radical ideas, or just plain old not conforming to the norm in terms of behaviour and character.
Plenty of people never had an issue with their parents, but also, plenty of people never had to tell their parents that they are homosexual, think their political beliefs are stupid, and have ADHD, for instance.
Plus, I would say that lonely people tend to flock together, likewise, people with no strong family ties probably end up using the internet more.
emergencyfood@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
people who don’t hate their parents are rare.
As someone else pointed out above, people who have good relationships with their parents generally don’t talk about it.
HrabiaVulpes@europe.pub 2 weeks ago
On average a person will rather share negative things than positive things.
vivalapivo@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
Not me. Had a great dad who disappeared after the conception
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
No one consent to being born.
MyVeryRealName@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
While my relationship with father is bittersweet, I would by no means term it horrible. The man taught me most of the things I know when banks were crushing him.
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
I like my parents well enough
Malyca@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
Count yourself lucky
oxideseven@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
I love my parents. We had great relationship growing up and still do. They are weirdos. I love them.
TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Wait til they’re dead like the considerate son/daughter you are.
My dad killed himself so he beat me to it.
I held his jacket and was glad I didn’t see his body honestly. Good on that paramedic
Artaca@lemdro.id 2 weeks ago
Lost one of my boys a little over a year ago. Still get crippled with grief from time to time - maybe every other day now instead of multiple times a day. It gets easier, but never easy. In the process of getting a ring with some of his ashes built into them and I think that’ll be pretty special to get to bring him everywhere I go.
Not looking for condolences, just wanted to put this perspective out there in a sea of folks who seemed to have bad relationships with their parents. To those: I’m sorry. I can’t imagine.
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing your experience. As someone who doesn’t have kids to begin with I can’t even begin to imagine
WhyDoYouThinkThat@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Sending love your way <3
Furbag@pawb.social 2 weeks ago
Thank you for sharing. My coworker just lost her daughter to suicide and she has been understandably inconsolable. She’s had an outpouring of sympathy, but I wanted to give her something more than just words from a childless adult who could never possibly relate to what she is going through. I will suggest the ring made with some ashes. I think that will help bring her some comfort.
TehBamski@lemmy.world 5 days ago
Remember, that people grief in different ways. And it’s not always about the time after the event that helps, but knowing that someone else acknowledges their struggle(s) after that the event. At least, that was true for me after I lost one of my good friends years ago to suicide.
And now… I’m getting teary eyed just thinking about him and that time period of my life. Like @Artaca@lemdro.id said above… “It gets easier, but never easy.” It’s 100% true. All these years later and I still have days where he comes to mind. And while a lot of the heartache has surpassed, I still have moments of sadness and rare blip moment where I grief over it for a short time.
Anyway… I’m starting to make this too much about me I think.
I’d encourage you to find a way to show that you’re there for her if and when she needs a moment or a person. It goes a long way.
Jax@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
My dad was a drunk and made sure I learned every racist term in the book before I was 12. I’m sure he’d be devastated if I managed to kill myself, without ever realizing how much he contributed to the desire in the first place.
My life has only gotten better since he died. Rest in piss old man, I’m glad you’re dead.
w24@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I’d be willing to help you train to fight the T-Rex. You don’t have to lose.
aceshigh@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
My parents are crazy too but they’re drug free, which has always confused me. The problem is their personality, not an addiction. But I have thought about how they’d react - my mom would play the victim and my dad would play pickleball/tennis. That’s just what they’ve always done.
MeatPilot@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I don’t think I could handle being a paramedic for this reason. The memories just build and they get so many.
I’ve witnessed death myself upclose as family members died. Their final moments burned in forever.
Those memories never fade, you just distract yourself from it. But the memory is always waiting for when you recall a time together with them. There is that fucking final moment again, like a punctuation on a good thought.
To have that be part of a job, even if they are not related has to weigh heavily. They don’t get paid nearly enough for that burden.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I was homeless for a while.
… I know I couldn’t handle being a real paramedic.
Made my way as a make shift paramedic, treating various injuries and wounds that people would… appear with, at or near an encampment or something. Usually just field dressing a laceration, jerry rigging a makeshift splint.
Occasionally a gunshot.
I always begged people who needed more care than I could provide to go to a hospital.
Sometimss they did, sometimes they or their friends would refuse.
Fentanyl… zombies is actually pretty close to an accurate description.
I’ve seen more necrotic flesh, gray tissue and flesh where either a stab wound or injection site once was… than I want to remember.
Successfully stabilized a few ODs … not all of them.
Also happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time: drive by shooting.
The streets are basically like a warzone, if you’re in them too long.
Fuck, I’m two years out of homelessness now, and I’m still doing PT to recover from my own injuries.
TheBrideWoreCrimson@sopuli.xyz 2 weeks ago
I knew a guy who, as part of his job, had to clean up suicide scenes.
That really did a number on him. He developed polytoxicomania, although many years later, hit rock bottom and never really got back on his feet again. These memories must be haunting you forever.LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Fair, but I believe it is different to do this as. a job, with strangers, and to experience it with close people. Still sucks.
snoons@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Boots on the ground
They’ll cut you off at the ankles
And throw the rest away
Bluewing@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
As an old and retired paramedic myself, there are definitely parts of me, as a human being, that will never grow back. And I worked in a rural area where you work on neighbors, family, and friends mostly. It was never easy to explain to the family that might be present that not me or god could fix what was wrong. I also did a few suicides over the years. Never easy and they leave a mark that won’t grow back by morning.
The worst thing about any of it, was meeting a family member in a cafe or store in our small town. And they would invariably come up to me and give me a hug and tell me how grateful they were that I was there for them. Despite the fact I couldn’t do shit for the dead person beyond calling dispatch and telling them to send law enforcement to come and do their paperwork and secure the scene until the funeral home got there to haul the body away.
scutiger@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I think often just being there makes a big difference, even if there’s nothing that can be done.
grrgyle@slrpnk.net 2 weeks ago
I’m sorry, that sounds so hard. Handling logistics in a traumatic situation is such a hugely important task. Definitely don’t sell yourself short. Even is you didn’t do anything you’re “holding space”
oatscoop@midwest.social 2 weeks ago
That scene in The Princess Bride
Do you hear that, Fezzik? That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when Rugen slaughtered my father.
The actual sound is indescribable. It hooks into some primal part of your brain you didn’t know existed until you experience it. I have seen overcrowded, chaotic Emergency Departments full of hardened nurses and doctors drop into 5 seconds of complete silence and inactivity.
The worst is when a mother sees the body of their dead child.
Bluewing@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Yeah, only once have I heard the whole ER seemingly go silent. It was when we brought in a young trauma victim, (car accident). The pandemonium of a 6 people working all at once, the voices calm but tense and a bit louder, and the er Doc standing in the corner watching and directing the action. We worked the code for maybe 5 or 6 minutes before the Doctor called it. Everything just stopped. People froze from what they were doing. And the whole ER was dead silent for what seemed like hours, but was only a few seconds before everything came back to real time.
Only twice have I had to hear the agony of a mother. Once when I did a drowning. We were searching for the husband/father. I found him in about 6 feet of water. (my big toe went into his mouth-- a feeling I will never forget). My partner and I got him shallow water along the shore. And I did the math and estimated he’d been down 25 to 45 minutes. So we agreed to call it. So I started walking to the house, all soaking wet, to deliver the news. I can still hear her wail right now as I told her and her young son that daddy was never coming home again.
The other time was when we were paged out to a 4-wheeler accident. And an 11-year-old boy somehow drove too close to a drainage ditch and rolled in about 20 feet down. I went down with a rope and found him pinned under the 4-wheeler face down in about 3 or 4 inches of water. He had been dead long enough to be beyond anybodies help. I climbed back up the ditch and explained to the mother her 11-year old son was gone. To this day I pray to whatever gods there are that he was dead before he drowned pinned face down under that 4-wheeler.
Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
A classic. This one hit me hard when it was first written
NGC2346@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
I think its what i fear the most with my son. He’s a toddler, but life goes by fast and one day he’ll be grown with his own problems to solve. I just give him everything i can, from love to time to entertainment, and i wish i’ll do a good enough job for him to come seek refuge to me rather than with the tool to end his life.
I love him so much, just sharing because this anon shook me with this story.
WoodScientist@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I don’t have kids. But in pondering questions like this, I would take some solace that people have always been having children. ALWAYS. Pick the most horrific events and eras in history; there were people having kids and trying to find the most happiness they could for them and their children. The Black Death? The Bronze Age Collapse? The sacking of entire cities by Mongol hoards? People living in literal death camps in the Holocaust? There were people there having children. And when they did, they did their best to give their children as good a life as they could, same as you do now.
Adderbox76@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
A large part of my younger self wanted to be a paramedic. But I quickly realized I didn’t have the emotional resilience to be one.
I remember watching Nic Cage in “Bringing out the Dead” (Excellent film by the way) and that movie putting the big ol’ nope on that plan once and for all in the early 2000’s.
k0e3@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
A similar experience I had was when I saw my mom cry and pay respects to my grandpa for the last time as he was sent to be cremated.
I respected my grandfather but as we lived half way across the world, I wasn’t emotionally attached to him and didn’t feel very sad. But seeing my mom, usually a very silly lady and a very strong, loving grandma herself, turn into a daughter saying goodbye to her dad in tears for that split second broke my heart.
Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
I saw my dad lose his best friend to suicide in my teens. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation since before even that. I’m not close to my dad, I have lots of issues with the man, but I can never put him through that again, no matter what.
Footer1998@crazypeople.online 2 weeks ago
kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he’s the reason
dw i’m not suicidal but yeah
MeowerMisfit817@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Not a paramedic, but my mother was once a nurse in a hospital. Gave up on the job (where ahe was actually well paid) and switched careers because she couldn’t handle seeing people die every day.
Ryanmiller70@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
So do it after Dad dies is what I’m reading.
it_wasnt_arson@awful.systems 2 weeks ago
For years I lived right by the sea. I had plenty of alcohol and medications. the prevailing currents would’ve swept my body across the border into a hostile country, where no one who found it would’ve cared. I don’t live to spare anyone else’s feelings, not least those who would mourn me as dead for living the life I want to live. I live because I deserve it, I deserve my family’s respect and care while we’re both here, and I don’t need anyone else’s shame.
To live on solely for obligation and guilt isn’t living at all, and anyone who wishes that on someone else just so they can remain a half-dead trophy they can congratulate themselves for “saving” can eat shit. If you’re reading this and you need to hear something, keep going. Keep trying. We live in an insane world; sometimes you have to try the same thing over and over so you can get different results. Live another day and see what happens. Not for anyone else, but because it’s a shame to miss out on this wild a ride.
This post honestly just pisses me off. Your life is worth living. Not your parents’ child’s life. Yours.
brucethemoose@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Meta comment, but I like that Lemmy can have these threads, and it’s probably mostly real.
It’s some human 4chan anon, whether they’re making it up or not.
Maybe the majority of comments here are legit.
Meanwhile, when I stumble into a Reddit thread like this (mostly when I miss old.reddit.com and get bombarded with weird engagement bait), it’s… mostly bots?
It’s either obvious, or very suspicious and likely engagement bait. What a dystopia.
Danitos@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
Thinking about how my family would feel was/is probably my biggest concern of it all.
Avicenna@programming.dev 2 weeks ago
unfortunately this happens on a daily basis in places like Palestine
inkblade@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
If you wanna opt-out anons… opt-out. Staying alive for the feeling of those who came before you is ridiculous. I can understand staying alive for your children, not your parents.
That is just stupid and fucked up.
hamid@crazypeople.online 2 weeks ago
Hm, not sure I feel bad for someone who signed up voluntarily to go kill my family 🤷
wesker@lemmy.sdf.org 2 weeks ago
Damn.
Katrisia@lemmy.today 2 weeks ago
My grandparents both lost children. It sounds weird to specify, but they were children from different marriages. They shared this coincidence. My grandmother had this sort of incident with the body; I think my grandfather only received the news. Both developed illnesses now suspected to be caused or worsened by stress: cancer and Alzheimer’s. They were sad people after their losses, very sad people. I do believe it slowly killed them. Just anecdotal evidence of the damage of losing a child…
kittenzrulz123@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
I have suffered from suicidal thoughts and depression for longer than I can remember, my life has been sad and my family keep making it worse. Honestly I don’t want to think about how much they would miss me when my own mother has told me she would consider me dead if I became non religious.
I am alive because I am simply too angry to die and I will keep living on even if the pain keeps tearing me down
qaeta@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Not to worry, I have no family to lose me.
KingGimpicus@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Jokes on u my dad offed himself before it was cool. No jackass left to moralize except me.
peaceful_world_view@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Damn, I was having a nice night. FK you OP.
tobebannedbygaymods@lemmy.zip 2 weeks ago
perhaps he shouldn’t have sent his son to iraq ?
applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
im not staying alive for their fucking feelings. if they cared that much they could have treated me like a human being when i was a kid. im staying alive for my cats. and yeah it means i love them more than my shitty parents.
Seleni@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Hey, staying alive to snuggle cats and spite your parents works too.
snoons@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Me n you both. cept I have my plants lol
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
FUCK I need to water my plants.
greyscale@lemmy.grey.ooo 2 weeks ago
For some reason, this flashed into my mind
Monte_Crisco@thelemmy.club 2 weeks ago
For your cats is an absolute purpose and the reason we all still need you as long as we can have you. Also, there’s an inevitable piece of news that will make at least 75% of the entire world instantly erupt in celebration. I’ll be very sad if my time comes before that happens.
n7gifmdn@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Your cats will eat you when you die
poopsmith@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
We all express love in different ways.
Amnesigenic@lemmy.ml 2 weeks ago
Just get a cat door
idiomaddict@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
And? Your dad will bury and/or incinerate you. At least the cats get some use out of you.