Submitted 13 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/24ddef72-c0f7-45c9-9028-917dd342a283.png
My dad was a drunk and made sure I learned every racist term in the book before I was 12. I’m sure he’d be devastated if I managed to kill myself, without ever realizing how much he contributed to the desire in the first place.
My life has only gotten better since he died. Rest in piss old man, I’m glad you’re dead.
My parents are crazy too but they’re drug free, which has always confused me. The problem is their personality, not an addiction. But I have thought about how they’d react - my mom would play the victim and my dad would play pickleball/tennis. That’s just what they’ve always done.
I’d be willing to help you train to fight the T-Rex. You don’t have to lose.
A similar experience I had was when I saw my mom cry and pay respects to my grandpa for the last time as he was sent to be cremated.
I respected my grandfather but as we lived half way across the world, I wasn’t emotionally attached to him and didn’t feel very sad. But seeing my mom, usually a very silly lady and a very strong, loving grandma herself, turn into a daughter saying goodbye to her dad in tears for that split second broke my heart.
Does everyone in this comment section have a horrible relationship with their father??
What the hell, am I the only one here NOT hating my parents??
I think it’s survivorship bias. People with fubctional relationships with the parents (my self included) probably don’t feel much need to weigh in.
People’s families are complicated, and sometimes they need to vent. I (generally) don’t see a problem with giving them space to do so.
Not me. Had a great dad who disappeared after the conception
Cherish that fact.
People rarely feel the need to talk about how good their relationship with their dad is. Well except for one friend of mine, but to be fair to her her dad sounds exceptionally good.
But yeah, my father and I haven’t been on speaking terms in a decade.
Mine was not horrible, just exasperating. I warned him about every single thing that caused him issues, but he refused to listen, and that killed him.
Sometimes I wonder how many suicides are invisible, people start to skip medicines, they dont care about health etc
I think in the bubbles that we are in, including Lemmy, people with bad parents are overrepresented. Simply because of sexual minorities, progressive or radical ideas, or just plain old not conforming to the norm in terms of behaviour and character.
Plenty of people never had an issue with their parents, but also, plenty of people never had to tell their parents that they are homosexual, think their political beliefs are stupid, and have ADHD, for instance.
Plus, I would say that lonely people tend to flock together, likewise, people with no strong family ties probably end up using the internet more.
On average a person will rather share negative things than positive things.
I feel like there’s no human relationship that doesn’t experience strain and parental ones can be tough.
Even though my parents are wonderful people we still have our stresses, mistakes, a few scars, and our differences. They will never know I’m bisexual, they will never know I’ve done weed let alone hard(er) drugs, they don’t share my sense of humor - so we’re not “friends” - but we do love each other.
my folks my entire life thought I was gay. even though I had girlfriends my entire adult life… they just had such a stupidly narrow definition of straightness that things like reading books and liking school made them ‘suspicious’.
and i still meet so called progressive, adult women, who think this way to this day… esp because i cook and clean.
While my relationship with father is bittersweet, I would by no means term it horrible. The man taught me most of the things I know when banks were crushing him.
No one consent to being born.
im not staying alive for their fucking feelings. if they cared that much they could have treated me like a human being when i was a kid. im staying alive for my cats. and yeah it means i love them more than my shitty parents.
Hey, staying alive to snuggle cats and spite your parents works too.
Me n you both. cept I have my plants lol
I saw my dad lose his best friend to suicide in my teens. I’ve struggled with suicidal ideation since before even that. I’m not close to my dad, I have lots of issues with the man, but I can never put him through that again, no matter what.
I’ve lost several people to suicide. The hardest was a good friend I’d known for years and who had been my roommate one summer.
That one was 25 years ago and it still hurts.
Wait til they’re dead like the considerate son/daughter you are.
My dad killed himself so he beat me to it.
I held his jacket and was glad I didn’t see his body honestly. Good on that paramedic
Don’t tempt me. I’d relish a chance to hurt him like that. Not worth to die for it though.
For years I lived right by the sea. I had plenty of alcohol and medications. the prevailing currents would’ve swept my body across the border into a hostile country, where no one who found it would’ve cared. I don’t live to spare anyone else’s feelings, not least those who would mourn me as dead for living the life I want to live. I live because I deserve it, I deserve my family’s respect and care while we’re both here, and I don’t need anyone else’s shame.
To live on solely for obligation and guilt isn’t living at all, and anyone who wishes that on someone else just so they can remain a half-dead trophy they can congratulate themselves for “saving” can eat shit. If you’re reading this and you need to hear something, keep going. Keep trying. We live in an insane world; sometimes you have to try the same thing over and over so you can get different results. Live another day and see what happens. Not for anyone else, but because it’s a shame to miss out on this wild a ride.
This post honestly just pisses me off. Your life is worth living. Not your parents’ child’s life. Yours.
I survived suicide. As a side effect, the action showed me who my real friends were. People started to finally pay the fuck attention to me and my struggles. Turns out I had a rare physical disease that was making it very difficult to participate in society not just as dude, but as a whole. As many have said, don’t do it, I still have stomach issues from the wombo combo of meds I took to do the deed. I was lucky. If you ever feel like no one loves ya or that your are nothing. Just poof for a week to somewhere they can’t reach you and where you are safe. Don’t hurt yourself. Check to see how many reach out to you. If the number is low or zero, instead of saying: “see, no one loves me.” Go “damn, these fucks don’t give a damn about me, let’s find someone who will!”
It’s insane, but: you don’t die, you learn who loves you, and you have your health.
Go forth and fight the demons. As long as you are fighting them others will assit.
you don’t get to decide that for other people. they do.
So? That’s their problem. There are people who’d dance on my grave if I died tomorrow, too, and what they think has just as little bearing on my decision to keep living. Categorically irrelevant. You can’t show someone the beauty and joy of living by dragging them through shame. Worse still, pegging your self-worth to others’ suffering creates an implicit threshold, a thought stuck in the back of your mind: “What if the suffering I cause now is more than the momentary pain I’d cause by stopping?”
It feels good to tell people things like this. It’s one of the most awful things to hear.
I think this is less about guilting the victim and more about reminding them that people care about them. The assumption is that those who take their own lives feel like no one cares for/loves them.
Unfortunately, this take often reads like conservative pundits that only “care” about fetuses until they’re born, at which point they’re considered a drain on society.
A lot of the quotes people repeat when trying to help someone ends up backfiring. You can’t just repeat plattitudes. People suffering from mental illness aren’t stupid or deaf, they’ve already heard the lines before. Mimicry doesn’t help.
The only generalized thing I can recommend people to say when trying to help someone with mental issues is to just ask: “What do you need?”. If they need space, give it. If they need to talk, listen. If they need something else, be honest about whether that’s in your ability to help with.
Another important thing to note is to not view them as something that needs to be fixed. And you need to be very honest with yourself about that. Most people will try to “help” because it makes them feel better, not the person they’re trying to help.
there is a difference between someone caring for me as a feeling, and doing it as an activity.
like yes, my parents cared about me, emotionally. but their actions, were hardly ever caring.
and people don’t seem to understand the difference. i have had the same thing in romantic relationships. someone saying they care about you is very different than them actually doing this that show that they care.
everyone cares about when you’re dead
I don’t think I could handle being a paramedic for this reason. The memories just build and they get so many.
I’ve witnessed death myself upclose as family members died. Their final moments burned in forever.
Those memories never fade, you just distract yourself from it. But the memory is always waiting for when you recall a time together with them. There is that fucking final moment again, like a punctuation on a good thought.
To have that be part of a job, even if they are not related has to weigh heavily. They don’t get paid nearly enough for that burden.
I knew a guy who, as part of his job, had to clean up suicide scenes.
That really did a number on him. He developed polytoxicomania, although many years later, hit rock bottom and never really got back on his feet again. These memories must be haunting you forever.
Fair, but I believe it is different to do this as. a job, with strangers, and to experience it with close people. Still sucks.
Boots on the ground
They’ll cut you off at the ankles
And throw the rest away
Damn that’s some fucking sad shit. Gave me some goosebumps.
Shutup I’m not crying you’re crying
A classic. This one hit me hard when it was first written
Not a paramedic, but my mother was once a nurse in a hospital. Gave up on the job (where ahe was actually well paid) and switched careers because she couldn’t handle seeing people die every day.
Thinking about how my family would feel was/is probably my biggest concern of it all.
This is because you have empathy which is part of what makes truly good people. You can do it
People with dead fathers: Sucks to be you, I guess
TBH my dad dying was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he’s the reason
dw i’m not suicidal but yeah
Let your vengeance be living past, well and better than.
There is no finer revenge than being happier than your bully.
This does NOT work. People don’t say “Damn, that girl I bullied is doing well?! Shit, I feel terrible!”, no. The bullies will live their lives and I’ll live mine. They will pass their entire lives without being punished for their acts while I’m being punished for not fighting back.
that’s boring. and tbh i don’t even want revenge, literally all i want is for him to acknowledge that he hurt me, but he refuses to even admit he ever even acted aggressively or anything towards me
kinda makes me want to do it to hurt my dad but tbh he would probably still not realize that he’s the reason
You’re right, he wouldn’t. And if you try to use suicide to make pthers feel guilty, it’s not going to work; i presume he’s not the only person who you would want to hurt. Some of those others will actually rejoice at your passing, your dad will rationalise it in his head that it wasn’t his fault but rather some lifestyle choice you picked up or a mental illness or “mind virus.” The more you try and put in a suicide letter, the more willing to dismiss it people become; there is no way to succeasfully drag people down with you.
I’ve considered it myself just to get at everyone who ever hurt me. I too have been cruelly treated, by probably everyone i’ve really known for a sizeable amount of time, whether it’s a friend a bully or a relative stranger. You will never manage to drag them all to the pits of hell, it’s really only their own actions that can determine that.
So. I’ll state the obvious conclusions: you cannot kill yourself to hurt others who have hurt you. Even if they’re usually close to you. Only the people who love you and genuinely tried to treat you perfectly would be proportionately hurt by it. And we only triumph over people who hurt us by living better than them, and a lot of the time you never get to know what that means
I’ve also seen one guy who has majlr beef with his dad basically try this, threaten suicidal behaviour, tell him all his problems are caused by him. It bounced off him like a rubber ball. Maybe your dad is Gen X, boomer, or even older - people of that age are very very stubborn, you cannot expect thsm to react to things the way young blood would.
If you wanna opt-out anons… opt-out. Staying alive for the feeling of those who came before you is ridiculous. I can understand staying alive for your children, not your parents.
That is just stupid and fucked up.
Trying to convince at-risk people to kill themselves is stupid and fucked up, actually
Wrong. I am not trying to convince anyone, just saying that using the “pain” of a parent to gaslight people into enduring the ever-multiplying pains of life–is fucked up.
unfortunately this happens on a daily basis in places like Palestine
My heart drops to see others cheer or downplay other’s suffering. The only people that need to die are the ones who desire war.
Jokes on u my dad offed himself before it was cool. No jackass left to moralize except me.
But I am causing so much suffering to the society that hates me, that it is likely more than I would cause to my family by suicide. If you sum up the suffering, suicide is net gain. Hence, it is morally right for me to kill myself. Too selfish to commit, though.
To society, your existence is inconsequential. To your family though, your existence is paramount. An individual suicide has almost no effect on most of society, but has a tragic and lifelong impact on everyone you care about.
Not in my case, because so many people hate me at first glance. Autism does not help.
“Society” hates you? Then suicide would only be a net gain if you cared about everyone’s feelings equally. Fuck the bigoted mouthbreathers that would cheer to see you dead, every day you survive despite the odds is a tiny middle finger.
Pissing in Jeff Bezos’ morning coffee would probably make him unhappy as well, yet I’d gladly do it and not feel bad about it. Respect and tolerance are an opt-in thing. If someine denies it to others, they don’t deserve it themselves
You are wrong. Your father may hate your actions but he does not hate you the person. If you take some steps to turn it around he would be rooting you on (even if he does a shit job of expressing it)
Your story isn’t done.
nobody cares about you that much. nobody hates you.
you hate yourself.
Damn, I was having a nice night. FK you OP.
Life ends eventually anyways, whats the rush? Just not give a shit and do what you can.
Do you really think you being the one who is shot will make this a better place to live? What if you could die slightly later in life for a good cause?
That said I get it. Life blows for the vast majority. I didnt have kids so they didnt have to go through the pain of existence. Did you get your vasectomy yet?
Damn.
killed himself after coming back from Iraq
GOOD 🦀 🦀 🦀 🦀
don’t wanna know how many parents had the same reaction as his because of what that shitstain was at the very very least enabling. The fact that he got so bad he couldn’t live with himself anymore tells me it was more than just paper-pushing though…
fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Bluewing@lemmy.world 5 minutes ago
As an old and retired paramedic myself, there are definitely parts of me, as a human being, that will never grow back. And I worked in a rural area where you work on neighbors, family, and friends mostly. It was never easy to explain to the family that might be present that not me or god could fix what was wrong. I also did a few suicides over the years. Never easy and they leave a mark that won’t grow back by morning.
The worst thing about any of it, was meeting a family member in a cafe or store in our small town. And they would invariably come up to me and give me a hug and tell me how grateful they were that I was there for them. Despite the fact I couldn’t do shit for the dead person beyond calling dispatch and telling them to send law enforcement to come and do their paperwork and secure the scene until the funeral home got there to haul the body away.