Submitted 1 day ago by just1earthling@lemmy.world to [deleted]
How much do you trust your father? This could go great or terrible. She could be a friend’s daughter who he genuinely thought would be a catch, or she could be a prostitute he’s trying to use to manipulate you. You’d be in a better place to know.
You? No. It’s not something you did.
Personally I find this fucked up. Especially the way it’s written, but I can’t expect anything else from someone who sets up dates for others without their permission.
This is not the same as buying you some snacks that were on sale, but seems to be taken as lightly from him.
I imagine the comments here would be quite different if you were a woman.
If you feel comfortable with it, then go ahead. But keep in mind you don’t know how it’s arranged on the other side, and the other party may not. Well, just the usual “be nice”.
Did your dad just pimp you out?
No? He set up a date for him, he can just not go if it bothers him.
No reason to feel embarrassed here. I would be a little mad/annoyed, your dad seems like he can be a dick. It’s a nice gesture but he didn’t say it in a nice way. Sure, you could just not go, but I would recommend going. Even if it doesn’t work out it’s an opportunity to get more comfortable talking to a woman, which is something I’ve definitely struggled with. I’ll be watching for an update!
That’s pretty high on the scale of toxic parenting,
Tell him that you’re already with someone, and not interested
There’s nothing here that indicates OP is not interested.
Your old man knows what he’s doing. She’s 27.
Go on the date, try and be cool. Let her do most of the talking. Given the age gap, it probably won’t ever be anything serious.
However, she’s 27. You’re getting laid on the first or second date as long as you don’t turn her off. She’s looking to get lucky.
Cut your fingernails, shave your balls, keep some gum or mints in your pocket. Bring rubbers. Be cool.
Damn skippy! Your old man is taking care of you, even if the delivery was rough.
If your hobbies/pastime are mostly gaming, don’t talk about it much other than a casual mention. Do talk about books, if you read and she’s receptive. Assuming US, try and stay away from politics, unless your dad tells you her political orientation; and even then just insult Trump. Talk about pets, animals, hiking/camping/outdoors. Some science talk can be good. Let her lead.
Kiss her when she gives you the look, you’ll know the look. It will make you very nervous. Do it anyways. Go with her when she asks, “you want to get out of here?” Suggest her place if you need to.
When it gets down to the get down, let her lead. Check in and ask if she likes what you’re doing. It’s okay to be inexperienced, she’ll be expecting it and will accept it as long you’re teachable. If you pop early, laugh, make fun of yourself. Very important, say something like, "welp, at least I’m 22, gimme like 15 minutes and we can try again.’
Try to relax, have fun, and even if you don’t want to be there, fake it til you make it.
You may feel awkward or strange about this but yer old man’s doing you a solid.
Worst case, you’ll have a great story.
gussy
The internet has atrophied my brain.
I’d tell my dad to f off and mind his own business only to make it clear that he has no right to infere in my love life, especially to force thing on me.
Depends on how much complaining the OP does. If he is always moping about girls then he has no right to tell the parents to butt out. Because he is burdening them with negativity - so they have the right to try make things better.
If he mentioned it once in six months in passing, now that’s a different matter.
Yeah, how much OP actually complains about this is kind of a big factor here.
I run up against something similar with a few of my friends. They spend a lot of time complaining that they’re bored and lonely, but no matter how many invites you throw their way, they never seem to make any effort to follow through with any plans. They say they’re interested, but they never let you know when they’re available, or they don’t show up, or they come up with flimsy excuses, etc.
And there are times I really wish I could force some of them to just show up to something so they’d stop complaining.
Having a social life is hard, I get it, we all only have so much time, energy, money, etc. shit comes up, we have other obligations, we all like to just veg out on the couch sometimes
But if you’re not willing to put forth even a little effort to follow through on plans, rearrange some things, inconvenience yourself a little, at some point you kind of lose the right to complain.
And it’s not that you’re not allowed to complain about it once in a while. But at some point, it’s just not fair to the people you’re complaining to if you’re not actually making an effort to do something about it.
If the son has issue i’d say the good parenting would be to try to fix the son, not pass the burden to a random girl . Let’s say OP is an incel constantly rambling about how feminism has ruined girl which prevent him from dating, i’d try to work on deconnecting him from internet and have social relation rather than find a girl that suit him.
I wouldn’t be embarrassed. I’d be angry.
Even being set up isn’t a problem- doing so without bothering to ask first is.
I don’t know why someone downvoted your comment. Setting up a date for someone WITHOUT ASKING is not acceptable.
Getting angry when someone helps you is neurotic.
It isn’t a blind date, it is a coma date.
OP are you going to go?
If so please update us on how it went etc.
I'd at least want to know what she looks like, being attracted to someone is important
!RemindMe 24h
don't think that bot exists, but I'll try to remember to follow up if you do feel like sharing
So you got the pics, then.
Should you feel embarrassed no.
Parents introducing their kids to romantic partners has happened since the dawn of time.
The difference here is how you are being told about it.
The hardest part of parenting is figuring out when the kid needs a hug, a challenge or just a swift kick in the ass.
This looks to me like a parent providing for his kid.
It’s a little weird from your dad tbh, but you could try to see if it’ll be fun. Remember: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
quality assurance
Lol that's fucking hilarious.
Okay young one, we have a few things to get through.
First, you should feel whatever you do feel. It’s not as embarrassing to have your parents help you than you might think. You’re in your early 20s, which means most of your life experience comes from when you were a child and embarrassing parents were a social death sentence. You’re an adult now and to a lot of older adults stuff like that becomes insignificant compared to other things. That said if you feel embarrassed, you feel embarrassed, there is no should to feelings.
Two, I suggest you tell your Dad that you appreciate what he’s trying to do, and that you’ll go on the date (because I think you should). You need to tell him that doing this without keeping you in the loop made you feel uncomfortable. He’s trying to help and it comes from a good place but the execution was a little off.
Third, go easy on yourself. Finding a partner is not easy, and at your age you’re going to make mistakes, big ones but that’s okay. That’s what living is. Just make sure you don’t an STI or you or someone else pregnant. Unless future you is trying to have a kid, in which case good luck!
🌻
Hahahaha. It’s just a date mate, why not go for it?
Its more typical to be introduced to partners through social media or friends than from family where I live but all sorts of cultures do it in all sorts of ways. You set your own boundaries if you feel like your dad is overstepping there are plenty of ways to go about it. Parents are naturally concerned for their kids and the world we live in pushes young people to stay at home longer and push back starting a family. That can be very concerning for parents you grew up without such socioeconomic pressures.
Typically the way I go about things with my parents (and all people in general) is I don’t mention things I don’t want them involved with.
Your dad’s weird af but no downside in trying it out.
When i was a teen this happened to me. The date was arranged by a family friend and his nieces plus me and my friend to make it a double blind date. We decided to take the girls out to a cheap fast food place and pocket the rest of the money that was given to us. Except the girls ended up both being really cool so we agreed to go bowling after dinner. I kept in touch with one of them for a few years and we went out a few more times on our own.
Nothing to be embarrassed by imo. Sometimes we need to try new things and try to have a good time. Who knows, it may be better than you think.
I’d feel pissed off more than anything. I don’t know your situation obviously but my mother would be aggressively pushy like this and the best solution for me was to stop telling her shit about my life.
Things greatly improved when I did that.
I think a lot of people here are missing the point. It’s not whether the child of this guy can go on the date or not. It’s that the father is being an asshole. My mom would do this shit to me all the time. I never went on any of the dates but it was still annoying as hell.
You’re gonna be like Captain Hook. Old. Alone. Done for.
First of all, this was a long time ago and I’m now happily married. Second of all, it’s okay for people to not couple up.
Look at what might happen: say you go on a date, you like each other. Maybe you end up together, maybe for just a while, maybe for a long time or you get married. Do you really care why or how you met then?
Even if the opposite happens, so you go on a date, you don’t really get along or aren’t each other’s type. What did you lose? An afternoon or an evening? And you (probably) still get some nice conversations out of it, or just “experience” in dating. Not really a big loss either.
It’s hard enough to find someone. Take any chance you can get, no matter how much of a long shot it may be. You said in some comment that he has a “wide social circle” or something like it. I would be glad he managed to use that for you in this way. If it doesn’t work out, nothing of value was lost (if anything it might be embarrassing for him in his social circle, I don’t know). If it does work out literally everyone just wins.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.
When life gives you lemons and they give you consent, squeeze them
that would be melons
Make life taken the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these?!
Can I squeeze them on seafood instead?
Id find it a bit creepy, last thing i would want in a potential partner, before we’ve even met, is absolutely anything to do with my parents.
I would just try to go to study the kind of woman who would listen to your dad like that? It seems weird lol. Try to befriend her
Then do that. Like, you can see the solution. It’s right there. Just be more charming and charismatic and confident. Will it take time and effort and embarassment? Yes. But then you come out the other side a better person. And also, you’ll have a girlfriend.
getting a girlfriend isn’t about being dominant, even if being charismatic usually would be helpful, it’s also not required
you shouldn’t feel pressured to get a girlfriend unless you want one, and you certainly shouldn’t be pushed into a relationship on someone else’s terms
I don’t think you should feel embarrassed, but I would understand if you felt angry - your autonomy is being violated, and ironically your dad is only enabling and promoting the behavior he seems to be judging you for. Either way, I’m sorry you were put in this situation, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.
What the hell is wrong with this person? Dad did the hardest part, now all they gotta do is show up.
They should be thankful, not upset.
It would upset me, but holy crap what a topic for the first half an hour of the date. Will get you right through the awkward phase!
_
So, wild story, my dad set this date. Can you believe this crap? I have no idea what he put in the profile, hopefully nothing too cringe. He said I love trains?? FFS you make ONE model train when you're 12, and you're a "train girl" forever. Honestly I almost no-show, but you didn't deserve being stood up..
Anyway, wanna vent about stupid shit your parents did?_
next to each other are their respective parents, acting as chaperones
Why be embarrassed? I am 33 and never had a girlfriend, I would welcome someone trying to set me up.
Personally I’d be pissed off to be honest. It’s none of his business and this is crossing boundaries.
Being set up with random women you’ve never met and he himself likely barely knows is very unlikely to be successful. He’s also aggressive and rude about it. Why is he so angry you’re single?
This isn’t about the random date, this is about the way your dad treats you. You’re 22, not a child, it’s none of his business. How you react to this determines how he behaves in the future - if you don’t want him doing this again you need to tell him where to go.
Absolutely agreed. I’d probably be on no speaking terms with my dad if he pulled that. It shows a complete lack of interest in the son, as he thinks it’s an opportunity issue as opposed to possibly anything else going on. He just wants to dump a shitty solution and call it a day because he “did his parenting job” so that he can absolve himself of anything to do with his son’s lack of a dating life.
If anything I’d bet OP’s upbringing by such toxic and careless parents is what’s causing him to not have found someone yet.
So fuck the dad.
My mom did this. She went into the post office where a woman who I went to school with many, many years ago was now working and asked her out in front of everyone. I wasn’t there, but she told me about it and I legit felt embarrassed.
Thankfully the woman was nice about it and did go out with me on one date but politely declined a second date. She was very kind and nice and made, what I think, was the best attempt to legitimately give me a chance at a date but we just weren’t compatible to her and that’s fine.
Say that to say, it’s perfectly normal to feel embarrassed because parents asking out someone for their child (for lack of a better term as you are an adult) is weird and abnormal.
But if you’re up for it, go for it. This can be both embarrassing and a real opportunity to find someone nice. Hopefully she’s nice like my date was and can give you a real chance.
But if you don’t want to, that’s fine too. Everyone moves at their own pace and your dad needs to respect that. Regardless whether this works out for you (and her) or not or if you decide not to go, he needs to respect you moving at your own pace and making decisions when you want to move and when you don’t. And if he wants to help, he should respect you by asking you or waiting for you to ask him for help.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.
Embarrassed? My dude, you should be angry. I’m sure your dad’s coming from a good place but he’s still running roughshod over your agency and free will by doing this. This is pretty close to abject disrespect of your choices (and possibly hers).
You need to nip this in the bud and make it clear you won’t tolerate being pushed around like this. Time to show some of that steel spine, buddy.
That’s a dad right there. I wish I had a dad like that.
josefo@leminal.space 15 hours ago
This is the closer humans get to being kicked off the nest to learn to fly lol.
echodot@feddit.uk 14 hours ago
If she’s 27 I’m going to assume they are also around that age. I’d already moved out of the house by that point but unless you’re really rich or lucky you’re probably still fairly reliant on your parents. Most people these days aren’t getting their own place until their mid 30s
khannie@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
Text says they’re 22. It’s not an insubstantial age difference but definitely worth a whirl IMO despite the dad’s condescending tone.
MyBrainHurts@lemmy.ca 13 hours ago
It’s a uhhh, metaphor. Not actually about housing but about being forced to learn a new skill (in this case, dating.) The more common expression/metaphor would be “thrown into the deep end.”
P00ptart@lemmy.world 14 hours ago
It says right in there that they’re 22.