32, f. Are there any dating sites that are actually free and don't suddenly force me to pay to actually use the site?

Submitted ⁨⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

I prefer web over app. I tried a site which was said to be free. signup was fine so i started to use the site only to realise to see my matches or start chats i had to pay for a “premium” account or something. that really annoys me and it’s a waste of my time so does anyone know any good dating sites which are actually free, as in i don’t have to pay to use the site for what it should be used for? thx in advance 👍

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lordnikon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Yeah it’s a known thing that match bought all the dating sites and turned them in to tinder and made the algorithm to not to help you find someone but just keep you on the site. So they just watch your patterns to keep you searching and give you just enough hope so you don’t leave / stop paying.

The question i have is not even about dating but just making IRL friends. Stuff like meet-up is full of scams and professional networking. Where what I’m looking for is a site where I can find people that share my hobbies/interests.

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zarathustra0@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I think the way you’re supposed to do it now is to post one of the JD Vance memes into c/196 and try DMing the first person who comments. Rinse and repeat until the desired outcome is achieved.

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- user224@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Germans skip to ich_iel.
  
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cecilkorik@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
From my understanding (and experience) dating apps/online dating in general is dead, fucked up beyond repair by capitalism, toxic incels, predators, scammers, crooks and most recently AI. No technology can possibly survive such an onslaught and most of them wouldn’t profit from doing so. They have a financial incentive to attract repeat customers.

In person meeting and dating should be the obvious alternative, but apparently nobody goes out socializing anymore since COVID and nobody can afford hobbies because of the economy and chronic social malaise and terminal online doomscrolling has broken people’s ability to form human connection anyway so I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly.

If there is a useful option I’d love to know what it is too.

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- surewhynotlem@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Go to protests. Meet cool people.
  
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- ReallyActuallyFrankenstein@lemmynsfw.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly.
  
  Probably for the best…
  
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- iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  My coworker met someone on Hinge, I think it was, just a year ago and they’re moving in together.
  
  Not trying to say it’s easy but I don’t think it’s useless.
  
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  - Impound4017@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    A friend of mine also found their long-term partner on Hinge. Dating apps are kinda dead, but if you’re looking for something other than hookups, it seems like Hinge is one of the better options.
    
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  - Steve@communick.news ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You can always find outliers. That doesn’t mean playing the loto isn’t useless.
    
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- user224@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  I think civilization is probably just ending after these last few generations, frankly
  
  Someone’s probably trying to stop that already, in a way. Low(er) sentences for rape and abortion bans. Maybe will be followed by something else, like decreasing age of consent. Or banning things like hysterectomy, salpingectomy, vasectomy.
  All the good solutions /s
  
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whyrat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
A similar question was asked about 2 weeks ago; I was going to link to that but it was since deleted; so here’s a copy & paste of my reply instead. Note payment wasn’t raised in that discussion; my response to that would be: is potentially meeting people interested in dating you worth the fee (to me that answer was yes)? If a service provides value to me I’m happy to pay a reasonable amount.

A lot of negative comments. I went through a divorce last year (male, mid 40s), and used dating apps when I was ready to start meeting people. I was apprehensive going in but ended up shocked by how positive the results were. After a week or two I would have several matches and pause searching while I talked with those and planned in-person meetings. Most profiles you’ll never get a reply. Of those you match again, half likely never respond to initial introductions / questions. But, if you live in a major metro area there’s still plenty of people looking for relationships if you’re willing to filter through that. I’m now happily in a relationship for the past few months so I’ve stopped using these apps.

I tried 3: eHarmony, hinge, and bumble. Here’s my feedback from best to worse.

Hinge: encourages discussion as an initial match prompt. I met the most people on this app and many matches led to in person dates. Met the person I’m currently dating seriously on here.

Bumble: costs money to send a comment / question, free to “just swipe”. Kept showing me profiles for people currently within my search distance, but who have listed another major city as their home (I guess they’re connecting through the airport and on the app?). Went on multiple dates with matches, fewer than hinge.

eHarmony: where I originally met my previous wife ~20 years ago. Now had the fewest matches and worst experience (and highest cost). I stopped checking this one after about a month. Went on only 1 date.

Feedback from my matches about the app: many men are using it to find people to cheat with / aren’t serious about a relationship. All of them told me actually holding a conversation on the app put me in the “top tier” of their matches. Many shared that matches just gave super short answers then asked for a phone number. Several noted that half the time they shared a number they almost immediately received dick pics. Multiple said matches tried to get them into crypto (?!?!).

For me (busy work schedule, and still spend half my time with kids) the experience was far better than any dates friends or co workers suggested. The profiles are not super deep… Yes everyone loves live music, travel, and The Office. I wanted to connect over something more specific than that. At least the people you match with are also looking for a relationship. Meeting people through my hobbies at 40+ most are in long term relationships or not interested in starting one. The apps are largely superficial… Half the first dates I went on one or both of us decided not to have a second date. Which is honestly expected… Even after filtering through the profiles and messaging in app you still only know the basics for most people.

For you specifically: many matches took issue with the recent timing of my divorce. If you’re separated (not divorced) expect that to be a deal breaker for many.

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abominable_panda@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Alovoa is free and opensource.

Its the only one i know that isn’t out to make money

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- SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  But you can’t self-host it??? Blaspheme!
  
  Just kidding, nice to know there’s something out there.
  
  There’s also Duolicious but there was literally no one within a hundred miles of me and most of the people using it were about half my age so it felt fruitless to pursue.
  
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SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Plentyoffish mostly stinks but still has a free tier where you can message one person a day.

Also, on the page where you look at people who have viewed/liked you, the photos are blurred but if you use the Web Developer Inspection Tool:

Right click on one of the images of who you want to see and click “Inspect”:

Image

Image

From here, you can usually find them in your list of potential matches, in your “meet me” swipes, or in the recently online list. This way, if someone swipes right on you, you can find them without paying and can decide to match or message.

Cheers and good luck!

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- frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  tysm! I’ll try it out!!
  
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  - SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    You’re welcome, I’ve just actually been waiting on an opportunity to share this info lmao
    
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liverbe@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I went on quite a few dates on Bumble & Tinder, which have pay options, but you don’t HAVE to pay.

Facebook dating seemed a little higher quality (somehow).

Please create a good profile that has: Some of your own words, at LEAST three RECENT pics, and NO fish pics. It didn’t work for me, but good luck!

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- frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  thx! are you able to chat/message people without a paywall?
  
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  - liverbe@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Yes, but you won’t be able to view who swiped on you, so you can only chat if you both swipe right.
    
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  - ImminentOrbit@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    I didn’t pay and used bumble three years ago and found my wife that way. She had, however, paid for a membership for some of the extra perks it gives you, so dunno if we would have matched otherwise.
    
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- user224@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  
  NO fish pics
  
  Are you referring to fishing or phishing?
  
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  - liverbe@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Guy holding fish he caught pic. I get it you don’t take a lot of pictures and that was one you had. Put in some effort and go take some damn pics.
    
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StrawberryPigtails@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
With the very big caveat that I’m 15 years out of date, you might see if OKCupid or Plenty O Fish are still around.

I would check for you but I’d rather not cause my wife to worry. I met her on OKCupid. If I remember correctly, searching was free but messages always were a paid service regardless of platform.

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- JackDark@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  OkCupid was amazing 15 years ago, but it’s pretty shit now. For what OP is looking for, it’s probably still the best option, but it’s a very low bar.
  
  OP, if you want to check out OkCupid, message me. I can set you up with a couple of browser scripts I wrote to improve the website experience. One will show you your matches’ photos. You won’t be able to view their profiles, but people that like you will generally show up in the profiles you’re shown pretty quickly, so it’s easy to find them. The other will need to be slightly tailored to you if you want to use it, but it will automatically skip any profiles that are showing to you that don’t meet your minimum requirements, and even alert you if one of them liked you instead of just skipping it, just in case you’d like to give it a closer look before you make a final decision.
  
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  - AA5B@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Hinge won’t even show a landing page with “privacy enabled”
    
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- davidgro@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Messaging used to be free on OKC too. Paid stuff was only better search placement, maybe seeing your matches immediately, etc. No idea about now, I was also found by my wife there over a decade ago.
  
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  - BxK__@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    Everything used to be free on OkC, smdh. They had a little questionnaire minigame and your responses compared to another person would yield match/friend/enemy percentages, and there were even forums back in around 2008-2010ish. It was so cool that they had to destroy it basically, such innovation
    
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nulluser@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I hate to be a downer, but…

Building, running and maintaining a website isn’t free. Building, running and maintaining a popular website is fucking expensive. Somebody’s got to pay those bills.

As the saying goes, if it’s free, you’re not the customer, you’re the product. Corollary, if it’s not free, you still might be the product.

Furthermore, these days I would assume that 99.9% of profiles on a “free” dating site are scammers, or bots, or scammer bots, many of which are probably run by the people running the website.

And to double down on the downerism, subscription based dating sites/apps are financially motivated to keep you paying for as long as possible. They are not motivated to help you find a match, cancel your subscription, and live happily ever after.

In an attempt to not be a total downer jerk, my suggestion would be to find local meetup groups that interest you (even if just barely) and start going to those consistently.

That’s how I met my spouse almost 14 years ago. We were both on the dating apps but not finding each other. Eventually we met through a meetup group that I ran, and after months of casually chatting occasionally at group meetings, sparks spontaneously started flying. 🤷

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- Asafum@feddit.nl ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  While I understand what you’re saying, Okcupid was way better before match group bought it. They could make money and still have a useful website.
  
  Sometimes it’s simply greed. :(
  
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  - CCMan1701A@startrek.website ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    okcupid is what i used, but it was back before COVID
    
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Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Orrrrrr, alternative option…how about we go watch fireworks tomorrow? It’ll be a date. We’ll grab some food, and then go see the new Jurassic Park movie, and then go see the fireworks!

Uhhhhh, just be in Cleveland tomorrow at 5pm. Just, anywhere in Cleveland. I’ll find you by roaming the city and yelling “YOU SINGLE??? HEY!!! YOU SINGLE???” at every woman I see on the street. I’m sure I’ll find you EVENTUALLY!

Just don’t stop in East Cleveland. That is a seperate city, and we in Cleveland don’t recognize them as anything more than an active war zone. You WILL die if you stop there.

Soooooo, what are you thinking? Drinks? Yay or nay? Aw who am I kidding??? OBVIOUSLY we’re going to drink!!! This city is BUILT on alcoholics!!!

…wha? Where are you going??? Come back!!! I haven’t even shown you our massive free stamp!!! Thats not a penis euphanism! We really do have a massive free stamp here!

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- frenchfryenjoyer@lemmings.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  what
  
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  - Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    It’s called flirting, and I’m quite good at it! Who could resist the Cleveland perogis? Again, not a sex euphanism. We have a strong polish population, and thus perogis are popular here.
    
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- edgemaster72@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I’m now imagining an accidental Lemmy meet up in the streets of Cleveland tomorrow, organized by people shouting “HEY!! YOU SINGLE??”
  
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- liverbe@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  Cool free stamp!
  
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drmoose@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
It’s called outside!

Joking aside, its fundamentally unlikely as if you’re not paying you’re the product and maintaining a dating network is a lot of work both in admin tasks, technical tasks and legal tasks.

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zewm@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Honestly, apps (web included) in 2025 are just profit farming. It will be hard to get anything substantial from the experience.

Best suggestion is avoid OLD and just meet people in person. Get a hobby and attend things and eventually you will find like minded people.

Things like rock climbing, board games, cycling, etc. Hobbies that have places you go to and do a thing.

Sorry I don’t have any better suggestions 🤷‍♂️

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some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
The model necessitates that they restrict your access in crummy ways or they wouldn’t be solvant. I met my partner on Hinge but I was paying to be able to reach people. Glad to be done with those apps.

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ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
Heck, are there dating sites that work at all anymore? Over a decade ago I had some success with OkCupid but my impression is that ever since swipe apps became a thing, online dating went from bad to terrible for everyone except gay men looking for hookups.

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- ViatorOmnium@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨minutes⁩ ago
  If any work it's a bug. "Dating" apps don't want to be dating apps, they want to be hookup apps because that's how they can keep repeat customers.
  The only way dating apps would remain dating apps under for profit companies is if they found a way to charge a subscription for long term relationships.
  
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JoMiran@lemmy.ml ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
A friend of mine met her now husband and father of her child on the free tier of Plenty Of Fish. That was a decade ago though. I’m not sure if the service has degraded since.

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adespoton@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
What differentiates a dating site from something like Lemmy? The secret matching algorithm?

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- edgemaster72@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
  I thought I found a match on Lemmy but it turns out she wasn’t interested in anything committed, as she was messaging a lot of other Lemmings and getting close to them too. I confronted her about it but she tried to cover her tracks by changing accounts, repeatedly. I know you’re out there somewhere Nicole, and I forgive you, we just wanted different things.
  
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  - SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
    
    I know you’re out there somewhere Nicole
    
    lmao, The Fediverse Chick!
    
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Vibi@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago
I believe most apps can be used for free… to an extent. Just like mobile games they can very much be pay to win with many QoL features locked behind a subscription. I know you prefer web, so I’m mostly thinking of apps that also have a web interface. I’m also a woman and a similar age as you; I’ve given up on dating sites and apps to meet people. I do have friends that have had decent success with Bumble, Hinge (no web interface), and Boo. I’ve not looked into the full web-based ones in a long time, but even then I remember them being very limited without a subscription; I can’t imagine that’s changed. Best of luck girl 🩷 Online dating is a complete drain!

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