Submitted 19 hours ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/9867d4be-99e9-4144-96fc-fa9e525fa317.png
Bible stories are the same way, we’ve just heard them a million times so they don’t seem weird
“Hey Jesus what toppings do you want for pizza?” “Plain with cheese” Later the disciples are eating pizza with Jesus "“Hey Jesus why did you say you like cheese pizza when you normally order pepperoni?” “You dumb fucks how dare you not understand my hidden meaning, I am the true pizza and you are the pepperoni, the grease is my blood” “Oh of course, sorry boss”
Its almost like nonsensical parables are a recurring theme in religions in general and we shouldn’t be assuming a bunch of mystical morons from a thousand years ago knew any better.
“Jesus… when you say ‘get me off this fucking cross, so help me God’… is that a test? Or should we actually get you off the cross?”
( More ranting and screaming and moaning )
The disciples nod wisely at their leaders self-sacrifice for their… sins? Maybe? And he will always be immortal in their hearts, because they’ve already eaten him or something.
The disciples go home, wiser and holier and warily eyeing each other in confirmation of the deeper meaning behind their saviour’s last words: “Guys, please, I’m not fucking around, get me down, please, I’m so fucking thirsty…”
… And one day, Jesus saw a fig tree. It was not the season for figs, and so there were no figs on the fig tree. But still, Jesus wanted a fig. He was upset there were no figs, and so he cursed the tree to never bear fruit again. Probably bathed its roots in a thin stream of uric acid, I don’t know.
Point is, that fig tree never made another fig, and when his followers asked how, Jesus zipped up his pants and said "if you believe in me, you can do anything. Not only can you totally curse trees to death, you can fuckin teleport mountains into the ocean. That’d be sick, dude."
Thought that one always tied back to the whole “you shall know them by their fruits” thing.
As in those who talk nice but don’t produce anything useful (like a fig tree that doesn’t produce figs, just leaves) are not really doing what Jesus said. Don’t be like the Pharisees hollering out in the streets, just love God and do good in the world.
I think you’re confusing the testaments, Jesus was ultimately a great guy as far as I can tell. The God used to be extremely cruel and vengeful in the old testament, though.
In response to calling a prophet bald:
“So he turned around and looked at them, and pronounced a curse on them in the name of the LORD. And two female bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.” -New King James bible, 2 Kings 2:24
This is the real way to turn the other cheek
Where have you heard them a million times? I guess you grew up in a far less secular country.
The US. I grew up in the central and southern US and the shit is (or perhaps was) inescapable.
One story that stands out to me is there were these warriors who fought a hundred dudes consecutively and then one guy who fought 100 of those warriors consecutively and then Buddha killed him instantly.
Dopest shit I’ve ever heard
I think I can explain. In Buddhism, you have to understand if he didn’t the last into the pizza, but from where I stand it simply is. I hope that helps.
What
If you have to ask, then you don’t know
The fool asks ‘What?’
The wise man interjects ‘What’
The enlightened silently nods and thinks ‘WTAF’
Induction technique
I suddenly feel enlightened.
Beautiful words.
The Buddhist Monk walks up to the hot dog vendor and says: “make me one with everything.”
The monk pays with a twenty, which the vendor pockets.
“Where’s my change?”
“Change comes from within.”
I felt a bit sympathetic to Buddhism up to the point when I actually visited a Buddhist temple and listened to the speeches of monks.
The amount of brain rot disguised as wisdom has made me feel Christianity ain’t that bad after all.
Sorry in advance to any Buddhist out there, but it struck me how the common perception of it differs from the actual thing.
Out of curiosity, which Buddhist tradition was this temple out of? I’ve had similar experience, but I get the feeling like Buddhist thought might be about as diverse as Christian.
Late to the party, and no offence to buddhism, but i always loved this quote from Terry Pratchett
“Master, what is the difference between a humanistic, monastic system of belief in which wisdom is sought by means of an apparently nonsensical system of questions and answers, and a lot of mystic gibberish made up on the spur of the moment?"
Wen considered this for some time, and at last said: “A fish!”
And Clodpool went away, satisfied.” ― Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time
(copies the quote from www.goodreads.com/work/…/46982-thief-of-time?page… but i’m rather sure its correct, so i didn’t check my copy).
It depends really. I grew up Buddhist and things were chill. Speeches I heard at temple were just telling us to be good people, be nice to people no matter their race or gender stuff like that, don’t do harm to people or animals.
Even Abrahamic religions have good and bad spiritual leaders, some are cult like and others are just trying to get people to have decent morals.
Fair point!
I kinda lost my interest in Buddhism when I learnt that according to traditional Buddhist lore, women can’t reach Nirvana.
When they’ve collected enough good karma, they are reborn as a man.
Good for them!
I mean aint that different from what the old testament teaches. Not saying the choice is between Christianity and Buddhism, but I’d assume most religions have patriarchy vibes baked into them. Not that I agree with religion, I see them all as means of various levels of crowd control for the masses, and somebody trying to benefit from it, be it a spiritual leader or an orange clown.
Care to give any examples ?
A classic cult tactic tbh. Convince people that they can divine meaning from random nonsense and they’ll convince themselves that they are more enlightened and above those around them who don’t understand.
Buddhism’s “Life sucks? Be nice and die and you’ll get a better one” sucks but it’s still better than “you should be nice to others, but that’s too much to ask so go be as awful as you want and just regret it later and that’ll be fine”. But even that was better than whatever the fuck people are interpreting from religions these days.
I’m not sure if Buddhism is particularly concerned with being nice
What the actual fuck are you talking about? Go educate yourself
Before Christianty it was also a lot of “killing people is just really fucking cool, actually”, which even as an atheist I still admit was worse.
Christianity was revolutionary for suggesting that we are all equal in the eyes of the divine and suggesting that you can be forgiven.
The Spanish missions have entered the chat. They actually sent people back to Spain when they said “yo, maybe Jesus wouldn’t be cool with us enslaving and murdering the locals”.
Yeah. Personally I don’t see life as being “sacred” or anything and I think people should ultimately be free to choose to end their own if they really want to (provided they also get good support for trying to deal with whatever leads to that choice) - but it kinda scares me that this “sanctity” that is attributed to life is the only thing stopping people from being casually OK with murder.
are they just trying to fuck with white people?
Not just white people, but people in general.
Isn’t Buddhism at least partially about a lack of desire. Buddha is enlightened, meaning he has no desires, therefore if you asked him what he wanted on his pizza, he’d be like “Eh, whatever’s fine”
I think it’s more about attachment. We suffer because we get attached to feelings, desire, etc. When we should realize, those, along with most things, are ephemeral, or “not real”. I don’t think it is that Buddhist can’t have desire or are indifferent, but that they strive for lack of attachment. That’s probably a gross oversimplification and, like most religions, there are many different sects.
Never thought that depression meant that I was enlightened.
Lack of desire is a metaphysical control of your realm, essentially by not wanting, you cannot truly be hurt.
The physical path is about actualizing your body through routine use. Meditation for example usually had physical exercise as that allows your breathing to take a dominant part in your brain, regardless of thoughts.
One of the coolest ways of mastering the metaphysical realm is through imagination, as some buddhist sects just imagine a holy land.
Anyways, he’d probably dislike a meat supreme.
I am enlightened.
Before enlightenment, shitpost daily
After enlightenment, daily shitpost
Zen koans are basically ancient memes.
“what is the path to enlightenment? a sesame bun” *ding *
Ryokan, a Zen master, lived the simplest kind of life in a little hut at the foot of a mountain. One evening a thief visited the hut only to discover there was nothing to steal.
Ryokan returned and caught him. “You have come a long way to visit me,” he told the prowler, “and you should not return empty-handed. Please take my clothes as a gift.”
The thief was bewildered. He took the clothes and slunk away.
Ryoken sat naked, watching the moon. “Poor fellow,” he mused, “I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon.”
Ok that’s pretty based I’m converting to Buddhism
I just wish I could live naked in a little hut at the foot of a mountain.
If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago.
Exactly Daniel Jackson
I understood this reference.
This guy doesn’t know the one about the pizza guy making him on with everything and then not giving him back and change. So he is angry cuz he didn’t get the anti joke.
Anon looks at the finger smh
Have you Heard, Seen, or Suspected the salami here comes from an animal that was killed for my consumption.
Dont know man… is my first day here. The Blessed One acquiesced with silence. … The vegetarian one then. Next customer!
为什么不两?
Freewing Rc airplane wholesale store
Joshu wants nothing on his pizza.
conditional_soup@lemm.ee 3 hours ago
Tbh, my favorite Buddhist tale is that of the Chinese monk birdsnest, so called because he always hung out in a tree.
Now, Birdsnest was famous and highly regarded, and a governor heard of him and decided to seek him out. The governor travelled for days to reach birdsnest, and when he arrived, he asked “hey, birdsnest, what was it that all the Buddhas taught?” Basically, dude was asking for a one sentence summary of religion, like the famous tale of economic study resulting in the one sentence summary of “no such thing as a free lunch”.
Birdsnest answered “Don’t do bad things, only do good things.”
The governor scoffed, and said “my three year old nephew knows that?”
“Easy enough for the three year old to understand,” Birdsnest retorted, “but still very difficult for the sixty year old to do.”