Y’all need to talk more
Anon has marital problems
Submitted 4 weeks ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/6d1fea8d-8411-4529-af67-b0efb8b78db2.png
Comments
naught101@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
pigup@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Completely broken relationship for sure
MITM0@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Yeaaaaah the Wife needs to talk more
Classy@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
What a sad situation. I know a lot of people here think this is abuse and I can see their perspective, but I see this more as a relationship lacking communication. The wife didn’t feel assured that her husband loved her anymore and the divorce papers were a last ditch effort to see if he still does. Sure, just talking openly would be better, but goddamn is it hard to find people who can do that.
I think the fact that she broke down and tore up the papers immediately after is a sign that she really didn’t want to do it and was reacting to his genuine reply.
I think OOP needs couple’s therapy.
JonnyRobbie@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
object original poster
lorty@lemmy.ml 4 weeks ago
Object oriented posting
jwmgregory@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
are you and the 93 people who upvoted you crazy??
lmfao in what fucking world is serving divorce papers and then tearing them up right after they’re signed not even just a little bit toxic, if not emotionally abusive?
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life.
think before you do stupid shit? other people don’t owe you discretion bc you’re an idiot? “uwu but what about the wife’s feeeeelings???” brother man grow tf up this isn’t a high school fling it’s a marriage. if you wanted to pull shit like this, why did you change it from girlfriend/boyfriend to husband/wife? was that about feelings too?
oop shouldve ran when they had the chance and the papers were signed.
sorry as someone who grew up as a child caught between this stupid shit people like you piss me off so much. this is traumatic for all involved.
Classy@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Fuck man, I don’t disagree with you. Don’t construe my words as me saying there’s nothing wrong here, but I also am not in the “omg just get divorced” camp, either. I’ve been in great and terrible relationships and I’ve seen behavior like above in both. There’s a massive difference between “I’m serving you these papers to cause suffering or as a shit test” and what OOP’s wife did. YES, her behavior was toxic. Toxicity doesn’t happen in a vacuum.
I’ve been around plenty of guys like the greentexter, too. Aloof, unaware, “women say the darnedest things” types. If he doesn’t see the situation and say, “Damn I got some problems with this relationship that need fixing” then he’s insane. But this guy says, “I love you and I’ve always tried… Man this is weird, better post to 4chan!”
Perhaps she’s been trying to talk to him about it but he’s been acting like a dumbass and this was her last ditch effort to shake some sense into him. AGAIN, her behavior is unhealthy. But if his response to it is to show love, and hers is to break down and back away from the edge, then perhaps there is more foundation here than we’re seeing in the context of this message.
I love my partner dearly and I regret to say I’ve acted in ways like this before during difficult times. Love is fucking hard sometimes. It’s about how you pick the pieces up and move forward.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Your empathy is commendable but this is fake, homedog
pickman_model@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
maybe a fucking adam sandler movie but this is real life
In all fairness, that looks like 4chan, so maybe we should lower our expectations here a bit more. I’m sorry you had to go through all that crap growing up. I hope you are in a better situation now.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
we did it guys, we found the REAL anon
conditional_soup@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
I like this empathetic take.
ameancow@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Yeah this is a couple who haven’t really talked through their issues and may have some kind of executive dysfunction. A little time being very honest and crying through their own insecurities together would turn their lives around for the better. (executive dysfunction is a big word but common problem with anyone who has depression and/or anxiety. It just means you don’t have a solid distinction in your mind between what you want for yourself and your life, and how your feelings just run away with you and make small things huge obstacles.)
AbsoluteChicagoDog@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Nah once you’re at the point where you need couple’s therapy the relationship is over
JargonWagon@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Not at all. Couple’s therapy is just a place for identifying and resolving the issues in a relationship and is useful for when a couple is struggling to do exactly that. Third party intervention can provide a different perspective for those stuck looking at an issue from a specific angle.
Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
Emotional abuse detected.
thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
I mentioned it in another comment, but I’ll repeat it here: This doesn’t necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her. Perhaps anon’s response caused her to re-think and reconsider, hence the subsequent breakdown.
KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de 4 weeks ago
It is emotional abuse. Just like it’s still assault if a veteran with night terrors gets a adrenaline rush while waking up at night and beating the wife sleeping next to him in his confusion. It is not intended, but the damage is done. And it’s done by the veteran; or the wife in the OP.
The emotional abuse may be coming from a deep emotional wound, but it’s on her to fix it. She gets to keep her shards, or attempt to fix herself. By choosing to not work on herself she effectively chooses to burden the people around her. And they have no obligation to keep her around.
state_electrician@discuss.tchncs.de 4 weeks ago
I would leave Lemmy if it weren’t for sane, rational people like you who have empathy and don’t just jump to the most damning conclusions without any insight into the situation.
intensely_human@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
This doesn’t necessarily have to be emotional abuse. It can well be a result of the wife being in a bad place, having little self-worth, and convincing herself that anon would be better off without her.
Abuse is behavior, not intention. The majority of abuse is not intended to be torture, but is still abuse.
Zer0_F0x@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Wife starts fucking other man Other man seems like a good idea at the moment Divorces you to not feel guilty Changes her mind and chooses you Will continue cheating since you don’t suspect a thing
TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
it’s always cuckoldry with you freaks
WhiteOakBayou@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Such a weird obsession. Some people are shitty and infidelity can be terrible but to spend so much mental energy focusing on the humiliation and righteous anger part is bizarre. No one cares you were cucked. Women aren’t property and some of them suck. Everyone understands that some people suck. No one cares you were cucked.
zqps@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Christ you’re awful.
satans_methpipe@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Yeah Christ is an awful cunt
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
This is fiction.
It takes a lot more than 3 days to finalize terms of the divorce. It usually takes longer than that just to get both of your lawyers to look over and approve it.
Even if these two people are both lawyers, and decided to represent themselves, you’d need a notary present when you’re signing.
frayedpickles@lemmy.cafe 4 weeks ago
Isn’t everything on anon just fiction?
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Probably, but this is lazy fiction. How long does it take to search “how long does a divorce take?”
Snowclone@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Yes. You’d be a fool to believe it.
Ulvain@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
Fully agree it’s a fiction, but couldn’t she have had the papers prepared weeks ahead?
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Even if this guy was stupid enough not to run the agreement by his own lawyer, even if there’s no contested assets, etc, he still ain’t signing that thing without a notary.
communist@lemmy.frozeninferno.xyz 4 weeks ago
…you’re boldly assuming they did it the right way.
Given that she’s the type to take it all back right after it’s signed, she probably just googled “real divorce papers” and found the best pdf and just printed it out.
macrocarpa@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
More likely consulted chatgpt, both for relationship advice and divorce papers
I wonder how many relationships AI has already ruined
Dasus@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Here in Finland I believe there’s a mandatory 6-month separation period before you can divorce.
But also I’ve had 8 beers a gross amount of rum and glög, an ambien or two and all the weed. So… I may not be giving correct info rn. I believed I am, but you shouldn’t trust me.
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Depends on the state in the US. I believe some of them require up to a year of separation.
Shard@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Its like part of the plot of EEAAO. Where the husband gives the wife divorce papers in an attempt to get their marriage back on track…
spicehoarder@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
I’ve never been married nor divorced, but I’ve heard friends talk about needing to “just bring him the paper to sign” I don’t know if they’re just stupid, or if there’s an option to just nullify the marriage. Granted these people were very poor and to my knowledge had shared literally nothing financially.
surph_ninja@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
They’re either meeting at a notary, or using a traveling notary service that’ll come to you.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
what if it was fiction from the beginning, but the wife did it as a meme.
Would explain the end of the post, at least.
codexarcanum@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
lack personal communication skills with wife
casually post deeply personal and emotional stories on 4chan behind veils of text and anonymity
oh shit am I neurodivergent and undiagnosed because I’ve never talked with a therapist
MutilationWave@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
If you know what a greentext is you’ve got at least a touch of 'tism. It’s a spectrum.
fibojoly@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
“The bond is broken, I said!” You can’t unspeak the words.
Junkernaught@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
He should have declared it instead of just speaking.
Arghblarg@lemmy.ca 4 weeks ago
So… if anon took those papers and just taped them back together, would they still be legally binding if submitted?
Would this depend on the jurisdiction/country? I’ve never thought seriously about whether tearing up signed legal documents constitutes a refutation after they’re signed. And thankfully never been in a situation where this question would arise. Also assuming ‘tearing up’ wasn’t enough to prevent taping them back into a mostly-complete state.
ricecake@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
I believe filling out the divorce paperwork doesn’t actually make it happen, it’s just an application for divorce.
It has to be filed with the court and a hearing held to make sure it’s all good and then the judge does the thing and you’re divorced.
Mostly this is a rubber-stamping type situation, and the judge mostly makes sure that asset division is done fairly and any children are cared for.
If no one has objections, the money is simple and everyone agrees, and there’s no children the whole thing is relatively simple.So filling out or destroying the paperwork doesn’t actually do anything.
intensely_human@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
A signature doesn’t offer much proof of which party signed a paper either.
The security mechanisms we use in this society are a joke.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
“I don’t understand women.”
Whenever someone has an issue with an SO, then extrapolates that to all women… that’s a red flag to me that this guy has a lot more misogynistic views just outside the frame of view.
It is unfortunately common. Pretty much all of the guys I know IRL complain about their SOs with “Pft. Women, right?” And I’m sitting here like… No? Maybe that’s just your SO? Or just your SO when they’re with you?
babybus@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
What if they don’t understand all women? Why do you extrapolate your personal experience to all people… That’s a res flag to me.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
This presupposes that men and women are fundamentally and irreconcilably different. I just don’t think that’s true, based on both my experiences and the psychological data I’ve reviewed throughout my life.
rickyrigatoni@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Women aren’t even real, calm down.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
How could I possibly calm down? Who am I married to then? Fuck!
(That was me joining the joke for anybody who might not get that otherwise.)
Flax_vert@feddit.uk 4 weeks ago
Women and men do have a different way of thinking the majority of the time. It’s about learning to cope with and deal with the other one’s feeling. If you want a woman, you have to be willing to deal with woman moments. If you want a man, you have to be willing to deal with man moments. Simple. Relationships cannot be perfect.
funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
As an AMAB who is vaguely uncomfortable enough with the gender binary to use he/they pronouns but still presents masc in every context — I have met many people of all and no genders who think so completely differently to me it’d be better to use zodiac signs than gender markers to divide personalities (and no I don’t think astrology is real).
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
Men and women have tendencies and subculture, sure. But they’re not mutually unintelligible if you make even a little effort to try and understand the other side as fundamentally human people. For example, by listening to them and taking their positions seriously (even if the specific situation does not call for believing every factual claim).
I think we mostly agree here, just with slightly different framing.
zqps@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
And this case like most relationship issues comes down to insecurities and bad/non-existent communication. To which, let’s face it, male socialization is a major contributor.
With stoicism and a fear of vulnerability, we’re far too often standing standing in our own way.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
That is unfortunately the tendency for men, yeah.
Ajen@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
It’s not misogynistic to admit you have trouble communicating with women.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
Do you think that’s what’s happening (both in my example but also the OP greentext)? That they’re admitting they have trouble communicating?
I could see a literal interpretation of “I don’t understand women” as a standalone sentence being reasonably interpreted that way, sure. But given the context, I think that’s really unlikely.
KillingTimeItself@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 weeks ago
true, just be gay instead.
SacralPlexus@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Not sure why you got downvoted because I had the same reaction when I read it. This is your spouse and treating her request for divorce and obvious associated emotional distress as something related to her gender rather than the specifics of your relationship seems incredibly dismissive and misogynistic.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
Who knows, lol. But I’m more than happy to engage with people who disagree, so long as it remains relatively civil.
I’ve had plenty of gender-coded miscommunication with my wife over the years. But that’s far, far outweighed by more individual differences (like neurotypical v neurodivergent, mismatched communication habits, and mismatched expectations from how we were raised. Hell even just regional differences.
And when it comes to the other married guys I know, I’ve provided advice (upon request) that basically boiled down to (1) you don’t “win” a marriage, (2) treat her like a partner not an adversary (even if she’s treating you adversarially for now), and (3) be open and vulnerable when you can. It’s amazing how many of them have just… never once heard that advice from anyone else their whole life. Wild out here.
blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works 4 weeks ago
The behavior of the wife in the OP would never be exhibited by a man, right? So calling it a “women” thing isn’t inaccurate.
Your reply extrapolates OP to mean all women. Which is exactly like when a woman makes a claim about men and men in the comments reply “not all men!” You’re doing that.
vonbaronhans@midwest.social 4 weeks ago
Maybe I’m misunderstanding your point, but I could see a man doing what the wife in the greentext did. It wouldn’t fit the stereotypes we have of dudes, but yeah I think it’s possible.
WhiteOakBayou@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
You don’t think a man has ever tried to use divorce as a threat to change his spouses behavior?
2ugly2live@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Talking of course would have been better, but I have a sneaky suspicion that this was not the first time she brought it up. I think the first one, he didn’t “care,” and she thought making it seem more serious would prompt some action. I think she was hoping it would be a catalyst for talking/change and not just, “Well, it’s been swell.” Like, ma’am, he doesn’t care. You told this man you fell out of love with him and he didn’t seem to care. Then you present him with divorce papers and he signs them willingly, as well as saying that the bond is broken. You ran out crying because he’s said very clearly that he doesn’t care, doesn’t want to “fight” for you, and did not react at all from the first time you brought it up until you gave him the papers. No “Oh my god, are you serious?” or “Can we talk?,” hell, he didn’t even bring up his own grievances. So now you take a nap on the couch, debating on uprooting your life for someone who at least seems vaguely interested in you, or staying with someone who is seemingly indifferent to you and your grivenances as he’s like “lol, women are so weird” on the internet.
Again, not saying her actions were the most rational, but humans aren’t always rational. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we just want to know that our presence matters, and that sometimes leads us to make mistakes. Sad for them both.
EuroNutellaMan@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
It’s fake tho. I mean it’s 4chin the wife is an hallucination
MITM0@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Typical actually; & now the guy will have to pay alimony
TootSweet@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
I wouldn’t want to stay married to anyone who would play these kinds of mind games.
thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
To be fair, it doesn’t have to be mind games, she could have been in a bad place and somehow figured out for herself that the best thing to do was to end the relationship, but realised that she was wrong. There are people who genuinely believe that they can make other peoples lives better by leaving them (a kind of “you would do better without me, I’m only pulling you down” mentality), that could do something like this not to manipulate the other person, but because they actually care about them, but are in a bad place themselves.
KeenFlame@feddit.nu 4 weeks ago
But no she needed drama and new cocks as all do at 35
MITM0@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
No this wasn’t a bad place, she did it because she can & wanted to
Thcdenton@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Maybe she just dumb as hell?
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 4 weeks ago
Definitely seems poorly thought out from her part