American cheese on pizza? that’s the kind of thing I would do if I’m down to the last two items in the kitchen, and feel too lazy to go shopping, but still would hate it
Depressing awful town
Submitted 6 days ago by ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net to memes@sopuli.xyz
https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/79db7859-b94f-47b4-91a0-052930589f97.jpeg
Comments
expatriado@lemmy.world 6 days ago
jonne@infosec.pub 6 days ago
That’s the type of thing you make if you have nothing else in the fridge and you can’t go out to get anything else. And you’d keep that shit quiet and never admit to it.
perviouslyiner@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Like Kenji’s smash burgers, “held together with hope and American Cheese”
cerement@slrpnk.net 6 days ago
cook with it? yeah
call it pizza? nope
ThatGuyNamedZeus@feddit.org 6 days ago
there’s no excuse for making a bad pizza. It’s pizza, it’s very hard to do it wrong
dufkm@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Yeah like, just don’t call it a pizza and we’re good. Call it an “Altooner” or whatever, but don’t soil the good reputation of pizza with whatever this creation is.
exasperation@lemm.ee 6 days ago
Altoona melt
Agent641@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Misc toppings on bread dough with some kind of cheese is probably thousands of years old.
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
If memory serves right a round bread with toppings is semi important in the Aeneid. Which assuming it isnt based off of older traditions means its at least 2000 years old, though I dont know if Virgil was pulling from older shit so I cant say for certain. Also I dont know if cheese was in Italy by that point.
Psythik@lemmy.world 6 days ago
The only people who say this are people who have never had good pizza before.
The “iT’s PiZzA, sO iT’s GoOd” crowd drive me nuts. You would probably put ketchup and Velveeta on a Ritz cracker and call it a pizza. Have some standards, my dude.
ThatGuyNamedZeus@feddit.org 6 days ago
I do have standards. It’s easy to make good pizza, you’d have to be an idiot with zero culinary skills to mess it up
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 6 days ago
This is a fucking culinary crime.
Rooskie91@discuss.online 6 days ago
Y’all better be careful or you’re going to fall down a rabithold of locally celebrated yet disgusting pizza in PA. It’s like a whole thing there.
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I knew PA was evil, but I never knew just how horrible.
I am biased being from NJ, but these pizzas vindicate me!
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
I propose the removal of Pennsylvania, except Philadelphia theyre chill.
TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 6 days ago
its cuz PA west of the Appalachins is basically the midwest. it’s like having next door neighbors from Iowa
beejboytyson@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Weren’t they a murder capital for a bit?
dumbass@leminal.space 6 days ago
Is this town filled with broke stoners or something?
rockSlayer@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Broke stoners in rural Pennsylvania? Say it ain’t so!
fishos@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Dunno about this particular area of PA, but the areas I am familiar with… the answer is meth.
pewpew@feddit.it 6 days ago
This is not pizza.
bruhduh@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I mean, sandwich bread, tomato sauce, ham and cheese on top, it’s not a pizza, it’s a microwaved 3am sandwich
radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Not cheese. Kraft fucking singles
chaogomu@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Kraft singles are still cheese. They’ve just been pasteurized and adulterated with sodium citrate.
That actually makes them super useful in making a cheese sauce.
Add a few slices to a queso and it will not break.
You fat. Smooth cheesey sauce that comes out perfect every time.
You can make sodium citrate with lemon juice and baking soda. Lime juice also works. Really any citric acid.
Anyway, you don’t need much to make cheese melt smoothly.
bruhduh@lemmy.world 6 days ago
When night munchies comes… You don’t care about quality of ingredients, anyway it’s just a slapstick sandwich and not a pizza, only “crime” they do is calling it pizza and pricing it as such, if it was marketed as cheap slapstick sandwiches on the go, i don’t think anyone would have problems with that
NutWrench@lemmy.ml 5 days ago
Yup. This is a stoner snack.
bruhduh@lemmy.world 5 days ago
True that
Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 6 days ago
Not even pineapple could save that.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Hello? I would like to report a crime against humanity.
Tikiporch@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Every person I’ve shared Altoona pizza with ironically has ended up unironically liking it, so I don’t know anymore. I’ve never actually had it myself. Maybe this isn’t any worse than Hawaiian pizza or cauliflower crust pizza?
At the end of the day though, this is just a regional food - like Cincinnati chili or Chicago hot dog - only after all the good ideas are taken, this was what was left. If they can sell one to everybody passing through Altoona just once, they’ve made a fair amount of money.
s_s@lemm.ee 5 days ago
Cincinnati chili is beloved by Cincinnati, though…
Juice@midwest.social 5 days ago
I mean to be clear I’m from altoona and I’ve never seen pizza like this.
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 6 days ago
And they say white people have no culture.
Grand sweeping gesture
wieson@feddit.org 6 days ago
No-one ever talks about white on white violence
Mandy@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
I’m Austrian and I feel betrayed
pewpew@feddit.it 6 days ago
I’m italian, my day is ruined.
Syd@lemm.ee 6 days ago
Honestly this doesn’t sound like it would taste all that bad. Thick crust, tomato sauce, green bell pepper, fried salami, and Velveeta cheese? That’s gonna be pretty tasty. Calling it pizza might be the biggest issue, maybe something like open faced pepper sandwich would be better.
Futtyklam@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Stop
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I bet you also think health insurance CEOs are hard working, upstanding members of the community.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
I mean, you just described a thick crust hot pocket. Which isn’t bad. It ain’t good, but it ain’t bad.
Pretty much, any combination of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce is edible. The salami is just there for texture
biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
Are those fucken Kraft singles? That’s deplorable and I am disgusted beyond the spiritual realm.
Anissem@lemmy.ml 6 days ago
I’d hork down a block of sketchy dicks before I’d let this abomination inside of me.
Linktank@lemmy.today 6 days ago
I’m not trying to judge, but your bar for that might be slightly too low.
bestagon@lemmy.world 6 days ago
I’d wolf down a barrel of sloppy dicks. Also, I don’t really care for this pizza
Thcdenton@lemmy.world 6 days ago
There better be chilli fries under that cheese
empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 days ago
I’m the one to do gross shit like dip a dill pickle in mayonnaise at 3am, and even this looks objectively horrifying to me
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Would you like a stroke?
Say what?
Would you like a pizza with a side of stroke hun?
Nah, but can I get it will a double pounder heart attack? And a side of diarrhea? I’m trying to keep my height to weight ratio.
Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
Mayon-egg
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 6 days ago
Heart disease
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
I don’t think it’s any less healthy than ordinary pizza. Just tastes like trash.
potustheplant@feddit.nl 6 days ago
Cheddar has more calories and fat than mozzarella. It’s also more processed and has more additives.
DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 6 days ago
The American Cheese with Pizza
pyre@lemmy.world 6 days ago
that tweet reply is just 👄🤌
where_am_i@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
It’s ok. Our fellow Americans just don’t understand the meaning of the word pizza.
– yurobro
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
There are appropriate uses of government cheese product. This is absolutely not one of them.
Please_Do_Not@lemm.ee 6 days ago
Lol I can’t believe this is real. How terrible must food be in your city for this to be successful? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altoona-style_pizza
db2@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Everything about that paragraph makes me feel ill.
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 6 days ago
It could have died there, but they had to do this
ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 6 days ago
I do find it comical that Americans call processed cheese “American”
30p87@feddit.org 6 days ago
Mozzarella is nice though, just that it’s mentioned makes me feel a bit better. As if the world isn’t broken completely.
nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 6 days ago
That passage explains the what , but nothing can explain the why.
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 5 days ago
This made me discover Velveeta. I wish I hadn’t.
Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 6 days ago
Lol, I do eat this type of cheese with grilled cheese… But this application is disgusting.
30p87@feddit.org 6 days ago
1000041697
db2@lemmy.world 6 days ago
Fun fact, you can trigger Wikipedia editors by changing the page in developer console and posting a screenshot of it, they’ll scramble to revert a change that doesn’t exist.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 6 days ago
The most successful businesses in Altoona when I lived there in the early 2010s were drug rehabilitation centers. All the factories closed, and the town is slowly dying.