American cheese on pizza? that’s the kind of thing I would do if I’m down to the last two items in the kitchen, and feel too lazy to go shopping, but still would hate it
Depressing awful town
Submitted 2 months ago by ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net to memes@sopuli.xyz
https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/79db7859-b94f-47b4-91a0-052930589f97.jpeg
Comments
expatriado@lemmy.world 2 months ago
jonne@infosec.pub 2 months ago
That’s the type of thing you make if you have nothing else in the fridge and you can’t go out to get anything else. And you’d keep that shit quiet and never admit to it.
perviouslyiner@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Like Kenji’s smash burgers, “held together with hope and American Cheese”
cerement@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
cook with it? yeah
call it pizza? nope
ThatGuyNamedZeus@feddit.org 2 months ago
there’s no excuse for making a bad pizza. It’s pizza, it’s very hard to do it wrong
dufkm@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Yeah like, just don’t call it a pizza and we’re good. Call it an “Altooner” or whatever, but don’t soil the good reputation of pizza with whatever this creation is.
exasperation@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Altoona melt
Agent641@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Misc toppings on bread dough with some kind of cheese is probably thousands of years old.
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
If memory serves right a round bread with toppings is semi important in the Aeneid. Which assuming it isnt based off of older traditions means its at least 2000 years old, though I dont know if Virgil was pulling from older shit so I cant say for certain. Also I dont know if cheese was in Italy by that point.
Psythik@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The only people who say this are people who have never had good pizza before.
The “iT’s PiZzA, sO iT’s GoOd” crowd drive me nuts. You would probably put ketchup and Velveeta on a Ritz cracker and call it a pizza. Have some standards, my dude.
ThatGuyNamedZeus@feddit.org 2 months ago
I do have standards. It’s easy to make good pizza, you’d have to be an idiot with zero culinary skills to mess it up
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
This is a fucking culinary crime.
Rooskie91@discuss.online 2 months ago
Y’all better be careful or you’re going to fall down a rabithold of locally celebrated yet disgusting pizza in PA. It’s like a whole thing there.
RebekahWSD@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I knew PA was evil, but I never knew just how horrible.
I am biased being from NJ, but these pizzas vindicate me!
vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I propose the removal of Pennsylvania, except Philadelphia theyre chill.
TimewornTraveler@lemm.ee 2 months ago
its cuz PA west of the Appalachins is basically the midwest. it’s like having next door neighbors from Iowa
beejboytyson@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Weren’t they a murder capital for a bit?
dumbass@leminal.space 2 months ago
Is this town filled with broke stoners or something?
rockSlayer@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Broke stoners in rural Pennsylvania? Say it ain’t so!
fishos@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Dunno about this particular area of PA, but the areas I am familiar with… the answer is meth.
pewpew@feddit.it 2 months ago
This is not pizza.
Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 2 months ago
Not even pineapple could save that.
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Hello? I would like to report a crime against humanity.
bruhduh@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I mean, sandwich bread, tomato sauce, ham and cheese on top, it’s not a pizza, it’s a microwaved 3am sandwich
radicalautonomy@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Not cheese. Kraft fucking singles
chaogomu@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Kraft singles are still cheese. They’ve just been pasteurized and adulterated with sodium citrate.
That actually makes them super useful in making a cheese sauce.
Add a few slices to a queso and it will not break.
You fat. Smooth cheesey sauce that comes out perfect every time.
You can make sodium citrate with lemon juice and baking soda. Lime juice also works. Really any citric acid.
Anyway, you don’t need much to make cheese melt smoothly.
bruhduh@lemmy.world 2 months ago
When night munchies comes… You don’t care about quality of ingredients, anyway it’s just a slapstick sandwich and not a pizza, only “crime” they do is calling it pizza and pricing it as such, if it was marketed as cheap slapstick sandwiches on the go, i don’t think anyone would have problems with that
NutWrench@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
Yup. This is a stoner snack.
bruhduh@lemmy.world 2 months ago
True that
Tikiporch@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Every person I’ve shared Altoona pizza with ironically has ended up unironically liking it, so I don’t know anymore. I’ve never actually had it myself. Maybe this isn’t any worse than Hawaiian pizza or cauliflower crust pizza?
At the end of the day though, this is just a regional food - like Cincinnati chili or Chicago hot dog - only after all the good ideas are taken, this was what was left. If they can sell one to everybody passing through Altoona just once, they’ve made a fair amount of money.
s_s@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Cincinnati chili is beloved by Cincinnati, though…
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 2 months ago
And they say white people have no culture.
Grand sweeping gesture
wieson@feddit.org 2 months ago
No-one ever talks about white on white violence
Mandy@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I’m Austrian and I feel betrayed
pewpew@feddit.it 2 months ago
I’m italian, my day is ruined.
Syd@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Honestly this doesn’t sound like it would taste all that bad. Thick crust, tomato sauce, green bell pepper, fried salami, and Velveeta cheese? That’s gonna be pretty tasty. Calling it pizza might be the biggest issue, maybe something like open faced pepper sandwich would be better.
Futtyklam@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Stop
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I bet you also think health insurance CEOs are hard working, upstanding members of the community.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I mean, you just described a thick crust hot pocket. Which isn’t bad. It ain’t good, but it ain’t bad.
Pretty much, any combination of bread, cheese, and tomato sauce is edible. The salami is just there for texture
Juice@midwest.social 2 months ago
I mean to be clear I’m from altoona and I’ve never seen pizza like this.
Anissem@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
I’d hork down a block of sketchy dicks before I’d let this abomination inside of me.
Linktank@lemmy.today 2 months ago
I’m not trying to judge, but your bar for that might be slightly too low.
bestagon@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I’d wolf down a barrel of sloppy dicks. Also, I don’t really care for this pizza
biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Are those fucken Kraft singles? That’s deplorable and I am disgusted beyond the spiritual realm.
Thcdenton@lemmy.world 2 months ago
There better be chilli fries under that cheese
empireOfLove2@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
I’m the one to do gross shit like dip a dill pickle in mayonnaise at 3am, and even this looks objectively horrifying to me
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Would you like a stroke?
Say what?
Would you like a pizza with a side of stroke hun?
Nah, but can I get it will a double pounder heart attack? And a side of diarrhea? I’m trying to keep my height to weight ratio.
Yerbouti@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Mayon-egg
possiblylinux127@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Heart disease
zarkanian@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
I don’t think it’s any less healthy than ordinary pizza. Just tastes like trash.
potustheplant@feddit.nl 2 months ago
Cheddar has more calories and fat than mozzarella. It’s also more processed and has more additives.
DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The American Cheese with Pizza
pyre@lemmy.world 2 months ago
that tweet reply is just 👄🤌
where_am_i@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
It’s ok. Our fellow Americans just don’t understand the meaning of the word pizza.
– yurobro
gravitas_deficiency@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
There are appropriate uses of government cheese product. This is absolutely not one of them.
Please_Do_Not@lemm.ee 2 months ago
Lol I can’t believe this is real. How terrible must food be in your city for this to be successful? en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altoona-style_pizza
db2@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Everything about that paragraph makes me feel ill.
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It could have died there, but they had to do this
ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
I do find it comical that Americans call processed cheese “American”
30p87@feddit.org 2 months ago
Mozzarella is nice though, just that it’s mentioned makes me feel a bit better. As if the world isn’t broken completely.
nova_ad_vitum@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
That passage explains the what , but nothing can explain the why.
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 2 months ago
This made me discover Velveeta. I wish I hadn’t.
Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Lol, I do eat this type of cheese with grilled cheese… But this application is disgusting.
30p87@feddit.org 2 months ago
1000041697
db2@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Fun fact, you can trigger Wikipedia editors by changing the page in developer console and posting a screenshot of it, they’ll scramble to revert a change that doesn’t exist.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The most successful businesses in Altoona when I lived there in the early 2010s were drug rehabilitation centers. All the factories closed, and the town is slowly dying.