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Anon has a plan

⁨419⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨greentext@sh.itjust.works⁩

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/aef0a2a3-f7f7-41d6-a4b7-d67582c5a86f.jpeg

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Comments

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  • mcqtom@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    You may find you struggle with step 1.

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    • echodot@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I’ve been trying to do step one for years. But my bastard relatives refuse to die, and also refuse to be rich. Selfish I call it.

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      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        And then my siblings also think they’re entitled to some of the non-existent inheritance. So many selfish people in my family…

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    • Trainguyrom@reddthat.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Zoos tend to struggle with Step 7 and they have far better conditions than a beat up converted freighter

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    • Lev_Astov@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Also step 2. $4MM is not enough to run the kind of vessel needed to go to the poles.

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  • TheTechnician27@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Antarctica is generally colder than the Arctic. They would almost certainly be stuck along the coastlines of Antarctica like the penguins are, since the interior averages temperatures that rival the coldest ones ever recorded in the Arctic. They should be fine there, but then that means they have a very limited distribution and that penguins and seals consequently are always forced to share an environment with the polar bears. Because they’re not used to the polar bears, their populations would likely be destroyed, leaving the polar bears to starve. Unlike in the Arctic, too, they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out. Outward is hundreds of kilometers of ocean, and inward is hundreds of kilometers of unsurvivable desert.

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    • Monument@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      they would have nowhere to retreat if their food supply ran out.

      Um. Hello? There are scientists there.

      Which means scientific papers, then tourists, then garbage and a symbiotic relationship, then the eventual domestication of polar bears.
      Not, you know, the international scientific community treating scientists like cats.

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      • Warl0k3@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        “Return Eenie or we feed another physicist to the bears. We know you fuckers took him.”

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      • SGforce@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Always wondered what it would have been like had we domesticated these things

        These limbs were adapted for efficient long-distance pacing, rather than the explosive acceleration and high speed pursuits

        Terrifying

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      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Idk, I think polar bears would domesticate the scientists before scientists domesticated the polar bears.

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  • Timecircleline@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Etymologists crying and shaking right now at the thought of Antarctica (meaning: without bears) gaining the one animal it’s not supposed to have

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    • SirSamuel@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I read that as entomologist for a second and was really confused

      Figured it had something to do with fleas

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    • John_CalebBradberton@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      This comment sent me down a rabbit hole. I had no idea the arctic is called that because it was the Greek for ‘of the bear’ because they used Ursa Major to guide them north. And the the arctic is the most northerly point.

      Fucking wild. Mind blown.

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      • cevn@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Wdf how are we just learning this?! Can’t they teach it with the continent names??

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      • Wirlocke@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        And it’s a hilarious coincidence that it resulted in the southern most point being Antarctica, as it just happens to be the only continent without bears.

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    • Dragonstaff@leminal.space ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I’m not saying this will definitely reverse the Earth’s polarity and doom all life on earth, but do we really want to take that chance?!

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      • SkyezOpen@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Looks at earth

        Well, it probably won’t get much worse, and if it does it’ll at least be interesting to see.

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  • RegalPotoo@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I’d say that if all you want to do is scare the shit out of some scientists in Antarctica you probably only need 1 polar bear

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    • hypnicjerk@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      or a dog

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      • echodot@feddit.uk ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Nah let’s really confuse them. A lion.

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      • HonoraryMancunian@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Image

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    • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Yup, and there’s a lot less risk of complete disruption to the normal food chain. One polar bear will eventually die, a dozen will probably take over.

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  • celsiustimeline@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    It would work until the polar bear population collapses in a couple generations due to inbreeding.

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    • fuckingkangaroos@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      And once they eat all the penguins and starve

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      • MirthfulAlembic@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        St. Matthew Island with polar bears instead of reindeer.

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  • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    4 million buy a freight boat

    I work in supply chain but not a complete expert but the smallest cheapest ship I can find for sale is this one for $6MM, doesn’t include licensing, crew, insurance and the dreyage/accessorial on live polar bears is gonna cost you big

    petronav.net/…/container-adilia-i-ex-e-r-auckland

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    • petersr@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Does it really need to be a big container ship?

      Didn’t people transport stuff in smaller boats back in the day?

      (You still make a valid point though)

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      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Idk, polar bears are really heavy, and it takes a long time to get from one end of the planet to the other, so you want something secure to store the bears in. That means a bigger ship that can handle angry bears hurling themselves at the walls of their cage, because they will wake up during the journey, and they won’t be happy.

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      • funkless_eck@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        they did specify freight! although getting The Cutty Sark back in working order is probably even more costly.

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  • TotalFat@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I’ve recently learned that bears absolutely love cocaine. I’m sure that’s relevant here somehow.

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    • Wooki@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Thats why polar bears have white coats

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      • felbane@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        I thought they had white coats because they take their methamphetamine production lab very seriously.

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      • sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        They’re actually clear coats with hollow fur, which means they always have a way to consume said cocaine. They’ve basically evolved to be addicts.

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    • Crashumbc@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I saw that documentary! That is boundary pushing science

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  • Ibaudia@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I think the penguins would learn to just swim away, and the bears would starve since they would need to expend a lot of effort for a small bird versus the calorie-dense seals they’re used to.

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    • Olgratin_Magmatoe@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      To be fair, some penguins aren’t exactly small

      Image

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      • blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        That is a king penguin, not even the tallest subspecies (emperors are taller), but what you’re looking at is an optical illusion because the penguin is much closer to the camera than the humans.

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      • TunaCowboy@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Forced_perspective

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      • UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Image

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    • desktop_user@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      plenty of polar bears eat salmon

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      • No_Ones_Slick_Like_Gaston@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Polar or grizzly bears… not sure salmon roams the north regions without rivers.

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    • figjam@midwest.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      So I’m hearing that we move some seals first…

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    • GBU_28@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      They’d need to ambush the flock when they were on land, ensuring they could corner several before the penguins make it to water

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  • WaterSword@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Would work until the penguin pop. is too small and then they start dying out again

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    • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      So then part of the program needs to be penguin Viagra to keep the numbers up

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      • Plastic_Ramses@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Crude dark matter should do the job.

        Penguin spanish fly.

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    • KazuchijouNo@lemy.lol ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Listen to this. How about we get a big boat, put the surviving penguins inside and ship them to the Artic!

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      • WaterSword@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Ahh the good old switcheroo

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  • SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    This reminds me of a friend that once proposed that if we really wanted to mess with Europe we could release a few packs of coyotes

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  • therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Then you have a penguin population crisis

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    • blockheadjt@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Tbf we already have that due to glacier melt

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    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Don’t penguins already have to survive orcas?

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      • SkyezOpen@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Yeah, in the water. Giving them another apex predator on land won’t make them happy, I’m sure.

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  • FiskFisk33@startrek.website ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    would have to be quite a few bears to avoid heavy inbreeding

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    • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      No, you must keep the bloodline pure.

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      • scutiger@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Okay, McPoyle.

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    • Honytawk@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Apparently it is 12 creatures, 6 male and 6 female, that is needed for a genetically diverse enough group to repopulate.

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      • superkret@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        That depends entirely on what creature you’re talking about.

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    • Zoidsberg@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      A couple of birth defects wouldn’t matter much if you’re walking around a penguin buffet. They’d be fine.

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  • fibojoly@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I was really hoping OP wanted to drop the polar bears on a tropical island. For science.

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    • SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      only if you can find some weird magnetic anomaly and plane crash survivors

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    • Dragonstaff@leminal.space ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      They’d probably just turn back into grizzlies eventually.

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  • Leate_Wonceslace@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    It depends on the goal. For example it work if you want to render every penguin species endangered or worse.

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  • feedum_sneedson@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Neal Stephenson book.

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  • Sibbo@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Sounds reasonable.

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  • pewgar_seemsimandroid@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨11⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    people who wanted penguin in Minecraft after not voting in the mob vote:

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