Submitted 2 months ago by did_you_find_violets@lemmy.world to [deleted]
My guess: A lot of “Perverted” men think they are perverted because all the girls they’ve talked to so far have gone “eeeew” when they mention anything like a blowjob.
They have then concluded that they must be perverted for wanting to try such depravities.
Yeah, for many of us, the experience of women wanting sex is rare. All of those “I have a headache tonight” jokes didn’t just fall out of the sky. And, the expected retort to that example is, “obviously, you’re not very good at it, then,” which reinforces the idea that sex is a competitive event that a man has to develop his skills at in order to be allowed admission, rather than a collaborative activity for the enjoyment of both partners. Under that model, stuff which he enjoys and she doesn’t is “perverted,” and lots of us men end up thinking we’re some grotesque deviants for wanting.
That’s kinda the same no? For the most part, the taboo is not one that the individual has created, it’s a societal thing. The same society that creates women that are grossed out by the mention of a blowjob creates the man who freaks out when he sees a boob.
Uh, seeing boobs is exciting.
Seeing nice boobs in real life is exciting. Whether it’s taboo is another matter. On the beach when someone’s sunbathing, no, if I were to see them in the middle of the supermarket while grocery shopping, I’d say that was taboo 😂
I’m left wondering what your idea of perverted is…🤔
We can also see this in the pop culture, like the perverts in cartoons (i talk for japanese ones, since they are what i watch more often) are usually rappresented as the ones that get excited over a pair of boobs, a bit of skin etc etc
I can understand someone drawing a line between the playground and sewage facility when it comes to putting things in their mouth… But that’s not really the same on the receiving end.
I’m going to want to kiss the person I’m fucking and if their mouth has been on an asshole I’m not going to do that. Sorry, it grosses me out and it isn’t as good as using it on my dick anyway.
Next step: Grab the strap-on.
I would be okay with the strap-on but not with rimming. As another reply says, some people just don’t like the butt-mouth combination. I’m one of them.
I put my partner in a hypnotic trance, crossdressed as a witch, “brewed” an aphrodisiac potion, fed it to them and then myself, cast a “spell” to freeze them in place, then fucked them with a tentacle that I “summoned,” but I can’t be kinky because I’m not a fan of applying lipshit. I’m glad you know what you like, but I think it’s good to recognize that kinks are by definition often very specific, and there are therefore so many different meanings a person can have when they describe themself as kinky. If someone tells you they’re kinky and the first thing you do isn’t clarify what kinks they have, that’s a communication issue, not something to shame them for. You don’t even know if they’re into shaming at that point!
Thank you, was going to respond with something similar.
We don’t yuck others’ yums, but we also shouldn’t yuck their lack of our yums. Being kinky is not some linear progress bar you fill, it’s an incredibly varied spectrum of things that may or may not make us tick to any degree.
To that effect, as with Jaycifer here, my play is mostly mental - the physical stuff matters less, and things like rimming aren’t even on the invite list.
So gtfo here with all that “if you don’t like this then you aren’t kinky enough” shaming bullshit. Because it comes in so many forms, and that’s the awesome fucking part.
I mean as a woman, I’ll gladly be beaten, I play with electricity and fire, and I’ve been in the leather community and power exchange scene most of my adult life, but rimming will take some convincing
Haha hilarious that your responses confirmed your thesis sadly. Eating ass is default in 26 y’all.
Also the dudes who say " i’m can fuck all day, everyday!!", then they meet a woman who can actually fuck all day. They will be looking like the Creepshow ghoul by weeks end.
Women: can get off 7-10 times in a row
Men: busts once, needs an hour and a Gatorade before they can go again
Ahh, when I was younger I could do unspeakable things… now I just want to sleep
The REAL fun is when you force orgasms on her until she’s begging you to stop.
Well, you gotta build up some jet fuel to cum again. If you were to mpreg them with some pegging you’d see recharge times quickly rise as they reabsorbed the cum for fuel
afaik it is allowed to use other appendages
Women get quite sore down there if done poorly and even with a great foreplay and plenty of lube, it’ll still get sore.
While i could go again in an hour, once she stops? It’s GG.
Guy probably would not need the gatorade if the woman was Amazon riding him and doing all the actual physical work of fucking.
Gal would then probably need the gatorade.
Yeah, men have a refractory period, women essentially do not, can’t really fundamentally change that, though guys can do kegels and such to last longer/maintain erection/do their own orgasm control.
Guys also can get off 7 to 10 times in a row.
It’d just take longer, due to the refractory period, and would also literally require more physical work.
You ever literally fucked for an entire today?
You both need breaks and gatorade, guy and gal.
Me: has fingers
The ones that didn’t fucked their own spunk out of her and were less likely to reproduce. This is a whole rant… But basically the make penis is designed to scrape competing sperm out of a woman. If you’re ready to go again rapidly you make it harder for your genes to pass on.
When I was young I could go again within a couple minutes… After 30 it was pretty rare… Then in late 40s started having trouble keeping it up for a one time thing, but I figured it was psychological because my then wife didn’t want it (from me) anymore anyway… Then when that ended I took care of things, got a vasectomy and medication that lets me go multiple rounds again, at least in theory… Haven’t gotten to test out the theory yet, other than in my own hands…
Once? My record is like 4 (listening to power metal). Though at some point they start merging together so it’s hard to count them
Kink is a spectrum, and I haven’t been exploring it for a few years, but from what I remember, the various communities of kink are always mismatched.
There are always more sub men than there are dom women. This compounds when you realize that usually those sub men are looking for certain types of play that the doms aren’t into. Dommy mommies and what have you.
Like, I think of the feminization community. It’s hard to find people who like feminization but don’t also like cuck play, or race-cuck play, which to me is gross but is a major aspect of that community.
Matching freaks is hard, man.
As a straight dom male, I can tell you that the inverse is also true. Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn’t BDSM and is actual abuse. I blame the 50 shades of grey series at least in part for that.
For sure. All of my friends in the community HATE 50 Shades of Grey
Straight sub women routinely want me to do stuff that isn’t BDSM and is actual abuse.
Give some examples?
I have very few restrictions when it comes to someone getting physical with me as long as it’s not permanent. I have found plenty of doms lacking because they express discomfort in rougher kinks. Light bruising is not abuse for example although you should probably take your time and get to know me well enough so that you trust I’m not crazy and that I won’t tell people you’re battering me.
This unfortunately, too real. It’s really unfortunate that it’s gotten bad for both genders,
And I’m a straight dom male, I’m very chill but, a lot of women into things that make me nope out
Yeah, as a lesbian sub I’ve noticed one big problem facing straight male subs is a lot of dominant women interested in men get burnt out of the community by bad experiences pretty quickly.
I think it’s partly that yeah ime a lot of dominant straight women are looking for someone masculine, competent, and submissive, while the men tend to be looking more for degradation and caretaking, and neither group seems to be great at finding compromise, and the men often don’t notice what the women are looking for.
But also, bad subs abound. And it’s not just men. I used to switch, but bad experience not related drove me away from it, and around the time I was considering dominance again a submissive woman violated my boundaries to the point IDK if I’ll ever be comfortable domming again. I’ve watched other women have similar experiences with one friend have a string of male subs make her decide to look for submissive men in the non kink scene.
And yeah, what I’ve seen of the feminization types is a real mix of yikes and eggs. Even if I were into men, domming, and feminization I’d be hesitant to get into that can of worms.
What’s a bad sub or dom if I may ask
Be spesific
There’s also a spectrum for sub guys. From what I’d like to call ‘compliant’ to ‘doormat.’
Some want a guy who’s confident, strong, typical male traits, but lets her decide things and pick stuff. Other side of that is the ones who want to be property.
Idk. Lining shit up in the kink spaces is so damned hard that it’s harder than finding even regular relationships.
a submissive woman violated my boundaries to the point IDK if I’ll ever be comfortable domming again.
This sounds like a paradox. How is that possible? What would be a tame example of the sub crossing the boundaries of the dom?
I agree with most of the comments and sentiments in this thread. Being a male switch I’ve seen all sides of things and the bad actors abound regardless of declared genders.
The big line between pleasure subs and service doms is a large one. Getting bound up and teased and used is a far cry from being someone’s table or maid.
Media definitely sets a lot of bad expectations but occasionally one strikes gold and the magic makes you not give up.
I am a guy who is a genuine switch.
I’ve only ever met a single female switch, and she was literally a diagnosed nymphomaniac.
I’ve met other guy switches, uncommon but not too uncommon… never ever met another female switch.
Thank you for posting this. I am 99.9% sure I am a switch (M) but I’ve been dominated for exactly 5 minutes of my life bc every other partner I’ve had (F so far) was 99% sub.
Spectrum? I am going to say more like a switch board. It is hard to get all of those connections aligned, and even in vanilla relationships I don’t think anyone ever does.
I would agree that kink is a spectrum, or axis. Specifically, it’s the Z-axis to the masculine/feminine attraction (“gay-straight” but generalized) X-axis and sexual intensity (aka, horniness level) Y-axis. That’s right, we’re going 3D.
It’s a 27-axis graph, with each axis being a spectrum. It’s 27 dimensions of sexy times.
queers are kinky in more based ways usually :3
life goals: queer kinky polycule
I think this has nothing to do with someone’s gender. I would consider myself a perverted woman. I am at a lot of kinky events (probably once or twice a week). I saw a lot of stuff that is too extreme for me but on the other hand a lot of things I do is too extreme for others. So it’s a huge thing based on perspective. But what I noticed so far is that men have a lot of kinks that are unrealistic to pull of. I met someone who was into the thought of me shrinking him down and swallow him. I encountered almost every kink imaginable so far and I would say woman and man are equally as perverted.
I think maybe your results are skewed by your sample group. I’m unsurprised that you find very pervy men at your Sunday night Pervert Socials. What are the average, non-meeting-attending pervs cranking their hogs to? Probably high heels and fishnets and thinking they’re depraved animals.
Hey, kink is fun as hell. The whole societal shame bullshit around anything related to sex outside of the context of procreation is fucking dumb, and I’ve more or less fully rejected that mindset at this point. We are humans; humans were designed to feel good when smashing; hence, we like to smash. And exploring fun aspects and dynamics in that context is exciting and delightful.
Remember: “tradition” is just peer pressure from dead people.
That’s not a kink. Sex for fun is entirely normal human.
This is why kink is celebrated at Pride, society makes people feel shame for the things they enjoy.
Hey I just wanna eat pussy in a maid crossdress.
Maybe get pegged and called cute.
Not much to it.
That’s fucking disgusting.
…only degenerates want to be called “cute”.
This is so much more common among normal straight men than women realize. That said this is a pretty rare kink for straight women.
The patriarchy ruins errything for us cute booty men with muscles.
no joke i used to be one of those dudes that thought i could keep going and never get tired until i met a woman one day that wore my ass out i think i was asleep for like 14 hours lmao shit was fucking wild
I dated a girl once who said she was into kinky shit and i thought pfft yeah yeah - she wanted to cut my dick while it was hard and suck the blood mixed with precum 😐
So, finish the story. Did you let her?
Good god, that’s way too extreme
Entirely anecodotal but:
Nearly every woman I’ve met/dated/etc that’s described themself as a pervert or a freak or kinky, that’s a significant element of their personality?
They’re the absolute most boring and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
Conversely, not all, but far far more of the ones that do not describe themselves as that?
They are actually quite often the most active and creative and willing to try new things.
Absolutely no clue if this is any kind of representative sample, but it is my experience.
The literal only exception to at least the first half of this was the actually disgnosed nymphomaniac, who was, other than that, a rather meek and reserved person, 95% of the time.
Also I guess for the record, I don’t consider myself ‘perverted’, just sex positive and I guess kinkier than your average bear twink.
They’re the absolute most boring, plain and lazy in the bedroom, and they also tend to have fairly to extremely serious mental/personality disorders/problems.
I encountered a woman once that talked about how freaky she was in bed, in a way that openly encouraged investigation.
Investigation commenced.
Turns out her idea of bein freaky was Doggy Style.
I’ve been called perverted just for having a high sex drive and thinking about fucking all the time. I don’t think I’m particularly perverted. I just want to do the basic stuff A LOT. All the people I think of as perverted are into the freaky/gross stuff.
Each time this meme is posted I look into comments to search for proofs of those “perverted” woman. Yet to see one. “Uh, I do rimming, that is sooo kinky”. Your “kinks” so uncommon that you can find them in top 10 tags on rule34, focking adorable.
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe
I’m not perverted, I just want to tie you up, suspend you in the air, and have my way with you
I feel like a lot of straight men, self-proclaimed perverted or otherwise, fetishize virginity and a general lack of their partner having their own experiences, and a perverted woman runs rather contrary to that. It’s a lot of patriarchal power expectations.
Many self-declared “perverted men” think doggy-style is bdsm
If anyone wants to test this theory I’m willing to do my part. And if I don’t succeed I’m willing to try try try again
Let’s say it like that. There are a lot more penis shaped things that are safe to put inside you than there are safe holes to put your penis in.
I mean, what kind of perverted? Its a pretty wide circle. I’m pretty deep into it but most anything outside my circle is a no no.
In that wide circle includes shitting on eachothers feet for instance.
Yeeeep. I’ve dated enough to realize how vanilla I am, hooooly shit. And I’m OKAY WITH IT. Ladies need Jesus for real.
😳😳😳
I’m lucky to have met my perverted wife on a day I was feeling brave!
As a guy whose kinks are more in the realm of fantasy scenarios and not bdsm, I kind of get it.
Being vanilla as I am feels like being one of those hipster guys that eats exclusively organic and buys only farmers market food
More than happy to meet perverted women. We can like different things without running away though. I am pretty vanilla but I support whoever being as kinky as you want.
There should be a word between “perverted” and “promiscuous”.
Perverted to me seems to be limited to imagination and fantasy, while promiscuous is wanting to do anything and everything, depending on the degree of promiscuity.
Something in the middle would be best, for people who might do more things like rope or collars but not whippings and golden showers.
I just wanna cuddle, after freeing you from the cage…
Where can I meet with perverted women?
People with smaller hands could probably fist me already, and I’m open to opening up even wider.
Ok, fine, let’s do a scaling pervert-off: Bite to neck
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 months ago
Men have unique insecurities that are a result of socital expectations. We gaslight ourselves into conforming to a certain expected behavior. Many, if not most cishet men are afraid to explore their sexuality beyond that which is considered the heteronormative standard. Men are victims of the patriarchy as are everyone else.
CyberTheProtogen@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Yep. I find the major thing holding me back from most kinks is exactly that; insecurity.
daggermoon@piefed.world 2 months ago
For what it’s worth, you’re not alone.
sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
And the corrollary to that, that even less people want to talk about, is that straight, traditional cis men and women will then mock and shame men who actually do try think outside the box.
So, many men are victims of patriarchy, and many women are perpetrators of patriarchy.
Then you get to the incredibly confusing ‘now’, where many women will claim to be a feminist, yet will also mock and shame men who do not conform to stereotypical male lifestyle/relationship norms.
Actual feminism vs Pop feminism.
Actual feminism seeks to identify and challenge and critique societal gender roles and norms. All societal gender roles and norms.
Pop feminism is basically psuedo (meaning ‘impostor’ or ‘fake’) feminism, that pretty much just boils down to misandry, using a set of buzzwords and terms basically bastardized from actual feminism.
too_high_for_this@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Being good at sex is kinda gay, though
/s
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 1 month ago
For exploring sexuality?
blarghly@lemmy.world 1 month ago
As a cishet man, much to the contrary - the vast majority of my sexual insecurities come from shaming of my sexuality from more left wing spaces.
darth_grunkus@lemmy.world 1 month ago
In what way? Genuinely curious.