Imagine if what qualified to get raptured were believing in it. The world would be so much better without all those people!
I hope you don't have any plans this evening.
Submitted 23 hours ago by FlyingSquid@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/5b1b197d-f0e9-4104-bd0c-8299fa2d45bd.png
Comments
samus12345@lemmy.world 23 minutes ago
PenisDuckCuck9001@lemmynsfw.com 34 minutes ago
I’m glad it didn’t happen because I got to pet a cat while the world was supposed to be ending.
OCATMBBL@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
HAPP EN
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
The miracle of prophecy is not related to the miracle of proper kerning.
dan@upvote.au 39 minutes ago
The kerning looks okay - it’s the font that’s weird.
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Dude, you’re already part god. You don’t get to be raptured.
Semi_Hemi_Demigod@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
I also don’t want to go to work
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
WTF! I missed it? Did every single Jehovah’s witness drink the juice so they could fly into the spaceship or what? Postponed?
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Fun fact: Jehovah’s witnesses think only 144,000 men go to heaven and then all the good JWs get new bodies on Earth.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
Funner fact. The Jehovah’s Witnesses calculated that the year would be 1844, and someone did start a religion that year claiming to be the return, but that was in Persia, so they didn’t know. They decided they must have miscalculated, and recalculated the date multiple times until 1900 at which point they basically just said, “he’s late.” They were literally started to look for the return of Christ, and because it didn’t happen exactly the way they thought it should, they gave up and claimed that God must be wrong.
I have fun with JWs when they come to my door.
werefreeatlast@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
Shit! I had it all wrong! Okay but now that the rapture is over and not gonna happen anymore, then maybe everyone can go back to their regularly scheduled Friday?
badbytes@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
I think the Rapture was going to be happy before it was to happen.
hate2bme@lemmy.world 2 hours ago
The rapture probably did happen but nobody on earth was worthy.
RGB@lemmy.today 3 hours ago
Oh come on! I was gonna get a haircut today.
unemployedclaquer@sopuli.xyz 3 hours ago
I would get letters from my grandma - long, winding beseeching me to come to the Lord or whatever, with often a specific date predicted in the near future of the end times. I never kept them because I was embarrassed. She was lonely and mentally ill, and probably trying to manipulate people into visiting her, but she also believed the shit she was saying, even though it kept changing, IMO.
I think that’s a little bit of what is going on with these signs
swag_money@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
ah fuck i missed the rapture again. guys how was it?
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
Kind of boring actually.
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 3 hours ago
According to their own book, no man will know the day or the hour IIRC. So anyone who says they know, at all, is by default wrong, and you can guarantee that it won’t happen at that time.
AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 hour ago
The Jehovah’s Witnesses figured out that it was supposed to happen in 1844. According to The Baha’is, they were right but wrong at the same time.
Phoenicianpirate@lemm.ee 5 hours ago
There were 666 likes to this post. I ruined it by turning it to 667!
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Do we need any more proof that the rapture is over and we missed it?
MoonRaven@feddit.nl 5 hours ago
Shit, I missed it.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Shouldn’t have taken that nap.
FordBeeblebrox@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
I didn’t get raptured, too much thc and alcohol in your system makes you too heavy for the angels to carry I think.
If all the good folk are gone though I sure hope for less traffic on my road trip this weekend. Praise jeebus? 🤷♂️
n3m37h@sh.itjust.works 4 hours ago
May you be toughed by thy Noodley appendage! - FIFY
Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org 4 hours ago
He’s got the wrong date.
To quote late musician Peter Steele:
April 2029, the final time The end my friends is not near, the hour in fact is quite here … It’s a Friday 13th of course you won’t live, to see noon. … Are you paranoid what’s on the asteroid has got your name tattooed on it? This stone’s called Apophis And it brings apocalypse.
The_Picard_Maneuver@lemmy.world 22 hours ago
chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 22 hours ago
Let’s start with a big-ass “H”!
dan1101@lemm.ee 21 hours ago
The past is the past, surely more letters will fit in the same space!
Agent641@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Hi guys, its the 19th here in Australia already and I can confirm that I have been Left Behind to suffer heck on earth for being a sinner and Im super over it already.
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 14 hours ago
You sure everybody got raptured and you’re not just in Australia?
Troubleinmind@lemmy.wtf 15 hours ago
Party time!
tigeruppercut@lemmy.zip 14 hours ago
Everyone is dead. Everyone except us.
VitaminF@feddit.org 21 hours ago
Thank god there is no ninth of hexadecember, so no worries.
BambiDiego@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Maybe this in Julian calendar?!
That means we only have 247 years left!! REPENT!!
BootyBuccaneer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 hour ago
Can’t I fuck off for 246 days and repent the day of? I mean, I just bought this bag of coke and another one of oxy. D:
Zulu@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
My favorite month in the dual-year. Junetobuary.
YtA4QCam2A9j7EfTgHrH@infosec.pub 22 hours ago
Amateurs. Never put a date on your rapture predictions. Just say it is happening soon.
NatakuNox@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Better yet, if you get enough people to listen to you, start saying you’re Jesus.
totally not cult behavior
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 6 hours ago
I think the rapture happened a decade ago and this is hell
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 3 hours ago
Everyone is a sinner. Especially the religious types.
Notyou@sopuli.xyz 5 hours ago
Purgatory.
HawlSera@lemm.ee 10 hours ago
God, I wish God would actually just end this cringe already.
niktemadur@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Haha! Yeah right, this is like the ten thousandth time they’ve s
BootyBuccaneer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 hour ago
Oh no, they were raptured mid-sentence! How nice of the angels to hit send before dragging them away.
dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.
Matthew 24:36.
RTFM, noob.
DomeGuy@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Does this imply that the rapture won’t happen on any day any man or angel predicted it, and suggest that these crackpots are either delivering a “no rapture today” message from the Lord Almighty or else embarrassing Her into putting it off?
UtMan1988@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
Reginald, The Fingerless Mittens!
netvor@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
RTFB
frickineh@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
It’s almost 9pm where I am and there’s no sign of it. Jesus better hurry his ass up if he wants to be on time.
FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 21 hours ago
Maybe everyone around you is a filthy sinner.
ceenote@lemmy.world 20 hours ago
Maybe that’s been the joke for centuries. The rapture happened but nobody made the cut. Seems consistent with the Bible.
Dave@lemmy.nz 19 hours ago
19th here, I think I got left behind.
abfarid@startrek.website 17 hours ago
It’s happening on the 9th of 18th month, we’ve still got some time.
socsa@piefed.social 18 hours ago
Jesus better fucking come I've been jerking him off for like 20 minutes
dumbass@leminal.space 15 hours ago
Jesus, King of the Edging!
bruhduh@lemmy.world 3 hours ago
wordington rapture
PhlubbaDubba@lemm.ee 13 hours ago
Good thing I tried pegging for the first time tonight then! Ticked that one off the bucket list just in time!
daggermoon@lemmy.world 13 hours ago
Congrats on the pegging, happy for you.
random_character_a@lemmy.world 7 hours ago
I hope it’s during work hour. Would be shame to do whole days work just to get eaten by the rising dead.
TriflingToad@lemmy.world 15 hours ago
so nobody can know the date of the rapture, and if someone figures it out god’ll change it?
what if I make a website that just says “the rapture will be [current date +1]”
checkmate?
dumbass@leminal.space 15 hours ago
P1k1e@lemmy.world 55 minutes ago
I MISSED IT!?
samus12345@lemmy.world 21 minutes ago
No, they neglected to put the first part of the year, it’s happening in 2124.