Submitted 11 months ago by LinkOpensChest_wav@lemmy.one to mildlyinfuriating@lemmy.world
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Capitalism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human anus
I love these false economies that some corporate bean counter thinks saves the company money
Because you see, whenever I see this trash in a cubicle, I lovingly build my own 8-ply, using more paper and burning company time
They thought the service they hired was the least expensive.
The Janitorial service is the one cutting costs because they are not the ones using the toilet paper and they only care about their bottom line.
Nicer paper means they lose the contract. Capitalism and somebody else’s problem all the way down.
I’m in a warehouse that gets it by the pallet. Still the same cheap 1 ply trash, only we distribute it to the other company locations as well as us.
We don’t have janitors, just one random poor soul assigned to deal with it each day.
It definitely takes more time to gently extract enough paper for the job without it crumbling to dust.
This toilet paper is less and saving money on toilet paper and more about saving money on plumbing.
The nice multiply, soft booty hole paper doesn’t break down as easily in the pipe. In your house this isn’t always a problem, there are few people shitting and wiping there, and the distance to the street is relatively small. It can be a problem, if you’re a heavy wiper on an old house using Charmin, but most of the time it’s a non issue.
In an office building it’s a different story. Hundreds of people on multiple floors, with someone practically always shitting. And the cost to even call a plumber to an office building starts at 4 figures for a cheap visit, with the affected stall down for days. If the entire bathroom isn’t closed.
So, yes, the 1/3rd ply paper sucks, it’s absolutely about saving money, just not on the paper.
Think like an engineer. That isn’t 1 ply, it is materials needed to make 20 ply.
What always gets me when I see paper like this, is just how much manpower, engineering time, experimentation, materials science, and just sheer concerted effort went into making paper this fucking thin and useless.
I like how the dispensers roll shaft is always over tensioned so the paper breaks and the elasticity sends the paper back up and around the top of the roll. Then you have to pull the roll with the palm of your hand to get it back out but you go the wrong way so you reverse and then there too much length that when it comes free it’s so long that it touches the ground. So you break it off and throw it away and start again, pulling the roll only for it to over tension and snap again
Also what manager or purchaser looks at the Costco TP flat, then looks at this and thinks this is somehow a better option?
This is the raw material real toilet paper is made of. Similarly, you could also buy sewing thread to make your own rope. Not the most practical idea really, but it is possible.
It definitely doesn’t work like that.
Even 20 layers of that stuff is still like using wax paper to schmear melted chocolate.
That’s the last time I get a schmear on my bagel.
That only works if the paper isn’t slippery.
It just slides over each other, ripping one part if you pull just a little too hard and the other sticking to your ass.
Layer the grain at 90° angles so that it still slides, but now it does it in weird patterns
Ironically scots is now the worst tp you can buy
You mean to tell me that a company that engaged in red scare marketing is now engaged in hyper-capitailist behaviour to fuck their consumers to make a buck? The shock.
Ok please post this next to your bosses office.
Is this a real ad? Lmao
Macarthayism was a hell of a drug.
Oh look, it’s “using 3x as much toilet paper than normal because management wanted to save money so they got worthless toilet paper that only costs half as much as regular”.
When I worked at a grocery store, we had very cheap paper towels to absorb messes, and had to use a ton of them to actually clean up a mess. This is the part I never understood, you cheap out on the paper, now I have to use way more. Likely a multiple higher than how much cheaper it is. It’s only cheaper to buy, it’s very shortsighted.
Eventually they wised up and got us real, good paper towels. We used way, way less, and interestingly we only had good paper towels from that point forward.
If those numbers are real, that means that going with the cheap paper ends up being 50% more expensive in the long run.
Checks out against every time a company tried to cheap out. But then, they also do not care because by the time it matters the decision makers have moved on. With bonuses!😟
When I encounter single ply, I intentionally use three times as much. I’m vindictive.
My grandad used to buy this stuff that was like tracing paper. Like a thin version of baking paper. Absolutely useless for wiping your arse on.
I’m convinced he had that as a decoy so we wouldn’t shit at his house.
3 ply at home, 3x as much single ply at wherever this is.
It just makes sense!
I buy single ply for home and use more of it but that’s the beauty of it. Buying something like Cottonelle is going to be miserable on the pipes at home. You can use more single ply but because it isn’t meant to be used like a paper towel, you can still flush it and trust it to break down appropriately. We have bidets installed on all the toilets too.
I call them DIY 5-ply TPs
DIY quarter of the roll ply. Even then, it's still not enough to prevent surprise prostate checks.
lego 5 ply Tps
My dad always told me that when a company switches to single ply toilet paper, it’s time to gtfo bc the writing is on the wall. Company’s going under.
The writing is on the wall? Like with brown letters on the toilet wall?
Eeeewwwwww
“We need everyone back to the office. There is no reason for you to work from home”…
If bidets became commonplace, it would reduce the need for toilet paper greatly! Ask me, I know! Got one for $40.00 from Amazon, attached in minutes. Best thing since sliced bread
I did the exact same. I never want to go back. Though Ill be honest, I have never tried sliced bread on the anus.
To be fair, it probably feels luxurious.
LOL LOL LOL
I bought one at the start of the pandemic and it’s just sat in my bathroom in the box behind the door 😭
Dude, it takes like 5 minutes to install. There is no complicated plumbing.
OMG have someone install it! you will not regret it! lol I htg love it
Same! Now I hate pooping anywhere but home.
Same here! Makes me wonder why it took so long to discover something the Europeans have had for many years
Doesn’t it involve plumbing? I’m not good with plumbing. I’m picturing water everywhere, like the time I fixed my sink.
Not that much “plumbing” if you wanna call it that.
Yes it involves plumbing, but just barely. It’s super easy. Everything screws in with no more than a simple wrench. There is no soldering, cutting, specialized tools, or anything like that. If you can screw and unscrew the cap on a soda bottle, you can do this.
If you have a newer home, it only involves removing the water feed line to your toilet tank (turn water at shut-off valve first) and installing the hose to the bidet. It is very simple process as long as your toilet and home is not too old. When parts are old and corroded from time, it can be a bit more involved. Check out YT for “do it yourself” vids.
You are basically adding a fork to your existing line to your tank.
Just one? I got a 2 pack for $40. They’ve been installed since March with zero issues. And single ply works just fine at home because I don’t feel like completely wrecking the plumbing in our house built in 1936. If you really have a problem with single ply, might I suggest you re-evaluate how well you’re washing your hands?
So … don’t you need paper to dry off? How do you keep from spraying water everywhere and getting your clothes wet? Forgive my cluelessness, but I’ve often wondered how it works.
yes, you do need a small amount of TP to dry off. The spray is narrow and precise it aims pretty naturally to the right “place”. Over spray has never been a problem with clothing in my experience. It really is a wonderful invention.
Is this that new transparent wood I keep hearing about?
just pull out more and fold lmao; they can’t control how much you use
They can fucking try.
You say that but I feel like we’re only a couple years from seeing automated TP dispensers that dole out tightly-rationed squares.
Won’t that mean everyone is walking around with shitty assholes, you might ask… And yes, yes I think it will. Which would make it sound impossible, until I tell you that corporations could reduce TP costs and improve their profits by 0.0001%; now it practically sounds like a shareholder mandate!
Of course then it won’t be long until TP companies triple their prices to compensate for this long on their end, but that’s the fun thing about capitalism: given enough time, everyone can lose!
NEW TP POOL REGULATIONS I’ve been asked to distribute the new regulations regarding office pool displays. The enclosed memo is a new subchapter of the EBGOC Procedure Manual, replacing the old subchapter entitled PHYSICAL PLANT/CALIFORNIA/ LOS ANGELES/BUILDINGS/OFFICE AREAS/PHYSICAL LAYOUT REGULATIONS/EMPLOYEE INPUT/ GROUP ACTIVITIES.
The old subchapter was a flat prohibition on the use of office space or time for “pool” activities of any kind, whether permanent (e.g., coffee pool) or one-time (e.g., birthday parties).
This prohibition still applies, but a single, one-time exception has now been made for any office that wishes to pursue a joint bathroom-tissue strategy.
By way of introduction, let me just make a few general comments on this subject. The problem of distributing bathroom tissue to workers presents inherent challenges for any office management system due to the inherent unpredictability of usage-not every facility usage transaction necessitates the use of bathroom tissue, and when it is used, the amount needed (number of squares) may vary quite widely from person to person and, for a given person, from one transaction to the next. This does not even take into account the occasional use of bathroom tissue for unpredictable/creative purposes such as applying/removing cosmetics, beverage-spill management, etc. For this reason, rather than trying to package bathroom tissue in small one-transaction packets (as is done with premoistened towelettes, for example), which can be wasteful in some cases and limiting in other cases, it has been traditional to package this product in bulk distribution units whose size exceeds the maximum amount of squares that an individual could conceivably use in a single transaction (barring force majeure). This reduces to a minimum the number of transactions in which the distribution unit is depleted (the roll runs out) during the transaction, a situation that can lead to emotional stress for the affected employee.
However, it does present the manager with some challenges in that the distribution unit is rather bulky and must be repeatedly used by a number of different individuals if it is not to be wasted.
Since the implementation of Phase XVII of the Austerity Program, employees have been allowed to bring their own bathroom tissue from home. This approach is somewhat bulky and redundant, as every worker usually brings their own roll.
Some offices have attempted to meet this challenge by instituting bathroom-tissue pools. Without overgeneralizing, it may be stated that an inherent and irreducible feature of any bathroom-tissue pool implemented at the office level, in an environment (i.e., building) in which comfort stations are distributed on a per-floor basis (i.e., in which several offices share a single facility) is that provision must be made within the confines of the individual office for temporary stationing of bathroom tissue distribution units (i.e., rolls). This follows from the fact that if the BTDUs (rolls) are stationed, while inactive, outside of the purview of the controlling office (i.e., the office that has collectively purchased the BTDU)-that is, if the BTDUS are stored, for example, in a lobby area or within the facility in which they are actually utilized, they will be subject to pilferage and “shrinkage” as unauthorized persons consume them, either as part of a conscious effort to pilfer or out of an honest misunderstanding, i.e., a belief that the BTDUs are being provided free of charge by the operating agency (in this case the United States Government), or as the result of necessity, as in the case of a beverage spill that is encroaching on sensitive electronic equipment and whose management will thus brook no delay. This fact has led certain offices (which shall go unnamed-you know who you are, guys) to establish makeshift BTDU depots that also serve as pool-contribution collection points. Usually, these depots take the form of a table, near the door closest to the facility, on which the BTDUs are stacked or otherwise deployed, with a bowl or some other receptacle in which participants may place their contributions, and typically with a sign or other attention-getting device (such as a stuffed animal or cartoon) requesting donations. A quick glance at the current regulations will show that placement of such a display/depot violates the procedure manual. However, in the interests of employee hygiene, morale, and group spirit-building, my higher-ups have agreed to make a one-time exception in the regulations for this purpose.
As with any part of the procedure manual, new or old, it is your responsibility to be thoroughly familiar with this material. Estimated reading time for this document is 15.62 minutes (and don’t think we won’t check). Please make note of the major points made in this document, as follows:
BTDU depot/displays are now allowed, on a trial basis, with the new policy to be reviewed in six months. These must be operated on a voluntary, pool-type basis, as described in the subchapter on employee pools. (Note: This means keeping books and tallying all financial transactions.) BTDUS must be brought in by the employees (not shipped through the mailroom) and are subject to all the usual search-and-seizure regulations. Scented BTDUs are prohibited as they may cause allergic reactions, wheezing, etc. in some persons. Cash poool donations, as with all monetary transactions within the U.S. Government, must use official U.S. currency-no yen or Kongbucks.
Naturally, this will lead to a bulk problem if people try to use the donation bucket as a dumping ground for bundles of old billion and trillion dollar bills. The Buildings and Grounds people are worried about waste-disposal problems and the potential fire hazard that may ensue if large piles of billions and trillions begin to mount up. Therefore, a key feature of the new regulation is that the donation bucket must be emptied every day-more often if an excessive build-up situation is seen to develop.
In this vein, the B & C people would also like me to point out that many of you who have excess U.S. currency to get rid of have been trying to kill two birds with one stone by using old billions as bathroom tissue. While creative, this approach has two drawbacks:
- It clogs the plumbing, and
- It constitutes defacement of U.S. currency, which is a federal crime.
DON’T DO IT. Join your office bathroom-tissue pool instead. It’s easy, it’s hygienic, and it’s legal.
Happy pooling, Marietta.
It doesn’t work. It just all breaks while you’re wiping.
They can get a hydrologic press, and make the paper so thin that it crystallises and then shards when bent. Don’t tell people about folding, that’s a veterans tip, and this is an arms race where there will be no winners.
I love your spirit.
Homeopathic toilet paper
Hopefully they realize it won’t save them anything when people use an entire roll every time they shit.
This should be against the ADA. Many Americans have Crohn's, ulcerative colitis, IBS, and other issues which make them need to use the restroom frequently. Using toilet paper of that quality quickly becomes painful and causes inflammation.
Bidet and/or toilet seat with butt washer.
I mean when you step in shit, you don’t just tissue your foot or shoe, you wash it down at the earliest opportunity. Why should it be different for butts?
cOmE baCK to WORk It’s greAt!
I used to work in a warehouse that had toilet paper like this.
Funny thing was, it was a warehouse full of toilet paper. So there was typically a roll of something better in the bathroom, sitting on top of the dispenser.
My friends, I would like to share a story with you.
August 2023. Afternoon. I am sitting at my desk in my office. The tell tale signs of something brewing begin to make themselves known. After a time, I reluctantly acknowledge that I won’t make it another 3 hours until I get home. I trudge downstairs to the less populated floor, as one does. An empty stall appears. I seat myself on the porcelain throne and an epic battle ensues. 15 minutes later the moment of dead arrives. I reach over to the dispenser and proceed to unroll.
Halfway through the standard multi-stage folding process, necessary to create something suitable for use, I pause. Something is different. This can’t be right…this is…no, that’s impossible. I look closer at the material in my hands. I rub it between thumb and index finger. I stare in disbelief. This is soft, comfortable, 2 ply material! Gods be praised! I proceed to give myself a royal treatment; the cleanest, most wonderful experience! I feel like a king as I wash my hands and return to my desk.
I dare not speak of this to anyone, for fear the mistake will be discovered. Over the next few weeks, I make several returns trips to the same location and am treated to the same royal cleaning. Life is good!
October. I have grown complacent in my comfort over the intervening weeks. One fateful day I make the trip downstairs, now fully expecting to do business in comfort. Post excursion I reach over, my fingers make contact with something akin to sandpaper. My hand freezes and my heart drops. The most wonderful 2 ply material is gone, replaced with the old standard rough, semi transparent tissue that always results in rectal bleeding. I curl over into a sitting fetal position and morn the loss of my comfy companion. Perhaps I shed a single tear, or cry or in pain, the memory is too traumatic to recall clearly now.
Six weeks later. Was it all a dream? Did I imagine the 2 ply material from heaven? I don’t think so, but it has not returned. Maybe, against all hope, it will return in the future. Only time will tell.
TL;DR - my office had 2 ply toilet paper for a few weeks and it was the most amazing thing ever.
Obviously unpopular opinion, but I prefer one ply. The fluffy stuff always leaves lint which I think is pretty gross. I also find it more adjustable, like maybe I only need one square to wipe up a little toothpaste but I can also use three feet to wipe my ass.
I will die on this hill
You have to layer the individual plys yourself. It’s a build your own toilet paper kit.
Don’t you wanna get in touch with your inner self?
I would start bringing my own toilet paper.
Bro just pull out a half km of it and fold it up
That just means people will use more of it.
The legendary ½ ply!
It’s this kind of shit that will ultimately motivate me to unionize.
You should see/try socialist/communist toilet paper. Not only is it thin like this, it will also no-so-gently exfoliate your anus.
Source: Cuban resorts and lived experience in the former Soviet Union during the 80’s and early 90’s.
radioactiveradio@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Just use a lot of it I guess. It’s just gonna cost them more in the long run.
Viking_Hippie@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Except when it’s that thin and crappy, some of it’s going to break off no matter how much you use.
You can use a lot of it to make the company spend more money refilling, sure, but you can’t do a decent wipe with that crap, pun intended, no matter what you do with it.
QuaternionsRock@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Just absolutely demolish the toilet every time you use it.
Make them suck out that half-a-ply-ass-TP with oil rig equipment.
OhmsLawn@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Gotta do the star fold with the thin stuff, get the grain aligned like plywood to keep it from splitting.
Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
As a person with bidet at home, I actually carry my own paper when I poo in public places.
I do know that makes me insane.
raynethackery@lemmy.world 11 months ago
The stuff at my job is actually okay but I do keep an emergency roll in my backpack.
scarabic@lemmy.world 11 months ago
I don’t see why it makes any difference whether it’s two-ply coiled 50 times around the roll, or one-ply coiled 100 times around the roll.
I actually prefer a handful of one ply. It’s soft and there are more gaps between the plys which makes your handful puffier. You just have to take more. If that extra effort results in people conserving over time: great.