Koans are designed to be given by a teacher to a student when the teacher personally assesses that the student could benefit from considering it. They’re also designed to not be comprehensible rationally or immediately, but rather to prompt introspection and to get someone to reflect on their own thought patterns. You can’t just rip them out of that context while not understanding the belief system and treat them like a riddle from Reader’s Digest and expect to get anything out of them.
Buddha orders a pizza: "Make me One with Everything"
Submitted 13 hours ago by Godric@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/c876a1cb-6f28-453d-8999-9e65e5053d00.png
Comments
Objection@lemmy.ml 8 hours ago
cattywampas@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
A Buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog stand and says “Make me one with everything.”
Davel23@fedia.io 12 hours ago
The hot dog vendor hands over the sausage and bun with all the trimmings, and the Buddhist hands over a twenty. The vendor pockets it.
The Buddhist asks “Where’s my change?” and the vendor replies “change must come from within”.
tetrachromacy@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
Then the Buddhist pulls out a pistol and sights it on the hot dog vendor. The vendor holds up his hands and says, “Whoa, whatever happened to inner peace?”
The Buddhist replies, “This is my inner piece.”
nanometer1625@thelemmy.club 8 hours ago
A buddha walks into a sculpting studio and says “Make me.”
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 7 hours ago
Why are all buddhist stories like this?
Anon has apparently never read a buddhist story
MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Buddha did say you could put whatever you want on your pizza, even if he himself didn’t like it, which is pretty fucking based as far as religions go.
alcoholicorn@lemmy.ml 5 hours ago
Buddha never had someone order durian pizza for the group.
hansolo@lemmy.today 58 minutes ago
The most Zen thing would be to eat it all up, every bite, and say nothing since obviously durian pizza for the group would be intended to get a rise from them. You accept the adversity, and learn never to let that guy order pizza for the group ever again.
refreeze@lemmy.world 5 hours ago
Those who know do not speak; those who speak do not know
emptiness@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 hours ago
That’s Zen Buddhism which is like that.
Theravada Buddhism is different, it’s actually comprehensible.
db2@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
If you meet the Buddha on the road, tell him I said hi.
Godric@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
If you meet Buddha on the road, fucking shank that bitch, he owes me $20
emptiness@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 hours ago
Sure thing
wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 7 hours ago
You haven’t read much Abhidharma if “comprehensible” is how you would describe Theravada.
Not saying anything is wrong with Theravada. Entire cultures are built on its principles. But it takes a surface-level glance to think of it as something simple and easy to understand.
Zen though, most of the teachings are about pedagogical methods rather than doctrine. That’s why it sounds weird to westerners who think of “religion” as dusty old books and priests who tell you what to do/think.
Zen teachings literally tell you “Don’t cling to fixed ideas. Don’t seek answers from some external authority figure.” Everything they teach is about guiding you to internalize those things. It’s about showing, not telling.
So expecting it to “make sense” in the lens of “just let me read a book that will tell me what to believe” is already starting from the wrong foot.
zimy@lemmy.world 4 hours ago
Mahayana can be pretty out there too.
Siddhattha overhears these doubts being expressed so he takes of his clothes, spreads his legs and shows the ladies what is there - and what was there is his kosohitavatthaguyha glowing with a golden light. Then a lotus appeared and from its centre a baby boy’s penis emerges which gradually grows into an adult’s. More lotuses appear, each with a bodhisattva in it. The sutra doesn’t record what the ladies-in-waiting said about this extraordinary exhibition
A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Rinzai Zen to be specific. Soto Zen doesnt emphasize koans.
Agent641@lemmy.world 9 hours ago
If you immediately know the candlelight is fire, the meal was cooked a long time ago
username_1@discuss.tchncs.de 13 hours ago
Note to myself: Do not put pineapple on pizza in presence of Buddha.
Pupschism@lemmy.world 11 hours ago
Zen buddhism kōans are intentionally incomprehensible www.youtube.com/watch?v=9p5Oi4wPVVo
resipsaloquitur@lemmy.cafe 8 hours ago
Yes.
dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Godric@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
I love how, even never having read this before, I know it’s Terry Pratchett
RaoulDook@lemmy.world 12 hours ago
Here’s a legit Zen koan that fits the bill:
Mumonkan number 14: Nansen kills the cat
Once the monks of the Western and Eastern Halls were arguing about a cat. Nansen, holding up the cat, said, “You monks! If you can say a word of Zen, I will spare the cat. Otherwise I will kill it.” No one could answer, so Nansen cut the cat in two. That evening, when Joshu returned, Nansen told him of the incident. Joshu thereupon took off his sandal, put it on his head, and walked off. Nansen said, “If you had been there, the cat would have been saved!”