Although OP’s headline is completely fake, this one is not.
Fappucino
Submitted 2 months ago by stumu415@lemmy.zip to [deleted]
https://lemmy.zip/pictrs/image/acacd507-630a-4a8a-9cc3-be1bf0fa897c.avif
Comments
JoMiran@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
SalmiakDragon@feddit.nu 2 months ago
And of course, the target is a female coworker.
tutter@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
ans the perv fucking got off scott free because “technically theres no law against unwanted seminal fluids”.
Whyyyyyy? Everyone acknowledges this is fucked up and wrong “we just didnt have the imagination to include your specific little freak case, so now you get to face NO consequences. Lucky you :)”
i hate it i hate it i hate it i hate it…
lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Some of the best puns for this meme include:
- Fappucino
- Cumpresso
- Ejaculatte
- Tastes nutty
On a more sobering note, this guy’s real crime is sexually harassing women. More so, the legal system didn’t really work in his case.
dreamkeeper@literature.cafe 2 months ago
It pisses me off how easy it is for these fucks to get away with it. All of the women I’ve been close to have stories about being assaulted, stalked or harassed, or all three. These men are a plague on society and should be locked away for a lot fucking longer than they are.
lyralycan@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Same here. It’s so commonplace it’s terrifying. I transitioned physically after I became an adult, and I am lucky that I didn’t grow up with the same chance of sexual abuse as cis women, but since then I have become fearful of walking at night alone, mainly because of the sheer danger women face by people who think it’s their birthright to own everything and everyone they want.
My neighbour was stalked almost to her home a week ago. She carries a rape alarm in her hand because this isn’t a rare occurrence.
yermaw@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Its like those shows/films where they get you rooting for the protagonist early and then show you that you’ve been cheering for a monster.
bryophile@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
At what point were you still cheering for this guy exactly?
Lon3star@lemmy.world 2 months ago
1 pump or 2?
Kowowow@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
One pump one cream
bizarroland@lemmy.world 2 months ago
This demonstrates an incredible drive, a level of commitment that no one who is not being chased by inner demons can accomplish.
Any company would be Lucky to hire this guy to use that for their purposes (while he works from home)
SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Work form home
Wank in the office
deft@lemmy.wtf 2 months ago
My god what an absolute nutter
Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 2 months ago
These days bosses always complain about a lack of dedication from their employees. And then they get this guy who shows some real dedication and they arrest him. SMH
sundray@lemmus.org 2 months ago
Exactly. I never want to hear someone say that nobody wants to work anymore again.
Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I remember just before the pandemic just about every non-trade job in my area was hiring at minimum wage. I’d hear store owners say they’re short staffed because nobody wants to work.
I said “How much do you start employees at?” And they’d say $7.10 per hour."
I said “At those wages, I imagine they don’t want to work an adult job when Mcdonalds down the street hires for $8.00 an hour.”
These small business owners never wanted to admit the problem. In those days, if he’d have said $12 an hour, I’d likely have applied.
DrPop@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I’m thinking of the scene in South Park where they were selling Butter’s goo as a sports drink. Randy goes to drink it and says ,“this is cum,”. Implying Randy knows what cum taste like and no one figured it out.
UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world 2 months ago
How the fuck you buss a nut that easily, was the coffee cold and creamy?
5765313496@lemmy.world 2 months ago
🇫🇷
nullspace@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Hon hon hon
*ejaculates in coffee*
Racoonwithbenefits@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Accused?
So whats the point?
People are accused constantly
FistingEnthusiast@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Evil Frodo
WanderWisley@lemmy.world 2 months ago
CUMppuccino
Bluescluestoothpaste@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Lol i wonder if it became such a force of habit he didn’t even realize what he was doing after a couple years – imagining he got caught red-handed “what are you doing?!?” “Uh im uh getting boss their coffee uhhh yeah this looks weird uhh it’s just a habit you know”
BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 2 months ago
“This is how he takes his coffee, don’t judge.”
Aceticon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
So, both technically and rhetorically a wanker.
trublu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Big Joel?
custom_username@reddthat.com 2 months ago
Suspects picture looks AI generated
Starski@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Yeah, he looks like Stanley Kubrick lol
henfredemars@infosec.pub 2 months ago
Sauce please if true. I want this to be true.
plyth@feddit.org 2 months ago
You can make it true.
covert_czar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Better froth in cappuccino
kryptonianCodeMonkey@lemmy.world 2 months ago
“These charges are bullshit. I missed a day every once in a while. Performance anxiety.”
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Looks guilty to me.
cheat700000007@lemmy.world 2 months ago
So assuming 15min a session, x 250ish workdays removing holidays in the USA, x 4 years = 250 hours of getting paid to jerk off
yakko@feddit.uk 2 months ago
Ain’t no fifteen minute sesh spaffing all up a flat white, that’s a four-minute joyless forcegasm.
suodrazah@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
Minutes? Those are rookie numbers. You gotta get those numbers down.
TIEPilot@lemmy.world 2 months ago
He burned around 7500 calories doing this…
hOrni@lemmy.world 2 months ago
He was trying to save the company money creamer.
Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 2 months ago
He has no regrets.
tigermountain@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Just like they were dating.
THE_GR8_MIKE@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Type of post I scroll by and leave front and center on my phone at work without realizing what it says for 5 minutes.
itisileclerk@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Whait, what? He will receive some kind of punishment, and his boss will receive ridicule as long as he lives. How is that “justice is served”?
boobookittyfrick@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Boss only found out when he forgot to jerk into his coffee and noticed it tasted off.
plyth@feddit.org 2 months ago
Or he started liking asparagus.
foo@feddit.uk 2 months ago
That’s a good point. Did that boss never drink coffee from anywhere else? Surely they would know what a normal one would taste like.
Zizzy@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
If its made black with higher quality, sure. If its low quality and milk and a bunch o lf creamer and more sugar, youre not going to be able to tell
a_non_monotonic_function@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Image