[deleted]
Yes. Get out on some rural roads with a friend if possible.
[deleted]
Submitted 5 weeks ago by petrichor@reddthat.com to [deleted]
Comments
Today@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
foggy@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Great answer.
This is otherwise kinda tough.
Like, it’s okay to be afraid of things, even really important things. But you need to be aware the degree to which your life is limited by not learning these things.
You don’t need to learn to swim. You don’t need to learn to drive. You don’t have to fly in a plane. Its all your perogitive.
That said, if they were already afraid, co quered that fear, met their fear, now we gotta talk PTSD. As someone mentioned, driving PTSD can be very sneaky and very real. Not addressing this could literally lead to a lifetime of carsickness as a passenger.
So yeah. I say saddle back up. It is scary and it can feel like you don’t have control, but that’s life. Rural roads minimize the negatives.
tamal3@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Also realize that there are different places you might feel comfortable driving. For example, I try to avoid driving through large towns and cities as much as I can. I’d rather someone else drive. There’s just too much going on while watching for cars, traffic cues, as well as pedestrians.
On the flip side, my brother hit another car on his very first driving lesson and never drove again! He’s happily living in a city with public transportation :-) just make sure you’re able to get around without relying on others.
splendoruranium@infosec.pub 5 weeks ago
Driving a car and doing it regularly is the most dangerous task most anyone living in any number of western societies with service-based economies will ever undertake. There is nothing wrong with treating it accordingly - with awe, care and a healthy portion of respect and fear.
But whether the decision not to do it is a good one depends on your life circumstances. Do you live or plan on living in a big European city? Yeah, you don’t need a car in your life, good riddance. Do you live in a North American suburb or rural area? Er… not using a car is probably not an option unless you relocate.I had a pretty bad car accident due to failing to yield the right of way (I struggle with multitasking)
Maybe I’m misunderstanding something here. It should go without saying that when one is driving, one’s attention should ideally be focused on nothing else and multitasking therefore shouldn’t be a factor.
petrichor@reddthat.com 5 weeks ago
[deleted]AA5B@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
While I don’t know your situation, this is fairly common in new drivers. For most of us, experience gets us past the issue. Experience to make driving habits automatic rather than something we need to be anxious about. I watched both of my teens get much better at this over time, but I’m still very anxious about them.
entwine413@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
That’s just something that comes from experience. Eventually checking everything will be muscle memory and the anxiety will lessen.
Flamekebab@piefed.social 5 weeks ago
This makes me seriously question the level of testing required to get a licence where you are. By that I mean that by the standards I'm used to you were wildly under prepared for driving on the open road and shouldn't have been put in that situation until you were ready.
It took me three attempts to pass my driving test. I could actually operate a car just fine for all of them but it wasn't until the third that I was actually ready to be on the roads unsupervised. There is a lot going on and until you've built up the experience and habits to do it safely it's... A lot.
I think I was also 19 when I got my licence but didn't really drive at all until I was in my mid 30s. I always lived places it simply wasn't necessary. If if stayed there then I doubt I'd have ever got a car. I find driving incredibly tedious.
Gradually_Adjusting@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
My partner and I had a habit of treating merges as teamwork. Driver focuses on front, copilot looks back/sideways, and driver implicitly trusts when copilot says “go”. We were pretty slick with our merges.
To equivocate, we have since relocated to a city with good enough public transit that we were able to ditch our car entirely. Life is definitely better this way.
sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
I still remember one time as I was a new driver, I saw a friend in the other lane, and I told my parents, “look, there’s my friend!” And I looked over at her, and started accidentally turning my car into the direction I was looking.
My parents quickly told me to drive straight, and I got control of the car again, but this goes to show that it IS a skill to be able to look around, at mirrors, at the blind spot, etc, without also moving the steering wheel. But you will get better at it with more practice and especially good experienced drivers or instructors helping you practice.
dual_sport_dork@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Former professional driver here (and current avid rider of motorcycles):
Driving absolutely isn’t for everyone. Some people can’t drive. Some people – arguably a lot more people than is currently the norm – shouldn’t. And that’s okay.
If at the end of the day you can get to where you need to go regularly without driving, go for it. Nobody should be pressuring you into driving if you are not comfortable or prepared to do so. It’s not a “basic skill.” It’s a massive privilege, and one that most of the population of the world does not have access to. And it’s also a big responsibility with the potential, as you have observed, for injury or death of yourself or others, and property damage. That’s a responsibility that has to be taken seriously and the maddening fact is that most people don’t treat it with the respect that it’s due.
If you don’t want to drive, don’t. And don’t let other people try to dictate that you should.
SolOrion@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
It depends some on where you are.
Where I live, driving is absolutely a basic skill. It’s just not realistic to get anywhere via any other means in a reasonable timespan. So you either have to drive or be driven basically anywhere. The scale involved isn’t kind to biking, and public transportation is nonexistent. It would take hours to get a taxi that would be egregiously expensive, uber isn’t even an option last I heard.
And this is from the perspective of someone that hates driving- it stresses me out because of the exact reasons you’ve mentioned. I’m in charge of a ton or more of plastic and steel sometimes moving at 70mph, and ignoring the physics based implications, these things are fucking expensive.
scott@lemmy.org 5 weeks ago
Another professional driver here: thank you for saying it. Makes my comment a lot shorter:
In addition to what 👆 this person said, my partner does not drive for very similar reasons to why OP doesn’t. I would encourage op to try it again in a low traffic, low pressure scenario, away from your parents, and see how you feel. If you still don’t feel up to it after a few times of doing that, start looking for a place to live where driving isn’t the only way to get around.
Glide@lemmy.ca 5 weeks ago
Based response tbh.
ysjet@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Yes, you’re overreacting.
It sounds to me like you’re hoping this is a “good enough” excuse to not have to drive, and unfortunately, you very likely live in an area where that is not an optional skill set.
Look up learned helplessness- and then decide if you want that to be you.
rabber@lemmy.ca 5 weeks ago
My ex wife refused to learn how to drive and looking up learned helplessness blew my fuckin mind
NENathaniel@lemmy.ca 5 weeks ago
Almost everyone I know chooses to not learn some random common skill. Not sure it’s typically reasonable to call it “learned helplessness”
Objection@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
You’re absolutely valid and not overreacting. Unfortunately, depending on where you live, you might not have many other options - but if you can look into other modes of transportation you should.
Driving is dangerous, and not everyone is cut out for it. The great thing about public transit is that it’s much safer and less stressful, it doesn’t demand focus and attention - and that benefits drivers too, because it means fewer bad drivers will feel like they have to drive and it reduces traffic in general.
It all comes down to what the alternative is. If your alternative to driving is relying on others to drive you places, it’ll reduce your independence or be expensive (if you use rideshares). But if the alternative is biking or taking a train, then by all means go for it. There’s lots of reasons cars suck, danger, stress, insurance, gas, traffic, pollution, lots of reasons to look into other options.
aesthelete@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
No you’re not overreacting, but if you’re in America unfortunately you basically have to drive to be a full fledged person. Our governments do not provide you an alternative. I’d personally love to quit myself, but I’m the only driver in my household.
sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
It depends where you live in America, but you’re basically correct.
IsThisAnAI@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Please get the hell off the road.
Glide@lemmy.ca 5 weeks ago
While you are overreacting to the accident itself, driving is not for everyone. I strongly disagree with driving being a basic skill everyone should have. This is some North American cultural mythos created to help further push the responsibility of building decent public transit off of our lawmakers and governments.
Driving is a challenging thing to do correctly, and a not small number of people have no idea how to do it, but are on the roads anyway. While I believe you should take an accident like that with a growth mindset, the clear truth is you’ve never felt comfortable behind the wheel, and your skill set doesn’t seem to be built for that. If it’s important to you, I suspect you’d be capable of overcoming the unique challenges it presents to you, but it’s not. There are ways to live without being a driver, and things you can provide to others in exchange for them being the drivers in your life, and imo, that is fine.
Don’t quit driving because you had an accident. Decide if being able to drive matters to you, and decide how you want to live.
LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I get that in a perfect society you shouldn’t need to learn to drive, but that ignores the fact that if you want to be able to function in society most people in NA need to be able to drive (unless you live in one of the handful of cities with excellent mass transit). It’s a bit like saying nobody should be forced to work for a living and then being homeless.
Clent@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 weeks ago
Despite what everyone around you is saying it’s not absolutely necessary to drive. People manage this in all areas across America.
Don’t drive again until you’re ready. That may be a few weeks, it could be a decade, possibly never again.
Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
People manage it across the world.
Deepus@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
To Americans, America is the world.
BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 5 weeks ago
I’d say don’t leave it a long time, even if it’s just pootling round an empty parking lot, even pretty confident experienced drivers feel anxiety after a crash, you’re just not quite sure of yourself for a bit. Putting it off is just going to make it harder.
(Also absolutely they don’t need to drive, but it’s a hella useful skill - some confidence building lessons with a pro would probably help)
Ougie@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
If you can’t control your vehicle you should definitely not be driving, you are endangering others on the road.
RaptorBenn@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I’d say dont drive if you arent comfortable, but not driving can be a huuuge impediment to your work and personal life, depending on your lifestyle. This also might be a good way to build your confidence overall, as it’s pretty obvious youre more anxious in general than most.
Libra@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
It’s like anything else, it will take time to get comfortable with it. During that period you should probably focus on getting practice in out-of-the-way places where you’re less likely to be overwhelmed or distracted and can potentially cause problems. As someone who has never been able to drive and lives in country whose general opinion of public transportation is ‘Hahaha no’, not being able to drive can suck pretty bad. I’m always relying on others, beholden to their schedules, their bad planning, their poor time-management skills, etc, and the only alternative is taking a cab which gets expensive quick. Being able to drive, even if you don’t do it a lot, is a valuable skill and something you will get more comfortable with the more you do (and doing it regularly is key to build that familiarity and level of confidence.)
InfiniteHench@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
It is completely normal to not want or enjoy driving. I don’t know where you live, but there are lots of areas and cities around the world where it easily possible to never own a car thanks to public transit and other readily available methods.
In the U.S. it can be tougher, but still possible. I live in Chicago and know plenty of people who are perfectly happy not owning a car. Personally I aspire to it, but my wife is a little car brained and it’s something we work ok.
choco_crispies@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
I think that there might be an argument that driving stress would correlate with the necessity of driving. That is, places where it is more stressful to drive have a higher frequency of available public transportation, like in a city, while places that are more relaxing to drive in tend to require having a vehicle for transportation, like rural areas.
Also, there is definitely an element of PTSD that can come with being in a car accident. It can make you jumpy when riding in cars with others or driving. I have heard that many race car drivers end up quitting the sport after a bad accident. No idea how true that is but if you start driving again the jumpiness will eventually turn into a higher level of alertness which can be a good thing when operating a motor vehicle.
Nemo@midwest.social 5 weeks ago
I’ve been carfree in Chicago for two decades, I highly recommend it. I keep my license current for emergencies and the odd once-a-year rental situation, but don’t own one. It’s cheaper and safer this way.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
my main transportation is a class 2 ebike. my city isn’t very bike friendly, but the city i live in is primarily residential roads. i can get around pretty much anywhere, even to the next city, without leaving 25mph speed limits if i want to. so i’m doing 20 and not really getting in anyone’s way.
if i was in my car i’d be on different roads doing 55. i’m having a hell of a lot more fun on the bike too.
18107@aussie.zone 5 weeks ago
It sounds like your driving instructor wasn’t any good. A good driving instructor will never put you in a situation that you are not ready for. They never should have allowed you to get a licence until you felt safe.
If you feel like you’re not in control then you’re right - this accident is proof of that. If you want to try driving again, I highly recommend getting a good driving instructor first - one who won’t put you in situations you can’t handle.
If you can get everywhere you need to without driving, then you can save yourself a lot of money by not paying for a car, insurance, or registration.
You always have the right to say no, and you can always say “not now”. Maybe wait a few more weeks before making a decision.
destructdisc@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Your reaction is perfectly valid. Come, join us at c/fuckcars
Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
I like driving and I need to for work…both cos of my commute and to do my job. But it can be annoying, and it’s time consuming and expensive. Also so much in terms of nature and architectural history has been, along with all the environmental damage. Our lives would be so much better if cars weren’t a thing.
leftzero@lemmynsfw.com 5 weeks ago
No, you’re not overreacting.
But, if you’re in north America, you’re probably fucked.
(If you’re in the USA, though, good news is you’d be fucked anyway, so the car thing is mostly irrelevant, except as a means to get out, fast.)
etchinghillside@reddthat.com 5 weeks ago
I’m 19 and have had my driver’s license since last summer.
Yes.
FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 5 weeks ago
No, you’re not overreacting. You know you and you can point at serious consequences now. Keep the license valid if you can - you don’t know what life still has in store for you and you want to keep your options open. But by all means toss the keys to somebody else.
HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
most US states have a State ID that is a valid alternative to a driver’s license if you really need to get the point across
FriendOfDeSoto@startrek.website 5 weeks ago
I’m not sure what point that is. My inkling is that OP doesn’t live in the States.
mat@jlai.lu 5 weeks ago
I still find it crazy that basic ID in the USA is not mainstream. In France you have one as soon as you are born (and you need it or password for all national exam).
slamminsalmon@piefed.social 5 weeks ago
No, driving is fucking stressful and just a terrible experience all around.
volvoxvsmarla@lemm.ee 5 weeks ago
There is no such thing as a bad reason for not wanting to drive a car. Any reason that makes you not want to drive a car is valid.
RBWells@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
I don’t think you are crazy for not wanting to drive, but don’t think it’s a good idea to quit because of the accident, either. Your dad is right, everyone does get on an accident eventually. I had a very bad one that totalled my car (someone ran a stop sign) and the trauma made me a bad driver for awhile, so watch out for that. But getting back behind the wheel, overcoming your fear and becoming a competent and comfortable driver is a life skill that will help you, even if you decide that you don’t want to have a car. The life skill of getting back in the saddle after a fall (metaphorically speaking) is an even more important life skill. But driving in particular really is helpful - I mostly bike now, but being able to drive well comes in handy at least weekly.
sem@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 weeks ago
You will make your own choices based on your experience, but I would advise you to reflect on what specifically led to your accident.
I also learned to drive late (at 18) because I rode my bike everywhere and didn’t have a car anyway, and didn’t feel quite in control. I was anxious about following all the rules. But a high schooler 3 years older than me said once she realized that you basically weren’t allowed to hit anyone else, and all the other rules fall under that, driving made a lot more sense.
The 60 hours of supervised driving never felt long enough for me, and I kept trying to get practice sessions with my parents after that. I once drove some friends around somewhere and realized I wasn’t as safe as I wanted to be, so after that I didn’t drive friends around for a while until I got more skilled.
Because while I was learning to drive, I really couldn’t do other things at the same time: listen to a conversation, the radio, think about anything that hard – I had to remove distractions to focus on driving.
Much later when I had more practice, driving got to be more second nature, and I feel safe driving other people around again.
I went through this one more time when I learned how to drive standard (“stick shift”), I had to remove distractions and focus on how to drive, or I could have a lot of difficulty.
So I don’t think you should give up driving entirely, because no one starts out as a “good driver” and you may need more practice than perhaps you think you “should” need. But you should take your responsibility seriously, and figure out how to get more safe practice opportunities, and take care to remove distractions and set yourself up for success. Which might mean saying no to driving in certain situations, but yes in others, until you are more skilled.
BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 5 weeks ago
I like this perspective, it makes me think some anxious drivers are just more aware of how bad they are. I doubt they’re much worse (and probably better) than the average new driver, but the lack of awareness in the average new driver probably covers the anxiety.
TheFeatureCreature@lemmy.ca 5 weeks ago
When you’re new to driving and not totally comfortable with it yet - most of your brainpower will be focused on controlling and handling the vehicle and taking your attention away from that to check signage is terrifying.
This goes away with practice and experience. Eventually controlling the car will become muscle memory and you can devote your brainpower to broader observation of your surroundings and signage. Start with calm back roads, quiet residential streets, and gentle intersections. Preferably an area with a mix of things like stop signs, uncontrolled intersections, hill sops, school/play zones, crosswalks, and so on.
It can be kinda fun too as you can explore neighbourhoods you’ve never been to before.
Jimmycrackcrack@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
The easy answer is no, that is not an overreaction to the problem as you’ve assessed it. You didn’t want to drive to begin with, because of doubts about your capacity to drive, then when you did drive you encountered a dangerous situation and now you don’t to do it again, that’s just rational.
The tricky part is deciding if you’re going to persevere anyway. Though not wanting to drive again is rational and probably good for everyone else on the roads, you are also most likely not uniquely incompetent even if you’re self critical and doubting. This might be where the idea that you are overreacting comes from, the tension behind this rational response and the simultaneous idea that perhaps you’re being too self critical. Ironically, I think both are true.
For better or for worse we’re living in a world where you can continue to do this and on balance of probabilities, you will get used to driving and get more capable with it, but there’ll be a period while you reach that stage where you and everyone else on the road will be at risk of harm. That’s not a great situation and something that in other contexts for other activities might not be tolerated, but it also might be a necessary one. It might perhaps put your mind at ease (or the opposite depending on how you interpret this), to realise that the road is full of drivers that might not be “good” drivers because they’re, nervous, have bad multitasking, are drunk or on drugs, are tired, aren’t concentrating, are underconfident, are overconfident, angry right this second, inexperienced, over experienced to the point of becoming inattentive and all manner of factors that should objectively mean people just shouldn’t drive but nevertheless we do and in the time and circumstances that we find ourselves in you wouldn’t be against the moral zeitgeist on this to decide that driving is necessary or beneficial enough for you that you’re going to become just one more such driver less than optimal driver in the roads. Hopefully after a while you’ll get past the fear and inexperience and that will make you a driver of at least average competence.
This isn’t to say I think you should do that. One less car on the road, especially driven by someone who by their own judgement thinks they aren’t a good driver and also doesn’t want to drive would, in the grand scheme of things be good, but I acknowledge it would be hypocrisy of me to suggest that you should exclude yourself on this basis when very few of the rest of us would.
chunes@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
It depends entirely on where you live.
Ougie@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
Wtf no it doesn’t? If there’s roads then there’s other people on them and OP - as far as we know - is a danger to them. If you can’t drive, don’t drive, simple as. There is nothing else to consider here. And frankly if the first thing you thought about before replying wasn’t the safety of others then you shouldn’t be driving either.
Darleys_Brew@lemmy.ml 5 weeks ago
Based on what OP is telling us, I can’t understand why OP was put in for their test if they can’t even use a junction properly.
unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de 5 weeks ago
Entirely depends on where you live, which country and if its rural or urban, and how good the pedestrian and bike infrastructure is there.
schnurrito@discuss.tchncs.de 5 weeks ago
I have several family members who either don’t drive at all or have previously taken several-year-long breaks from driving.
I was significantly older than you are now when I learned to drive at all, I no longer own a car and haven’t driven in approximately 9 months.
If you are in a life situation where you do not need to drive, then it is completely your own decision and you shouldn’t listen to anyone else trying to convince you one way or the other. Most drivers overestimate their abilities; if you yourself feel driving isn’t for you, then it’s better for everyone involved (including others on the road) that you don’t drive. But you still have a long life ahead of you and it’s completely possible you’ll become more confident when some more years have passed.
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 5 weeks ago
It is both overreacting and a valid feeling. If you were not wanting to drive before tue accident, then the accident escalating the feeling is a valid response. People not wanting to drive is not that uncommon! I love to drive but my daughter resisted learning for the longest time and is only learning now because it is a necessary skill to have in this country if you want to visit 95% of it because of how transportation is structured.
Your father is also right that an accident is not uncommon and assuming it was low speed it shouldn’t keep you from continuing to try, although sentiment requires wanting to drive.
You can live your life relying on others to drive you around, although that approach is limiting. Keeping up the ability and confidence to continue driving in case you need to might be an important skill where you live, and that would be the only reason I would encourage you to keep at it. If public transportation, biking, or walking are feasible for most of your travel needs then not driving is a reasonable choice!
endeavor@sopuli.xyz 5 weeks ago
Not an overreaction especially remembering how I was at first through the driving school driving lessons - a nerveous panicky wreck.
It does get better with time, you just get used to it. I’ve driven for 17 years now without an accident. The system starts making sense at one point.
neidu3@sh.itjust.works 5 weeks ago
No. It’s a perfectly natural reaction.
Having said that, I think you should get back behind the wheel ASAP.
You don’t Need to drive again. But I think you should face your fear and try to move past the current trauma. Simply because being able to drive is useful. After than that, of you don’t really need to drive anywhere, just don’t.