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Comments

• LovableSidekick@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Sounds to me like you just haven’t had enough practice, given that you aren’t interested in driving and haven’t don it much. If you can find people to drive you around or don’t mind taking buses and paying for Uber etc, not driving will probably be no more than a minor inconvenience - depending on where you live and how easy it is to get around without a car. Could influence your decisions about where to live and where to work, and having appointments could occasionally suck, but again it depends on where you live.

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• RadDevon@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I moved from the city I grew up in and gave away my car on the way out. That was in 2017, and I haven’t owned a car since. I drive extremely rarely — used to rent a car for a few hours every couple of months to run this or that errand in the Pacific Northwest US. I’ve since moved to a larger city with better transit on the US east coast. I live in the center city and can’t imagine any reason I would need to drive at this point. It’s been a few years since I’ve driven a car.

  How practical it is will depend heavily on your lifestyle and where you live. If you’re in most parts of the US, the default assumption is that you will drive a car, and you will be excluded from many things if you don’t. If you already live in a place that is conducive, are willing to move to a place that is, or can otherwise structure your life in such a way that doesn’t require it, you can absolutely do it. There are certainly trade-offs, but you couldn’t pay me enough money to go back to a car-centric life.

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• miss_demeanour@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  You don’t have to drive. Lots of people don’t, licensed or not.
  As you’re already licensed, keep it in case there’s an emergency that requires that you drive.

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• ALilOff@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I think this also disappointingly in the US depends where you live, if you live in a city with easily accessible public transportation I think you’d be fine, but if it’s a more rural area I still do think it’d be difficult.

  I live in a city now and sold my car 5 years ago and have been fine with taking the subway and I also work fully remote.

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• SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Not an overreaction. But maybe find a proper tutor who teaches people with driving anxiety if you want to get back behind the wheel again. Since you are limiting yourself if you don’t want to drive. And before you public transport-o-philes come at me, I live in a country with great public transport infrastructure and lots of bicycle paths, and even here not having the option to drive a car is still a limitation.

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• pfr@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Stop driving.

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• LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’ve been in one car accident in my life (my fault) and it shook me up, I remember searching “how long until self driving cars.” But I got over it, next day I was back behind the wheel. As other people have said, it’s a necessary life skill for most people in North America and it does get much easier with experience and time.

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• aceshigh@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  If you live somewhere that doesn’t require driving or you move somewhere that doesn’t require driving then you don’t need to drive. But you can’t expect other people to cater to you and drive you around, so you’ll have to get used to taking the bus or walking.

  My dad also insisted that I learn to drive, but I live in the city so I always take public transportation or walk. No big deal. I don’t want to pay for insurance or pay for parking either. So it works out.

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• LibertyLizard@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Not overreacting. Driving is extremely dangerous for yourself and others around you, not to mention environmentally destructive. And an increasing number of people are choosing to live a car-free lifestyle for these reasons.

  If you live in an area where alternatives like walking, biking, or transit are viable, then I’d definitely consider it. If not, then you may not have a choice. But consider whether you can move to an area where you can avoid driving. Even as an experienced and competent driver, as I’ve gradually decreased the frequency I drive, my quality of life has improved a lot.

  Biking especially is increasingly viable in many cities and even suburbs nowadays. However, if you’re forced to share the road with heavy cars and trucks it could be dangerous if you don’t have good situational awareness. But that is something you may be able to develop with practice. As someone who is a regular urban cyclist I feel my awareness and skills have dramatically improved with time.

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• otp@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Do you live somewhere that you can get around without relying on a car (or someone with a car)?

  If not, can you reasonably move to and live in a place like that?

  If those are options, do those.

  If not, learn how to drive properly and safely. DO NOT drive unless you feel in control of the car on public roads.

  “Not being good at multitasking” isn’t an excuse to put people’s lives in danger.

  Some people need more time to learn and practice and that’s fine. You need to take responsibility and take that time to learn and practice.

  It may need more than lessons. It might require therapy. But if you need to drive, then you need to drive safely. And relying on other people to drive for you is not the answer either.

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• partial_accumen@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  There are going to be lots of things ahead of you in life that are going to be difficult, uncomfortable, and yes even sometimes dangerous. A number of these things will not be optional. Life will just do them to you, and you’ll have to deal with the fallout. Its an important life skill to be able to navigate these type of situations, and also know how to build yourself back up when they happen. You will need this going forward. Also, as you master difficult things, your skills become better at identifying risks, and building mitigation strategies.

  Example:

  I had a pretty bad car accident due to failing to yield the right of way (I struggle with multitasking)

  Knowing this, you can and should change your driving environment. What were these other distractions?

  • Radio? New rule, you simply don’t listen to anything while driving
  • Talking with your passenger? (you mentioned your boyfriend so I assume he was there) New rule, no talking while you’re driving. If your passenger doesn’t like that, then they can drive and talk to you when you’re the passenger
  • Phone? New rule, phone goes on DND when you’re driving.

  As you get more confident you could remove some of these rules. Further, you can improve how you prioritize while driving. My wife and I follow the login that airplane pilots do and it helps:

  Aviate, Navigate, Communicate

  “‘Aviate, Navigate, Communicate’ is a phrase widely taught to aircraft pilots, to remind them of priorities during an emergency. The first priority is to keep the aircraft flying, avoiding undesired aircraft states and controlled flight into terrain. Next the pilot should verify their location and navigate towards a suitable destination. Communication with air traffic control, while important, is a lower priority”

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  If I’m overloaded with stimulus while driving with my wife and trying to negotiate traffic I just need to say “Aviating” and she knows that means to stop talking/distracting because I’m close to my limit. If I’m in an unfamiliar place reading street signs while driving and say “Navigating” she understands that, and many times can just tell me “don’t turn left here, but take the next left”. I do the same for her. Once the needed extra attention has passed, the driver can communicate that and say “okay where were we?”.

  So to answer your question, should you give up entirely? I would recommend not giving up yet. Get back in and learn what you need to change about yourself/your environment and develop the strategies to master it. If after that you can drive without fear, and simply don’t like it and prefer other modes of transportation, sure, stop driving entirely.

  This is one difficult thing life has handed to you that can opt out of, but if you do now, you’ll lose the education on how to navigate the next one that isn’t optional which will make it that much hard.

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• jupyter_rain@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Sounds like you are dealing with anxiety? I had a similar phase. After getting my license at 18 I did not drive for a very long time, because I did not have the money for a car. Felt very inconfident and even cried at the thought of getting a car, even if it was necessary. It took me a while to accustomise to the thought, then started driving with my husband on my side. Asking a lot of questions about situations in which I was unsure and warming up to the idea of driving regulary. And now it works!

  About the accident part: Had one when my license was fresh, while parking with my fathers car. It’s normal. My husband had three accidents after getting his first car, he was such a chaotic driver. I think the most ridiculous one was when he was stressed and wanted to park on a curb. But he was way too fast and the car of course took damage.

  So maybe take a small break from driving and accept your learning curve :) No one is born as an expert driver!

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• Droggelbecher@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Everyone basically saying that you can fuck yourself and should never drive again is a bit of a dick at best. It’s ofc perfectly fine to not want to drive. But if you do have to, or if you end up wanting to in the future, it’s not like this was your only chance and you can never again learn. If you want/have to get back to it, please practice with someone experienced in a calm and safe environment. Pay for an instructor, go to and empty parking lot, etc. Take as much time as you need before you’re good enough to drive in traffic again.

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• half_built_pyramids@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  There’s some good driving sims that could help the anxiety. Safe place to practice if you live in one of the places without public transport.

  New Mario kart is open world

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• pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I have had a very similar experience. I still avoid driving whwnever I can. A different take on what your father said, I think a car accident is just another, fairly common, lesson in how to drive. It can be true both that almost everyone has had an accident AND that being in an accident can be traumatic and very off-putting. Your feelings are absolutely valid. Sadly, in the U.S., being able to drive is more or less required to be able to participate in pretty much anything.

  Ultimately, my crash drove me to be a much more careful and aware driver, and while I still hate to drive, looking back I think being in an accident was probably inevitable for me. I don’t know where I’m going with this, I can’t give advice or anything, just wanted to share.

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• ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  It’s a skill that most people will need to use often in their lives if you live in the US, at least. Unless you live in a place like New York city and don’t ever plan on leaving, you’ll probably be better off knowing how to drive. There’s a dozen reasons why that are all pretty obvious to most people.

  But if you’re only 19, never got a license before that, and are dating a guy that’s a fair amount older than you are, I’m guessing you just want other people making all of your decisions for you.

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• FelixCress@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Yes. Next question.

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• al_Kaholic@lemmynsfw.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Nah driving sucks, there are to many people these days, to many distractions, fucking cops can just randomly pull you over and kill you. Boomers are terrible and selfish drivers. It’s like some giant chore and the reward is working for the next forty years. Where is there to go to anyway? McDonald’s, the buccees gas station, Walmart? Fuck driving.

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• pelespirit@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I agree with all the comments so far, but also, play Mario Kart. Seriously.

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• mat@jlai.lu ⁨4⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  In France we have a possibility to get tutored to get more experience before passing the exam. It is basically driving with your parents or people with more than 3 years without accident. If your parents can find time to do some tutoring it could help. I remember how I could feel out of control but having my parents next to me was an insurance that someone was monitoring the traffic and pedestrians around and could tell me to brake if I was focused on something else.

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• pineapplelover@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  If you can go about your life without a car then sure. But in some areas of the country, it’s kinda hard so if you’re that person then maybe take some driving courses again until you’re more confident.

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• Lumelore@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’m Autistic and I struggle with driving too. There’s too many things to pay attention to and it overwhelms my brain. It took me 5 tries to get my license. I genuinely would not drive if I didn’t live in the US and had access to reliable public transport. I cope with this by being very cautious. I have a hard time determining speed and distance so sometimes I will sit at a stop sign for notably longer than I need to which upsets the people behind me but I think it’s the only reason I haven’t gotten in an accident yet. I hate how car brained people can be. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to drive and lots of people in non-car brained countries who don’t.

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• IndiBrony@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I’m a driving instructor so I feel this is one area I can come in. Unfortunately I’m at a wedding at the moment so I’ll chime in later. Just making this comment now so I know to come back to this 😂

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• tunetardis@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I don’t think there is an easy answer to a question like that, as it involves a lot of individual circumstances. You did land a licence, which suggests you are not cognitively impaired to the point that driving is out of the question? Give yourself some credit. It sounds like you are on the anxiety spectrum though, as am I. Perhaps you were in the midst of a panic attack at the time of the accident?

  I think in some ways it’s a noble calling to find alternatives to driving? But do it for the right reasons. If it’s stage 1 on the path to becoming an agoraphobiac, fuck that. You’re only 19. Don’t build a cage around yourself now that you’ll only realize is there when you get your standard issue midlife crisis at 40.

  My son doesn’t drive, and he seems to be doing ok. He strategized to get an apartment near enough to work and amenities that he can walk most of the time, and there is also an LRT station nearby. He rideshares for anything else.

  I don’t know what will happen if he ever starts a family? That could introduce some challenges, but one day at a time I guess. For my part as an empty nester at this point, I have discovered an ebike is an awesome alternative to driving the 10k to work. It saves so much money over any other option, is better for the environment, and I’ve even managed to shed a bit of weight. Still got the old dad bod though…

  But I think these are some of the right reasons to look at driving alternatives. Anxiety just sucks, and you’ll probably still have it on an ebike or public transit. Take care of that first and then assess your options, I think?

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• Sixtyforce@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  despite never feeling safe or in control behind the wheel

  I have anxiety and learning to drive was a temporary hell for me too. I don’t really ha e a choice unless I want to work at McDonalds until I die of old age. The career opportunities aren’t accessible without a car. That’s big empty Alberta with shite public transporyltation for you though.

  So the question is really whether or not you can get by without learning the skill. You do eventually gain confidence via practice. However yeah, there’s always inherent danger from you and any human sharing the road with you. Everyone will make mistakes. Some end very badly. Ultimately it’s your choice. You should know by now if you can potentially survive independently without a vehicle or not where you live.

  This you can ignore if you don’t respond to everything new or scary in your life like you are with driving:

  I had a friend who spoke like this all the time and she ended up being the living embodiment of Learned Helplessness. I could elaborate, but it’s a dreadful story and ends in a very early totally preventable death.

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• Proprietary_Blend@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  Do as you wish. Just don’t become a burden to others

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• Catoblepas@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  It’s definitely an understandable way to feel after a bad accident. It’s really fortunate nobody was hurt! You’re a young and inexperienced driver, there’s a reason as a group y’all cost more to insure, lol. So it’s definitely something that’s common, and plenty more people (like me) have only avoided similar accidents through dumb luck.

  Is giving up a car completely something that’s feasible for your location and lifestyle? Will you be able to get to work, meet with friends, and engage with your hobbies while relying on public transit, a bike, etc? If you can answer yes to all those questions, then giving up driving regularly might be feasible for you. If you can’t, then unfortunately you will have to either drive or rely on other people to drive you.

  If it’s not practical to give up driving, I would really encourage you to take a defensive driving class. It will help you internalize the things you can be doing to avoid accidents before they happen. And if you do give up driving, keep your license renewed! It’s a total pain in the ass to get a license a second time, and there are times it’s practical to have one.

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• JoMiran@lemmy.ml ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I suggest you practice in isolated areas until you are comfortable enough. You do not need to drive, but knowing how to in case of an emergency can be life saving.

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• Toes@ani.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I had a pretty extreme fear of driving and I went through therapy (CBT & medicines) to cope with my ability to pay attention and my anxieties about safety.

  I was denied job after job for not having a license. Told it was more important than a high-school diploma even when the job had nothing to do with travel.

  Seek out a qualified professional, your insurance may even be capable of helping here if you sell them on the idea its for coping with the accident you just experienced.

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• FRYD@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨days⁩ ago

  I love driving and I do it professionally now despite being a very anxious person. I felt like exactly the same when I was younger and had lots of friends who felt the same. Drive as safely and slowly as you’re comfortable. Don’t let jerks on the road pressure you, they can wait a bit if need be. Over time, you’ll become more comfortable and capable.

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