I fart in the envelopes then they are like ‘yay someone wants our credit card OH NO ITS FARTS!’
To whom it may concern
Submitted 2 days ago by Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net to [deleted]
https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/c526db14-e16d-4e46-9b07-db3db34ca1b2.jpeg
Comments
Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 2 days ago
TheColonel@reddthat.com 1 day ago
I know/hope this is a joke but people used to do this at an independent, third party, mail sorting place I worked at as a teenager.
They’d mail all sorts of shit (both literal and figurative) and it was basically handled by one guy who seemed ok with it but was definitely not ok.
Mail them lead, weights, whatever. But please, no matter how despicable the company, there’s likely some at very least mildly abused worker who is just trying to earn a wage and has to deal with the vile shit people try to punish companies with.
Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 14 hours ago
Wouldn’t a lead weight cost you more than it costs them? Lead is reasonably expensive.
zurohki@aussie.zone 18 hours ago
This. Your mail isn’t going to be opened by the CEO. Hurt the business, not the worker. Mail them a box of rocks or something, the company will pay postage on it and the minimum wage guy opening packages will laugh.
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Basically the same thing they do when they send these things in unmarked envelopes.
fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 1 day ago
I read this as you wrote it: “its farts”, like the envelope has farts, vs “it is farts”. Both are technically correct, but seems so much funnier that way.
dai@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Aaaah pink eye!
sheetzoos@lemmy.world 1 day ago
All spam should be responded to in kind.
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 23 hours ago
WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE
djehuti@programming.dev 1 day ago
That’s actually a large boulder; it’s just the size of a small boulder.
altphoto@lemmy.today 1 day ago
We won’t ever know unless they included a fresh banana for size.
KazuchijouNo@lemy.lol 1 day ago
Got any Carlos?
SanicHegehog@lemm.ee 18 hours ago
I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder.
kieron115@startrek.website 1 day ago
IF you’re going to do this, make sure use some sort of sealed package (like the box in the photo). You used to be able to slap these things on like a sheet of plywood and just send it as is but now if the package isn’t sealed and is obvious misuse the post office can just throw it in the dumpster. If its a sealed package then the post office has to deliver it and the permit holder has to pay the charges. about.usps.com/postal-bulletin/…/updt_001.htm
Th3D3k0y@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Like 70lbs of neutronium in a USPS flat rate box?
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 day ago
Hmm… Where can I get a bunch of tungsten? 🤔
don@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Considering the density of neutronium, a 70 lb piece would be about the size of a dust mote, if not much smaller. Good luck getting a standard box to hold something that small and dense.
Delphia@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Friendly reminder.
Make sure that you use a box with no identifying information. Scribbling out the barcodes isnt enough.
Mailing restrictions still apply. Mailing them back rotting fish or potentially hazardous materials is a federal offence.
Mailing any kind of threat is also against the law.
FooBarrington@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Is there a legal limit on the amount of farts I can put into an envelope?
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 23 hours ago
I sell abdominal gas collection catheters btw
Natanael@infosec.pub 1 day ago
Doesn’t help when you use a return postage slip. They have unique codes. Being “just annoying” is probably the safest bet.
nickiwest@lemmy.world 1 day ago
If you’re concerned about your anonymity, keep in mind that companies frequently put ID numbers on their return envelopes to help match the returned mail piece with your record in their database. Sometimes the number is invisible (UV ink) so it doesn’t look “mass produced” to the recipient.
frezik@midwest.social 1 day ago
This wouldn’t work, anyway. They only prepay envelope postage, not a box.
prettybunnys@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
You can fit a lot of glitter in a envelope.
Delphia@lemmy.world 1 day ago
A lot of reply paid stuff for large corporations is calculated on weight not on item count, depending on the sorting system used by the country/region in question so this might work sometimes but it depends on a lot of variables.
Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 1 day ago
We can do that?
Do I just take it to the post office?
Ajen@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
No, this is fake. You can put whatever you want in the envelope and send it back, but they won’t deliver a whole package. They only prepaid postage for a letter.
Of course if you send something dangerous/threatening you might get arrested.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I’ma print out a goatse and mail it to them.
Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
It wouldn’t surprise me if one slipped through, there are overrides on stuff that get rejected and USPS is a massive organization with millions of parcels moving at any given moment.
This idea came from people mailing wooden shims back to the credit card companies because it would increase the postage cost over the normal weight… Please don’t do that though. Letters go through a Dr. Seuss Esque sorter system and the shims are too sturdy and sometimes get ripped out of the mail and shot across the facility…
Mediocre_Bard@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This … feels like you are telling me to go for it.
itsgroundhogdayagain@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
I just put another company’s junk mail in their envelope and send it to them so they know how it feels.
GroundedGator@lemmy.world 1 day ago
This is how we save the USPS.
qjkxbmwvz@startrek.website 1 day ago
I could be wrong but I think these are prepaid, not paid on receipt…
Confused_Emus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
These are indeed paid on delivery.
softcat@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
Let’s all do our part to help little boulders travel
ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 2 days ago
mosiacmango@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Glaciers take millions of years to deposit boulders across the land.
Humans: “we can do better.”
sgtgig@lemmy.world 1 day ago
If there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s moving rocks around
Brkdncr@lemmy.world 23 hours ago
I used to get a ton of garbage mail at an apartment i lived at. I’d just take as many of the coupon booklets from my box, jam them into one of those return envelops, and stuff it back into the outgoing mail box.
Etterra@discuss.online 17 hours ago
I need to start doing this with marketing crap. Except just rocks. Heavy, heavy rocks.
potentiallynotfelix@lemmy.fish 18 hours ago
“small boulder” just say rock vro 🥀🥀🥀
notabot@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Don’t use a rock, use 10lb of glitter.
PaintedSnail@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Nah. That would piss off the mailroom employees, but they don’t control who gets sent mail. The weight costing money does hurt the people who make the marketing decisions, though.
notabot@lemm.ee 1 day ago
That’s a fair observation, but I assume they’re trained to deal with suspicious packages safely, and that stuff will get transfered throughout the whole building and make everyone’s lives that bit more ‘special’. It’ll still hit the bottom line too.
ricecake@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
But they also work for the bad company, so my sympathy is limited. Not super limited, else I wouldn’t point out that they’re inevitably hourly employees, and a long day cleaning glitter creates an annoying backlog that creates even more overtime.
Punishing the worker for working for spammers, but also putting money in their pocket at the cost of the people making choices.Biggest issue is the cost of glitter. Easier to get dirt or rocks.
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
Rock, and 5000 live cockroaches
notabot@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Steady on Satan, they’re only a credit card company! They’re bad, but not that bad!
ilovededyoupiggy@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Would take a little bit of doing, but rig the box flaps to a platform inside the box, then pour all the glitter on that, so that opening the box raises the platform and dumps all the glitter.
notabot@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Rather than a platform, I’ve been wondering if you could rig it so opening the box opens some holes on the bottom, so they think they dodged the worst of it, pick it up to dispose of it and get a desk full from underneath.
sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
USPS got so pissed at me for just leaving my junk mail in the box. I told them over and over I didn’t need trash delivered to my place. In the end, I just stopped all USPS deliveries. I had nothing of importance coming in through the mail.
anachrohack@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Postal Employee: “May I help you?”
Kramer: “Yeah, I’d like to cancel my mail.”
Postal Employee: “Certainly. How long would you like us to hold it?”
Kramer: “Oh, no, no. I don’t think you get me. I want out, permanently.”
MisanthropiCynic@lemm.ee 1 day ago
I tried to stop all deliveries and they said I could not. There’s even a criminal penalty for removing your own mailbox
There is no reason to ever mail me anything. When I order a package I have it delivered to a business
sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz 18 hours ago
It wasn’t too long ago that I did it. Maybe 8-10 years ago. I realized nothing I needed came in the mail, so I just stopped checking. At one point the postman literally just took all the junk mail and dumped it on my front step. I raised holy hell with the post office about littering, after jamming it all back into the outgoing mail. I think the way the postmaster did it, instead of dealing with my assholeness, was just setting my residence to unoccupied in or something along those lines. Spam, of all sorts (aside from Spam musubi) is just a fucking drag. Like all marketing and advertising.
Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net 1 day ago
Lol. I just stick it back into the outgoing mail slot if they dont listen to me. My box is clearly marked with 'no junk mail’s signage.
adminofoz@lemmy.cafe 1 day ago
That’s an option?
acchariya@lemmy.world 1 day ago
You just have to move to a place where the post office is a disaster and you won’t get mail anymore. Northern new Mexico, for one.
iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
No, stopping all USPS deliveries is not an option. They can usually hold mail for up to 30 days if you apply for it, but I think this even varies by local office.
You can, however, refuse some mail. This is a manual process. You can also apply to be removed from mailing lists, which is almost certainly what the other poster did.
sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz 1 day ago
Yeah, it got so bad I was worried I was going to rage on the delivery driver (for what it’s worth, I support the USPS and have not heard a legitimate argument about why it should be stopped. But fucking junk mail. I know it accounts for a chunk of their income, there has got to be a better way. Like making the price of every single piece of junk mail that is delivered to me is $10. Something. Cut out junk mail and only have delivery 4 days a week. Not consecutively.
But yeah, to get back to your question. I talked to the Postmaster at the local Post Office and they had me write and sign a piece of paper saying,“I DON’T WANT THIS SHIT NO MORE!”. The trouble it caused in my life was absolutely dwarfed by the positive of not having to deal with that shit anymore.
JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Reminds me of a webcomic I used to read where the mad scientistesque physics student realized he could use the lead bricks he’d been using to prop open doors for exactly this purpose.
Matt3999@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I once sent a thick telephone book with “Return to Sender - not at this address” on it after receiving mail addressed the previous house owner. This was after receiving their junk mail over several years and returning it with the same message scribbled on the envelope. This tactic finally worked and stopped the junk mail coming.
JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 1 day ago
This must’ve been a long time ago. Otherwise where would you find a phone book, let alone a thick one.
GrumpyDuckling@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
Check the barcode on the bottom and make sure it doesn’t have your information in it.
Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
What can they do? Send you more junk mail?
MisanthropiCynic@lemm.ee 1 day ago
Why? I don’t care if they know I sent it. Maybe they’ll be less likely to fuck with me any more.
Of course I haven’t checked my mail since 2020 when I got a stimulus check. I don’t even have an ID showing my address anymore. It’s still my old house
mavu@discuss.tchncs.de 1 day ago
absolute legend :D
iAmTheTot@sh.itjust.works 1 day ago
For putting some crap in a box, taping on a flyer, and then lying on the internet?
You don’t actually think this happened, do you? Why would the post office ship a heavy package for free just because a no postage needed flyer is stuck to it?
Vytle@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Condescending dweeb refuses to allow people to enjoy a funny story.
Memetic@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
I used to send them coupons.
Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 2 days ago
When I was in college my roommates and I would open all those offers standing at the mailbox, seal the empty envelopes back up, then put then right back in the mailbox for the carrier to grab the next day (or maybe mail thieves, who knows). We figured just mailing them all back was going to cost something.
Jayb151@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I did the same, wrote in the letter for them to suck my balls… They called me back lol
Confused_Emus@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
I’m curious what they have to say to that!
The_v@lemmy.world 1 day ago
When I was first out of college I used to get 8-10 of pre-payed envelopes every week. I kept a PO box for my mail that I would check weekly.
I would have maybe 1 or two pieces of real mail and a full box of junk.
So I started folding up the junk mail I to the 8-10 prepared envelopes every week. This was all done at the counter next to my PO box and dropped mailed back right then.
It was quite cathartic.