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typical future ER visitor

⁨384⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨fossilesque@mander.xyz⁩ to ⁨science_memes@mander.xyz⁩

https://mander.xyz/pictrs/image/16978452-3ce6-4e3a-a5c2-e6850e2b4157.png

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  • Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Hi gang! Doctor here, trained at and still work at the local “Rectal Foreign Body Center of Excellence”, so I feel somewhat qualified to give my professional opinion.

    Yes, nothing without a flared base should be used in this fashion. BUT, there’s pretty much no risk for harm here. Mechanical obstruction is unlikely because, as OP says, it’ll get mushy and get pooped out. Bananas aren’t much of an irritant like a citrus fruit, so not much risk for chemical damage. Someone else said there might be a risk of potassium overdose, but not really. The rectum does absorb, but not as much as the stomach. So while some potassium will be absorbed, this is at worst equivalent to eating the same number of bananas. Which won’t harm you.

    So not a big risk here. That being said, flared bases, everyone!

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    • motor_spirit@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I hope you remind friends, family, and colleagues about the importance of flared bases every holiday season. It’s the type of progressive service the people need but don’t realize yet. Stay #based and blesst y’all

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      • Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I come from a heavily Roman Catholic background. Recognition of the existence of butt stuff to family doesn’t go over well. But friends and the family I’m raising get regular reminders!

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    • Aggravationstation@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I don’t believe in god, but if I did I’d ask them to bless you, friend 🫡

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      • kerrigan778@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Gesundheit

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    • dumbass@leminal.space ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Alright then Doc, what item would you suggest to be the best to shove up my ass?

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      • Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Me ;)

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      • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Real talk, if you want to get into butt stuffing, get a squishy plug like a square peg egg plug or a topped toys gape keeper. Stuff that’s designed for butt use is infinitely better than improvised things, let me tell you.

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      • jol@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Luigi amiibo

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    • Empricorn@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Thank you, Dr Ass!

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    • Kitathalla@lemy.lol ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Question for the doctor, especially due to your location of work. Have you ever been approached for shadowing? How would you prefer to be asked?

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      • Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Yes, have been approached many times. Very open to shadowing and have had multiple people shadow me.

        How would you prefer to be asked? I’m not sure exactly what that question means? I guess I would prefer someone say “I am interested in medicine, can I shadow you to see if it’s something I truly want to do?” Or “I’m applying to medical school and need shadowing hours. Your profession sounds like fun, can I shadow you?”. Problem is you gotta know someone. Or know someone who knows someone. Can’t just walk in off the street and say “I want to shadow”, I’ll likely say no. Most institutions do have a program to facilitate shadowing, which can help with access to willing docs.

        Does that answer your question?

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    • Pulptastic@midwest.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Any microbial risk? I know there’s already poop in there, but they’re inserting a new food source into their body.

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      • Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Yeah, some microbial risk. But the post says they’re freshly peeled bananas, so probably less microbial risk than a lot of things people put up there…

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    • Donkter@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      What about if the mushy banana is rotting? How bad does it have to rot to start to do something to your asshole?

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      • bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I mean, it takes a long time until a banana isn’t good for eating anymore. It should be shit out long before that.

        In areas where bananas are native people often eat them when they’re more or less liquid.

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      • Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I’ve dug poop out of buttholes with my (fortunately not bare) hands that are rock solid. Even the most unripe banana will pass with a good drink of water and a bit of effort.

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    • kungen@feddit.nu ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      But how much radiation will it cause? A banana gives you like 0.1 μSv when eaten, but can it be more/less when it’s up there?

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      • ch00f@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        spends less time in your body, less radiation.

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  • nesc@lemmy.cafe ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Imagine you are running a marathon and someone ahead of you losses three bananas that were stuffed in their ass.

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    • Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      “it’s Mario kart all over!”

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      • PennyRoyal@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Mario Shart

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      • bamboo@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        This explains where bullet bill comes from!

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    • Cephalotrocity@biglemmowski.win ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Imagine sitting in the doctor’s office and someone nearby lets out a ripper and the whole office suddenly smells like banana bread.

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      • bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Saw a talk about hacking bacteria once. Apparently they managed to make e coli that smells like banana when inactive and mint when active (or vice versa, can’t remember).

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    • NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      “Are we going past a zoo? I smell mashed bananas.

      Oh fuck, what is running down that person’s leg right now‽”

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      • smokebuddy@lemmy.today ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        This shit is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s

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      • maccentric@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        *past

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  • Hikermick@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    If there’s a problem simply shove a monkey up there. Problem rectified

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    • avattar@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      rectified

      I see what you did there.

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    • AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That was a great analysis you did of the problem

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      • Hikermick@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Thank you. I’ve always aspired to be a great analyst

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  • Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    The last sentence makes this 10 times funnier

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  • leonine@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    When life goes banana, u shove em up ur ass and run a marathon.

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  • UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Their body their choice.

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    • bitjunkie@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      My eyes though

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  • VitabytesDev@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I read the first sentence and immediately stopped reading.

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    • CaptPretentious@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I did not and I wish I had. Today was a bad day to Internet

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    • Neon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Am I the only one who thought it funny?

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    • UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      You did the right thing.

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  • SendMePhotos@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Doesn’t the colon absorb vitamins better or something? Could you overdose with anal bananas?

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    • Kitathalla@lemy.lol ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I suppose it’s possible. The amount of absorption is going to depend on what specifically is ‘in there.’ Most vitamins (for example) have been separated from their pre-eaten location/environment by the physical mastication, churning, and compression; and by chemical means by chelation agents, acid/enzyme digestion, or other molecules that break apart lipid blobs and such. Alcohol, the oft-given example of a substance absorbed by the rear part of your gastric tube, is a fairly ‘ready to be absorbed’ compound. Suppositories are also similarly in a state that makes their active agents easily absorbed.

      A whole bananal probably is going to be absorbed like a rock through a 5mm sieve. The bacteria in the rectum might start the process, but if you’ve ever seen an organic object like an apple or banana rot outside somewhere, it is a very slow process. You’ll be much more likely to suffer some form of infection/sepsis from the bloom of bacteria (or the smaller chance of a fungal infection) long before enough of the banana is absorbed.

      All of this is even more true if the OP was shoving them still in their skins in. The bananal skin will definitely be a very slow degradation, and absorb like an intelligent thought into the president elect.

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      • nilaus@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Bananal skin gave me the giggles👍🍌

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    • Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      IIRC the large intestine and colon is more about water resorption than nutrient absorption, and while potassium is a very dangerous electrolyte, I’m doubtful that much of it will get absorbed at all, even if 1 banana could do any damage to the average person with working kidneys.

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    • ryedaft@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      What exactly do you imagine happens when you eat a banana?

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      • SendMePhotos@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        You munch it up… Swallow the mush banana… Gets an acid bath and turns into vomit… Continues to sail down into the small intestine and gets absorbed and dissolved further… Then the large intestine and maybe absorbed further and/or added to by other things such as a banana being inserted from the exit.

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  • revlayle@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Sir, this is a Wendy’s

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  • ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Bananema.

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  • MataVatnik@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This is funnier now that I see we are in the science sub lmao

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    • fossilesque@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      This one goes out to people that work in healthcare, like my sister. The stories she has lmao.

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  • khannie@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Image

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  • serenissi@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Gives eating ass a new meaning. New kink drops,

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  • xilliah@beehaw.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’d say you need a more varied ass diet. Broccoli. Hummus. Pineapple. Trout.

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    • bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Wa wa wa walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells,
      grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells!

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  • etchinghillside@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Needs a flared base.

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  • realitista@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    In the interest of science, we must monitor this person running a marathon.

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    • Zementid@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      We would need multiples running some with and some without, ideally without them knowing… you think about the last part, I get the bananas.

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    • rumba@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.

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  • The_Che_Banana@beehaw.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    How much banana can an ass hold, Michael?

    10?

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  • Naich@lemmings.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “I’m afraid really don’t know, Mr. Kipchoge, I just wanted an autograph.”

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  • callyral@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

    welp that’s enough interneting for the day

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  • azi@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Anyway…

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    • Maxxie@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That is one load-bearing “anyway”

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  • TheWolfOfSouthEnd@lemmygrad.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I don’t want to know how…but I really want to know how at the same time.

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