Imagine you are running a marathon and someone ahead of you losses three bananas that were stuffed in their ass.
typical future ER visitor
Submitted 4 months ago by fossilesque@mander.xyz to science_memes@mander.xyz
https://mander.xyz/pictrs/image/16978452-3ce6-4e3a-a5c2-e6850e2b4157.png
Comments
nesc@lemmy.cafe 4 months ago
Tolookah@discuss.tchncs.de 4 months ago
“it’s Mario kart all over!”
PennyRoyal@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Mario Shart
bamboo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 months ago
This explains where bullet bill comes from!
Cephalotrocity@biglemmowski.win 4 months ago
Imagine sitting in the doctor’s office and someone nearby lets out a ripper and the whole office suddenly smells like banana bread.
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 4 months ago
Saw a talk about hacking bacteria once. Apparently they managed to make e coli that smells like banana when inactive and mint when active (or vice versa, can’t remember).
NakariLexfortaine@lemm.ee 4 months ago
“Are we going past a zoo? I smell mashed bananas.
Oh fuck, what is running down that person’s leg right now‽”
smokebuddy@lemmy.today 4 months ago
This shit is bananas b-a-n-a-n-a-s
maccentric@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
*past
Hikermick@lemmy.world 4 months ago
If there’s a problem simply shove a monkey up there. Problem rectified
avattar@lemmy.sdf.org 4 months ago
rectified
I see what you did there.
AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
That was a great analysis you did of the problem
Hikermick@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Thank you. I’ve always aspired to be a great analyst
Sylvartas@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 months ago
The last sentence makes this 10 times funnier
leonine@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
When life goes banana, u shove em up ur ass and run a marathon.
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
Their body their choice.
bitjunkie@lemmy.world 4 months ago
My eyes though
SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Doesn’t the colon absorb vitamins better or something? Could you overdose with anal bananas?
Kitathalla@lemy.lol 4 months ago
I suppose it’s possible. The amount of absorption is going to depend on what specifically is ‘in there.’ Most vitamins (for example) have been separated from their pre-eaten location/environment by the physical mastication, churning, and compression; and by chemical means by chelation agents, acid/enzyme digestion, or other molecules that break apart lipid blobs and such. Alcohol, the oft-given example of a substance absorbed by the rear part of your gastric tube, is a fairly ‘ready to be absorbed’ compound. Suppositories are also similarly in a state that makes their active agents easily absorbed.
A whole bananal probably is going to be absorbed like a rock through a 5mm sieve. The bacteria in the rectum might start the process, but if you’ve ever seen an organic object like an apple or banana rot outside somewhere, it is a very slow process. You’ll be much more likely to suffer some form of infection/sepsis from the bloom of bacteria (or the smaller chance of a fungal infection) long before enough of the banana is absorbed.
All of this is even more true if the OP was shoving them still in their skins in. The bananal skin will definitely be a very slow degradation, and absorb like an intelligent thought into the president elect.
nilaus@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Bananal skin gave me the giggles👍🍌
Nurse_Robot@lemmy.world 4 months ago
IIRC the large intestine and colon is more about water resorption than nutrient absorption, and while potassium is a very dangerous electrolyte, I’m doubtful that much of it will get absorbed at all, even if 1 banana could do any damage to the average person with working kidneys.
ryedaft@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
What exactly do you imagine happens when you eat a banana?
SendMePhotos@lemmy.world 4 months ago
You munch it up… Swallow the mush banana… Gets an acid bath and turns into vomit… Continues to sail down into the small intestine and gets absorbed and dissolved further… Then the large intestine and maybe absorbed further and/or added to by other things such as a banana being inserted from the exit.
VitabytesDev@feddit.nl 4 months ago
I read the first sentence and immediately stopped reading.
CaptPretentious@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I did not and I wish I had. Today was a bad day to Internet
Neon@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Am I the only one who thought it funny?
UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml 4 months ago
You did the right thing.
revlayle@lemm.ee 4 months ago
Sir, this is a Wendy’s
MataVatnik@lemmy.world 4 months ago
This is funnier now that I see we are in the science sub lmao
fossilesque@mander.xyz 4 months ago
This one goes out to people that work in healthcare, like my sister. The stories she has lmao.
khannie@lemmy.world 4 months ago
ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 4 months ago
Bananema.
serenissi@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Gives eating ass a new meaning. New kink drops,
xilliah@beehaw.org 4 months ago
I’d say you need a more varied ass diet. Broccoli. Hummus. Pineapple. Trout.
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 4 months ago
Wa wa wa walnuts, peanuts, pineapple smells,
grapes, melons, oranges and coconut shells!
etchinghillside@reddthat.com 4 months ago
Needs a flared base.
realitista@lemm.ee 4 months ago
In the interest of science, we must monitor this person running a marathon.
Zementid@feddit.nl 4 months ago
We would need multiples running some with and some without, ideally without them knowing… you think about the last part, I get the bananas.
rumba@lemmy.zip 4 months ago
I’m sure it’ll all work out in the end.
The_Che_Banana@beehaw.org 4 months ago
How much banana can an ass hold, Michael?
10?
Naich@lemmings.world 4 months ago
“I’m afraid really don’t know, Mr. Kipchoge, I just wanted an autograph.”
azi@mander.xyz 4 months ago
Anyway…
Maxxie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 months ago
That is one load-bearing “anyway”
callyral@pawb.social 4 months ago
welp that’s enough interneting for the day
TheWolfOfSouthEnd@lemmygrad.ml 4 months ago
I don’t want to know how…but I really want to know how at the same time.
Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Hi gang! Doctor here, trained at and still work at the local “Rectal Foreign Body Center of Excellence”, so I feel somewhat qualified to give my professional opinion.
Yes, nothing without a flared base should be used in this fashion. BUT, there’s pretty much no risk for harm here. Mechanical obstruction is unlikely because, as OP says, it’ll get mushy and get pooped out. Bananas aren’t much of an irritant like a citrus fruit, so not much risk for chemical damage. Someone else said there might be a risk of potassium overdose, but not really. The rectum does absorb, but not as much as the stomach. So while some potassium will be absorbed, this is at worst equivalent to eating the same number of bananas. Which won’t harm you.
So not a big risk here. That being said, flared bases, everyone!
motor_spirit@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I hope you remind friends, family, and colleagues about the importance of flared bases every holiday season. It’s the type of progressive service the people need but don’t realize yet. Stay #based and blesst y’all
Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I come from a heavily Roman Catholic background. Recognition of the existence of butt stuff to family doesn’t go over well. But friends and the family I’m raising get regular reminders!
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 4 months ago
I don’t believe in god, but if I did I’d ask them to bless you, friend 🫡
kerrigan778@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Gesundheit
Empricorn@feddit.nl 4 months ago
Thank you, Dr Ass!
dumbass@leminal.space 4 months ago
Alright then Doc, what item would you suggest to be the best to shove up my ass?
Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Me ;)
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 months ago
Real talk, if you want to get into butt stuffing, get a squishy plug like a square peg egg plug or a topped toys gape keeper. Stuff that’s designed for butt use is infinitely better than improvised things, let me tell you.
jol@discuss.tchncs.de 4 months ago
Luigi amiibo
Kitathalla@lemy.lol 4 months ago
Question for the doctor, especially due to your location of work. Have you ever been approached for shadowing? How would you prefer to be asked?
Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Yes, have been approached many times. Very open to shadowing and have had multiple people shadow me.
Does that answer your question?
Donkter@lemmy.world 4 months ago
What about if the mushy banana is rotting? How bad does it have to rot to start to do something to your asshole?
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 4 months ago
I mean, it takes a long time until a banana isn’t good for eating anymore. It should be shit out long before that.
In areas where bananas are native people often eat them when they’re more or less liquid.
Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I’ve dug poop out of buttholes with my (fortunately not bare) hands that are rock solid. Even the most unripe banana will pass with a good drink of water and a bit of effort.
Pulptastic@midwest.social 4 months ago
Any microbial risk? I know there’s already poop in there, but they’re inserting a new food source into their body.
Darrell_Winfield@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Yeah, some microbial risk. But the post says they’re freshly peeled bananas, so probably less microbial risk than a lot of things people put up there…
kungen@feddit.nu 4 months ago
But how much radiation will it cause? A banana gives you like 0.1 μSv when eaten, but can it be more/less when it’s up there?
ch00f@lemmy.world 4 months ago
spends less time in your body, less radiation.