0% chance of this being real, but that was a fun read
Anon meets his gf's parents
Submitted 11 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/21d14c0b-2dac-4356-aa9f-f3124e03c1e4.jpeg
Comments
morphballganon@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Maeve@kbin.earth 11 months ago
It's wholly realistic, where I live, autism or not!
Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 11 months ago
autism or not!
Lmaoà, I thought 'tism was patriotism at first because guns + patriots unoe? Autism makes more sense.
festnt@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
seems like a fun place! can you tell me where you live so i can (avoid to) go (anywhere near) there? :D
stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
this guy’s never heard of Murica
refalo@programming.dev 11 months ago
the most unrealistic part is an autist with a gun
Artyom@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Most unrealistic part is existence of women. If they were real, I would have seen one before.
pelletbucket@lemm.ee 11 months ago
oh god. my first girlfriend’s dad showed me his gun collection the first time I visited the house and I got so absorbed in field stripping his MAK-90 that I forgot she was there
PlantDadManGuy@lemmy.world 11 months ago
You passed the test. Hope you and your wife had a good honeymoon.
andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
What wife? He’s her step-dad now. That’d be ridiculous.
prof@infosec.pub 11 months ago
I mean yeah, funny greentext, fake and gay and all, but is that an actual thing that happens across the big pond?
If someone did that in Europe they’d be in serious legal trouble if the threatened party sues.
mosiacmango@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Sounds legal overall for America. “Brandishing” is generally illegal, i.e pulling out your gun and pointing it at or actively threatening someone with it, regardless if you fire it.
Pulling out your legal gun in your home and setting it flat on your table? Hard to argue it was a threat without a verbal threat or some other action. It may have been one, but id be suprised if anyone would arrest someone over that.
OP pulling his own gun does make this a hilarious and potentially deadly situation.
FiniteBanjo@lemmy.today 11 months ago
Yeah, I was gonna say we’re past the point of legality being the biggest concern in that situation.
h3ndrik@feddit.de 11 months ago
So, what do we as Europeans whip out and place on the coffee table to make a statement?
loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
A bottle of wine. Good wine preferably.
SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world 11 months ago
A cheese wheel?
Ziglin@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Water pistols. (Optionally modified to shoot liquid nitrogen)
Kiosade@lemmy.ca 11 months ago
Knives?
chetradley@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Never had someone point a gun at me like that, but I dated a girl in college that had a dickhead 2nd amendment gun nut dad who never missed an opportunity to mention he had guns and wasn’t afraid to use them if I “didn’t take good care of his daughter.” It didn’t intimidate me in the slightest though, and just let me know he was a scared, insecure loser.
Crismus@lemmy.world 11 months ago
I had just finished my range day and I had my guns strupped for cleaning when my step daughter dropped of my son for his weekend visit with her boyfriend.
I wasn’t trying to flex or anything, but I did find it funny. Luckily she married a different guy after college.
Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 months ago
“Step daughter dropped of my son” has a real Alabama vibe.
Stupidmanager@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Just a few southern states, and outliers. But really, not so much now. It happened once when I was a kid and the dad was an asshole, so I married his daughter to spite him. Couple decades later and I regret that marriage and wish I would have went with my first instinct and asked if he wanted me to clean it because it was dirty.
Wogi@lemmy.world 11 months ago
This idiotic bullshit happens all over, it’s just more concentrated in the South.
This happened to a friend of mine from the UK in fixing Minnesota. He had NO context for what was happening and almost shit his pants.
refalo@programming.dev 11 months ago
LOL no they wouldn’t. Unless your kitchen has a camera, it’d be practically impossible to prove.
Mango@lemmy.world 10 months ago
Isn’t it tradition?
PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
It’s by dudes that claim to have fucked a lot of bitches in their early years. It’s not as serious as it sounds. Well. The best part is reminding them of what they claim they did if they talk like that.
They almost never have their guns at work.
bookcrawler@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Psythik@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Thanks for sharing the rest of the post. But I’m confused about who is speaking what during the last three lines after “even on our dates”.
ysjet@lemmy.world 11 months ago
GF: “Did you always have a gun?” Anon: “I always carry” GF: “Even on our dates? Did you think I was gonna rob you or something?” Anon: “Muggers don’t wait until it’s convienient for you to get robbed, you know?” GF: “Oh that makes sense.”
Ravenson@lemm.ee 11 months ago
GF, Anon, GF.
PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
Girl: even on our dates
2A bro: did you think I was gonna mug you? Why would I wait?
Girl: got it
That better?
Though it makes it even less believable. Most dads I know that might do that have daughters that would appreciate it lol
prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Anon, then anon, then gf
AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 11 months ago
Tbh i dont understand this. Probably because im european plus im tired but i cant figure it out.
Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Dad shows a gun to show OP he’s a badass. Op doesn’t realize and shows his gun.
Common American culture is that you’re supposed to show your gun on the third date with the family, not the first. You’re also supposed to have a Mexican standoff when you walk into the house, with dad aiming at you, you’re aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc. And if he’s lucky, they have a rousing game of Russian roulette before tapas.
Totally understandable if you didn’t know. Just basic 2A knowledge every American learns about during elementary school.
And009@lemmynsfw.com 11 months ago
Thanks for explaining the culture, they never show real America in the movies
ProstheticBrain@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
I guess this is where the concept of the “nuclear family” comes from then? After the initial courtship hostilities, the escalation of the arms race is inevitable.
SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 11 months ago
dad aiming at you, you’re aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc.
The Aristocrats!
classic@fedia.io 11 months ago
You start learning it in day care depending on the region
zzx@lemmy.world 11 months ago
They taught me in kindergarten
Hasherm0n@lemmy.world 11 months ago
To give you a slightly more serious answer, there’s a trope in America of the girl friend’s dad doing something to “subtly intimidate” the boy friend by casually cleaning a gun or having one within sight the first time they meet. The implication of course is supposed to be something along the lines of “I’ve got this and if you try anything funny with my daughter, I’ll use it on you”
It’s dumb but I’ve also known more than a few people who have experienced this first hand.
lars@lemmy.sdf.org 11 months ago
It gives say-no-to-me-or-any-other-male-in-my-fam-and-we’ll-dump-acid-on-you vibes
Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Yeah, I went to senior prom with my friend. I didn’t have a license or a car yet, so my aunt drove us there in her baseball team van, and she was gonna drive us both home too. Suuuper romantic. Her dad met us there, pulled me aside to show me his little pocket knife and threatened to castrate me. I just laughed at him. We were both virgins, so far as I knew. While in hindsight she had a crush on me, I was way too awkward, nerdy, religious, and oblivious to realize. Sex never even crossed my mind as a possibility.
Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 11 months ago
It’s a thing that basic dickhead fathers look forward to doing; threatening their daughter’s boyfriend in case he ever thinks he and his girlfriend might ever want to have sex.
AlexisFR@jlai.lu 11 months ago
Repost + it’s missing the rest of the joke at the end.
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 11 months ago
What is the part that is missing about?
it_depends_man@lemmy.world 11 months ago
The boyfriend interpreted as a bonding moment.
The father meant his placing the gun as a threat and got “called” on his bluff and gets angry.
thepiguy@lemmy.ml 11 months ago
I am pretty sure I am not allowed to pull out and place even a BB gun on the table where I live. The rules clearly state that it must be kept locked in a safe. That would be an easy way to get someone’s license revoked if you record it…
ramble81@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Welcome to America
scoobford@lemmy.zip 11 months ago
I don’t think this is legal basically anywhere. In the US, this would be brandishing or threatening with a deadly weapon.
PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
Airsoft license?
GBU_28@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Ok
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Hell, that could work fine. At least there’s one big button issue they would agree on for sure.
peyotecosmico@programming.dev 11 months ago
Is this an euphemism of both putting their penis out on the table?
Kiosade@lemmy.ca 11 months ago
What? No, literal guns. The hell?
Thcdenton@lemmy.world 11 months ago
No that’s “muh hog”
Titou@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Is that a “who has a bigger dick” competiton ?
Tryptaminev@lemm.ee 11 months ago
No, whose is smaller.
Maeve@kbin.earth 11 months ago
There's my daily literal lol. Thanks OP!
HawlSera@lemm.ee 11 months ago
Chad move!
ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Buckshot Roulette IRL
magnetosphere@fedia.io 11 months ago
I’d love to know what happened next. I’m sure it was a hoot.
ChairmanMeow@programming.dev 11 months ago
I actually remember this one being much longer. IIRC, dad starts yelling that he “won’t be threatened in his own house”, anon gets confused and tries to explain, mom starts yelling, he leaves the house, gf gets mad.
MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Everyone stood up and clapped.
Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org 11 months ago
Was it a Derringer chambered in .50 Action Express 😏
PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 months ago
I like to imagine it’s a long gun. Pulled from hammerspace.
NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone 11 months ago
That dad was Professor Steven Hawking
lars@lemmy.sdf.org 11 months ago
I’m so fucking sorry that I’m laughing so hard at 4:30am but dad was not playing with guntimidation and also wheelchair-bound and motionless. But I choose to believe you.
xantoxis@lemmy.world 11 months ago
I mean, that’s probably not gonna get the girl, but I think you taught her dad a little humility
can@sh.itjust.works 11 months ago
Ideally sure, but I don’t think the kinda guy that does that is big on learnin’
xantoxis@lemmy.world 11 months ago
On the contrary: guys like that are big on fear. That’s at the root of conservatism and toxic masculinity: fear of losing one’s life, one’s property, one’s place in the social hierarchy.
When he saw another gun come out, he felt fear. Nothing teaches you better than that.
PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 months ago
Nah. The ones I know would probably have a beer with you and tell you to drive safe.
Gigasser@lemmy.world 11 months ago
VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 11 months ago
Just take the safety off. It’s a mechanical device that can and will fail when you need it most. The best safety you have is yourself and rigidly held gun handling rules.