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Anon meets his gf's parents

⁨801⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨greentext@sh.itjust.works⁩

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/21d14c0b-2dac-4356-aa9f-f3124e03c1e4.jpeg

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Comments

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  • xantoxis@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I mean, that’s probably not gonna get the girl, but I think you taught her dad a little humility

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    • can@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Ideally sure, but I don’t think the kinda guy that does that is big on learnin’

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      • xantoxis@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        On the contrary: guys like that are big on fear. That’s at the root of conservatism and toxic masculinity: fear of losing one’s life, one’s property, one’s place in the social hierarchy.

        When he saw another gun come out, he felt fear. Nothing teaches you better than that.

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      • PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Nah. The ones I know would probably have a beer with you and tell you to drive safe.

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    • Gigasser@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Starts talking about his own custom 1911 “First of all, the feeding ramp is polished to a mirror sheen. It’s not going to have any feeding problems. The slide’s been replaced with a reinforced version, and it meshes perfectly with the frame. The frame itself has been iron-welded and scraped down multiple times for maximum precision. The front strap part of the frame has been checkered to make it dig into the hand. That prevents any slipping. The sight system’s original too. It’s a 3-dot type. It’s got an enlarged front sight, giving it superior target sighting capability. The regular hammer’s been replaced with a ring hammer. That enhances the cocking control and increases the hammer-down speed. They also reworked the grip safety to accommodate the ring hammer. It looks like they eliminated it altogether. This is a tool for pros. The thumb safety and slide stop are extended for precise handling. The base of the trigger guard is whittled down so you can use a high grip, and the trigger itself is a long type for easy finger access. The trigger pull is about 3.5 pounds. that’s about a pound and a half lighter than normal. The magazine well has been widened to make it easier to put in a new magazine. The magazine catch button has been filed down low to make it harder to hit it by mistake. The mainspring housing has been changed to a flat type to increase grip, and it’s even been fitted with stepping so that it won’t slip from the recoil when firing. On top of that, they added cocking serrations to the top part of the slide. That lets you load and eject cartridges faster in an emergency. Whoever did this is a professional, no question. This thing could shoot a one-hole at 25 yards in a machine rest.”

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      • VelvetStorm@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Just take the safety off. It’s a mechanical device that can and will fail when you need it most. The best safety you have is yourself and rigidly held gun handling rules.

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  • morphballganon@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    0% chance of this being real, but that was a fun read

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    • Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      It's wholly realistic, where I live, autism or not!

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      • Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        autism or not!

        Lmaoà, I thought 'tism was patriotism at first because guns + patriots unoe? Autism makes more sense.

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      • festnt@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        seems like a fun place! can you tell me where you live so i can (avoid to) go (anywhere near) there? :D

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    • stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      this guy’s never heard of Murica

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    • refalo@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      the most unrealistic part is an autist with a gun

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      • Artyom@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Most unrealistic part is existence of women. If they were real, I would have seen one before.

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  • pelletbucket@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    oh god. my first girlfriend’s dad showed me his gun collection the first time I visited the house and I got so absorbed in field stripping his MAK-90 that I forgot she was there

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    • PlantDadManGuy@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      You passed the test. Hope you and your wife had a good honeymoon.

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      • andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        What wife? He’s her step-dad now. That’d be ridiculous.

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  • prof@infosec.pub ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I mean yeah, funny greentext, fake and gay and all, but is that an actual thing that happens across the big pond?

    If someone did that in Europe they’d be in serious legal trouble if the threatened party sues.

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    • mosiacmango@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Sounds legal overall for America. “Brandishing” is generally illegal, i.e pulling out your gun and pointing it at or actively threatening someone with it, regardless if you fire it.

      Pulling out your legal gun in your home and setting it flat on your table? Hard to argue it was a threat without a verbal threat or some other action. It may have been one, but id be suprised if anyone would arrest someone over that.

      OP pulling his own gun does make this a hilarious and potentially deadly situation.

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      • FiniteBanjo@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Yeah, I was gonna say we’re past the point of legality being the biggest concern in that situation.

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    • h3ndrik@feddit.de ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      So, what do we as Europeans whip out and place on the coffee table to make a statement?

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      • oce@jlai.lu ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        GDPR pocket books

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      • prof@infosec.pub ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Cock

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      • loaExMachina@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        A bottle of wine. Good wine preferably.

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      • Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Health insurance policies

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      • BreadOven@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Beans on toast.

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      • SkunkWorkz@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        A cheese wheel?

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      • Ziglin@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Water pistols. (Optionally modified to shoot liquid nitrogen)

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      • Kiosade@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Knives?

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    • chetradley@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Never had someone point a gun at me like that, but I dated a girl in college that had a dickhead 2nd amendment gun nut dad who never missed an opportunity to mention he had guns and wasn’t afraid to use them if I “didn’t take good care of his daughter.” It didn’t intimidate me in the slightest though, and just let me know he was a scared, insecure loser.

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    • Crismus@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I had just finished my range day and I had my guns strupped for cleaning when my step daughter dropped of my son for his weekend visit with her boyfriend.

      I wasn’t trying to flex or anything, but I did find it funny. Luckily she married a different guy after college.

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      • Entertainmeonly@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        “Step daughter dropped of my son” has a real Alabama vibe.

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    • Stupidmanager@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Just a few southern states, and outliers. But really, not so much now. It happened once when I was a kid and the dad was an asshole, so I married his daughter to spite him. Couple decades later and I regret that marriage and wish I would have went with my first instinct and asked if he wanted me to clean it because it was dirty.

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      • Wogi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        This idiotic bullshit happens all over, it’s just more concentrated in the South.

        This happened to a friend of mine from the UK in fixing Minnesota. He had NO context for what was happening and almost shit his pants.

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    • refalo@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      LOL no they wouldn’t. Unless your kitchen has a camera, it’d be practically impossible to prove.

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    • Mango@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Isn’t it tradition?

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    • PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      It’s by dudes that claim to have fucked a lot of bitches in their early years. It’s not as serious as it sounds. Well. The best part is reminding them of what they claim they did if they talk like that.

      They almost never have their guns at work.

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  • bookcrawler@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Image

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    • Psythik@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Thanks for sharing the rest of the post. But I’m confused about who is speaking what during the last three lines after “even on our dates”.

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      • ysjet@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        GF: “Did you always have a gun?” Anon: “I always carry” GF: “Even on our dates? Did you think I was gonna rob you or something?” Anon: “Muggers don’t wait until it’s convienient for you to get robbed, you know?” GF: “Oh that makes sense.”

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      • Ravenson@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        GF, Anon, GF.

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      • PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Girl: even on our dates

        2A bro: did you think I was gonna mug you? Why would I wait?

        Girl: got it

        That better?

        Though it makes it even less believable. Most dads I know that might do that have daughters that would appreciate it lol

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      • prime_number_314159@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Anon, then anon, then gf

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  • AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Tbh i dont understand this. Probably because im european plus im tired but i cant figure it out.

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    • Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Dad shows a gun to show OP he’s a badass. Op doesn’t realize and shows his gun.

      Common American culture is that you’re supposed to show your gun on the third date with the family, not the first. You’re also supposed to have a Mexican standoff when you walk into the house, with dad aiming at you, you’re aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc. And if he’s lucky, they have a rousing game of Russian roulette before tapas.

      Totally understandable if you didn’t know. Just basic 2A knowledge every American learns about during elementary school.

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      • And009@lemmynsfw.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Thanks for explaining the culture, they never show real America in the movies

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      • ProstheticBrain@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        I guess this is where the concept of the “nuclear family” comes from then? After the initial courtship hostilities, the escalation of the arms race is inevitable.

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      • SkyezOpen@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        dad aiming at you, you’re aiming at dad, dog aims at GF, etc.

        The Aristocrats!

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      • classic@fedia.io ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        You start learning it in day care depending on the region

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      • zzx@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        They taught me in kindergarten

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      • refalo@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        what the fuck

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    • Hasherm0n@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      To give you a slightly more serious answer, there’s a trope in America of the girl friend’s dad doing something to “subtly intimidate” the boy friend by casually cleaning a gun or having one within sight the first time they meet. The implication of course is supposed to be something along the lines of “I’ve got this and if you try anything funny with my daughter, I’ll use it on you”

      It’s dumb but I’ve also known more than a few people who have experienced this first hand.

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      • lars@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        It gives say-no-to-me-or-any-other-male-in-my-fam-and-we’ll-dump-acid-on-you vibes

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      • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        Yeah, I went to senior prom with my friend. I didn’t have a license or a car yet, so my aunt drove us there in her baseball team van, and she was gonna drive us both home too. Suuuper romantic. Her dad met us there, pulled me aside to show me his little pocket knife and threatened to castrate me. I just laughed at him. We were both virgins, so far as I knew. While in hindsight she had a crush on me, I was way too awkward, nerdy, religious, and oblivious to realize. Sex never even crossed my mind as a possibility.

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    • Olhonestjim@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      It’s a thing that basic dickhead fathers look forward to doing; threatening their daughter’s boyfriend in case he ever thinks he and his girlfriend might ever want to have sex.

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  • AlexisFR@jlai.lu ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Repost + it’s missing the rest of the joke at the end.

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    • Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      What is the part that is missing about?

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      • it_depends_man@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

        The boyfriend interpreted as a bonding moment.

        The father meant his placing the gun as a threat and got “called” on his bluff and gets angry.

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  • thepiguy@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I am pretty sure I am not allowed to pull out and place even a BB gun on the table where I live. The rules clearly state that it must be kept locked in a safe. That would be an easy way to get someone’s license revoked if you record it…

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    • ramble81@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Welcome to America

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    • scoobford@lemmy.zip ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I don’t think this is legal basically anywhere. In the US, this would be brandishing or threatening with a deadly weapon.

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    • PsychedSy@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Airsoft license?

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    • GBU_28@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Ok

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  • southsamurai@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Hell, that could work fine. At least there’s one big button issue they would agree on for sure.

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  • peyotecosmico@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Is this an euphemism of both putting their penis out on the table?

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    • Kiosade@lemmy.ca ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      What? No, literal guns. The hell?

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    • Thcdenton@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      No that’s “muh hog”

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  • Titou@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Is that a “who has a bigger dick” competiton ?

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    • Tryptaminev@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      No, whose is smaller.

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  • Maeve@kbin.earth ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    There's my daily literal lol. Thanks OP!

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  • HawlSera@lemm.ee ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Chad move!

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  • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Buckshot Roulette IRL

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  • magnetosphere@fedia.io ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    I’d love to know what happened next. I’m sure it was a hoot.

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    • ChairmanMeow@programming.dev ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I actually remember this one being much longer. IIRC, dad starts yelling that he “won’t be threatened in his own house”, anon gets confused and tries to explain, mom starts yelling, he leaves the house, gf gets mad.

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    • MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      Everyone stood up and clapped.

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  • Boxscape@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    Was it a Derringer chambered in .50 Action Express 😏

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    • PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I like to imagine it’s a long gun. Pulled from hammerspace.

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  • NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

    That dad was Professor Steven Hawking

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    • lars@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨year⁩ ago

      I’m so fucking sorry that I’m laughing so hard at 4:30am but dad was not playing with guntimidation and also wheelchair-bound and motionless. But I choose to believe you.

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