This is why all of my gaming groups just start with an orgy and get that out of the way right off the bat. Everyone gets everything. Sex communism solves all. (Major /s if not obvious)
Anon has nerdy hobbies
Submitted 6 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/968a5791-e355-4bfc-8f42-707fe1d1f8c6.jpeg
Comments
mynachmadarch@kbin.social 6 months ago
Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Wait, isn’t this what session 0 is for? Getting all the tension out and working through your issues?
Rakonat@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Found the Greek!
Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org 6 months ago
Sex communism solves all.
Controlling the means of reproduction!
jawa21@lemmy.sdf.org 6 months ago
I really wish this didn’t have a giant kernel of truth to it. I’ve had to leave so many tables because people insist on making it weird, that I largely have given up.
On more than one occasion, there has been a dude that intentionally played a lesbian character upon learning that I would be playing and not so subtly directed the million unnecessary sexual advances at me in an indirect manner.
Apart from that general incel style bullshit, there seems to always be a fucking white knight nice guy that refuses to see past my rl gender and acknowledge that I am playing something like a male half orc stereotypical barbarian.
D&D has been a huge passion of mine since the 2e days, and I really understand that it draws in people that tend to be socially inexperienced and/or impeded in some way (hell, I’m one of them), but at this point I am trying to play with 40+ year-old men that are fine in social situations outside of the game, but once the session starts they immediately get creepy.
I know this is long and ranting, but I think there a lot of people that need to hear it. Even if the overall tone of the game is light-hearted and silly, you still need to be a fucking adult when interacting with other adults.
I know when you are pretending to look at your phone as an excuse to state at my tits. Stop.
Tom_Hanx_Hail_Satan@lemmy.ca 6 months ago
I would recommend learning how to play roll20 (free to play vurtyal table top) and finding a westmarches Discord server. I moved to an area where I have zero friends and got into playing dnd that way. It’s pretty fun, flexible scheduling out of game roleplaying whenever. I’m a 38 y/o cis male so I can’t say there will be no issues, cus I never really experienced them at all. I’d totally imagine you’d have a different, and hopefully better, experience. Feel free to DM if you’d like more info.
valtia@lemmy.world 6 months ago
I second this. There are some really great Discord communities to play on that I’m part of. Generally, it’s much easier to keep the creeps out by just banning them. It doesn’t have to be a Westmarches server, but any TTRPG server with an actual community that runs game on the server itself, instead of just another LFG fishing pond.
rottingleaf@lemmy.zip 6 months ago
I know when you are pretending to look at your phone as an excuse to stare at my tits. Stop.
While this may be true, I brought a laptop on a game yesterday and I’m not sure the girl on the opposite side of the table didn’t think something like that when my eyes were on top of the screen. Which was a lot of times, because naturally all the people are above the screen and only the keyboard and the table are below the screen.
So - please consider the fact that if there’s a direct line of sight to your tits, and someone has to look in that general direction, they may occasionally from time to time look there. And also that due to, eh, basic uncontrollable instincts they may do that unconsciously a bit more than they need. Like looking at a bunch of pencils and noticing the red ones more than the grey ones.
Also when I talk to girls about my hobbies, they very often apparently perceive this as some nonsense to get romantic. Usually that means that they gradually ignore me more and more and refuse to believe that it’s more complex. Though kinda recently (and long ago before that which led to a trauma, but eh) it was me who thought that they are fine with talking about hobbies, while being more romantic was expected, eventually led to being ignored too.
Facebones@reddthat.com 6 months ago
At least in the adult world, I think most women can differentiate looking around the room/staring into space and staring at their tits.
I assure you, they’re the experts. 🤣
blanketswithsmallpox@lemmy.world 6 months ago
… How the hell do you pretend to look at your phone but also look at tits… I need to know for… Reasons lol.
someacnt_@lemmy.world 6 months ago
…people secretly stare like that? What? Tbh, it is unfair that people can get away with that yet I cannot ever have social interactions by me being autistic.
DaGeek247@fedia.io 6 months ago
Find a group of mostly older/married people. It might not solve the problem, but it'll delay it enough that you can get a solid playtest of your latest build before things go to shit.
Maeve@kbin.social 6 months ago
When I was young, the more females that joined, the less it happened. DND, MTG, whatever.
RecluseRamble@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
females
They are called girls, you know.
Rakonat@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Your best bet is to try and find groups with better ratios of guys to gals. These groups tend to self regulate and give the creeps the boot.
People play fantasy games to live out their fantasies. And for some sad people, their fantasy is to touch women because they act so repulsively no one wants to risk getting close to them.
Pandantic@midwest.social 6 months ago
Just be fat, it worked for me.
southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Yup, and no matter how the DM handles it, it’s still a pain in the ass.
My table? That shit don’t fly, but it’s still going to mean some dude getting butt hurt and needing a firm talking to. Might go years without it happening, but I don’t know a DM that hasn’t run into it it once or twice with new groups or new players.
One of my long term players is a woman. She was a “girl” when she started with the core group, if you count 16 as a girl still.
She’s a great player, and a good friend. The number of times I’ve had to tell guys to fuck off and not come back is absurd. Shouldn’t even be once, though you’d expect teenagers to pull it. No, it was grown ass men. The last one, we were all 40ish in the core group, and the guy that pulled it was older than us. He was an acquaintance from where I used to work, and had always been chill with women. No bullshit, no problems. But he still couldn’t get past the idea that she was there and obligated to give him a shot just because they shared a hobby.
MargotRobbie@lemm.ee 6 months ago
This is why a lot of women keep our nerdy hobbies to ourselves and don’t really talk about them much in public.
People get weird.
Potatos_are_not_friends@lemmy.world 6 months ago
My wife plays FPS games and doesn’t even speak because the moment she does, half the dudes feel like they need to show off and get her attention, and the other half get sexually frustrated and laser focus on only her.
spikederailed@lemmy.world 6 months ago
In counter strike it seems to manifest pretty quickly as misogyny.
FellowEnt@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I only play FPS in VR and the male/female interactions are weirdly wholesome. Literally never seen the behaviours that are sadly the norm in flatscreen gaming. I’m still not sure why this is the case, maybe the reporting system is just better, or it’s something to do with feeling more present in VR.
RaoulDook@lemmy.world 6 months ago
There’s no need to speak in online games anyway. I never use a mic or headset to play games like that, I still just use the chat. Voice chat always off.
SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 6 months ago
I’ll save her.
Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
You should shoot your shot
slaacaa@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Already did after seeing that cute picture ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
Kusimulkku@lemm.ee 6 months ago
I like how often people who start white knighting are looked down on by both sides. Something about the disingenuousness of it I guess
Anise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 months ago
It is because to the harasser they are killjoys. To the aggrieved they are robbing them of agency to help themselves. However, fuck the harassers, and sometimes people need help and don’t know how to ask. I would rather be called a white knight than a creep or someone who did nothing and was thus complicit in the harassment. I’m old and grumpy though and if I’m “helping” it is because I’m sick of the bullshit not because I care if people think I’m a good person; I think that intent matters.
Ultragigagigantic@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Hang out with more LGBT people. If I wanna get laid, I can turn on Growlr and have a dude deliver himself to my basement.
azertyfun@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
… So what you’re saying is you’re choosing the bear?
InternetCitizen2@lemmy.world 6 months ago
He is the bear.
Zink@programming.dev 6 months ago
This post & username combo has me in a state I can only describe as Terroroused.
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Guy chiming in. I use to go to small, monthly lan parties a lot. Every now and then a woman show up and 4 or 5 of the average 10 total guys would make weird jokes about there being a female present. I don’t think I ever saw the same woman twice.
JackbyDev@programming.dev 6 months ago
a female
Men and females
noughtnaut@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Read it again. This self-proclaimed man uses ‘women’ to describe some people, and also uses ‘females’ for how some other people describe them.
Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 6 months ago
I’m not sure your point. I used both “woman” and “female” in my comment. I used the term “female” specifically when I did to reinforce the idea that certain people in the group saw the women more as foreign objects the new people.
I don’t hang out with those people and if you asked me if I stepped in to do anything about that weirdness, I wouldn’t have because it would have been a loss cause. I hang out with better groups now a days.
VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Would have been nice if more of the women in mmorpgs I played growing up were like that. Too many guilds were torn apart intentionally by women who damn well knew what they were doing and knew that at least one of your staff members was easy to twist around their fingers.
ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 months ago
I’m done with the bars and their drunks, and the apps with the spying, out of school, and don’t date coworkers, the advice given to me every time I complain about the fact that there are no other “third places” to meet women romantically 100% of the time is “get a hobby.” Well, see above. There is no place, women do not want to be talked to anywhere but the bar or apps which ime have been bad places to find long-term companionship.
Can we do something about this? Can we maybe start “bars” where the focus isn’t alcohol but it is socially acceptable to say “hey I think you’re cute wanna go get some damn coffee?”
Anise@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 months ago
My advice is to find a more diverse group. Married and LTR folks are typically less likely to engage in this behavior, especially if their partners are there too. Its tough when you’re in your 20s because 20something guys are all trying to throw their 3 pointer despite the odds.
Either that or find an overtly lewd mixed-gender/mixed-sexuality group and embrace it. I played a very racy campaign in Uni that was a lot of fun. Everyone was onboard with what was going on though before it started and we knew it was going to get weird in a fun way. It was a fun way to also explore my own gender sexuality in a safe no-contact fantasy way.
cyborganism@lemmy.ca 6 months ago
Aw :(
That sucks.
fiend_unpleasant@lemmy.world 6 months ago
No one on 4chan believed her because of rule 30 and because “they didn’t know that you can play games in the kitchen”. I can read the comments without the comments.
Iceblade02@lemmy.world 6 months ago
On the one hand, I sympathize - on the other, it’d be awesome to find someone who shares my interests.
intensely_human@lemm.ee 6 months ago
This is why men like men-only spaces.
SeattleRain@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Most women won’t even accept a strange man into their activities. That’s why you don’t hear about this happening to men. Because unwanted sexual advances from women on men in women’s friends circles definitely happen I can tell you from first hand experience. And women tend to be very insensitive to men’s sexuality and not only encourage it but pressure you accept the advances because men “go for anything” so it shouldn’t make a difference to you.
ZombiFrancis@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I always have to remind myself that I was introduced to and raised in nerddom from my godmother. Everything was through the lens of her curated tastes.
So when I hit puberty later in life all the deranged horniness suddenly clicked in me as MY problem since for me it wasn’t normalized. Playing D&D and MMOs just didn’t have that foundation, so I could compare.
Thanks godmother for keeping me somewhat normal. I’ve been often alienated from gamers due to my application of basic respect and sometimes just plain apathy towards women.
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I think it’s one of God’s hilarious jokes that women have what men want (lots of people who want to have sex with them) but the women don’t want it. They should trade places with me - no one is trying to sleep with me…
CaptainHowdy@lemm.ee 6 months ago
I have never seen this actually happen and I have a lot of experience with gaming with randos (I’m old and I also started a gaming club in college that had over 75 members with at least 15 of them being female). I’ve been playing MTG and D&D at local shops for decades now and I’ve never once seen other dudes simping or fighting over a girl at the table.
Not saying it can’t happen, nerds are nerds and do often lack social skills. But from my experience (and from what I’ve heard from my female gamer friends), this has got to be a rare situation.
some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 6 months ago
Regrettably, can confirm. I’ve been so much more docile since finding a partner. I wish I’d always been this way.
Skates@feddit.nl 6 months ago
millions of years of evolution wiring our brains to make sex feel good so we don’t accidentally kill off the human race by forgetting to do it
dumbasses want to play badminton or some shit insteadWell ok.
MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
We did it on purpose to protect our virginity. No girls allowed in the boy’s club!
Source: I was there.
DudeImMacGyver@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
huMON FEEEmaaale?!
arin@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Some cases but not really, my friend group everyone maybe except 1 already has a significant other so no one bothers the girls. And we all play DotA 2 lmao
nutsack@lemmy.world 6 months ago
this happens to me constantly with girls as a man
Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Yeah hormones are persnickity things when youre trying to be one of the guys
Mikufan@ani.social 6 months ago
Just have weird kinks like necrophilia most living beings stop it at that point.
(you don’t need to actually have necrophilia, just play that you have it)
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 months ago
I just want to talk at the fellas here. Man to man.
If you do this shit, the women will leave and not come back. I know the incels are going to think that’s typical female behavior, and I’m here to say, no, it’s not. It’s typical for someone, of any gender, to want to exit a situation where they feel vulnerable, and that’s what is happening.
Think of it like this: you end up in prison, and your naked, alone, you have no allies or friends, while taking a shower with about 100 other dudes, and Bubba comes over with a grin saying “you’re awful pretty”. How would you feel? I’m guessing you would want to nope the hell out of there and never take a shower with Bubba in the room, ever again. And that’s natural. You were in danger, you want to avoid that danger. While the circumstances might be different for the women you’re interacting with, that raw emotion, the exact same one you would have felt with Bubba talking about how pretty you are, the feeling that gave you, it’s exactly the same.
Now think, after Bubba made such a statement, what could Bubba do to win your trust to shower next to them again at all? Probably not much. Same deal fellas. There’s little to nothing you can do or say to make them feel comfortable being around you when you’ve done something that inspires that unsafe feeling of danger.
Now, how could Bubba avoid the situation of you feeling like you’re in danger and wanting to get out of there. A reassurance? Like Bubba instead saying “don’t worry, I’ll protect you”… You’re going to wonder “from what?” Because until Bubba spoke up, you had no feeling of danger. How does that make you feel? Well, I would feel like there’s danger that Bubba knows about that I don’t, so now I’m on edge, looking for what Bubba is talking about, and all of a sudden, I’m having the same feeling of danger, just this time from an unknown assailant. That’s not good either. I’d still want to gtfo and not go back. Worse now since I don’t know what the danger actually is. Not only would I not want to shower with Bubba nearby like in the previous scenario, but now I don’t want to be left alone with anyone.
Same deal fellas. By trying to reassure the lady, you imply that there’s danger indirectly; she gets creeped out and leaves to not come back.
So, what’s the right thing to do here?
It’s easier than you think. Treat them like you would any of your male friends. Treat them like a person. You don’t need to reassure your male friends that you’ll protect them, nor do you feel the need to defend them when their “honor” is challenged. Let them handle it, but have their back if they need you… and only if they need you.
Be a friend first, and if something happens that makes your relationship with that person, more than just friends, so much the better. Don’t expect it, women aren’t slot machines, where you put in enough tokens of niceness and eventually you win the sex jackpot. It doesn’t work that way. It never has, and it never will. You can’t force someone to like you, and if you try, you’ll either take any attraction that they might have had for you, and destroy it, and/or simply cause them to feel unsafe and creeped out, and they’ll find a way to exit and never return.
People, regardless of gender, just want to do things they enjoy. If you also enjoy those things, then engage in the enjoyment of those things with the other people who enjoy them. Don’t make it about gender. If, beyond that, you both like eachother, you’ll find a way to spend more time together and that’s when things can grow to more than just being friendly, as long as you’re both agreeable to it.
If you continually obsess over the fact that their anatomy is different, you’ll end up filling whatever negative ideas you have about the other gender, and push yourself so deep into a hole of confirmation bias that you may never recover. Just be people. Treat others the same, as people.
I believe in you. You can do better. Always improving.
You will fall, you will be rejected, you will have set backs. And that’s all normal. It’s a part of learning. You got this.
lessthanluigi@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Lemmy is the best social media platform out there, holy shit
Zacryon@lemmy.wtf 6 months ago
Good, that you finally realize. :p
Nom@lemm.ee 6 months ago
This is some nice advice but
Don’t do this. Understand that you wouldn’t do this with any random guy either. As with any new acquaintances everyone is cautious in the beginning and women more so. Whether you find the new girl appealing or not all you have to do is cautiously get to know her through your interactions with her, like any other relations you may build with initial strangers and get used to their presence and predilections.
Jank@literature.cafe 6 months ago
You’re telling me not to rip a wicked funny fart and sock her hard in the shoulder when she’s too much of a panty waist to laugh? Pfsh.
Some guys have no idea how to talk to chicks.
gmtom@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Imma be real with you. I ain’t reading all that.
tetris11@lemmy.ml 6 months ago
I can summarize: It’s an appeal to reason written from the perspective of a nice, caring, socially aware man called Bubba, who doesn’t understand why women run from him when he approaches them in the shower.
Harbinger01173430@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Tldr?
noughtnaut@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Thank you for this. You are eloquently and (hopefully) non-threateningly (is that even a word?) stating a message that really, really needs to be said again and again until everyone friggin’ gets it.
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 months ago
IMO, A nontrivial amount of blame goes to the fathers of such people.
This shouldn’t imply that those who need to hear this are exempt from blame; they should have simply been educated by their parents on simple social etiquette…
Of course, I’m also certain that a nontrivial number of those father’s actively encouraged such misbehavior.
Xanis@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Trust is at its most basic a finite resource. Whenever a person messes up they recover by giving some of that trust away. Eventually that trust runs out. In rare cases you can regain some of it. However, in the vast majority of situations you’ll never get back all that trust lost.
So spend wisely.
Or rather don’t spend at all.
daltotron@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Erect?
MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 6 months ago
Image
sentient_loom@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
I’m imagining one of those problem-guys saying specifically this during a game.
chakan2@lemmy.world 6 months ago
TIL - asking someone on a date is the equivalent of prison rape.
TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 6 months ago
If this is what you gleaned from reading all of that then yes, YOU asking someone on a date may be the equivalent of prison rape.
oatscoop@midwest.social 6 months ago
Bubba here.
I’m a nice guy: I give some small, cute dude a compliment and he acts like a total bitch about it? I’m the “creep” because I politely told him he has a pretty mouth? Or ask him if he wants to come back to my cell?
Maybe if he doesn’t want guys checking him out in the shower he should stop showing off his body. Fuckin’ sluts, man.
andrewth09@lemmy.world 6 months ago
It’s the implication
Roflmasterbigpimp@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Incel detected, opinion rejected
MeDuViNoX@sh.itjust.works 6 months ago
Thanks Chat GPT-4, life is so much better since you came along!
Macros@discuss.tchncs.de 6 months ago
This text is not from generative AI like GPT-4.
How do I know?
This is just a fellow human giving solid advice.
umbrella@lemmy.ml 6 months ago
you mean treating women like humans, and letting it precede what your peepee wants? how preposterous.
someacnt_@lemmy.world 6 months ago
Meanwhile I just try to have normal conversation but they go for avoidance manuever right away.
mynachmadarch@kbin.social 6 months ago
It can often be how you go about it. If you just dive in and start talking to them, even if well intentioned and you literally do just want to talk to someone new about whatever, because of all those past experiences of guys only trying to do that to get with them, they'll see you as probably just another one of those creepos.
It's a dance, and it's an annoying one at times for sure, and it takes practice. If you can recall the last time you tried to strike up a conversation, or next time it happens, afterwards, really stop and think about it from the other person's perspective. If you know a woman you trust, try asking her to go over the whole interaction with you.
In college I was a major incel neckbeard loser and truly was the epitome of the green text above. I'm not proud of it. I took a chance and asked a few women I knew why I kept being single and lonely and if they could advise. They did exactly that for me. Took me through some of my interactions, explained where I went wrong, and helped me reframe my thoughts. I now am pretty much always able to strike up a conversation wherever I'm at.
TL:DR - find someone you trust to walk you through the why. You got this