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Walmart wants a fucking review of this common ass jug of milk. Go ahead shitposters, review the fucking milk.

⁨492⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨gigastasio@sh.itjust.works⁩ to ⁨[deleted]⁩

https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/c21a0f93-518a-4a34-b554-8eb544e1db31.jpeg

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Comments

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  • Kowowow@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Not cowgirl breast milk, very disappointing

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    • Rivermoonwolf@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Where may I purchase cowgirl breast milk? Is it free range?

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      • Kowowow@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Not sure but I’d like to know too

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  • wildncrazyguy138@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You know when you take that first spoonful of New England clam chowder and it’s like the universe whispers, “Slow down, buddy, you’re home now”? My family treated chowder like a sacred ritual…snowstorm outside, pot simmering inside, everyone pretending not to notice that my cousin Jimmy always stole the oyster crackers just to crush them up into fine cracker dust. And then use those as his own personal hacky sacks until the bags exploded.

    You know when the steam fogs your glasses and suddenly you’re back in your grandparents’ kitchen, watching mammy stir the pot with the same wooden spoon that’s she’d had since before you were born? That spoon could have otherwise been a magic wand with the wonders she could prepare in that kitchen.

    Sadly, mammy passed a few years back. Jimmy died a couple of days ago. OD’d on fentanyl; aspirated on a piece of potato from the chowder we had prepared together for lunch that day. He was looking pretty gaunt by then, and I thought cooking a big pot would bring back a little of the magic, like old times again.

    Anyway, the rest of this gallon here still sits in my fridge. Aging day by day, slowly headed towards its expire date. Much like the rest of us. But maybe this review will be retained for some time long after. 5/5 - Rest well Jimmy. I miss you.

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    • IntrovertTurtle@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I don’t know what I just read but it was beautiful.

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    • Camille_Jamal@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Rest in peace, Jimmy I honestly don’t know how true this story is, but for a second I thought I was reading a book (a good one)

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  • Grimy@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I understand why my dad never came back. 5 out of 5.

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    • Rivermoonwolf@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I also understand why your dad never came back. 5.1 out of 5

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  • Harvey656@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Can we get a bigger image of the milk? I can’t masturbate to this low quality milk.

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    • TheTechnician27@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Competition is the catalyst of innovation. Keep going, and you can make better-quality milk to sell.

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      • Harvey656@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        My MILK brings all the MILK to the yard, damn right, its better than MILK

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    • Thassodar@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Not with that attitude, buster

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      • Harvey656@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Image

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  • BoosBeau@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “My daughter tried using this in her Bad Dragon donkey-sized dildo and made a huge mess. She was so embarrassed that she tried to clean it up herself and missed a bunch of spots. The damn house still smells like a cheesemonger’s stale fart from where this milk seeped into the corners of the carpet. Worked great though, looked just like cum. 4/5 stars.”

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    • Janx@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      How do I delete someone else’s comment?

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      • thethunderwolf@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        *how do we delete our comment

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  • bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I was very sad when I accidentally spilled it.

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    • dan1101@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      No crying!

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    • Camille_Jamal@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Did you still get to eat it?

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  • daggermoon@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Drinking tit milk from a cow is BESTIALITY. That’s why I only drink human milk. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

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    • unclejeeves@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago
      • DJT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES
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    • Hansae@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I must admit if I ever get a partner who’d let me I kinda want to try it, always been weirdly curious.

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      • the_crotch@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Have you considered a career as a baby?

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      • daggermoon@piefed.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Me too, i’d like to try it. I don’t know why it’s so frowned upon.

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      • Waraugh@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I’ve tried it, nothing special or that surprising. I’m sure most involved fathers have tried it? I didn’t sit around drinking the stuff but I would help fill the bottles and bags and when warming it up at night I would drip it on my wrist to make sure it wasn’t too hot and lick it off. It never crossed my mind as anything that would seem weird or gross I guess. She never had a reaction if she was up and around when I did it.

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  • Uranus_Hz@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It’s only 2% milk, the other 98% is chemicals

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    • GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      They turn the frickin’ frogs gay.

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      • RichardDegenne@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Do you understand that?!

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  • yermaw@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Farmers, allegedly, have no way of ensuring that cow faeces does not enter the product at the milking stage and if the general public were to find out about it it could have an annihilating impact on the dairy market at large. Fortunately, I have not detected this issue in any way with this particular bottle. 5 stars.

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    • LodeMike@lemmy.today ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Pasteurization

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      • Burninator05@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        So what you’re saying is that the poop doesn’t have any germs in it.

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    • codapine@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      It gets even better if you imagine the dude from dinosaur dinner theatre reading that out in his old time narrator voice

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  • marighost@piefed.social ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Goes great with Pepsi!

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    • Fedizen@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Even better without the pepsi, as all things are.

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      • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        “And for you?”

        “I’ll have a Coke”

        “Is Pepsi ok?”

        “No…NO!!! IT’S NOT OK!!! NOTHING IS OK!!! WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO MEEEEE???”

        runs out of the resteraunt sobbing

        “…I don’t think that was about the Pepsi…”

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    • ThomasWilliams@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Goes great with meths. 5 stars

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    • Holyginz@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I am still too this day shocked that I enjoy it soo much

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    • Steamymoomilk@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Tried it once. It makes me upset

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    • csolisr@hub.azkware.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Pepsi with ice cream: a "black cow" that tastes like a nice milkshake

      Pepsi with milk: "Pilk", tastes like vomit

      How come there is such a difference from the state of matter of the darnged milk?

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  • the_riviera_kid@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I SHIT MY PANTS!!! Definitely contains lactose. 10/10

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    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I just shipped my pants!

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  • prime_number_314159@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I made paneer, following a recipe I’ve used dozens of times before. The resulting cheese was perhaps softer than usual, and even after squeezing it and dripping for hours, the slow drip of whey continued, unabated.

    I dared to try a bit. The texture was just as expected, with the familiar squeak as the cheese broke apart upon chewing, and just a hint of extra liquid. The flavor was also fine. I could have added more salt, but that’s a problem I’ve run into before, and I usually cook the paneer into something, so I would just make a saltier sauce.

    I decided it would be fine to leave dripping overnight, but I thought something was unusual. It was late, and dark, and I was ready to go to sleep, so I needed an answer to the lingering doubt at the back of my mind. The bowl I hang cheese over to drip is one of my largest bowls, but I dumped out the accumulated whey anyways - then I went to bed.

    In the morning, my wife woke me up in a panic, and I came downstairs to discover that the bowl had filled, then overflowed with whey. I dumped the bowl once more, cleaned up the mess, and then promptly dug a pit to bury whatever this approximation of cheese was. Maybe it will stop. Maybe it will flow down into the water table, and bacteria will digest whatever is in the Great Value whey.

    In either case, I have made the important decision that the outcome is not my fault. Walmart is responsible for whatever occurs, and if I need to sell this house at some point in the future, I hope Walmart will disclose the state of affairs to the buyer, because I most certainly will not.

    Three stars out of five.

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  • i_stole_ur_taco@lemmy.ca ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Decent jugs.

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  • orenj@leminal.space ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    i am reminded of a factoid i learned like 20 years ago. there is an amount of blood and pus the FDA says is okay to exist in one of these things and its not zero.

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    • A_Random_Idiot@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Thats one of those “factoids” that came from PETA during one of their milk = rape campaigns.

      Milk from injured teats or sick cows is dumped.

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      • nooch@lemmy.vg ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Also milk = rape is totally factual (though a terrible way to try to reach the public)

        • Bulls are immobilized and forcibly masturbated in order to gather sperm.
        • Cows are then forcibly inseminated to be pregnant back to back during their lives so they produce milk. This also typically involves restraining the cow in some chute and shoving an arm up the her ass to hold the cervix in place during the process.

        So if you believe that non-human animals can be SA’d the dairy industry most likely covers that definition.

        You can look this stuff up yourself in industry sources, it’s just industry practice including free-range cows.

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      • nooch@lemmy.vg ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        This is not a “factoid” but a fact you can look up yourself from many non-animal rights sources (even if there are many reliable ones).

        Look up “somatic cell count” on Wikipedia. Food safety regulations around the world define a number of somatic cells (which is what pus is made of). Same for blood cells.

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  • Derpenheim@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    4/5 While I enjoyed this succulent excretion of bovine breasts, it did not bring the same joy from my youth of suckling from the source.

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  • trottingTornado@lemmy.zip ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    0/10 - Wrong quantity, recipe had asked for a litre.

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  • Una@europe.pub ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    0/10 not femboy milk :(

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  • Poteau_Poutre@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Aged like wine

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    • Camille_Jamal@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I don’t know what wine you’re drinking, but may I try a little bit?

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  • db2@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It’s great for washing down that Walmart Fent-On-The-Bottom yogurt.

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  • Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    1 star: it failed to properly cleanse me when I used it for an enema.

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    • bhamlin@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      But retained most of its flavor afterwards.

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      • Burninator05@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Thats why it kept one star.

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  • Incidion@thelemmy.club ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “This product gave me horrible diahhrea for several months and I fear my wife & kids will never view me the same way again. I am a changed man, and have seen the other side, and what satred back was not pretty”

    4 stars.

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  • caligine@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    0/10 not in a carton

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  • jamescathybleak@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    1 star. It’s not vegan.

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  • fizzle@quokk.au ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Satisfying homogenised mammalian excretion.

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  • GalacticGrapefruit@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I’d like it better if its entire existence couldn’t literally be a prop in a dystopia novel. Ruthlessly exploiting malnourished cows and their calves, watered down to pad profits, jugged in plastic, extorting ungodly amounts of land and water resources, sold by a corporation that has a bigger bottom line than most sovereign nations, sold to the impoverished and brainwashed masses that fuel the very destruction of the only planet we fucking have.

    That, and it’s 2%. Whole milk or no milk, and I will die on that hill.

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  • mrmaplebar@fedia.io ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Tasted like it came out of the wrong hole.

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    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      What are you doing to those poor cows???

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      • Murse@slrpnk.net ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I think those might have been bulls.

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  • Steve@communick.news ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    You need to post a link for that. The image doesn’t help anyone

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    • Camille_Jamal@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      www.walmart.com/ip/…/10450115?classType=REGULAR

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    • Camille_Jamal@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I agree but it is fun to see the shitposting

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  • Tikiporch@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    We noticed you’re interested in milk. Can we also interest you in other milk?

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  • Chivera@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Lumpy, just like mother used to pump.

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  • Camille_Jamal@sh.itjust.works ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    For those who want to actually post a review:

    www.walmart.com/ip/…/10450115?classType=REGULAR

    Feel free to find equally stupid shit to review

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    • Dicska@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I went to check the other bogus reviews and found that page 2 says there are no reviews. Out of the 14.1K reviews on the products.

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