Submitted 4 weeks ago by gigastasio@sh.itjust.works to [deleted]
I will confirm that I did it by posting “I did it” here. This will negate any need for any type of photographic or other tangible evidence because I’m an honest person and you’re horrible for suggesting otherwise.
Tie it to the roof of your car, preferably a 25-30 year old subcompact with bald tires and head for the freeway. Make sure to use string, not rope, and don’t waste money on too much string.
Enjoy the drive and the problem just goes away.
fuck I actually did this once. I didn’t tie it on, but I was driving the car and suddenly there was no mattress
It generally helps if you tie it on
See. It works.
Light it on fire while it’s still in your room. No need to move anything!
Just put the new mattress on top of it. Problem solved.
Mail it to the Whitehouse collect.
Collect?
Take it to the country, find a 10-12" culvert under a driveway or access, pull a winch line through the culvert, attach it firmly to the mattress, winch until the mattress is all the way in the culvert, cut the winch line, and you’re done.
Optional: call one of those YouTube drain clearing guys.
You’ve given this a suspiciously impressive amount of thought.
I plead the 5th.
And I’ll be disappointed if you don’t do it.
I was at a party once where they burned a mattress, actually it wasn’t really a party, just a meth heads house at night time. So you could do that.
Fire cleanses all.
Everything is a dildo if you’re brave enough.
Dildos are supposed to be reusable, you know, not just dissappear. Sounds like someone needs to have a big clear-out.
That’s on Thursdays at the community center.
Poke a hole in it and grease it up. Put it at the end of your driveway with a sign that says “Free Fuckable Mattress, first come, first serve!”
Tear some holes in it, sprinkle in nuts, and leave in your backyard. Congratulations: you now have a rodent hotel!
Hang it on a wall as a statement piece or art with all the suspicious looking yellow stains.
Attach a rope to it, tie it to the back of some kind of lifted 4x4 or truck, and have a buddy drag it around through the fields while you ride on top of it.
Dammit… had to delete my comment because I said almost the exact same thing. I’m glad I’m not the only insane one.
Have you seen the video to HARDY’s “Rednecker”?
This is a man of culture.
Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit
Break into a neighbor’s house and put it under their mattress.
Put it in a room with my cat for 30 minutes
This reminds me when I was a grad student at CU Boulder, one of the frat houses decided to get rid of an old couch by dragging it out into the street and setting on fire. Became a running joke in town for years afterward.
Use it as a surfboard.
infect it with bedbugs, then leave it on the street with a free sign.
Rip it to shreds, stir fry it and feed it to the homeless.
The West Virginia method: take it outside, lean it against your trailer, and forget about it.
Throwing it into the power lines?
Cut a hole in it and fuck it. Keep doing that with new holes until it with falls apart or rots from the inside out.
That’s fine for foam mattresses, but the inner spring type give me lacerations.
Win/win
pack it as tightly as possible, and put it in a stage-box (think musicians, drum set, etc). Go to random hotel check into room with your “instruments” for your “gig” tomorow. switch mattress before leaving next moring.
Rip off the material, and take the innards to a metal recycling plant near you, for free. (Disclaimer, I’m assuming metal recycling places take things for free in your area)
“donating it”
Stick it in the front yard with a sign that says
Free soiled mattress!
Whomever takes it is now your bff
No sign required, you have a big canvas already. Just need some spray paint.
Put it in the blender piece by piece and flush it down the toilet Or put it in your pocket and feed it to the birds in the local park.
Fold it length way, rope around each end. Open the middle stick a bit of wood in it…and canoe. Bonus old pillows on a stick for a paddle
Tanoh@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
Eat it.
kylie_kraft@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
…and we’re done here
Kraiden@piefed.social 4 weeks ago
g’luck op. Remember, one bite at a time
db2@lemmy.world 4 weeks ago
youtu.be/4eA-yr11XNc