I will confirm that I did it by posting “I did it” here. This will negate any need for any type of photographic or other tangible evidence because I’m an honest person and you’re horrible for suggesting otherwise.
Eat it.
Submitted 2 hours ago by gigastasio@sh.itjust.works to [deleted]
I will confirm that I did it by posting “I did it” here. This will negate any need for any type of photographic or other tangible evidence because I’m an honest person and you’re horrible for suggesting otherwise.
Eat it.
…and we’re done here
g’luck op. Remember, one bite at a time
Light it on fire while it’s still in your room. No need to move anything!
Tie it to the roof of your car, preferably a 25-30 year old subcompact with bald tires and head for the freeway. Make sure to use string, not rope, and don’t waste money on too much string.
Enjoy the drive and the problem just goes away.
fuck I actually did this once. I didn’t tie it on, but I was driving the car and suddenly there was no mattress
Mail it to the Whitehouse collect.
Just put the new mattress on top of it. Problem solved.
Throwing it into the power lines?
I was at a party once where they burned a mattress, actually it wasn’t really a party, just a meth heads house at night time. So you could do that.
Take it to the country, find a 10-12" culvert under a driveway or access, pull a winch line through the culvert, attach it firmly to the mattress, winch until the mattress is all the way in the culvert, cut the winch line, and you’re done.
Optional: call one of those YouTube drain clearing guys.
You’ve given this a suspiciously impressive amount of thought.
Shred it to bits and smoke it through a bong on public transit
Cut a hole in it and fuck it. Keep doing that with new holes until it with falls apart or rots from the inside out.
That’s fine for foam mattresses, but the inner spring type give me lacerations.
Put it in a room with my cat for 30 minutes
This reminds me when I was a grad student at CU Boulder, one of the frat houses decided to get rid of an old couch by dragging it out into the street and setting on fire. Became a running joke in town for years afterward.
“donating it”
Donate it to your local indoor climbing wall
infect it with bedbugs, then leave it on the street with a free sign.
YoiksAndAway@piefed.zip 11 minutes ago
The West Virginia method: take it outside, lean it against your trailer, and forget about it.