Probably accurate

Comments

• Pacattack57@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Thomas Jefferson resigned as Secretary of State due to the amount of corruption in government. I guarantee they wouldn’t be surprised. I would hope they would feel shame for not writing the constitution better.

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• UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  I mean, set aside the slavery politics for just a minute, because that’s low hanging fruit.

  Imagine showing Thomas Jefferson the Hoover Dam. Imagine introducing Thomas Paine to the internet. Imagine George Washington’s face illuminated by a mushroom cloud. How fucking dumb do you think Benedict Arnold would feel if you dropped him onto the deck of a US Aircraft Carrier. How flabbergasted would James Madison feel if you explained that we literally call it the “White House”, because we never changed the color after the British burned it down. What do you think Patrick Henry would have to say about Social Security?

  FFS,

  Image

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  • Slovene85@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    What would Hamilton think about his musical?

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    • sundray@lemmus.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      “I should have thrown away my shot…”

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    • AmyAye@nord.pub ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      He wpuld write 5000 blog posts about it.

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  • Schmoo@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Thomas Paine is the only one I could tolerate hanging out with. The rest are getting pushed back into the time machine and sent to the Devonian period.

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    • OwOarchist@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      The rest are getting pushed back into the time machine and sent to the Devonian period.

      Great. Now the sudden appearance of invasive modern bacteria just caused a mass extinction in the Devonian, the entire history of life on earth is changed, and the dominant life form is an amphibian of roughly chimpanzee intelligence.

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    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      I mean, the smell alone would be pretty horrible

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  • cmbabul@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Hey now, Paine would be a monster on TikTok

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  • DmMacniel@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    How fucking dumb do you think Benedict Arnold

    Who?

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    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨16⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Benedict Arnold

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• Godric@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Laughing kike a lunatic right now, don’t mind me XD

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• Duamerthrax@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  They would be deeply confused by our seeming hatred for France, be deeply confused why America is fucking around in other countries.

  Thomas Paine might be a little happy about a few things though. Hard to tell.

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  • jrs100000@lemmy.world ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Many of them were veterans of a war against France. France was their ally at the time, but they wouldnt have any problem with the concept of shifting alliances and loyalties.

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• mechoman444@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Benjamin Franklin is, by far, one of the most interesting figures in American history. He’s one of my favorite historical people to read about because every time he’s mentioned, you end up learning something fascinating about him.

  I recently had a discussion with someone on Lemmy who absolutely hated Benjamin Franklin solely because he owned slaves early in his life.

  Nothing else mattered to him. It didn’t matter that Franklin later became one of the earliest and most outspoken abolitionists in American history, serving as president of the Philadelphia Abolitionist Society for years and advocating publicly for the abolition of slavery.

  I completely condemn the fact that Franklin owned slaves. Slavery is morally reprehensible and indefensible. At the same time, I don’t believe that should prevent us from recognizing Franklin as one of the most fascinating and consequential figures in American history. His life demonstrates that people can hold deeply immoral beliefs, later reject them, and spend years working to undo the injustice they once accepted.

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  • phx@lemmy.world ⁨3⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    People can be great in some ways yet fallible or bad in others, particularly when looked at through the lense of time

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• Snapz@lemmy.world ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Prehistoric man would be straight up FLUMMOXED, by a lunchable.

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  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    To be fair, most people not from the US (and perhaps Canada) are too, the first time we hear about that weirdness 🤷🏻

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    • Leviathan@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      We had lunchables in Canada when I was coming up. No idea if we still do, though.

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• TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  He would be very interested in the very mature milf and gilf sections we have available.

  My favorite writing from any founding father is Ben Franklin writing to a younger friend urging them to take an older mistress. My man had an 8 point presentation on the virtues of fucking older ladies. My favorite saying from this is " In the dark, all cats are grey".

  1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

  2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Man, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an Old Woman who is not a good Woman.

  3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience.

  4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

  5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part. The Face first grows lank and Wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable by improvement.

  6. Because the sin is less. The Debauching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

  7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

  8. 8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!

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  • TachyonTele_Esq@piefed.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    “Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly produced may be attended with much inconvenience. “.

    Lol preach brother

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  • Arrandee@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Ben was a playa, no doubt about it.

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  • dismay3915@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Oh my god this is gold :))) He’s totally talking about 55-60+ My man was a horny philosopher

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  • BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    In contrast to our current leadership that sells vulnerable young children to fill this same desire.

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  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    New headcannon: that’s the ORIGIN of the saying, so anyone who uses it owes a piece of their vocabulary to Benny F’s GILF fetish 😄

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    • TranscendentalEmpire@lemmy.today ⁨17⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Not the origin, but he did further popularize it by using it a bit more literally than anyone before. The first use of it in literature was in Don Quixote.

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• deegeese@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Imagine looking up to slavers from hundreds of years ago as your moral compass 🤮

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  • Dookieman12@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Ben Franklin owned seven slaves early in his life, but later got rid of them, became an outspoken critic of slavery, and worked toward its abolition.

    Also, slavery or not, the point still stands. They wouldn’t recognize America today and would be horrified.

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    • deegeese@sopuli.xyz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.

      If nothing would shock your ancestors, you have stagnated.

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    • Valmond@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨22⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      FYI, I recognise America and am also horrified, if that helps.

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    • DagwoodIII@piefed.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Of what?

      There was a transgender Royal Governor of New York State.

      Edward Hyde, served 1702 to 1708.

      You’d know that if you actually studied US history.

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  • chewypoops@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Even then, those slavers would still hate the MAGA movement.

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    • Leviathan@lemmy.world ⁨4⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      Simply based on the fact that most of them consider themselves christian yet have never actually read the bible.

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• captain_aggravated@sh.itjust.works ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Xhamster isn’t American.

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• ContactClosure@lemmus.org ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Fuck Madison Cawthorn. Let that piece of shit slide into obscurity.

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  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨8⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    *roll into obscurity

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• theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  They would be horrified about the lack of slavery, women having rights, that we didn’t completely wipe out the natives and stuff like that the founders were monsters.

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  • AscendantSquid@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Pretty sure that’s what Madison Cawthorn’s saying

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• HCSOThrowaway@lemmy.world ⁨12⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  I feel like virtually all of The Founding Fathers would have definitely moved to ban it except Ben Franklin, who would have vehemently opposed them.

  This kinda supports but also detracts from the implications that follow from the OOP:

  • The Founding Fathers would probably have largely agreed that such things should be banned.

  • Why should we fawn over all of the opinions of people two centuries dead? Surely they got some things right and some things wrong, yes?

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• OwOarchist@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  He’s definitely watching the GILF category.

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  • some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    He’s having some trouble deciding

    *** shy wife of shaker priest next door gets spitroasted by two high degree free masons

    • candle-making spinster has 9 trembling orgasms on her “custom wax figures”**

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• DmMacniel@feddit.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Sure the would be mortified. Woman that can vote and have rights? The ban of slavery caught up to them in the end? An orange president?

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  • OwOarchist@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    The ban of slavery caught up to them in the end?

    Though Ben Franklin owned a few slaves when he was young, he later gave them up and became an outspoken abolitionist. I don’t think he’d be too mortified to find out slavery had been ended.

    He might be mortified to find out that prisoners can still be enslaved, and that the US has a more people incarcerated than any other nation in history. Both by percentage of population and by absolute number. “Land of the free”, am I right?

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• Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  “C’mon, Franklin, we’re going to Delaware.”

  “Why should I?”

  “For the drinking snd the whoring.”

  Ben immediately stands up “Alright, boys, we got no time to spare! We gotta get to Delaware!”

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• applebusch@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  wait till he learns about trans women

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• NoneOfUrBusiness@fedia.io ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  I think they'd be horrified women and black people can vote if anything.

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  • sundray@lemmus.org ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    So modern day Republicans, basically. Fuckers still have their hands around our throats.

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• kif@lemmy.nz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Basically this skit: youtu.be/20ghjoX2_GE

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• Danarchy@lemmy.nz ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  The real Ben Franklin if time travel was invented “JFC another one idk fuck off back to your OWN TIME, MAYBE?!”

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• dharmacurious@slrpnk.net ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Franklin strikes me as a ThisVid type of guy. There’s fucking weird stuff on there, and he’d be so fucking into it

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  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    Weird how, exactly? 🤔

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    • dharmacurious@slrpnk.net ⁨6⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      It is the Pinnacle of weird porn. Enough so that I, someone with a super high tolerance for weird, had to be really careful not to look at thumbnails

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• magnolia_mayhem@lemmy.world ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

  Was he really an xhamster guy? I feel like he’d be the “I have an account on heavy-r” kind of guy.

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  • dismay3915@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    What’s heavy-r?

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    • AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world ⁨14⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

      The kilo of lead?

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  • Viking_Hippie@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨15⁩ ⁨hours⁩ ago

    Dunno, he could be both 🤷🏻

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• ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

  Imagine if in another 250 years, the USA still has a system of government substantially similar to its present day form, but with a population of tens of billions spread across several planet Earths in alternate dimensions. Most people are wealthy enough to own a personal spaceship. Medicine has advanced to the point where doctors can bring you back from the dead as long as your brain is more or less in one piece. But now everyone judges the people of the 21st century for eating meat - it’s considered pretty much the worst thing that anyone can do. Maybe you’ll be convinced that you were wrong to eat meat, or maybe you won’t. Even if you’re convinced that you were wrong, maybe you’ll think that the people of the future should have left wild animals alone rather than intervening to eliminate predation. But overall you would probably think the future was going rather better than you expected…

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  • Gold_E_Lox@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

    we still cant even figure out of genocide is bad, i dont think human utopia is coming any time soon.

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    • CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      Tbf, nothing in that hypothetical suggests true utopia, maybe they have occasional crossdimensional wars fought with weapons that make nukes look like firecrackers or something

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    • queermunist@lemmy.ml ⁨1⁩ ⁨day⁩ ago

      250 years isn’t that soon.

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