Ah yes, the Mississippi, the only river with 9 tributaries in the world. Of course.
The Woke Veggie Tale Leftists Won't Tell You About This One
Submitted 2 months ago by UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/8900d711-3874-4c68-8f32-cbd10ac94934.png
Comments
PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Brazil is nothing but lies straight from the mouth of Satan.
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Honestly even the fucking Sava river had more than 7 before it even leaves Slovenia (small country).
fonix232@fedia.io 2 months ago
Yeah.
And Moses split the Gulf of California to deliver his people to the promised land... Baja California.
dan69@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That explains what we have Baja Blast today!!!
qarbone@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I always knew it to be a celestial elixir
maturelemontree@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
And that, my children, is why we celebrate Easter.
deegeese@sopuli.xyz 2 months ago
Obviously the answer is Jesus was in North America, Joseph Smith was right, and Matthew Mark Luke and John were a bit confused.
panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
Thank Leif Erickson for bringing Christianity back to Europe and the Middle East, then going back in time and having his father Eric the Red build the first church in Greenland
blkvvvs@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
abbiistabbii@piefed.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
The idea of Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA is the most American thing I can imagine.
Also, counterpoint: The Bible actually took place in Scotland, specifically in an around the Forth. Here are my arguments:
- The Forth has more than seven tributries, including (but not limited to) The Leven, The Esk, The Water of Leith, the Almond, The Avon, and The Carron.
- Scotland was actually, provably, occupied by the Romans and still has Roman remains.
- Splitting the sea at the Inchgarvie Narrows makes more sense than splitting the Red sea.
- The Islands of the Forth are full of Hermitages, and Inchcolm has a Abbey, why? BECAUSE THEY KNEW!!!
- The Temple was built on a mount and surrounded by walls? St Margaret’s Chapel is on a mount surrounded by walls. Ergo; Edinburgh Castle is the actual site of The Temple!
- America has had no Presidents called “David”, but Scotland has had two.
COINCIDENCE? I THINK NOT!
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 months ago
You should start a podcast
hypeerror@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
You know all the depictions of Jesus do look a lot more like a Scotsman than someone from Jerusalem.
MonkderVierte@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Americans believing the bible actually took place in the USA
Wait, they do?
gh0stcassette@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 months ago
Damn, I guess every so often someone independently invents Mormonism lmao
derfunkatron@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The Garden of Eden is in Missouri!
xistera@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Kinda related: The mormons believe that the garden of Eden was where Independence, Missouri is now… and everything resettled in the Middle East after the flood.
nightwatch_admin@lemmy.world 2 months ago
nickiwest@lemmy.world 2 months ago
When I started reading the post, I honestly expected it to end with …“and that’s why the Mormons are right about Eden being in Missouri.”
ThirdConsul@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Okay, the first problem is that the Bible does not say that Nile has 7 tributaries.
It says that (a different river, likely Euphrates), will get smashed into 7.
The second problem is everything else.
Polyphilic@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
What do leftists have to so with the Bible?
Also 2000 years ago river systems were different.
This is real dumb
m0darn@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
What does this post have to do with leftists?
Polyphilic@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
That’s what im trying to find out
fyzzlefry@retrolemmy.com 2 months ago
Wait, this isn’t a bit?
Polyphilic@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
I mean, OP is the one saying leftists, ask them
imadethis@fedinsfw.app 2 months ago
The fuck is a tributary? Because there are way more rivers than just those seven that drain to the mississippi. Wikipedia even says that tributaries include streams, and good lord I know even the tiniest of rivers will have many streams feeding it. Declaring a certain size of river/water body to be a tributary is just fucking around with numbers to prove your point.
Treczoks@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It is a question of major tributaries. Depending how one defines “major”, about any number is possible. You can probably claim the Mississippi has one major tributary: the Missouri. Or you can claim it has hundreds, of your “major” definition is “mapped running water”.
anon_8675309@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Does that make the chosen people the Appalachian Hillbillies?
some_kind_of_guy@lemmy.world 2 months ago
That tracks
hanrahan@slrpnk.net 2 months ago
so, this is what they mean by AI hallucinations?
mkwt@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The Atchafalaya is a distributary, not a tributary.
Grostleton@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
Also it has way more than 7, those are just the major ones.
TheTechnician27@lemmy.world 2 months ago
All I know for sure is that Atlantis was in Iowa.
wuffah@lemmy.world 2 months ago
“The Bible says…” Stop. There’s your problem right there.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 months ago
It’s been in there for 6000 years. If it was wrong, someone would have corrected it by now
icelimit@lemmy.ml 2 months ago
The Bible wasn’t written 6000 years ago. It posits that history began 6000 years ago.
luthis@lemmy.nz 2 months ago
That’s a huge over estimation, but yes
wuffah@lemmy.world 2 months ago
I wouldn’t say it “wrong” so much as it is fantasy literature. Looking to the Bible for geography is like reading The Lord of the Rings to figure out where the Colorado river is.
weps@lemmy.world 2 months ago
yes, they sold the greatest lie in history and were very successful with it
FrChazzz@lemmus.org 2 months ago
There’s a guy who long maintained that the Garden of Eden is found near the Florida panhandle and there’s a park to commemorate this.
sartalon@lemmy.world 2 months ago
The Mormons believe it was in present day Missouri.
Thunderbird4@lemmy.world 2 months ago
And did those feet
In ancient times
Walk upon Kentucky’s mountains green?thefloweracidic@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Why are so many people taking a shitpost so seriously, some of ya’ll have watched wayyyyy too much Woke Veggie Tales
IrateAnteater@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
You know, I was watching a video theorizing that the Odyssey and the Iliad were assembled from a bunch of older stories, and that a couple of those journeys went across the Atlantic. If someone like the ancient Macedonians made it across, the Old Testament stories could also be incorporating information about North America.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 months ago
the Odyssey and the Iliad were assembled from a bunch of older stories
Very possible
and that a couple of those journeys went across the Atlantic
Total bullshit
IrateAnteater@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Probably, but not as insane as you might first think. We already know the Vikings managed it, and in the Pacific, many islands were populated by people who didn’t have anywhere near the ships that the Mediterranean civilizations had, and yet covered distances just as far as you would have to cross if you were taking the northern route across the Atlantic.
SwingingTheLamp@piefed.zip 2 months ago
It was the Minoans. Well, at least there’s an argument to be made. The time and place match well for stories of such journeys to make it into the Iliad and the Odyssey.
socsa@piefed.social 2 months ago
Christianity loses basically all of its real historical context if you remove the Roman context. But that’s kind of on brand for evangelicals who seem to think that “faith” is only pure when the conjecture defies all logic, reason and external information.
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Christianity loses basically all of its real historical support if you remove the Roman context.
Given how much of the ancient world we know about because preserved Roman texts mentioned it, that’s not surprising.
Pyr_Pressure@lemmy.ca 2 months ago
How do they determine the beginning of a river? Should it be the furthest point of something? Why isn’t the Missouri River the “Mississippi” and the remaining portion of the Mississippi north of that junction the Missouri instead?
DeadDigger@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
In Europe you often have either 2 rivers forming a new one or the bigger one eats the smaller one
jambudz@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
Historical exploration mostly. It’s very often referred to as the Mississippi-Missouri River in a general context
s@piefed.world 2 months ago
Chat, is the premise of this man’s argument true?
whereitsat@lemmy.zip 2 months ago
jesus said it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. i wasn’t willing to make this journey myself but i tried to put a grasshopper through the eye of a needle and i ended up impaling it through the forehead and the rest of the needle came straight out its ass.
i’m currently on a quest to figure out where john the baptist’s head is buried.
waitingtech@lemmy.world 2 months ago
If this is true shouldn’t all the MAGGATs give up their land to Zionists?
UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 2 months ago
Israel has given settler rights to newly converted South Africa white migrants. Zionism is just a state of mind, man. Anyone (white) can do it.
BananaOnionJuice@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 months ago
burgermeister@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Savior at the hotel, motel, holiday Inn
And then they went to the combination pizza hut and taco bell
Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 2 months ago
Then Joseph put some miles on it, for blessed are the child diddlers.
pumpupthejam@piefed.social 2 months ago
Gold? Frankincense? Myrrh?
More like vape pen, monster, and meth.