Easily #1, but that’s because they worded it as what her current interests are.
Just be interesting yourself, and put the work into finding out what about her interests are actually interesting. People find things interesting for a reason.
No one is actually boring, if you find someone boring it just means you dont understand them yet. Pay attention, listen, and try to see it through their eyes and maybe you’ll find their “boring” interests aren’t so boring after all, you just didnt “see” it fully yet to appreciate it.
And, typically, if you put the work into showing interest in whatever they are into, they’ll reciprocate.
Also, there’s infinite room for the two of you to both find new interests neither of you had before that now you both can share.
When my fiance and I started dating years ago, neither of us gave a shit about birds… but now that we live in a place with lots of cool random birds we can spot, and we go for walks everyday, we actually stop and go “holy shit what kind of bird is that, I dont recognize it” or “holy fuck are those pelicans? I didnt even know we got pelicans here!” etc etc.
The other day out of the blue when we were chilling at a nearby water reservoir watching a duck, a whole ass fuckin pelican came outta nowhere and swooped down, splashing into the water and sniped a random fish, then burst up with it in its mouth like… 2 feet in front of us. It was a pretty big “holy shit did that just happen?” moment.
If we hadn’t been sitting there just enjoying watching a duck, we never would’ve gotten to see that pelican.
So, you know, maybe there’s no such thing as “normie” interests, or a “boring” person. You might be the boring one if anything, because you can’t understand why people love something and get interested in it…
j4k3@lemmy.world 9 months ago
AVOID #1!!!
Better to be alone and free to think and explore than to be tethered to someone that holds you back from exploring life. Sex is a fucked up drug addiction without an opt out for most of us. I’ve made a lot of effed up decisions, but not marrying any of my 3 long terms was not one of them.
I don’t know about y’all, but I changed a whole lot every 5 years since 20. I feel more settled in my late 30’s Getting disabled at 29 shakes my perspective away from any kind of norm. I can’t imagine those changes meshing with anyone else and surviving this long.
ladicius@lemmy.world 9 months ago
As a guy nearing 60 I support your stance.
The choices are not these two women. The choice is good to live your own life.
KingJalopy@lemm.ee 9 months ago
I’m about 3 or 4 option #2s behind you but I agree. Glad to see older anons still with it.
TheSambassador@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I don’t necessarily disagree, and everyone is different, but you should consider that it’s not just you that changes. You change WITH your partner. You grow TOGETHER. I am absolutely different than I was 10 years ago, and so is she, but that doesn’t mean that we’re no longer compatible. Our growth contributed to each other’s growth.
I do think people should be maybe… less attached? You should regularly evaluate your relationship to see if it’s working. Shared interests aren’t even always necessary (as long as they at least show interest in what you like and vice versa). But that is very hard and many people would rather not be alone.
j4k3@lemmy.world 9 months ago
I don’t picture too many mates that can handle religious extremist conservative misogynist to atheist leftist open minded best intentions diversity ally. I could be wrong. Heck, in that span I’ve gained, dropped, and maintained more weight than anyone I’ve ever dated, going from ~250 to 350 to 187 and racing bicycles. I doubt I would have spent 3-4 hours a day on a bike while working 8-10 hours and racing on the weekend if I had married someone in my early 20’s. I’d probably still be in bad health. I’m not all that bright right now, but I was a whole lot dumber in the past and having someone around that reinforced my biases was certainly a factor in my growth and development. It is hard to say how things would be different. It gets super lonely at times, but my situation is not standard there.
AlolanYoda@mander.xyz 9 months ago
Thank you. This comment resonates a lot with me, as despite it having been over a year I’m still struggling with coming to terms with having had to break up a 5 year-long relationship for my own good (it’s not that long in the grand scheme of things). The way I would describe it is that she was molding me into the person that I was expecting to become when the relationship started, which was totally different from the person I ended up evolving into. I am glad I did it, but I still struggle with the pain I caused her during the process.
I had back surgery last year at 29, and while I didn’t end up disabled, I’m seeing my life change in small ways because of it. It’s weird feeling so young but having to limit certain activities because you could become paraplegic if anything goes wrong.
I didn’t have anything to add to your comment, I’m just glad you posted it!