I have a few but my absolute favorite was when he said " Imagine there’s a woman, maybe she is homeless or on drugs, and she shouts at you as you walk by across the street. She says you look like a cockroach. What would you do? " “Probably laugh” “Exactly, think of your parent as that woman. They have no effect on your life but noise” I’m paraphrasing but I liked the idea of my negative thoughts ingrained by generations of trauma being like a random shouting on the street.
i broke
Submitted 1 month ago by Stamets@lemmy.world to [deleted]
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/faedadad-2c8a-4f83-8350-d75cf6a9c5c4.jpeg
Comments
Jhuskindle@lemmy.world 1 month ago
SupremeDonut@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
What is is an anchor for what can be.
That one’s from Adam Savage
Also, know that you have no control over the choices of others.
JulieLemming@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Oh you can have control
xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
“JulieLemming announces they will be running for the next presidential race”
deaf_fish@lemm.ee 1 month ago
You got to get that Monopoly on violence.
cabron_offsets@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Hot take, but I’ve done therapy with like 4-5 different therapists over like 20 years and found it to be of little to no use. What’s been a lot more helpful is just living life with the intent of letting go of past wrongs and making sure that I don’t inflict them on others.
solarvector@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
I think the point of therapy is to help you effect changes in your behavior (mental and physical). Sounds like you were able to make some changes that help.
LocoLobo@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Best advice I got about my all time present self criticism was:“Imagine the self criticism or self hate in the voice of someone you don’t like and don’t respect. Donald Trump for example.”
It makes the voice in my head that says:“You are a worthless piece of shit.” entertaining at least.
Colonel_Panic_@lemm.ee 1 month ago
There has never been a more worthless piece of shit and let me tell you I know everything about shit and being worthless someone I know and they are very smart told me that you are the best worthless piece of shit they’ve ever seen and there has never been a shittier piece of worthless ever and I would know.
kattfisk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
You are stuck with yourself for the rest of your life. So just like when you have a coworker or classmate that you don’t like but must work with, you just have to get a working relationship going where you can get stuff done and not fight.
Try to not get annoyed at yourself, reward good behavior, be kind even when you don’t deserve it, be the bigger person etc.
BallShapedMan@lemmy.world 1 month ago
“If someone met your expectations would you be mad?”
“No”
“Then maybe your expectations are too high?”
spooky2092@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
Was that supposed to be ‘did not meet your expectations’, or was your therapist on something that day? Cuz I have no idea how not being mad at expectations being met means they’re too high.
BallShapedMan@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I had anger issues and was mad all the time at the dumbest things. The problem was my expectations were unrealistic. By changing my expectations I’ve solved almost all of my anger issues.
A simple example is teenagers are going to break rules. By not expecting them to be perfect I don’t get angry. That doesn’t mean the behavior is acceptable and will go unaddressed. Just expect they’ll break the rules and be ready for it when they do is all.
ZeffSyde@lemmy.world 1 month ago
That thing you like doing that makes you feel better? Stop it.
Instead do this thing that is tedious/boring that you never forward to.
Eventually you will fool yourself into enjoying this boring/tedious task and trick your brain into releasing dopamine when you perform it.
Mallspice@lemm.ee 1 month ago
[deleted]interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
Actually I want every living and potentially living thing in the universe to expire, including spores, viruses, text and LLMs
dejected_warp_core@lemmy.world 1 month ago
I got a lot of professional advice and guidance in the moment to kick the door to mindfulness wide open. I wish I could share any one thing specific to help anyone replicate the experience. I honestly think this kind of Gnostic awakening has to be tailored to the individual. Also, I was told I was a quick study at this - so sadly, it may take a long time to get there (months to years even).
One exercise we did that helped a lot was to have a discussion with your younger self, and explore what you would say knowing what you know now. Like with a lot of this stuff, the key is to verbalize - it’s fundamentally different than talking to yourself with your inner monologue. So you’re gonna need a close friend that you can share a LOT of deeply traumatic experiences. Fundamentally, this is what we pay counselors for: privacy, not judging, and helping to take out the trash. Group therapy may help here too - I have yet to try this, so YMMV.
On a more specific note, I used to be obsessed with root-cause-analysis for my own psychological problems. I almost got into an argument with my counselor over it, until he was able to help me see the light. You can absolutely figure out why and even how you got this way, but that information will absolutely not help you if you’re already in a safe space. It can help you break free of someone or a bad situation, but stuff that happened 30 years ago? Not so much. When you get down to it, there’s no “undo” button for trauma, no matter how much you know. Instead, one must look to the present, exercise mindfulness in the moment of anxiety and triggers, and practice walking your headspace back to a more rational place.
shapis@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
I was still a kid. At my first session I opened up hard. I spoke nonstop for the whole hour.
When I was walking out I asked them “now what?” And they replied “Now it’s a long battle”.
That stuck with me.
shekau@lemmy.today 1 month ago
Did it help you?
shapis@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
Oof. Hard to say. I did it for so long and so early in life that I’m not even sure what would have happened had I not done it.
I don’t like mental meds though. Didn’t then. And I don’t think any of them ever helped me. They have always either from making me extremely risky behavior prone or just numb where the days blend together and months go by in the blink of an eye.
Echolynx@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
I will share and highly recommend this resource: CCI’s Self Help Resources. There are various pages for different types of dilemmas, and most of them take you to self-directed workbooks you can fill out yourself. They’re not only informative, but they also guide you through your thinking about these issues and how to deal with them and grow from them.
Christobootswiththepher@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Wow, awesome resources yo. I had a quick read and they are presented simply. But with such a large body of work! Way to go Western Australia.
Echolynx@lemmy.zip 1 month ago
Right! I never would’ve heard of it if not for a random comment on that other cursed site.
finitebanjo@lemmy.world 1 month ago
A really big part of therapy is learning how to communicate what happened, what is happening, and what you are feeling.
It takes a lot of time to organize it all into words that another person would understand, and doing so helps you.
The therapist might aslo reccomend what to do going forward but 9/10 times you already know that.
vga@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
“Here, take this test”.
Ok.
“Huh. I’ve never seen results like this”
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Mine explained my emotional dysregulation patterns and helped me identify the triggers and how to address them.
By far, the most useful technique they shared with me was the TIPP skills technique, which helps me come down when I am having strong emotional reactions as a trauma response or from anxiety. Essentially:
- temperature - use cold temp to lower heart rate, warm to raise it
- intense exercise - helps manage overwhelming energy levels
- paced breathing - I’m not big on breathing but it works for some
- paired muscle relaxation - my favourite as it also interrupts thought patterns
Hope you’re able to access help though, obviously it is much better when personalized and you also get the safe space to release your fears and anxieties
AnUnusualRelic@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Please remember to bring exact change next time.
banazir@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
“No one else can do the work for you.”
NoFun4You@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Elon Musk enters the chat room
pr0sp3kt@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 month ago
This is the best response.
tacosplease@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Set boundaries and enforce them.
Fleur_@aussie.zone 1 month ago
Just start doing things.
bender223@lemmy.today 1 month ago
Agree. Could be anything. Just do something. We underestimate our mind body connection. It’s probably more likely that we developed complicated thought ability by doing more and more complicated physical activity than the other way around.
saltnotsugar@lemm.ee 1 month ago
They told me about a Dark Plagus dude and some tragedy. I spaced out but I’m pretty sure the lesson was to always keep partying.
BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world 1 month ago
If you think you picked a bad partner because there’s something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.
Mk23simp@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
He told me that I need to find a new therapist.
garbagebagel@lemmy.world 1 month ago
That’s kind of better than continuing to charge you if he wasn’t vested in your improvement though.
Mk23simp@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 month ago
It’s not that, it’s that I’m moving to a different state and he’s not licensed to see patients in that state. :P
kjett@lemm.ee 1 month ago
It’s minimal how you can change other people. But you can change your own environment, actions and worldview. Even though it might take a long time for your body, nervous system and brain to change and adapt.
Even if your parents want to change themselves for the benefit of your health, it might not be possible for them. But you might be able to help them by changing yourself, and then indirectly change their environment.
Korhaka@sopuli.xyz 1 month ago
Get a hobby, get outside. Doesn’t have to cost much either.
Sometimes in the summer I go to the beach before work and cook my breakfast there on a camping stove burning driftwood as fuel.
Snowclone@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Try and take time to soothe your inner child. Eat a bowl of Mac and cheese, try to go surfing, do dumb shit kids do. You know. Try it. Also learn to love yourself. Fucking good luckg, man that one… like how the fuck could that ever happen.
_____@lemm.ee 1 month ago
I think everyone’s psychology is so different that people out there wonder “how could you not like yourself, it’s you” and meanwhile me I can never see that happening, ever.
ghen@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
Start with one part. Work your way to two eventually.
I like my belly button, it’s satisfyingly deep.
Bishma@discuss.tchncs.de 1 month ago
The last advice my therapist ever gave me will hang with me forever: “I you’re not willing to open up to me you won’t get much from these sessions.”
the_q@lemm.ee 1 month ago
Being kind to yourself is apparently pretty important.
Broadfern@lemmy.world 1 month ago
“You don’t have to do everything all at once” and “it’s okay to have a meltdown when you get home” helped a lot to be honest
Inucune@lemmy.world 1 month ago
If my employer wants to be ‘like a family,’ then they shouldn’t have an issue with a meltdown on company time.
Enzy@lemm.ee 1 month ago
“lmao”
miraclerandy@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Your emotions and feelings are your brain and body’s way of communicating with you - listen to them. If you take some time to feel your feelings with a sympathetic lens, you can better understand what’s wrong. While fixing it will be a lot longer of a journey, simply allowing your self to listen will be a good first step.
tourist@lemmy.world 1 month ago
stop smoking marijuana
preussischblau@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
So true, take edibles instead. Think of your lungs people.
BackgrndNoize@lemmy.world 1 month ago
Plus the high lasts for hours, which is it’s own boon or curse depending on your situation that day
zaphodb2002@sh.itjust.works 1 month ago
No
humanspiral@lemmy.ca 1 month ago
Your misery cannot possibly be the result a structurally oppressive society, look at how well I’m doing. Now go kick your mom in the vagina and suck dick for therapy fares, and come back next week.
interdimensionalmeme@lemmy.ml 1 month ago
Fiouu!!