Well, I assume the girlfriend knew the guy REALLY liked Ol’ Reliable, right? In this case, screaming “do what you want to me,” while clearly indicating a desire for something else, has been 100% respected.
If you want something different, say it specifically. Our pee pees are touching, kinda’ late to be Victorian with it…
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
“do what you want to me” is my least favourite dirty talk. The base idea is that we both currently WANT to do the same dirty rough sex but for some reason we’re not doing it. What makes her think he’s NOT doing what he wants right now? What if he’s a for fetishist and wants to put her foot in his mouth and jerk off? What if he just wants her to eat his ass?
Clearly “do what you want to me” doesn’t mean do what you want to me. “do what you want to me” means “I have a specific type of rough sex in mind but I’m not able to express my desires clearly, so I’ve projected them into my partner and I’ve made it their responsibility to understand me and do the right type of sex stuff to me”
I know this is basically an unhinged response to a greentext but I’ve had so many bad experiences with that specific line. Is wanting clear communication before and during sex about the sex we’re about to perform too much to ask for?
MountingSuspicion@reddthat.com 2 weeks ago
I’m very sex positive and my partners have been too, so I don’t really have this issue, but I think porn has really affected both heterosexual men and women’s perception of sex. You hear it from the female perspective a lot where men just start hitting or choking them during sex, but there’s a cultural undercurrent of the opposite experience where women will try and take a guys hand to her throat and apply pressure because for some reason asking to be choked is weird but that isn’t. Both men and women are seeing rough sex portrayed in porn and assuming that’s the sex everyone wants/is having. In reality, it’s dangerous to do breathplay with an inexperienced partner and that’s not something you just spring on them. I think sex is still a taboo subject and people need to get more comfortable speaking about it. I think the idea of enthusiastic consent and how it incorporates into foreplay is often the deciding factor in how an encounter goes, but often neither party knows how to engage in it.
Hacksaw@lemmy.ca 2 weeks ago
Enthusiastic consent is so sexy! I also love open scene planning beforehand for kinkier sex so that everyone gets what they want out of it and avoid things they don’t want.
A lot of people still find both unsexy and think sex should both be purely spontaneous AND meet all their kinks somehow.
ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
When I hear people say that porn is bad for your brain I’m always confused. But then I remember rape and cheater porn are two of the most popular forms of porn.
Jax@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Right on the head, I’ve had a woman try to tell me to be rougher and take what I want.
Sure, right after you sign a fucking waiver - I’m not about to ‘take what I want’ and have you turn around and claim I forced you into something.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
The waiver isn’t legally binding. Wouldn’t waste your time.
rainrain@sh.itjust.works 2 weeks ago
Do all women secretly want to be raped?
Seriously. It might be a genetic primate thing. Built in.
prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 weeks ago
Sounds like something that could be very easily solved with basic communication.
Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 2 weeks ago
No no, I think you captured it perfectly.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 weeks ago
Oh, so “Do what you want to me” doesn’t mean put her feet in my mouth and jerk off? But that’s what I want.
Clairvoidance@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 weeks ago
She contractually cannot complain
thebestaquaman@lemmy.world 1 week ago
I think this is really a just communication thing: I’m with someone that says “do what you want”, and I’d say it myself too, but we’ve been together long enough that there’s an implicit understanding of what that phrase means.
The point is that it’s a turn on to feel desired, even more so when you can just “give up control” and they’ll still do something you like. My experience is that the whole “do what you want” thing isn’t something you say to turn on your partner so much as yourself. Specifically, when I say it, it’s a way of communicating what I want (because of the mutual understanding of what it means) while keeping the pretense that I’m giving up all control (which turns me on). Likewise, when my partner says it, I know what she wants me to do, but keeping the pretense that I’m in complete control is a turn on.
Of course, this kind of mutual understanding has been built up over time, and I wouldn’t recommend communicating like this in a fresh relationship or one night stand.