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Anon needs help to solve the mystery

⁨681⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨MrJameGumb@lemmy.world⁩ to ⁨greentext@sh.itjust.works⁩

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/28b2119f-06a0-459c-a2e9-eb0b64f30b6b.png

source

Comments

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  • EndofLife@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It’s a riddle. It was made of ice.

    source
    • ghostrider2112@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Or chocolate

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      • sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        … some stay dry, others feel the pain.

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    • wittycomputer@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Imagine the frostbite

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      • And009@lemmynsfw.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        You mean a freezejob, aka rimfreeze

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  • PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.

    “Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing.”

    source
    • Cordyceps@sopuli.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Occam’s razor and all that

      source
      • Cordyceps_cereal@lemmynsfw.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Occam’s buttplug

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    • unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.

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      • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        And then what?

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  • RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Anon needs to go to a hospital soon

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    • Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      but sadly, Anon is American

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      • DannyBoy@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        The worst condition of them all.

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    • caseyweederman@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Better get an MRI to look for it

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      • madjo@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Ouch… We don’t want to kill that anon!

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  • 000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Must have been the wind

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    • bollybing@lemmynsfw.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Maybe just a homeless guy

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  • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.

    Know your local mythology.

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    • S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Shart Fariy

      source
      • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        The more timid subspecies of the feared diarrhea-jet-superpropulsion fairy.

        Some say a mere glance of this fairy can have you leave orbit!

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  • sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Did it have a flared end?

    If yes:

    It’s in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn’t remember.

    If no:

    Butt plug goblins.

    source
    • MTK@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Way worse than your dog eating your homework

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  • wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Mmmm, that’s some fresh greentext too!

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    • SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      So fresh it’s still green

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    • Mac@mander.xyz ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Oh wow. I’ve never seen one this fresh!

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      • Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Funny, that’s the same thing a stray cat said when it found that butt plug.

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    • LeninOnAPrayer@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Yeah it doesn’t have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn’t have the same feeling with it though.

      source
    • rbos@lemmy.ca ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Ambiguous. Could be September 3rd.

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      • echodot@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        And from the future apparently

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  • echodot@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It’s another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning

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  • daggermoon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Do people actually do this?

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    • Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      People aren’t buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don’t imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.

      source
      • daggermoon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don’t know how you’d sleep like that.

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    • MrJameGumb@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it’s very possible it could be entirely made up lol

      source
      • Majorllama@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        “The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.”

        Literally on 4chan as a header.

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      • padge@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Anything on 4chan I assume isn’t real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.

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      • Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        4chan makes me believe it more in this case

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      • Raiderkev@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Made up aaaaand?

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    • trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I’ve done it before

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      • samteria@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago
        [deleted]
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      • Slovene@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        And you’ll do it again?

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      • daggermoon@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.

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    • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      I do yea

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    • systemglitch@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Mentally ill people perhaps

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      • MTK@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        You sleep with poop inside of you every night, hoping your muscles will save you, they are just being responsible.

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      • Iheartcheese@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Prude

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  • finitebanjo@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.

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  • daepicgamerbro69@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay

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  • deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    A wizard did it.

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    • Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      but anon’s a wizard himself

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      • goldteeth@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        and then the doctor says “I can’t operate on this wizard… he’s my son!!”

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      • MrJameGumb@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Anon is a Butt Wizard I think is what you meant

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  • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.

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    • Pazu900@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Spoken like somebody who’s never used a butt plug

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      • RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Yeah, that’s why I said “seems like” and not “when I do it (this) happens”.

        You do you.

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    • pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don’t cause it to shift you forget it’s there

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      • Pacattack57@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        Why are you even wearing one atp if you forget it’s there 🤣

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  • Dagnet@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon

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    • answersplease77@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      some alien intern tought they forgot their probe in Anon, then when they got to their ship their boss was like “no that’s not for us”

      source
  • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Have you checked for any holes in your wall? Maybe you coughed or sneezed while sleeping.

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    • frozenpopsicle@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      Or if there are multiple holes in the walls shine a laser though the holes to get the butt plug trajectory.

      source
      • Hupf@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

        If there are multiple holes in the wall, find the one that was made for your buttplug.

        source
  • Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It’s under the bed.

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  • frozenpopsicle@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Maybe a bird… Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it away together?

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  • conditional_soup@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Aliens

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  • ChaosX6@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Anon ate too much hot sauce and it dissolved

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    • LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

      You only make the mistake of using a calcium carbonate buttplug once.

      source
  • SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Perhaps Anon inserted it in a dream?

    source
  • Psaldorn@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    The chocolate buttplug

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  • dumpsterac1d@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    It was all a dream

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  • Tungsten5@lemm.ee ⁨2⁩ ⁨months⁩ ago

    Yeah sounds like fucknon here sucked it up his lil hole

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