I like how he clarifies that he lives alone.
“Sure, one of my roommates could have come in and poked around in my butthole while I was sleeping. But no one was in a position to do such a thing.”
Anon needs help to solve the mystery
Submitted 2 days ago by MrJameGumb@lemmy.world to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/28b2119f-06a0-459c-a2e9-eb0b64f30b6b.png
Comments
PhilipTheBucket@ponder.cat 2 days ago
unconsciousvoidling@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Hey I had a roommate that would steal my inserted butt plugs while I was sleeping.
RVGamer06@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Anon needs to go to a hospital soon
caseyweederman@lemmy.ca 1 day ago
Better get an MRI to look for it
madjo@feddit.nl 1 day ago
Ouch… We don’t want to kill that anon!
000999@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Must have been the wind
bollybing@lemmynsfw.com 2 days ago
Maybe just a homeless guy
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Buttplug fairy takes the buttplug and leaves you with a shart.
Know your local mythology.
S_H_K@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Shart Fariy
Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee 1 day ago
The more timid subspecies of the feared diarrhea-jet-superpropulsion fairy.
Some say a mere glance of this fairy can have you leave orbit!
echodot@feddit.uk 2 days ago
It’s another carbon monoxide poisoning poisoning
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Did it have a flared end?
If yes:
It’s in the toilet, he sleep walked and took a shit and doesn’t remember.
If no:
Butt plug goblins.
MTK@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Way worse than your dog eating your homework
wizardbeard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
Mmmm, that’s some fresh greentext too!
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
So fresh it’s still green
Mac@mander.xyz 2 days ago
Oh wow. I’ve never seen one this fresh!
Fuck_u_spez_@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Funny, that’s the same thing a stray cat said when it found that butt plug.
LeninOnAPrayer@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Yeah it doesn’t have the remnants of being compressed to .jpg over 1000 times over. Just doesn’t have the same feeling with it though.
finitebanjo@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Anon will need a plumber because he got up in a daze to use the bathroom.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Do people actually do this?
Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
People aren’t buying all those butt plugs for decoration. People fall asleep. I don’t imagine many people sleep with them on purpose, but certaintly possible to pass out with a butt plug in place.
daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Sorry, I thought the implication was that someone intentionally slept with one in. I don’t know how you’d sleep like that.
MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Maybe? This came from 4Chan so it’s very possible it could be entirely made up lol
Majorllama@lemmy.world 2 days ago
“The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.”
Literally on 4chan as a header.
Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
4chan makes me believe it more in this case
padge@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
Anything on 4chan I assume isn’t real, but pretend it is. More fun that way.
trashgirlfriend@lemmy.world 2 days ago
I’ve done it before
daggermoon@lemmy.world 2 days ago
May I ask why? No disrespect intended, just trying to understand.
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
I do yea
systemglitch@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Mentally ill people perhaps
MTK@lemmy.world 2 days ago
You sleep with poop inside of you every night, hoping your muscles will save you, they are just being responsible.
Kolanaki@pawb.social 1 day ago
Have you checked for any holes in your wall? Maybe you coughed or sneezed while sleeping.
frozenpopsicle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Or if there are multiple holes in the walls shine a laser though the holes to get the butt plug trajectory.
Hupf@feddit.org 1 day ago
If there are multiple holes in the wall, find the one that was made for your buttplug.
frozenpopsicle@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 day ago
Maybe a bird… Wait a minute! Supposing two swallows carried it away together?
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 1 day ago
I dunno how exhausted or drunk you’d have to be to pass out with one of those things inserted. Seems like it’d feel like a turd half out and your body would prefer you deal with that and not fall asleep.
Pazu900@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Spoken like somebody who’s never used a butt plug
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Yeah, that’s why I said “seems like” and not “when I do it (this) happens”.
You do you.
pixeltree@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 day ago
Nah good ones are pretty comfy and after a while if you don’t cause it to shift you forget it’s there
Pacattack57@lemmy.world 1 day ago
Why are you even wearing one atp if you forget it’s there 🤣
daepicgamerbro69@lemmy.world 2 days ago
i rate this greentext fake on scale of 1 to gay
deadbeef79000@lemmy.nz 2 days ago
A wizard did it.
Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org 2 days ago
but anon’s a wizard himself
goldteeth@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 days ago
and then the doctor says “I can’t operate on this wizard… he’s my son!!”
MrJameGumb@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Anon is a Butt Wizard I think is what you meant
Dagnet@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Was getting in the way of the aliens probing anon
answersplease77@lemmy.world 2 days ago
some alien intern tought they forgot their probe in Anon, then when they got to their ship their boss was like “no that’s not for us”
Ilovethebomb@lemm.ee 2 days ago
It’s under the bed.
conditional_soup@lemm.ee 2 days ago
Aliens
ChaosX6@sh.itjust.works 2 days ago
Anon ate too much hot sauce and it dissolved
LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 2 days ago
You only make the mistake of using a calcium carbonate buttplug once.
SubArcticTundra@lemmy.ml 2 days ago
Perhaps Anon inserted it in a dream?
Psaldorn@lemmy.world 2 days ago
The chocolate buttplug
dumpsterac1d@lemmy.world 2 days ago
It was all a dream
EndofLife@feddit.org 2 days ago
It’s a riddle. It was made of ice.
ghostrider2112@lemmy.world 2 days ago
Or chocolate
sp3tr4l@lemmy.zip 2 days ago
… some stay dry, others feel the pain.
wittycomputer@feddit.org 1 day ago
Imagine the frostbite
And009@lemmynsfw.com 1 day ago
You mean a freezejob, aka rimfreeze