Submitted 4 months ago by counselwolf@lemmy.world to [deleted]
My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.
What should I look for in good value rings? Lab grown diamonds? Fake diamonds? gold? white gold? silver? platinum?
My wife and I picked out her ring together. She has to wear it all the time. I think she should have say in the matter. Ask your partner to help you pick one out.
This, it ruins the surprise a bit but also ensures you’ll hear a “yes”
You can always also get a cheaper sentimental ring and go out ring shopping together for the official one.
That way you keep the surprise and she gets the ring she wants, plus another ring and a nice memory.
IMO, an agreement to get married should be a mutual discussion, not a surprise. My wife and I also decided to get married by having a discussion and then went ring shopping together. We went with a blue topaz. Super pretty and didn’t break the bank.
Same. We made it a date and went downtown to a pawn shop to pick out rings. It’s honestly a great way to find fun rings at not-horrendous prices
Shouldn’t the proposal be a surprise? I was thinking the ring as well?
Hi! The proposal itself should be a surprise, but the fact you are proposing should not. You and your partner should discuss marriage and be on the same page on what you want from the relationship before you take that step.
The proposal can still be a surprise, just think of a way to do it where going ring shopping together is the big surprise, rather than the ring itself (if they have a good sense of humour, maybe use a gummy ring or a mood ring, something really silly as a stand in, otherwise maybe a ring shaped coupon? Or some other symbolic token that would hold meaning to just the two of you?).
The fact that the proposal is coming should not be a surprise. Neither should they look and style of the ring.
The actual moment of the proposal, if well researched and planned, can be a fun surprise.
But even that shouldn’t be too much of a surprise.
Also, make sure it’s a “dress your best” kind of date, so your proposee will feel good about that way they look.
Depends on the individual, some want it as a surprise, some aren’t as concerned about the surprise.
This is the way.
Whenever I see questions like this, I know there are going to be a lot of answers about how bad this or that jewelry is, or how traditional rings are evil or a waste of money, or whatever. Luckily I don’t see any anti-marriage replies yet. In any case it’s a good idea to not preemptively use logic and morals to override what your future wife will want and feel.
But this is the right answer. I think if you’re going to get married, it’s good to be at a point in your relationship where you’re talking about these things and you can just choose ring together, or at least discuss if she wants you to be the one who selects it, or if she doesn’t want diamonds, or how much to spend, and whatever else. You should be as confident in choosing a ring you know she’ll like as you are in marrying the person. The best way to do that is to communicate and do it together.
I spent more than I should have about 3 years ago, but I HIGHLY recommend the lab diamonds. I was able to get better quality for less price.
I looked into Moissante, and whether or not you should get that is really up to her. A doofus like me would never know it’s not a diamond, but many people would. Definitely DO NOT try to pass it off as a diamond, because she’ll find out one way or another. If you were proposing to me, (don’t get your hopes up, I’m taken) and told me that we could save a thousand dollars by going with Moissante, I’d be all for it because I’m cheap and tradition doesn’t mean much to me, but most people aren’t like me.
I know it’s tricky to get information without ruining the surprise, so what I did was send her a message while I was at work: “The girls here are having a debate on whether or not a fake diamond is acceptable for an engagement ring. 😂”. Her response told me everything I needed to know about Moissante.
Good luck! Don’t forget to invite us to the wedding!
The surprise shouldn’t be that you’re about to propose. The surprise should be in how you choose to propose.
Unless the ring’s details are part of the surprise (which they could be, if it’s meaningful to the couple), clear and open communication should be preferred
Yeah, my parents already had the wedding booked by the time my dad had proposed 🤣
We went with moissanite, and everyone thinks its an insanely expensive diamond
Moissanite is sparklier than diamond, so for what people look at in rings, it ends up looking better than diamond
I got our engagement rings from a gumball machine. Was really hard to find. And even harder to find one that sold rings. When I had finally found one I didn’t have a single 20 cent coin it required on me. I flagged down passerby from across the street. She gave me two coins and refused to take my one Euro in exchange.
Those two coins netted me five balls, which included three rings. I selected the most beautiful and headed home.
We’ve been married for over 13 years so far.
Aw! 💕
Lab diamonds are “fake” diamonds. Artificial and natural diamonds only differ in their level of human suffering and exploitation, with natural diamonds being higher in both.
Band metal depends on taste and costs. Platinum is the most expensive and best IMO, gold is kind of out of style(does she wear gold rings?), white gold is budget platinum, silver is cheap platinum that tarnishes.
Get a lab diamond with both your birth stones flanking it. For the band, I would go with white gold unless she wears gold rings a lot or you can afford platinum.
Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off, but should be absolutely ecstatic for anything you get. Talk to her married friends’ husbands and don’t get a bigger diamond than they got if you want to be a bro.
Also, she wants an expensive ring regardless of what she told you. She wants a giant rock on her finger when she shows it off…
Nope, no. No no. As a married woman with married friends not a single one of them wanted a ring any more expensive than $500 or so, the average was about $300. Big rocks get left in the jewelry box because they get caught on things. One of my friends has two engagement rings, one with the big rock and another she picked out with her now husband. Guess which one she wears? This is from a sample size of about 25 women I know personally with a 0% instance rate of what you describe. My own engagement ring was about $35 with shipping because I like sterling silver and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
If a woman (or anyone) says she wants or doesn’t want something don’t presume to know better than her.
Excellent advice. I’m quiting it again here in case anyone reading along missed it, because I wish someone had knocked this into my head before I made an ass of myself a few times.
From when my partner and I bought our ring set, we went to a gem shop instead of a jewelry store. We had three rings given to us by family members, and wanted to rework them into a new set for me and then get a matching ring for my husband. Every jewelry store we went to wanted $6-8k to do the rework. We ended up at the gem shop as a last resort, because we were both over it. The gem shop reworked and made my engagement ring, wedding band, added a lab grown sapphire, and found a ring for my husband for $1900 total. And they did it all on our timeframe of two weeks.
My advice is to shop around and talk to people. All the big jewelry shops were so expensive, and smaller businesses will probably be better on your budget.
Shout out to Bob’s Gem Shop in Escondido, California! They got us a great deal and I love our set. 😍
Nice try, Bob.
Lol. I don’t even think that dude would know what Lemmy is. 😄
My SO and I discussed that engagement rings shouldn’t be expensive.
Correct answer. This indicates that the two of you have at least some kind of head on your shoulders.
I used a literal piece of costume jewelry for the proposal. It was very shiny, but only $10. The point of this was, we got a “real” engagement ring afterwards and she could pick what she wanted rather than me doing it for her and getting it wrong. We ultimately settled on a moissanite rock which is, it must be said, hella sparkly. And significantly cheaper than getting a diamond which she’d be forever fearful of losing or smashing out of the setting, or whatever. After visiting quite a few jewelry places, believe it or not the place where we found the one she loved was at Walmart. I still feel sophisticated to this very day.
Fellas, if your chickie is more worried about how shiny a pebble you’ve brought her rather than, you know, the person bringing it, what you have yourself there is a problem.
I am not sure what you mean with value. Unless you are planning to resell them again, what does the value matter?
I interpreted it as “not getting ripped off”, as I imagine one generally does when buying mined diamonds
I was thinking something like natural diamonds are not good value when compared to lab grown or moissanite
If they’ve got favorite colors or colors that hold special meaning to them, prioritize gems with those colors over diamonds.
Even elaborate pieces will still be cheaper than an equivalent diamond ring because the prices are that overinflated for those things.
Also if they like purple, see if you can get the body of the ring in purple gold if it’s in the budget, might not be as much of a cost conscious choice as seeking alternative gems but it’ll look sick!
If you can, look into local jewelers who can craft you something handmade with ethically sourced stones. I’m in Seattle and we have Valerie Madison who does great engagement sets and Everling Jewelry who uses recycled metals. A local artist will be able to recommend something within your budget, and your SO can and should be involved, as another poster mentioned.
I went the same route, it was significantly less expensive to get a nicer custom ring made by a local jewler I knew, to my spec/design then to get a commodity one from a store.
I used to work at a jewelers. A good quality moissanite is gonna be as close to an actual diamond you can get without getting an actual diamond if that’s what you’re looking for.
As far as metals, gold is the traditional choice but sterling is both less expensive and more durable. If you do go with gold, I would opt for 14 kt over 18 kt personally. The higher the karat number, the purer the gold, which sounds like a good thing but from a practical standpoint is a bit of a PITA because this in effect means higher karats are both more expensive and more fragile because gold is soft. Since typically an engagement ring is worn every day, something that can handle some wear and tear is a plus.
For settings, look for something fairly low with prongs that have a decent heft to them. Tall settings bump into shit ALL THE TIME and eventually the prongs tens to shift and the stone goes flying (again, gold is soft).
Also, look at her other jewelry and talk to her about what her tastes are. There’s no rule that says it “has to be” anything if a more standard ring isn’t her thing. Going with her favorite color or her birthstone and working from there can be a good option.
I went with moissanite. It’s sparklier than diamond. My wife still gets compliments on it years later.
Diamonds are a commodity like gold and silver. You can buy market value diamonds from a dealer and then have a ring made for it. Even for synthetic diamonds this is the cheapest way to get a diamond ring.
We got each other rings made off Etsy. Hers are a nesting set that we later bonded
Most of the time we are wearing silicone rings out
Remember there are other precious stones than diamonds. Ruby, emerald, sapphire. For me, they’re all prettier than diamonds, and have a much longer tradition.
I watch a youtuber who does reaction videos with her boyfriend. She said she’d rather have a blow-pop than a diamond.
Her reasoning is that blowpops are way cheaper, so you can use that money saved on your future together.
…but maybe don’t do that unless your fiancee is cool.
I saw a ring that opens beers… I’ve never a more useful engagement band.
Probably different depending on region. Our engagement rings were slate white gold and platinum. When we picked out her wedding ring we first went to jewelers. Everything there was kinda ugly. No elegance, just mass-produced bulky stuff. Unless you want to cough up at least 3000€. So we checked an auction house. Found a gorgeous diamond ring from the 1930s, real elegant and you could see the craftsmanship in every little detail. And I got it for 400€. Then took it to a jeweler to size it and engrave it.
So that could be an option.
I have Moissy ring and it’s gorgeous. I’d have been pissed to get something that cost more. It’s really a pretty stone, and durable as fuck.
You will need an idea of her taste in jewelry, ask her literally to send you pictures of what she likes. I think a solitaire is best and that is way more affordable if it’s not diamond, or at least that was true when we were getting engaged.
Buy him crack
Okay so. There’s a lot of factors that go into this; make sure it’s a gem she likes, not just diamond for the sake of diamond. Get synthetic; the entire “natural” diamond industry is a scam. It doesn’t hurt to go with something custom, but keep in mind one important thing that I should have.
If your fiance is somebody who tends to lose things, go cheaper and get copies. I learned this the hard way, and it’s a very painful lesson to learn. If she’s some kind of scatterbrain or klutz, not to be rude but you need to be clinical about this, you’re better off spending a couple of hundred bucks and getting like five of them and just putting the extras in a safe or something.
Because honestly the worst thing in the world is having her in tears because she lost something that important, plus the disappointment you will inevitably feel when she lost something so expensive. I know this is probably a niche issue, but you have to be objective about these kinds of things.
I got one that has another kind of stone as the main stone with cubic zirconias around it. That sort of arrangement isn’t too expensive, and more interesting than a diamond.
If it doesn’t give her the ick and she likes the classic styles, used jewelry is the way to go. It’s already had the “walk out of store” depreciation and I think engravings on most rings are pretty easy to replace.
As a more personal recommendation, when I ahem “outgrew” my own engagement ring and was too lazy/cheap to resize, I got a “temporary” replacement 10? years ago from here. It was supposed to be moissanite in titanium, did an XRF analysis and the band material was some sort of nickel-less maybe steel IIRC. No idea if the moissanite is genuine, but it’s held up way better than any CZ has, and the band has kept better than silver so props to that.
Wow, tough crowd. At no point did you say you were looking at typical diamonds but you’re still getting jumped. My interpretation is that you’re not interested in mined diamonds and are already aware of the massive ethical issues.
I can’t tell you if she actually wants an expensive ring with a big rock, despite what that other comment assures you. That’s something you have to determine. My SO wanted something pretty and durable, not expensive. She meant it. She also picked a stone in her favorite color. I think it’s flanked by small diamonds for that sparkle but it was only $350 at a department store. I guess at this point I should mention why she did all the shopping and why I don’t really know: I proposed with a paper ring and quoted Taylor Swift in doing so. Rather than take a guess and potentially be way off from what she’s been looking at on her own, she was able to choose it herself. Some people may be upset that you didn’t do all the traditional work, but that’s between you and your SO and for you to determine acceptability. A woman with established desires (beyond price) in a ring has likely already done a ton of shopping.
If she tends to be rough with her hands, diamonds are still the most durable stone available. It will take most stones a long time to be visibly scratched, but it happens - especially around sand. That also means if she loses jewelry, the ring may not be around long enough to matter.
I wouldn’t recommend silver since it’s softer and tarnished a little faster than the other options.
As far as cut, you’re really getting into an opinionated area. Some people like the traditional cartoon cut, some like an older oval, some a rectangle, etc. It depends on her style and how loud she wants her jewelry to be.
It’s a very variable topic. The only thing I can say, and this applies to many things, is that when you get down to the final 5ish options, no one else will know what you chose between. You’ll forget too. They’ll probably all be nearly identical if you were to describe them on paper without a picture. There’s no such thing as perfect but you always come to simply accept something for being what it is. I went through this with dozens of paint chips when remodeling a house. Once the walls are painted, your guests will never know nor care how long you spent choosing between G305-03 and G306-03.
For the record, whether or not silver tarnishes when worn is a matter of body chemistry. Some people’s skin oils contain sulfur compounds and some don’t. Silver jewelry does scratch, but some people never need to polish their jewelry if it’s being worn regularly. It’s another reason to make buying a ring a collaboration.
I teresting. I don’t really wear any jewelry myself so I wasn’t aware of the nuance. My ring is tungsten and I rarely wear it. I do remember getting green stains from costume jewelry with copper plating beneath weak top layers
Don’t listen to commercials… 3 months salary as a guideline … My Ass!
By now you should know her tastes. Or just ask her about it. She’s the one who’s gonna wear it.
I used a sapphire. I’m a ceramic engineer, and sapphire is just alumina, so I think it’s cool, and you can get basically any color you want.
Yo! I will tell you what I did. I found a standard ring. Nothing fancy. Just a solitaire (ring with one rock on the top). The key part was that I went with a company that allowed trade ups. Meaning that I could return the ring for full price after the purchase as long as I was using the money to buy a more expensive ring. So I did that. Bought the normal standard ring, did the proposal, then went to get a new ring by trading it in so my partner could get one they absolutely loved.
IMO lab grown vs real diamonds are a non issue. They all look and act the same aside from having a laser etch.
For gold silver platinum, up to you. Again, you can always go standard and trade up (as long as the company does that).
And that laser etch basically not visible unless you’re looking at it through magnification
Some companies laser etch and track their natural diamonds, too. It’s to distinguish them from blood diamonds.
Alternatively you could consider something that isn’t a ring. My fiancee is very cat coded, I gave her a gold cat bell that she loves and wears all the time. Got it from Mene dot Com which is a bonus because they’re more ethical and transparent about their gold and pay which is something my fiancee is into.
finley@lemm.ee 4 months ago
avoid diamonds. there are prettier (and more humane) stones.
counselwolf@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Are lab grown okay, value wise? what about moissante?
zcd@lemmy.ca 4 months ago
IMO moissanite is a better idea, looks nicer, fuck debeers. Check out your partners existing jewellery for ideas, see if they tend to prefer gold colour metal or silver coloured
Kit@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 months ago
I went with moissanite and it was perfect. Just don’t go too big or it will be obvious that it’s not a diamond, because normal folks can’t afford huge diamonds.
I went to a local jeweler and they ordered in the moissanite for me, then affixed it to one of their rings. The entire thing was around $350.
themeatbridge@lemmy.world 4 months ago
Both are beautiful, and both are easily distinguishable from natural diamonds for being too perfect. The irony is that natural diamonds increase in value if they have fewer imperfections, but almost no natural diamonds have zero imperfections.
Value-wise, in theory a natural diamond will hold its value over time, but in practice the value of natural diamonds is manipulated by the diamond conglomerates that control the market. We won’t “exhaust the supply” of diamonds in our lifetimes, so there’s not much sense in worrying about the value of the gem either way.
Are any gems “worth it”? That’s between you and your wallet. It’s an entirely superficial item, serving no practical purpose. To paraphrase a modern American philosopher, you can get married with paper rings. The ring is a symbol of your commitment, and as long as your fiancee enjoys wearing it everyday, don’t stress about what other people will think.
gever4ever@lemmy.world 4 months ago
I got my wife a moissanite and it turned out beautiful.
She likes big stones so I got her a 2ct oval one which she loved. Didn’t care much for the technicalities - it looks good, suits her style and that’s all that matters.
And no way you could get a 2ct diamond for 700$.
A person who won’t appreciate how you choose to express your love isn’t someone you’d want to marry, anyway.
AmidFuror@fedia.io 4 months ago
Lab grown are produced under conditions that would get you animal cruelty charges if you subjected your pets to them. And they are separated from their siblings very early in the process and sold off to stores all across the country.
Seasm0ke@lemmy.world 4 months ago
My wife loves moissanite, we went with etsy and even got her wedding band custom designed in CAD to fit your engagement ring. Manhattan box was the store we used for the band and a UK spot called shinyjungle for engagement ring where she liked a lab grown morganite. She gets a lot of compliments on them. Most cant tell the difference between them and traditional blood diamonds. Cubic zirconia or epoxy based stones are what you dont want.