[deleted]
I made a snarky comment but after reading the body I realize you’re a female OP.
Go see a doctor. Yes women do enjoy sex and if it’s painful or uncomfortable you might need to get something checked out.
[deleted]
Submitted 3 weeks ago by IEatCeleryAt7Degrees@lemmy.world to [deleted]
Comments
cattywampas@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
IEatCeleryAt7Degrees@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
[deleted]Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe 3 weeks ago
Because it’s not sex, so you’re not excited, blood flow hasn’t increased, natural lubrication hasn’t increased, muscles haven’t relaxed naturally.
IndustryStandard@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
If the docor said “this is going to feel good” that would be a lot weirder
leadore@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Several reasons. One, they’re sticking a metal thing in there, and that can be painful, especially if they don’t use enough lube. I remind them to use a lot. :) Two, you may be having a lot of anxiety and tightening up (I know I do!) so that makes it harder for them to insert the thing–hence, they tell you to take breaths and try to relax. Also, I always try to go to a woman gynecologist. I’m more comfortable with someone who knows what it’s like and they’re usually much nicer, so that helps.
dragonlover@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
I am appalled that no one has brought this up so far- but it hurts because they are touching the cervix, which generally doesn’t get touched, and can be very painful to hit. The speculum they are inserting is designed to slightly open the cervix for the examination.
OP, there are many sizes of vagina. You may have one that’s on the smaller side, with a low pelvic floor. My partner is the same way, and penetration can be painful for them. We have switched to using very small toys or focusing on clitoral stimulation to get them off instead of relying on penetration.
If your doctor clears you, you may just have a low pelvic floor, and may not like penetrative sex. Which is fine! It’s just good to know about yourself.
isleepinahammock@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Medicine traditionally does not consider the pain of women or young children to be worthy of consideration.
Postmortal_Pop@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
There are two parts to this. For starters, sex without arousal is also painful. During arousal, you secrete lubricants, the vaginal cavity expands as blood flows to it, and your body dampens pain reception across the entire body. Most people are not aroused by medical examinations and given your examples for experiences I’d say you’re definitely not getting hot and bothered by it. So the difference is eating a candy that you’re excited for compared to eating plain bread with a dry mouth.
Second is that your doc may be aware of your issue and forewarning you so you’re prepared. Given the way you talk about it, I’d imagine you’re probably on the younger side. If you’re getting your first few exams, or have been direct about your experiences so far then it’s likely they’re playing it safe for your comfort.
Lastly, talk to your Doctor about this issue, here are some examples so you know the verbage. I’m a guy but I do have second hand experience. I long distanced a gal who had surgery for microperforate hymen before we met and was incredibly scared of penetration in any way. It didn’t work out for other reasons, but we had a lot of fun building her confidence and other interests. The mother of my child had a partial transverse vaginal septum, it led to a sharp and buring pain at the entrance during penetration outside of a specific angle. This was “solved” during child birth when the doc had to snip her to allow the baby to come out. After getting stitched back correctly (no husband stitches here) she ended up having quite the sexual awakening. Lastly, my now spouse had a rotated womb which lead to abdominal pain during arousal as it pinched the womb. This was remedied.by a full hysterectomy for unrelated purposes.
Point being, there’s a lot of variables in the area and it would do good to read up on some of the issues, do some self exploration to get a good handle on what your symptoms are, and them talk to your Doctor about it.
Zomg@piefed.world 3 weeks ago
I would imagine if you visit their office because of pain, a part of their reason and response to you is to brace for the discomfort that you’re there for.
s38b35M5@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Full disclosure: am a guy.
Holding your breath allows you to tense up and clench more than you can while breathing. Taking a deep breath eliminates some “tensing” muscles from the equation. Still, with some effort (or anxiety, probably) you can still clench up while breathing.
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
Because you’re not usually sexually aroused at the doctor’s office.
expr@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
Sex is very different from physical examination at a doctor’s office. A doctor may need to do things that you wouldn’t do for pleasure but are still important for checking on your health. Some of the things they may need to do may be uncomfortable/painful for some people with vaginas. It’s also a psychological thing: pleasure during sex/masturbation has a fairly significant psychological component. It’s rarely the case that anyone automatically enjoys any interaction with their genitals (male or female genitals, actually). It’s very context dependent and dependent on one’s frame of mind. Most people are not going into doctor’s appointments with any desire or expectation for pleasure, so the experience is just very different from the get go.
Another possible reason for asking you to take a deep breath is that deep breathing can relax muscles and the mind, which can be helpful during an examination.
Racoonwithbenefits@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
My wife initiates sex quite often
I assume she likes it
celeste@kbin.earth 3 weeks ago
I probably have vaginismus and my experience with penetration is pretty similar to yours.
Cis women do enjoy and even seek out vaginal penetrative sex, I eventually realized. Part of how I figured out I was different was reading a thread of all the weird stuff women inserted while masturbating. I was suddenly like: "Oh! They must really want something up there! Look at the stupid, dangerous stuff they're doing to experience that!"
There are things you can do medically if you genuinely want that kind of sex, but it's useful to remember that sex isn't just penetration. You literally never have to be penetrated to have enjoyable sex. It can be tough to find a partner, since PIV is the end goal of sex for lots of people (as is their perogative), but the world is also full of other types of people.
As for vocalization, the "oh fuck" (doc, it's like sandpaper ripping me in half) and "oh fuck" (I'm having an overwhelming but positive physical sensation) are pretty different kinds of yells, and generally sound pretty different. Like people don't cry just out of sadness, you know?
VitoRobles@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
Op, look into this. Vaginismus defines your symptoms. I was with a woman who had it. It affects like 5% of women, and it makes (penetrative) sex feel painful and unpleasant.
We found other ways to be intimate. Id go down on her for hours. We’d masturbate together and bring toys. We even went to sex clubs and explored other ways to get off.
Twiglet@feddit.uk 3 weeks ago
To add to this, vaginismus can be as much phycological as it is medical. Having bad/painful experiences with piv sex can cause a ‘feedback loop’ making things worse. There’s also some medication that can interfere with ‘wetness’, for a lack of a better word. Lube is a godsend and can help alleviate initial pain allowing you to relax, and may be enough to start building up positive mental associations with penetrative sex. But most of all, do seek medical advice, it’s not supposed to hurt.
Also, you can ask for a smaller speculum when going for a pap smear, - I didn’t know that and had a horrid experience that stopped me going for my next one for nearly a decade. (I’m better at self advocating these days)
ComradePenguin@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
It is not supposed to be painful. If it is, then talk to a health professional.
Do not force yourself to have sex if it is painful! That might give you an aversion to it
If you are not old enough to do that without parents, then see if there is a school nurse, or other services for young people.
FYI: I am a man, but I know that women are supposed to enjoy sex.
sunsofold@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
From the last time this was asked: seek professional medical advise. It should not be painful. There are non-medical reasons it might be less than amazing, but it should not be painful.
Meatwagon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Hi OP, I’m an asexual woman with endometriosis and chronic pelvic pain. Coming at it from this perspective.
Consider that some people find fisting and stuffing jars up their butt pleasurable. People are really weird, so no matter what you think of someone is going to find it pleasurable. Just because they find something pleasurable doesn’t mean you do too.
If you don’t find something pleasurable, that’s okay. You don’t have to do it, ever. How you describe your pain is how I feel trying to do butt stuff and I just absolutely do not want to engage with it because it doesn’t feel good. I’m not going to go to a doctor to get my butt examined so I can do butt stuff, and I’m sure most the men in this post telling you shit wouldn’t do that, either.
You can have sex without penetration, if you want to. It’s fine not to have sex at all. It’s also fine not to even masturbate. Sexuality shouldn’t be compulsory.
I have a friend who couldn’t do penetrative sex, so her and her husband went to sex clubs and did lots of kink stuff without penetration and she says it was great. Don’t limit yourself to the idea that sex is only penis in vagina. A lot of men to try to tell you that. Hanging out in queer communities has opened my mind to a lot of possibilities.
Vaginismus exists. You probably have it. Doctors are really shit at detecting it. Gynecologists generally only care about delivering babies. Its like my experience trying to get treated for endo. You don’t just go to a doctor and get treated for pelvic pain like a lot of comments seem to be handwaving. It’s a dehumanizing experience and your pain will probably be ignored anyway.
I personally vouch that pelvic floor physical therapists are amazing, but I totally get why someone wouldn’t want to do that. It’ll also probably take multiple doctors and all the pain and violation that comes with repeat exams so it’s completely valid not to engage with the medical system. It was not made for women.
It is perfectly okay to stay as you are and explore non penetrative sex.
That said, the actual answer to your question is that, yes, I am a woman who finds vaginal sex pleasurable. I don’t experience pain from it unless the endo is flaring. However, it causes chronic UTIs amid the other overmedicalized bullshit that sex brings when you are a woman, so I don’t do it much anyway.
BrazenSigilos@ttrpg.network 3 weeks ago
This was a very illuminating post, and expanded my horizons on the human experience. If I may, can I ask what AFAB stands for in this context? I don’t want to just try searching the internet because acronyms can be tricky to get right, even with context.
Meatwagon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Assigned Female at Birth.
disregardable@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
For me, it hurts at first, but my body builds up lubrication after insertion. He goes gentle and slow for a bit until it feels good for me. For me, I would characterize my pleasure from as kind of comparable to my pleasure from eating. In general I love sex. Not every meal is a Michelin star. Sometimes it is, just absolutely amazing and fulfills my every need. Sometimes it’s just reliable and hits the spot real quick, like a peanut butter sandwich. Rarely, something is a bit off, and it’s not that great.
But it’s not normal for me to suffer. I stops hurting, it feels good, and I want it.
IEatCeleryAt7Degrees@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
[deleted]disregardable@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
That doesn’t happen. Like, it has never hurt that much. You’re going to need to seek treatment for vaginismus.
Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe 3 weeks ago
That’s not normal, go see a gynecologist.
breezeblock@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
You’re not “making a big deal” — what’s happening to you is real — is also real that this doesn’t happen to everyone. What you’re feeling is not universal.
Carl@anarchist.nexus 3 weeks ago
You may be dealing with vaginismus, which is a condition where the vaginal muscles involuntarily tense up in anticipation of insertion. It can make sex (or any other kinds of insertion, like tampons or pelvic exams) extremely painful, because you’re stretching the tensed muscles the same way a muscle cramp would.
It’s largely considered a psychological condition, because it is typically based on anxiety surrounding the insertion. And that anxiety can quickly become self-perpetuating, as pain from insertion will likely cause future anxiety. Therapy (and practice) can help alleviate that anxiety, which can alleviate the tensed muscles, which alleviates the pain.
isleepinahammock@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Have you tried using a set of medical dilators?
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
You need your partner to do more foreplay.
First a lot of cunnilingus until you’re dripping wet. Then one finger until you beg for a second. Then as many fingers until the thickness of the penis. Finally, even if it takes am hour, the penis.
phoenixz@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Not a woman here but coning from my wife: fuck yes, women enjoy sex and a lot of it. When she comes, she screams every time.
If sexual intercourse isn’t pleasurable for you, or even painful, you may wnat to consult with a physician tonfigurr out what could cause your discomfort or pain, and to try and fix it
Sex is (and should be) awesome and amazing for everyone. I feel you’re missing out on something wonderful and hope that you’ll be able to fix this issue.
Beat wishes!
Grail@multiverse.soulism.net 3 weeks ago
You should definitely see a doctor about this because it does sound like a problem.
But,
It’s also possible you just don’t like sex. You might be on the asexual spectrum. Your vagina might be reacting like this because you just don’t want to fuck. Or maybe you’ll fix the medical issue, be able to fuck, and then decide you don’t like it. Nobody can know if that’s gonna happen but you.
Talk to the doctor, figure out what the problem is. But please don’t feel pressured to enjoy sex. If that ain’t you, well it doesn’t have to be. Besides, there’s lots of ways to have a fun naughty time other than penetration.
ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Your vagina might be reacting like this because you just don’t want to fuck
Yes, arousal does seem to reduce pain, this is just a somewhat insensitive way to put it. Finally someone mentioned asexuality, as opposed to lesbianism, which definitely wouldn’t stop OP from enjoying sex.
Just a heads up to OP: it’s none of our business what arouses you unless you want to discuss it, the “you’re gay” comments are very inappropriate and should be reported. I’m not asking or making conjectures about your sexuality but be aware that lust and pleasure from sex is a normal sensation in most people regardless of gender. Willingness to participate in sex (or masturbation) and the resulting sensation is dependent on the gender of your (imaginary) partner, technique etc. and there are safe ways to experiment. Bodily responses can often be adjusted with therapy: if you’re not satisfied, ask a doctor; for example, feeling overwhelming pain is not healthy and you should stop and look for different techniques or exercise to reduce the adverse reaction.
fuwa@fedinsfw.app 3 weeks ago
I’m a guy, so I can’t truly say first-hand. However…
I know that my current girlfriend has what I think would be considered “vaginismus”, which is a condition where she finds penetrative sex extremely difficult, due to some combination of fear and (at least anticipation of) pain. Basically she has a visceral panic/pain reaction to even the idea of having something inserted into her vagina, and that is followed pretty quickly with an emotional follow-up in which she wells up and feels abnormal and generally bad about herself.
To be honest I haven’t had a ton of sexual partners, and this was not even something that I was aware existed before starting my relationship with her. She has even gone so far as to tell me that it’s OK if I want to find someone else to have sex with if it’s something that I need, but I don’t feel good about that and I feel that she’s only saying it because she is worrying about me having my needs met… She has considered herself asexual at times, which I fully respect, but I also think may be something of a coping mechanism, considering her problem goes beyond sex and into other parts of her relationship with her own body, for example visiting an gynecologist or even just putting a tampon in!
Personally, I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this concept, and even though we’ve talked about it at length I’m not 100% sure whether this is a manifestation of physical pain, or psychological phobia, or both.
I want to be understanding to her and we’re working through it together, but it is difficult for both of us to navigate on an emotional level. I should add that we’re both kinky, and so we have other ways of enjoying “sex” with each other that are not penetrative vaginal sex, and that she is starting therapy for this condition. I really love and care about her, and I want to support her and give her the time and space she needs to figure this stuff out. I’ve done some reading into it, naturally, but as a guy it feels basically unknowable to me!
She’s generally a functional adult but maybe somewhat autistic, and her feelings from this range from embarrassment and shame to pain and self-hatred… so she isn’t always the best at putting her precise words to her feelings. I have asked her if she has had a history of sexual abuse or trauma, and she said “no”. And my understanding is that she has had this mental/physical block for her whole life, even to the point of getting extremely anxious and passing out in sex ed class, or something along those lines.
So, that’s a long way of saying, “no, not all women enjoy sex”, in my experience. 😔
I honestly wish I could say it was somehow my fault–like, I wish it was just because I am terrible at sex. 😂 Because that would make it so much simpler… My girlfriend is a sweet and loving person, and it really makes me sad to think that she has such a deeply painful and antagonistic relationship with her own body and sexuality. It really makes me sad to know that she can’t even put a tampon in without having an intense emotional reaction.
I imagine that she’s not alone in this either, and that there are women all over the world who share this experience, even though it’s not something that’s commonly talked about. I don’t know if your experience is similar or not, but if it is, then please know that you’ve not alone!
Anyway, sorry for the long rambling comment, but I’ve been looking for ways to talk about this stuff.
dumples@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
Yes. Women do enjoy sex and you should try to make sure you do to. It’s not uncommon for women to not enjoy sex right away for a number of reasons. First something like 75% of women can’t come from penetration alone so you need to get more from yourself or your partner. Second some women don’t reach their sexual peak to around 30 because they need to really understand themselves and unlearn the myths about sex not being pleasurable. So what do you need to do?
First, I would recommend reading / listening to the best / longest running sex and relationship podcast by Dan Savage. It’s a great way to both get comfortable about hearing / thinking about sex is a positive way as well as learn about consent, advocating for pleasure as well as ways to communicate this. It’s kink and sex positive so you might hear about things that are scary or off-putting that some people like around sex but that’s good learning. You might even hear about things you didn’t know you were interested in.
Second you need to become the expert on your own body and pleasure. Your partner shouldn’t have to read your mind because they are focused on their own pleasure and might be as inexperienced as you are. So you need to masterbate and see what you like. Touch everywhere and everything you see what you enjoy. See what thoughts turn you on. If porn seems to give you the ick try female made porn from Erika Lust or some audio erotica from Dipsea. Lots of women and men have problem with mainstream porn point of view and might enjoy a different take on it. Also there are numerous smutty books out that you might enjoy.
You are doing great and have fun.
SnotFlickerman@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
Endometriosis. PCOS. Look them both up and please, please, please go see a doctor.
Ex had endo, it’s a fucking nightmare.
anomalousvandal@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
In case it wasn’t mentioned already, consider looking into pelvic physical therapy. They specialize in this area and treat physical problems that cause pain during sexual activity, bodily functions, etc. I see one and it has helped me a lot!
My wife has had an issue with pain during penetration that turned out to be caused by the depo birth control shot. It’s a rare side effect that no one told her about.
expr@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
Similar to other comments, that kinda sounds like vaginismus from what I’ve read of it. Obviously people have different preferences, but it’s not supposed to be painful, assuming you’re well-lubricated via foreplay or otherwise. It should be plenty wet inside and not dry. Things should slide right in and not be difficult to insert (important note: I do not have a vagina, this is just based on my sexual experience).
Plenty of people with vaginas don’t particularly enjoy penetration for one reason or another (and plenty do), but actual physical pain is another matter, I think.
Suck_on_my_Presence@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I’ll add an asterisk to your statements. As a woman, things don’t generally slide right in (ymmv), and usually there’s still a little bit of intentionality to get to the good parts. Of course, something with tiny girth might slide in, but generally, phallic-type objects can still take a little work.
expr@programming.dev 3 weeks ago
Yeah that’s fair, I guess maybe it depends on your definition of “slide right in”. I meant it as “there shouldn’t be any signficiant resistance to insertion”, which was qualified by needing lubrication/arousal for that to be the case. And I guess it should be further qualified that the thing being inserted should be lubricated as well.
But that being said, I am not a woman, so what I’m saying should certainly be taken with a grain of salt.
communism@lemmy.ml 3 weeks ago
Your problem is defining “sex” as “being penetrated”. I am a woman, and do not enjoy being penetrated, and still enjoy sex. I’ve only put menstrual cups and a speculum up there before but I found it painful and difficult, like trying to push the cup up against a brick wall. I know women who have this problem and want to receive penetrative sex do vaginal dilation, but I’m not interested in that, so I don’t bother.
If you like the idea of being penetrated, you might want to try seeing a gynaecologist about vaginismus. But this isn’t inherently a problem if you don’t actually want to use your vagina during sex. You might prefer giving over receiving, or you might only want clitoral stimulation.
Gay people (including us lesbians) have the concept of being a top (wanting to give penetrative sex) or a bottom (wanting to receive penetrative sex). I think it would improve straight people’s sex lives to have the same thing tbh. I think some straight women probably are tops and some straight men probably are bottoms even though they’re interested in the opposite sex. If you like the idea of fucking a man with a strap-on over getting penetrated yourself, give it a go :) And if you just don’t like the idea of sex at all, you’re under no obligation to have it.
Crackhappy@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
That’s a great response! I am male but don’t particularly like penetrative sex either. I much prefer to perform cunnilingus.
Swaus01@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
Also, if you’re being examined, they tell you to take deep breaths, as if they know that anything going up is going to be painful
Most people would need a mood to be set to enjoy sex or to be ready to receive something. Think this applies for women and for men who partake in anal sex.
By that I mean they need to get turned on to feel like having intercourse, because yeah, intercourse is strenuous and requires your body to be in a specific mode. For a penis inserter, getting turned on is a much simpler affair and can happen in a matter of about 1 second.
Lastly, women often scream during sex.
I don’t know if they do to be honest. A lot of pornstars do, hahaha - they’re paid to ham it up and overall they give an unrealistic view of how sex works. (Once upon a time the main watchers of porn would be people who hadn’t had it yet. Possibly still the case)
Uhh despite my initial dismissal, i’ll suggest this: some people might do it because sex can be akin to tickling, where your nervous system gives you mixed messages or gets overloaded. And, some women exist who grossly exaggerate their “noises” during sex, believing it makes it more fun or gives an ego boost to the husband. It probably can make it more fun for both parties, but the authentic noises - no matter how quiet they are compared to screams - are great as well.
Can’t really speak for the experience of having a vagina but if it hurts so much that you don’t ever feel like having sex, and haven’t self stimulated in any way, talk to a doctor about it?
Swaus01@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
To tag on a relevant other point, I’ll mention that many people find the stimulation of the outside of the vagina and inside walls to be the pleasurable part rather than the “poking” of the back aka top of the vagina. If it’s just the back of your vagina, e.g the cervix, that hurts to be poked, that is normal. Sexual stimulation makes the vagina expand in size, accommodating the insertion of a penis; sex1 should be gently inserted unless you’ve requested otherwise, being one of the lesser number of receivers who enjoy rough sex - it’s courtesy. It may be the case that your vagina is particularly short and hence you’ve already noticed the discomfort of insertions.
1 also an archaic term for a penis lol, used as such here.
RBWells@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yes. I am a woman and really enjoy sex. Less so when I was younger but it is not supposed to hurt, no. Two questions:
What happens when you put in a tampon?
Are you really very aroused before trying penetration?
starlinguk@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I used to think this and it took me far too long to realise that men aren’t icky, I’m just a raging lesbian.
Suck_on_my_Presence@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
As another raging lesbian, I still think men are pretty icky. But they’re bumbling around all this the same we are
SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 weeks ago
I have screamed uncontrollably from pleasure until I lost my voice. It was too much but my partner refused to stop because they knew exactly what they were doing and no safeword was said. I like pain, I like pleasure, I like sex. Sometimes it starts as pain and becomes pleasure, sometimes it’s the other way around, sometimes it goes back and forth.
If you aren’t having fun, you aren’t having fun. Though, sometimes, vocalizing at all is a flood gate.
ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
Welcome to Lemmy! Sorry about the degenerates saying “you’re gay”, as if sexual orientation had anything to do with it (plenty of lesbians like penetration - usually with toys - and vice versa). Trust me, Reddit would be way worse…
Angryhumanoid@fedinsfw.app 3 weeks ago
IEatCeleryAt7Degrees@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
I’m being serious.
Angryhumanoid@fedinsfw.app 3 weeks ago
Ok. Some women definitely feel pleasure during penetrative sex. Medical procedures and the physical action of penetrative sex are not the same. Some women enjoy stimulation of the sex organs NOT including penetration. Women are a spectrum, not all will enjoy the same thing.
TheDankMemegician36@thelemmy.club 3 weeks ago
As far as i can tell women do actually enjoy putting things up there. Hard to imagine the sex toy market would be as big as it is if this was some collective hallucination to mask pain.
Again, dude here but I assume the reason doctors tell you to brace yourself for things like that is because inserting things isnt pleasurable unless you are properly aroused and I cant imagine many women are aroused by medical checkups.
I’d wager your issue is more that you arnt properly aroused when you are putting things up there…that OR you’ve got some kind of medical condition that you should probably bring up to a doctor.
IEatCeleryAt7Degrees@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
[deleted]breezeblock@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Because that’s not what they’re feeling.
I’m not sure why you’re feeling that way — but it sounds like something you should look into. Do you have any over or under sensitivities to other sensations?
TheDankMemegician36@thelemmy.club 3 weeks ago
Yea, it sounds like you’ve got a medical problem. As a guy I obviously dont know first hand but I have been in a 15 year relationship that averages sex 3-4 times a week and I can pretty confidently say that putting things up there should feel good. Hell, I dont think the strap-on market would exist if it didnt. Too many lesbians doing things to eachothers holes for it all to be some mass trauma response thats turning pain into pleasure.
BCsven@lemmy.ca 3 weeks ago
Because they may have different anatomy or sensory feedback than yourself. Many women enjoy sex, some scream out of animalistic intensity of the pleasure, especially during an ejaculatory climax
quick_snail@feddit.nl 3 weeks ago
That’s because you have an illness that afflicts ~6% of women. See a doctor.
cattywampas@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
No, it’s a lie made up by the patriarchy
Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Big Lube keeping the poor wo/man down.
SillyDude@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
The Reagan administration stole the g spot and have kept it hidden in area 51 ever since.
W3dd1e@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
Sometimes. But, if you aren’t really into it and no lubricant is used, it does not feel good and can hurt. Men don’t seem to notice. My partner can’t tell the difference until I stop him.
That’s not including things like endometriosis and other health issues that make sex painful for women.
Additionally women experience different levels of pain. Getting the IUD hurt so much I vomited in the parking lot. My doctor told me women who have given birth don’t have as much trouble with it than women who haven’t. They told me to take an ibuprofen before my appointment. That did about as much good as doing nothing at all.
prenatal_confusion@feddit.org 3 weeks ago
as a man I can state that I (and I don’t know anybody that doesn’t) notice if a woman is not into it. Either lack of natural lubrication or emotional as well.
ScoffingLizard@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 weeks ago
Could be endometriosis.
BladeFederation@piefed.social 3 weeks ago
Yes, women do enjoy sex. Pleasure and pain can be mixed in enjoyable ways during sex, but no, it is not normal to experience pain during sex, nor is it required. You have to be lubricated enough. At the doctor, they will use their own lubricant, but having a stranger examine you is one of the least sexy experiences out there, and they use a somewhat sharp, cold metal instrument to stretch and hold you open beyond what inserting a penis would do. So it is not surprising that it hurts and is uncomfortable. Sticking something inside yourself “cold” with no buildup or sexual desire will have a similar effect. It is not a pocket.
A few things:
Since it appears you have not had sex before and don’t use sex toys very much, you probably still have your hymen intact. This is a membrane that will eventually be torn by inserting something. Sometimes this is a bit painful, sometimes it bleeds, sometimes you don’t even notice. Once that is out of the way, you should be good to go.
Key word being “should”. It is always possible that you have a condition such as vaginismus, which causes unusual pain. If so, there are types of physical therapy that can help or overcome it. Talk to your doctor if you are concerned. Tip: you may want to bring a man with you, even if it is your dad. Vagina stuff is often not taken seriously by doctors. It is dumb but I don’t make the rules, just stating facts.but
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Women scream in porn. If sex is painful for you, you should see an obgyn
Onomatopoeia@lemmy.cafe 3 weeks ago
Women scream in real life too - every woman is different.
T00l_shed@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Yes, of course, but based on the post, it felt clear to me that they were referencing porn
Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 weeks ago
they also overexaggerate to,
Peppycito@sh.itjust.works 3 weeks ago
Or spit on it first at the very least.
mechoman444@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Very interesting thread.
Just a little side note for everyone. Climax. The word you’re looking for is climax. Or orgasm if you want to be totally technical. Not come, or cum. Climax.
Everyone is using some form of cum/come when talking about climax and I think it might be a little confusing for op.
oopsgodisdeadmybad@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
I fucking get annoyed when I see it spelled “come”.
It’s just not the right word (I guess it technically can be used in the “to get there” sense, but that seems like really stretching it, especially given that it typically refers to ejaculation, not orgasm).
I don’t know the origin of how “cum” came around, but to me it’s always seemed like the world’s most common typo that everyone is too busy to fix because they only have one hand to type and hold their phone.
Can we all just agree to spell it “cum” consistently?
mechoman444@lemmy.world 3 weeks ago
Doing some toilet-bowl Googling, I found that the word “come” has been used as a euphemism for orgasm or ejaculation since at least the 17th century. It wasn’t until the latter part of the 20th century that the alternative spelling “cum” became common, specifically to remove the ambiguity between the sexual meaning and the ordinary verb come. So you were absolutely right to prefer the spelling “cum” for that reason. The spelling was then further popularized through the rise of pornography and erotic media in Western culture.
IWW4@lemmy.zip 3 weeks ago
In my experience they do.
Wildmimic@anarchist.nexus 3 weeks ago
Yes, women in general enjoy sex, and not because they like pain (although some like that too, but that’s not relevant to your post). I’ve had the feeling of penetration described to me like a very satisfying pressure, no pain involved at all.
See your doctor. Your vagina can dilate far enough to give birth, the average penis should (taking into account enough foreplay, arousedness and no medical or anxiety issues) really not hurt.
Vaginismus, Endometriosis, Stress, Anxiety, not enough natural lubrication or the need for dilatation are the most common issues, but there are other less common things that can lead to pain. Nearly all of them can be overcome, especially if you have a partner worth keeping.
NEVER let anyone gaslight into thinking your pain isn’t real or no big deal. Pain is a very complex reaction that consists of a sensory input and the interpretation in your brain as painful - noone can decide for you what should or shouldn’t hurt. I was a long time chronic pain patient, and after the surgeons told me that they couldnt do anymore for me and the painkillers didn’t help, i was able to slowly rewire my brain with the help of a fantastic physical therapist. i had been in pain for so long that my brain simply interpreted every sensory input in the affected body parts as pain.
If i was able to get rid of the pain that was crippling me for years, you can do the same.