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Anon ups his fibre intake

⁨813⁩ ⁨likes⁩

Submitted ⁨⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago⁩ by ⁨Track_Shovel@slrpnk.net⁩ to ⁨greentext@sh.itjust.works⁩

https://slrpnk.net/pictrs/image/4f8977b9-2080-425e-a7e1-6426a8900ede.jpeg

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Comments

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  • Im_old@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Oh gods Thank you for this I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!

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    • rtxn@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      You should look up reviews for the Haribo sugar-free gummy bears.

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      • lepinkainen@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        And watch the video of that one dude with the perpetually backwards cap eating a full bag of them 😆

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      • Im_old@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Oh I know them! Almost bought one to leave at my last day of work in the office 😂

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    • Alteon@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I just missed my flight. I was stressed and upset. This greentext…holy shit. I’m in tears laughing. Thanks!

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  • ryedaft@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Eat a diverse diet with lots of green vegetables. The fiber is good for you.

    Eats sawdust every day, dies from impacted colon

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    • acockworkorange@mander.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Don’t forget plenty of water.

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      • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        plenty of water, indeed. it what makes the shit soft.

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      • WhiskyTangoFoxtrot@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Instructions unclear. Tried to eat water.

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    • TempermentalAnomaly@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      That will get you insoluable fiber. Fruits and other veggies have soluable fiber.

      Image

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      • EldenLord@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The fact that bananas and avocado are being listed separate to "berries“ disproportunately angers me.

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  • Dreaming_Novaling@lemmy.zip ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I was literally in tears while reading this holy shit. It makes me think of the sugar free gummy bear story 😭

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    • cornshark@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      What story is that?

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      • shaquilleoatmeal@lemm.ee ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Haribo released some sugar free gummy bears, and apparently the artificial sweetener they used to make them wreaks havoc on most people’s digestion. The Amazon listing was filled with reviews graphically detailing the effects.

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      • Saledovil@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Apparently some artificial sweeteners can act as a laxative. So effectively, those gummy bears were strong laxatives, leading to anybody who eats one to have to spend a long time on the toilet.

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      • SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Search for “Sugar free gummy bears review”. There are a TON of super funny stories out there. All of them meme worthy

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      • Azteh@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The story of peanutbitter

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    • hanrahan@slrpnk.net ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Or the amazon rebiew feom the guy who tired to use some hair removal cream on his balls and ended up on the kitchen floor in agony, shoving frozen brussel sprouts covered in ice cream up his ass and moaning from the relief while his daughter and wife watched it horror.

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      • Taalnazi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

        I’mma need the story link, officer.

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      • Camille@lemmy.ml ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        The … What?

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    • CH3DD4R_G0BL1N@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Only thing that’s got me better is the beans story.

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      • theneverfox@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        This isn’t real, you’re just baiting because it’s lemmy… Right? …Right?

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  • TheSlad@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Bro forgot to drink more water too

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    • Acinonyx@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      you don’t necessarily have to trink water, I eat mostly soup and am just fine because of this, even without drinking water

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      • EddoWagt@feddit.nl ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        You know you’re just drinking spicy water when eating soup, right?

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      • Phen@lemmy.eco.br ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Soup might do the trick, but stuff like coca cola definitely doesn’t.

        People say that a terrible diet will make you die earlier and that doesn’t scare anybody. They should be telling that before dying there will be several years where you’ll need to use your hands to scoop the shit out of your ass.

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      • outhouseperilous@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Water based cooking wins again.

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  • AbnormalHumanBeing@lemmy.abnormalbeings.space ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Fiber is great, but in general, going from low to high fiber too quickly can do all kinds of gastrointestinal trouble, your microbiome has to adjust - and fiber supplements especially, if taken not as instructed, can indeed cause more severe complications like blockage.

    If you don’t poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at. Anon got lucky it resolved on its own with a nice story to tell.

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    • corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      If you don’t poop for several days even though you are eating, that needs to be looked at

      Had an injury and needed some baby morphine pills. The side effects was notable and the pain of even just a full day was incredible. There’s no way I could go 4 days with a hospital right across the street.

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      • Frozengyro@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        You can in America. Going to the hospital for constipation would be a few thousand dollars minimum.

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    • Sergio@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I read somewhere that there are actually two types of fiber, and they have different effects, but most food is only ever labelled “fiber” so idk.

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      • angband@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        Soluble vs. insoluble. But also fermenting vs. non-fermenting for both types. Psyllium husk powder is non-fermenting soluble fiber. Not drinking enough water with soluble fiber gives hard stools. But soluble fiber is “the good kind”. That super popular doctor recommended fiber-by-the-spoon is psyllium powder, all dressed up.

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    • pupbiru@aussie.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      also weirdly significantly increasing your fiber intake in a short time (going from 0 to 30g - 100% RDI - of psyllium husk for example) can actually cause diarrhoea

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  • OmegaMouse@pawb.social ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    ‘my guts are yelling in German’ lmao

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    • kata1yst@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Gondor calls for aid

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    • Kaput@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Moose in heat living in my colon.

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  • kemsat@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This is one of my favorite greentexts ever

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  • Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Fake: anon tried to lose weight Gay: anon had his ass destroyed by fiber

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    • gandalf_der_12te@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      you can add two spaces at the end of a line to cause a new-line, like this:<sapce><space>
      here starts a new line

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      • Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

        I seem to have forgot to do that.

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  • MagillaGorilla@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    What the Shakespearean green text is this…

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  • candyman337@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Had a similar experience when I ate fiber cereal as a kid, it was only one day of constipation though. I remember thinking I hadn’t pooped and that was weird, I woke up the next day, brushed my teeth and as I walked out of the bathroom I felt something DROP and audible went “OH GOD!” and ran back in and barely made it to the toilet. I was late for school that day.

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  • captainlezbian@lemmy.world ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Fiber teaches us lessons in moderation. I’ve been backed up by its overabundance and I’ve been backed up by its absence.

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    • pupbiru@aussie.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      and if you go from 0 to 100% RDI instantly you get constant diarrhoea

      fibre really covers the full spectrum of brown shades

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  • morgunkorn@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    this was a glorious greentext to behold

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  • samus12345@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    How to pass the 3 day no poop challenge! And then some.

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  • Apytele@sh.itjust.works ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I literally have to take metamucil daily to not shit liquid multiple times daily. It is baaaaad. But when my stomach has been super irritated for a while because I haven’t been keeping up with it that first properly fibered shit feels like a kitchen sponge running all the way through me. I feel so clean afterwards. I’m convinced it’s the only real “cleanse.”

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  • Uri@infosec.pub ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    This was the funniest story I have ever had

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    • Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Funniest story so far!

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  • Boomkop3@reddthat.com ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Well some weight was lost, at least

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  • acockworkorange@mander.xyz ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    DRINK MORE WATEEEEER!!

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  • truxnell@aussie.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Nearly shat myself laughing

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  • bpalmerau@aussie.zone ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    @sh.itjust.works Yes it does, whether you want it to or not

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  • Etterra@discuss.online ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Dude, just have oatmeal for breakfast and eat whatever the rest of the time.

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  • snoons@lemmy.ca ⁨5⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Had a similar, but multiple factors smaller situation when I ate a bunch of celery and cheez whiz for a ‘snack’. Felt like I was shitting out a two by four.

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  • StarvingMartist@sh.itjust.works ⁨4⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    What the fuck even has fiber? Like, I consider myself healthier than I was as a teen, less boxed shit and more chicken, stir fry is pretty good, corn, green beans, carrots, sometimes potato dishes.

    But still my stomach is hit or miss with regularity

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    • Taalnazi@lemmy.world ⁨1⁩ ⁨week⁩ ago

      Well, wholemeal bread, for one?

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