She was planning on having 5 km of cock run on her, now her plans are ruined.
Anon signs up for a 5k
Submitted 3 months ago by Early_To_Risa@sh.itjust.works to greentext@sh.itjust.works
https://sh.itjust.works/pictrs/image/3a26c308-68eb-40ac-a7a3-96bc56060971.jpeg
Comments
McLoud@lemm.ee 3 months ago
ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 3 months ago
This is almost exactly how I found out my ex-wife was cheating. She bought a ticket to a concert and then freaked out when I bought one too. Why wouldn’t I want to go to a concert with my wife? She said it was just going to be a thing with her friends from work. When we arrived there was exactly one friend from work. A guy friend.
droporain@lemmynsfw.com 3 months ago
Ouch he was too dumb to have “something come up and cancel too.” Your better off I suppose.
Raiderkev@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Fr, she wasn’t going to no 5k. She had other plans.
superduperpirate@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Because I’m procrastinating at work:
How many sessions of coitus might it take to accumulate 5 km of cock thrusts?
Estimates:
- average erect length: 13 cm (from Perplexity.ai)
- average number of thrusts in coitus: 300 (ibid)
Calculations
- thrust distance per coitus session: 13 cm x 300 thrusts x 2 (accounting for insertion & removal) = 78 m
- coitus sessions to accumulate 5 km of thrusts: 5 km / 78 m = 64.1 -> 64 sessions of coitus
So OP’s wife would have to fuck 64 times to accumulate 5 km of cock. Even with amazing refractory periods, that’s still a minimum of 32 guys running a train on her.
discostjohn@programming.dev 3 months ago
My favorite part of sex is taking my average sized penis all the way out and putting it back in approximately 300 times
LaLuzDelSol@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Sir I think you are forgetting that you do not pull the pens completely out with every thrust unless you want to snap it off by accident. I think a 1.25 multiplier to your calculation is therefore necessary.
Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 3 months ago
The all new penis 2.0 now with hotswap capabilities.
kittenzrulz123@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 months ago
Anon is jealous
OmegaCloud@lemmy.world 3 months ago
If true the wife probably wanted some alone time with her boyfriend and her husband ruined it.
viscacha@feddit.org 3 months ago
How to people marry each other when the can‘t even communicate?
LouNeko@lemmy.world 3 months ago
A: People who never experienced it fear loneliness more than they fear death.
B: People change over time, the person you married might not be the same person in 10 years.
MNByChoice@midwest.social 3 months ago
Apparently, a lot.
It is weird interacting with those couples too. Sometimes they just play a role with their spouse and have to get away from them to be themselves.
They are as miserable as it sounds.
spacecadet@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Women are shitty communicators. I tell my wife this all the time. Just because you are talking doesn’t mean you are communicating. Men created TCP, women created UDP network protocols.
Communication requires two parties to understand and come to a consensus, most women are making announcements, not communicating.
Also, women tend to think they are more emotionally mature than men, but are generally significantly stunted in their emotional development. Flip the script, how do you think his wife would have reacted if he called her fat and then talked about a 5k then cried and threw a fit when she signed up? Most men would have been happy and excited, but most men wouldn’t have also gotten past calling their wife fat without a divorce.
papalonian@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Mmk. Mmk.
Now picture this: the OP is full of shit and has altered the story beyond recognition to get dumbasses like you to agree that wamen r bad.
Aggravationstation@feddit.uk 3 months ago
Why would OP’s wife not just sign herself up if she was going to run? Or realise something was off when her partner told her that they’d done it for her. “Hello, I’d like to sign my wife up for this run. Oh no, I won’t be participating myself.” Feels kind of weird. But this a 4chan post so can’t possibly be fake or gay.
sugar_in_your_tea@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
Fake: OP can barely get from the chair to the bathroom, no way they’re running anywhere.
Gay: OP’s “wife” is a their regular pizza delivery person, which is a dude. The friendly banter at the door got weird quick.
Meissnerscorpsucle@lemmy.world 3 months ago
if it where true, it would be because she is planning to run with her boyfriend.
ArbitraryValue@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
run
therealjcdenton@lemmy.zip 3 months ago
Should have married a guy instead instead of a woman
mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
They already did and this post is fake af
spankmonkey@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Odds are high that is it fake but it is absolutely based on a true story. Might have been a husband wanting to do a 5k or a canoe trip or something else instead of a wife, but I’ve known plenty of people who get pissy when their significant other wants to ‘intrude’ on their hobby.
Rin@lemm.ee 3 months ago
The amount of times i wish i was gay is unreal.
AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 3 months ago
This is 4chan so the story is prob missing that their in an active divorce or some shit 💀
Reddfugee42@lemmy.world 3 months ago
🚩 RUN AWAY 🚩
OmegaLemmy@discuss.online 3 months ago
They would be running but the wife doesn’t want to!
NastyNative@mander.xyz 3 months ago
Umm yeah very irregular behavior!
PieMePlenty@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Anon fucked up. Anon should have known not to sign themselves up. 100% anons fault.
RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 3 months ago
She can’t run for shit, I’d bet. She wasn’t running anywhere except to her side piece’s house. Point was to be away, the excuse was the 5k.
Bojack411@lemmy.world 3 months ago
Im sure his side of the story isn’t warped to make himself seem like a saint and her a bitch. 👍
balderdash9@lemmy.zip 3 months ago
It’s /b, the whole thing is probably made up
bjoern_tantau@swg-empire.de 3 months ago
And it’s actually not a wife but a husband.
Mac@mander.xyz 3 months ago
B- but… But what about the points???
Doom@ttrpg.network 3 months ago
I just got out of a relationship and holy fuck that shit is infuriating. Everyone’s gotta side curious what happened here.
Also are you the horse from Bojack Horseman? I’m literally watching S1E6 right now.
Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 3 months ago
What is this, a crossover episode?
JasSmith@sh.itjust.works 3 months ago
Everyone has a side but every man has dated a woman who did something just like this. More than once.
rockerface@lemm.ee 3 months ago
Is this “every man” in the room with us right now?