balderdash9
@balderdash9@lemmy.zip
- Comment on Everything is a problem 8 hours ago:
Props to Dennis for not unleashing his fury , like the crashing of a thousand waves
- Comment on Cheat Codes Activated 1 day ago:
It’s surprising more men don’t wear heels when dating. Women have all sorts enhancements, it’s only fair we do the same.
- Comment on grindset 2 days ago:
Grindset only makes sense if you own your business. If you’re grinding to make more of a profit for someone else, you’re drinking the Kool-aid.
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
The house always wins. Happy cake day btw
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
The Epstein list is released, which implicates many beloved celebrities, public intellectuals, and even more politicians than everyone thought. And yet, somehow, only the people who hold a lot of their wealth in pesos face any real consequences (execution):
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Impressive!
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
“Spread” indeed implies but does not entail that it happens instantly. For instance, Bill Gates could say that he “spread riches among the poor” without mentioning that he did it slowly, over decades. There’s a grammatical ambiguity to be exploited.
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
The wisest wish, may be no wish at all…
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Uh, sure? Everyone must fart loudly once a day in front of people OR THEY WILL DIE. (I have made it so that everyone is aware of the aliment.) On the bright side, the social taboo around flatulence goes away:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Two of your friends hug you, but they are magically compelled to not let go. If they are somehow separated, they will always seek to reinstate the hug:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
const SIMULATIONTHEORY = true. All humans on Earth are transported out of physical existence and unknowingly adapted to the realm of computer abstracta. From their perspective, nothing has changed: they have always lived in a post-scarcity, interstellar society with a benevolent, queer-friendly, communist government. The current owner of the simulation is startled to see the program start of its own accord, but altruistic enough to allow it to keep running:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Sure, I have now reduced the Earth’s gravity to 9.80664% of it’s previous value (i.e., ~0.96m/s²) by removing material in the Earth’s core and mantle. Everything on Earth now weighs less than on the moon. Earthquakes shake the planet, massive fissures swallow cities whole, and the atmosphere begins to disperse into the vacuum of space. Humans barely have enough time to escape to the moon and Mars: the vast majority are left behind. On the bright side, your back no longer hurts:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Your mortal understanding is limited. And a hive mind consciousness would be more empathetic, no?
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Two buns enclosing, ketchup, onions, lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes are at your fingertips.
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
You are transported to a homestead deep within the Appalachian Mountains. You see seeds, goats, chickens, some tools, a shed, and a small house. The homestead is magically separated from the rest of the world. You are doomed to survive by the fruit of your toil, stranded for decades without electricity or modern conveniences:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Your request has given a random depressed person a brief respite from their lethargy.
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Done! But I have given the magic pillow to someone else who isn’t you. They frequently oversleep and are often late for work:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Sure, there is a period of turmoil on golf courses around the globe. Shenanigans ensue. Eventually, people switch to croquet and disk golf:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
As you say, it has been done; onions and mustard for everyone:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
A bright flash. You blink and rub your eyes in an attempt to regain your sight. There, floating in front of you, are two DVD copies of the 1970 comedy horror movie “Munchies”. It isn’t very good…
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
The seed of a psychic link between all humanity has been planted by your request, and gradually grows throughout the year. At first, people can only vaguely feel how others are feeling. Over the course of a year, everyone in the same room feels the feelings of everyone else as though the feelings were their own. By the year 2035, humanity is psychically connected to the maximum degree: the Harmonic Human Horde is complete. We now have world peace, but at the cost of our individuality:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Okay, I have now frozen time in the universe. Peaceful eons pass and I move to a parallel universe to escape the boredom:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Done. You now have a desire for your mortgage to be paid off. (Reading this comment, you feel the intensity of the feeling has increased ever so slightly.)
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Order up! In front of you, there is a plate of blood-red spaghetti. It is the Japanese “Spaghetti Naporitan”, which heavily features ketchup:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
Body swap! You are now a wizard who is cursed to answer wishes with an ironic twist. I am finally freeee!
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 3 days ago:
I mean to say that the tacos were $100 (wish granted) but the economy then inflated and changed all the prices. Still, the tacos are available and we still live in a society that uses dollars so it could be worse.
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 4 days ago:
The fascism is now undetectable to the vast majority but still happening behind the scenes. Really, its more dangerous now:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 4 days ago:
You and your fursona are now one. Big hit in the furry community; everyone is visibly scared. You also have the dietary restrictions that your fursona has:
- Comment on Everybody gets one [choose wisely] 4 days ago:
YouEveryone is finally happy–eternally happy. Neurochemistry is now permanently rewired such that we can no longer feel sadness, fear, or embarrassment. We are always experiencing ecstasy and are no breaks:(sfxrlz’s wish has been reinstated (after it was cancelled) and spread to everyone)
