Anon changes his strategy

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• konomi@piefed.blahaj.zone ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Showing genuine interest and caring about another person may get you a partner, who’d have thought it ~

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  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    “My girlfriend is also my best friend” is a thing you see often in healthy relationships.

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    • cravl@slrpnk.net ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I never understood the whole aversion to “the friend zone.” Like, isn’t that exactly what you need to be first before you can build a romance on top?

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  • RamenJunkie@midwest.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I do wonder if the “strsngers online” part didn’t help.

    You get, I dunno, call them the most popular/attractive women, who attract random compliments. Constantly getting strangers telling them “you’re pretty.” Coupoe with the actual weirdos sending them DMs like “Show me your feet,” and that maked the woman bitter and jaded so even basic compliments start to get (justifiably) negative back, even if its “You’re pretty” or even lesser comments (say, “I like your art”).

    Then those guys start to equate this behavior to every woman, including real life. Especially as it also starts to morph a bit on the women’s side into “Dudes are all creeps.”

    And I am not trying to blame either men nor women here, just that it becomes its own toxic snowball that results in incels.

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  • Asetru@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    🤯

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  • UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Showing genuine interest in dick pickz and caring about getting the other person getting off has been working wonders on Grindr

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• FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  People who recommend negging are evil.

  People who recommend looksmaxxing are quite morally questionable because they’re trying to turn dating into a socially darwinistic battle royale, which i guess is in response to the proliferation of dating apps, which they perceive as a socially darwinistic battle royale, in roughly their own words. They also outright lie - no, not everyone likes hunter eyes or sunken cheekbones, tallness, even skinniness, or bulky muscles. This feels like a war against human diversity. And in many cases they pretend these looksmaxxed features just naturally appear when you lead the perfect masculine routine of icebaths, red meat meals and frequent workouts. Which is a lie. (I think stuff like this is why there are articles saying ‘exercise culture is fascist’)

  But back to negging: not only is this encouraged by a plurality of random young people online, but it’s weirdly also pushed hard by hollywood & american television - anyone else noticed that?

  And negging is ALSO endorsed by, that’s right, none other than Jeffrey Epstein. He had a bunch pf emails going “wow, dude, your negging advice totally works! She wants me more than ever!” So yes, it’s safe to say it’s actually evil. Part and parcel of training people to objectify their partners (so is looksmaxxing, because to objectify yourself usually causes you to objectify your partner)

  Rant over.

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  • bearboiblake@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I think stuff like this is why there are articles saying ‘exercise culture is fascist’

    Probably plays a part of it, but the main reason why is because fascism has always been obsessed with aesthetics, individualism, and the concept of übermenschen. Much of our modern health & wellness industry is focused more on aesthetics than actual health outcomes.

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  • lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Shit, probably the best dating perspective on this greentext community in a long time.

    A LOT of guys here would pretty much say “Yea, it’s bad, but that’s just how human brains work, we are wired a certain way, heard mentality, blah blah blah.” and that shit does not sound right. Glad you are combating that

    Also yea, fuck negging

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    • WoodScientist@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      A LOT of guys here would pretty much say “Yea, it’s bad, but that’s just how human brains work, we are wired a certain way, heard mentality, blah blah blah.” and that shit does not sound right. Glad you are combating that

      What I never get about this is…does not your very existence refute this argument? If you’re a 20-something male and convinced that your genetics just doom you forever to celibacy…how exactly do you explain your own existence? Unless you are the result of a rape, you, by definition, have the genes necessary to attract a partner. After all, everyone in your family line prior to you managed to do it. If your genes were so incredibly bad that literally no one would want you as a partner, then your parents would have never gotten together, and you wouldn’t exist.

      No one springs forth fully formed from the brow of Zeus. The very existence of an incel disproves incel theology.

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  • undeffeined@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    but it’s weirdly also pushed hard by hollywood & american television - anyone else noticed that?

    Yes! A lot of american humor is based on tearing someone down. I cringe thinking back into my childhood when I participated in this type of behavior but thankfully i’ve stopped a long time ago. Still saddens me that a lot o people just don’t mature out of it and keep behaving like this.

    Also fuck negging and all the garbage that comes out of the manosphere. Bunch of insecure man babies

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  • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    People who recommend negging are evil.

    I see people read “negging” on a spectrum from “playfully tease someone you’re interested in” to “ruthlessly abuse someone you consider your inferior”. And one of those is a lot more evil than the other.

    And negging is ALSO endorsed by, that’s right, none other than Jeffrey Epstein.

    Cause he read it in the same book that everyone else did.

    I swear, the actual original material - the biography of a guy who goes out and lives with a bunch of California douchebags, learns how to navigate the nightclub scene, and comes out of it thinking much less of the community than when he went in - is one of the most damning indictments of the PUA community you’ll find.

    But because people can’t seem to get past the third chapter… It’s like hearing someone say Hunter S. Thompson loved the Hell’s Angels.

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  • QueenHawlSera@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    What the hell is negging?

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    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Saying shitty things to people to make them feel bad about themselves so they will lower their standards enough to fuck you. The kind of thing only an incel could come up with.

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    • PhoenixDog@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      “You have really pretty eyes for someone with hair like that”

      “Wow, your workout routine seems really intense for something who looks like they barely eat”

      “I love your makeup! I bet it took you hours to cover what’s underneath”

      Basically, negging is using backhanded compliments to make someone feel good while also trying to tear them down. Very effective narcissistic tactic if used properly which is why the manosphere promotes it. If someone with limited self confidence is met with negging, sometimes they tend to lean into the compliment and use that as a drip of self confidence that they may not get and lean into the person saying it, regardless of the negative addition to it.

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    • FinjaminPoach@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      The ACTUAL meaning of negging is not ‘teasing,’ but:

      • say/do something to imply you’re not attracted/interested in them
      • eithee lowers their self esteem til they’re “at your level,” or
      • it supposedly gives them a burning desire to be desired by you, to rise to that challenge

      In this sense it can be seen as a toxic extension to the “playing hard to get” concept.

      It was pushed by american media and by pickup artists/ later by manosphere influencers

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• MachineFab812@discuss.tchncs.de ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Its always confounded me that, somewhere along the line, Simping:Spending time and money to let a stranger on the internet know you think she’s pretty and you likely see romance as transactional, got conflated with “Simping”: having the guts and sincerity to compliment a woman in-person, without reservation or expectation of reward.

  Like, what? How did that become a thing?

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  • Gullible@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Extreme insecurity is a terrifying thing, so withholding and abusing as a form of control to distance yourself from the parts of yourself that are insecure is the “solution.” Then they stay in social spaces where it’s standard practice to reinforce this nonsense and bob’s your uncle, you’ve got an incel.

    Figuring out how to be comfortable around people in a way that doesn’t isolate you is a simple idea to vocalize, but a pretty massive undertaking.

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    • UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Figuring out how to be comfortable around people in a way that doesn’t isolate you is a simple idea to vocalize, but a pretty massive undertaking.

      It’s a skill that develops with practice.

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  • Apytele@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Oh “why do good girls like bad guys” is one of those questions of the ages. It exists for many reasons, but the short list is:

    • there’s a fine line between confidence and assholery

    • there’s a bunch of emotions that are neurochemically identical and than can often be misattributed as each other and “scared” and “horny” share most of the same neurotransmitters.

    • daddy issues and other psychosocial toxicity that you probably don’t want anything to do with anyway.

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  • AZERTY@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    I think the change happened more quickly because of parasocial relationships, aka someone throwing tons of money and attention at a streamer/OF model and expecting reciprocated feelings.

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• mycodesucks@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Draw her a little portrait the next day

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  • ArmoredThirteen@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It’s been so long since I’ve seen or heard a Napoleon Dynamite reference in the wild

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• rumschlumpel@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Second-to-last line sounds like she introduces her boyfriend to anon. But anon seems happy about that, so good for them!

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  • UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Suddenly polyamorus

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• Gaja0@lemmy.zip ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I feel way too compelled to share. I got hit by teenage urges really hard. A girl I was into teased me only to reveal later that she thought I was weird, which I found out through friends. It felt crushing. I became a bit of an incel, but I eventually made a friend of the opposite sex. I deliberately shifted focus from desperation to simply existing in the moment. Someone enjoyed my presence sincerely and it repaired some of that shame weighing me down. I eventually met my would be wife and treated her like a friend until it was more than that.

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  • yakko@feddit.uk ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    That’s really sweet.

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• Cruxifux@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  The real answer is that only works sometimes. Different girls like different things, and no matter how hot or nice or cool or rich you are, some girls will just not be into you. Women are individuals, it’s not a hard concept.

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  • IronBird@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    i just wish more would actually say no instead of saying “thanks” or something neutral like that

    i can take rejection but thanks comes off like “eh, maybe but you seem kind of lame”, which in my head becomes a challenge to show them your not lame. which is this a thin line between being pushy, if that thanks was meant as a “no thanks”.

    as an autisti, it frustrates me when people don’t just say what they mean.

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    • LwL@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      I get it though, even if only 1% of men react violently to direct rejection, it makes sense to be careful. Not a lottery you want to play.

      So much of dating dynamic feels like it’s just been ruined by a few assholes, and the internet giving those assholes more reach only exacerbates it.

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    • Cruxifux@feddit.nl ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      Yes, but they do that because men freak out and threaten them when they just flatly say no. And it’s terrifying when that happens. It’s not them being rude of flaky or obtuse to try and be annoying, rejecting a man is potentially dangerous and they are in the shitty position where they have to mitigate that danger.

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  • Tanoh@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Exactly, and you have to remember what the context of the game theory were, picking up women in crowded bars. What works there, and on the subset of both men and women that goes to those places, will not always work in other settings with other people.

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• starchylemming@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  what if the whole thing of turning insecure and mentally challenged men into the worst they could be was an elaborate ruse form the start ? to reduce the amount of competition

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  • Kirp123@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    It is an elaborate ruse. But not to reduce competition, it’s to just turn young men into angry unstable individuals which can be used for nefarious purposes. We have literal evidence of it happening with Gamergate and there’s some evidence those young men may have just helped get Donald Trump elected in his first term.

    When people are angry and lonely they can be easily coopted for stuff, you just offer them a community and an outlet for their rage and they are yours to do as you want.

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  • mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Probably not specifically to reduce the competition.

    The sad fact is that insecure and desperate men are easy to manipulate into paying you money in the hopes that it’ll give them a better chance at finding dates. Online dating was unfortunately doomed to be like this from the start.

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  • Kolanaki@pawb.social ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Doesn’t explain the tactic of calling anything they don’t like “gay.”

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    • rumschlumpel@feddit.org ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      IME, that was entirely socially accepted in the early 00s. So it’s less “why are they doing it”, and more “why did they keep it up when society at large has moved on”.

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    • starchylemming@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

      it’s what the worst version of themselves would say

      being homophobe makes you unattractive to most girls

      oh. or they were not part of the competition to begin with

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• thethunderwolf@lemmy.dbzer0.com ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

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  • PhoenixDog@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Wait. You mean to tell me treating a woman as a human instead of a prize to be had works better?

    No fucking way.

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  • UltraGiGaGigantic@lemmy.ml ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

    Boar loves you!

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• MutantTailThing@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  I had to google negging and am surprised to say it is slightly less digusting than what I expected

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• TheBat@lemmy.world ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  Nice Pepe

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• pjoter@lemmy.digdeeper.rodeo ⁨2⁩ ⁨weeks⁩ ago

  true true!

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